Fractured FairytalesCharacters:Damsel in distress:- Mummy bearVillain:- GoldilocksHero:- Troll from billy goats gruff.Story:Have you ever been locked in a small conﬁned space before, 20 stories high? Not acloset or trunk type of small, but a small meaning a damp, dark, with mushroomsgrowing in the corner kind of room? If you have, reader, you will know exactlyhow I feel, if you haven’t, settle down and listen to my story.“Great Prince, I thank you from the deepest of my heart! From this day on, I hopewe will never leave each other’s side. Our hearts will be locked together until that ofthe day we die,”No no, I can’t say that to him, that’s WAY too corny. Ugh, I’ve read far too manyromance novels.In case you haven’t worked it out yet, that’s me. I’m trying to work out what to saywhen my saviour, I’m hoping like mad it will be a prince, comes to my rescue. Thismust all sound quite confusing to you, so I’ll start from the very beginning.I was a happy bear. I had a lovely house and a beautiful garden. I had a husband,named Alfred, a cub and the best recipe for porridge ever made for bear kind.But, ﬁve years after the birth of my dear cub Frankie, everything went downhill.One early morning, and I mean EARLY, I went for a run as I needed to train forthe upcoming Iron Bear. I asked my dear husband if he would mind gettingFrankie ready for school as well as cooking some porridge, timed for my arrival.Have you ever smelt trouble, I mean, literally smelt it? Like smoke kind of trouble?As I rounded the corner of our bending driveway after my run around town, Inoticed that our beautiful white, pristine house (apart from Frankie’s room) was thecolour of soot. It was up in ﬂames, actually on FIRE. I couldn’t believe it, I trustedmy husband to do something as simple as getting our child ready for school and tomake breakfast and he goes and burns the house down.By now I was angry, fuming in fact. So angry, I didn’t know what to do with myself.In my frustrated and extremely depressed state, I turned around and stormed off. I
could only think of running, so that is exactly what I did. In fact, anyone passing bywould have thought I was SERIOUSLY emotionally challenged. But, if you lookon the bright side, at least I was doing some training for the Iron Bear Tryathlon.2 months later...By now I had been staying with my dear Mother in Porridge Ville for two months.Alfred and I had conﬁrmed a divorce and Frankie decided that he wanted to livewith Alfred instead of me. Grrr. Alfred then remarried to Goldilocks Miller (boythat made me angry) and everyone lived happily ever after. Well not exactly.Everyone except ME.Anyway, one day I was doing the grocery shopping for mother and I. I boughtsome lovely bright red apples that were being sold by Goldilocks. Not wanting to berude, I congratulated her on her marriage to Alfred and wished them the best fortheir future together. Under my duress, I bought a couple of the apples just toplease her. I bit into one, regardless of the fact that Goldilock’s eyes were twinklingmenacingly.I woke up in a small room. It was rather plain with a door on one wall, just a littlebed in the corner, a desk in the other, withered ﬂowers on the window ledge and abucket to replace a toilet. The one thing I noticed the most as I tried to get up fromthe ground, was that my claws were exceptionally long, so long, I couldn’t see theend of them, because they were trailing out the window. I wonder what happenedto my weekly manicure appointments?Once I ﬁnally got my feet underneath myself, I positioned my toes so my long clawswere stretched out across the room.I heard a sudden knock on the door, keys turning in a rusty lock and an oldwoman, slightly crippled appeared in front of me. I recognised her at once, yes, shewas Goldilocks, but how did she manage to get so old all of a sudden?“Ahh, hello dearie, I see you have awoken. 50 years you have been asleep. Oh my,look at those talons of yours, probably long enough to reach at least 20 storiesdown! Now, let me have your 1st prize porridge recipe or you’ll never get out ofthis tower!” Goldilocks cackled, my ears piercing.20 stories down! WHAT? I shufﬂed over to the window with my long nails andlooked down. Sure enough, I was high in the air, just like Rapunzel in the fairytale.Except with long claws, not hair. And the reason I was here in the ﬁrst place was
because Goldilocks wanted my porridge recipe. What I couldn’t understand waswhy she didn’t make me go to sleep for only 25 years, why 50? I mean, by now I’dbe at least 70! What a waste of life! I couldn’t help wondering if I had yet gotwrinkles. Pity their wasn’t a mirror handy.So there you go. Now you know how and why I got locked up in this dreaded place,how I divorced my husband over a porridge disaster and left my only child. If youwere me, let me tell you that you would feel the same way. But the thing is, you’renot me, you’re not a depressed old bear and you’re not a complete wreck. Most ofall ,your life isn’t drawing to a bitter end. Oh and sorry about the last bit, it’s just I needed it to sound a little dramatic.So, now I’m here, just sitting at the little desk counting all the mushrooms growingfrom the corners of the room, trying to think of something to say to my princewhen he comes to rescue me that isn’t corny. I feel a sudden tug from the end ofmy nails which made me crane my neck to see if I could see through the window.Could it be? Could it be my prince? There, I could just make out the shape of aﬁgure trying to climb up my nails, which made me wince in pain. As the shape gotcloser, I started to see the form more clearly. I could see a mass of hair on the head,long leg muscles working hard to scale up the wall, and the rather dirty shirt,( probably from sweat, ew), drenching the man’s arms and forehead. Perfect, helooked muscly and victorious. Just my type.At last, my prince had come to save me from this dreadful place. I thenremembered the speech I had made up just before. It was the only thing I hadthought of, corny or not, that’s all I had to say. I ran it through in my mind andthen I tried my hardest to pose myself on the bed, ﬁnding it hard as my nails weregetting pulled out the window. I raked my hands through my straggly of hair(remember it hadn’t been cut for at least 50 years) and tried to look even just theslightest bit presentable.I heard my prince use his last effort to heave himself into the room, that was mycue to start the speech... ‘Great Prince, I thank you from the deepest of my heart!From this day on, I hope... AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!’I had hoped that this moment in the tower would be the best day of life, but itturned out to be the worst.What I hadn’t realised as I was peering out the window was that the prince was notmy idea of a prince. He was uglier than Alfred even, and that’s saying something!Instead of gorgeous locks of blonde, silky hair, they were more like chunks of oily,dirty hay. His legs were not muscular but in fact ﬂabby, and the worst of all was his
ghastly smell. He smelt like some one had put rotten ﬁsh heads, huge piles of horsedung and bad case of B.O into a big pot of rubbish and boiled it up. It even smeltworse than changing Freddie’s nappies when he was little. Yech.The troll leapt across the room and planted a great big, smelly, wet kiss on mycheek. He picked me up and swirled me around the room happily. I couldn’t helpbut laugh, my misfortune or not. Even though this troll (looking suspiciously likethe one from under the bridge in the billy goats gruff) was not what I had hoped, hewas the one for me, I could feel it in my claws. I loved him, despite his smell.During the next week we escaped the tower, bought my true love (He’s calledBobby) new clothes, purchased some pimple cream for his face, I told him how toshower and he clipped my nails. We purchased a lovely house with a lovely garden.Freddie moved in with Bobby and I and we all lived happily ever after. Except forGoldilocks, we locked her in the tower so she could have a taste of her ownmedicine. So I’ll change the last bit.SOME of us lived happily ever after! Oh and in case you were wondering, Iﬁnished presenting my corny speech to Bobby and he liked it very much.The EndBy Rosie and Ella.