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Effective Parenting:
Improving Parent-Child
Communication
Improving Parent-Child
Communication
David A. Songco, M.A., Psy.D.
New Insights, LLC
Effective Communication
How do we communicate?
What are we communicating?
“I just can’t take it!”
Positive Discipline
program designed to teach young people to
become responsible, respectful and
resourceful members of their communities
Models aimed at developing mutually
respectful relationships. Positive Discipline
teaches adults to employ kindness and
firmness at the same time, and is neither
punitive nor permissive.
Effective Discipline
5 Criteria
Helps children feel a sense of connection. (Belonging and significance)
Is mutually respectful and encouraging. (Kind and firm at the same
time.)
Is effective long - term. (Considers what the child is thinking, feeling,
learning, and deciding about himself and his world – and what to do in the
future to survive or to thrive.)
Teaches important social and life skills . (Respect, concern for others,
problem solving, and cooperation as well as the skills to contribute to the
home, school or larger community.)
Invites children to discover how capable they are. (Encourages the
constructive use of personal power and autonomy.)
Three Main Approaches for
Adult-Child Interaction
Strictness
-Order Without Freedom
-No choices
“You do it because I said so”
Permissiveness
-Freedom without order
-Unlimited Choices
“You can do anything you want”
Positive Discipline
Freedom with order
Limited Choices
“You can choose within limits that show
respect for all”
Four Steps for Winning
Cooperation
1. Express understanding for the child’s feelings
2. Show empathy without condoning
3. Share your real feelings
4. Invite the child to focus on a solution
Mistaken Beliefs
Undue Attention - “I belong only when I have
your attention”
Misguided Power - “I belong only when I’m the
boss, or at least when I don’t let you boss me”
Revenge - “I don’t belong, but at least I can
hurt back”
Assumed Inadequacy - “It is impossible to
belong, I give up”
Mistaken Goal Chart
One Final TouchIf a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with honesty he learns what truth is.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and
those about him.
If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in
which to live to love and be loved.
(Anonymous)
Services from
New Insights, LLC
New Insights, LLC
Presenter Contact Information
Dr. David Songco
dsongco@newinsightsllc.com
414-604-6413

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Effective Parenting: Improving Parent-Child Communication

  • 1. Effective Parenting: Improving Parent-Child Communication Improving Parent-Child Communication David A. Songco, M.A., Psy.D. New Insights, LLC
  • 2. Effective Communication How do we communicate? What are we communicating?
  • 3.
  • 4. “I just can’t take it!” Positive Discipline program designed to teach young people to become responsible, respectful and resourceful members of their communities Models aimed at developing mutually respectful relationships. Positive Discipline teaches adults to employ kindness and firmness at the same time, and is neither punitive nor permissive.
  • 5. Effective Discipline 5 Criteria Helps children feel a sense of connection. (Belonging and significance) Is mutually respectful and encouraging. (Kind and firm at the same time.) Is effective long - term. (Considers what the child is thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about himself and his world – and what to do in the future to survive or to thrive.) Teaches important social and life skills . (Respect, concern for others, problem solving, and cooperation as well as the skills to contribute to the home, school or larger community.) Invites children to discover how capable they are. (Encourages the constructive use of personal power and autonomy.)
  • 6. Three Main Approaches for Adult-Child Interaction Strictness -Order Without Freedom -No choices “You do it because I said so” Permissiveness -Freedom without order -Unlimited Choices “You can do anything you want” Positive Discipline Freedom with order Limited Choices “You can choose within limits that show respect for all”
  • 7. Four Steps for Winning Cooperation 1. Express understanding for the child’s feelings 2. Show empathy without condoning 3. Share your real feelings 4. Invite the child to focus on a solution
  • 8. Mistaken Beliefs Undue Attention - “I belong only when I have your attention” Misguided Power - “I belong only when I’m the boss, or at least when I don’t let you boss me” Revenge - “I don’t belong, but at least I can hurt back” Assumed Inadequacy - “It is impossible to belong, I give up”
  • 10. One Final TouchIf a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement he learns to be confident. If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love. If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal. If a child lives with honesty he learns what truth is. If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those about him. If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live to love and be loved. (Anonymous)
  • 11. Services from New Insights, LLC New Insights, LLC Presenter Contact Information Dr. David Songco dsongco@newinsightsllc.com 414-604-6413

Editor's Notes

  1. Types of communication: Verbal, non Verbal Needs to be congruent When is it hard to communicate? Parents = Angry or Child Angry
  2. When is it hard to communicate? Parents = Angry or Child Angry
  3. What is positive discipline - how is it different from regular discipline
  4. Review criteria, give examples 1- alignment 2- mutual respect 3- sustainable 4- beneficial- if child were to do this, would it be accepted 5- creative will within discipline
  5. 3 types of interaction- strive towards positive discipline
  6. achieving cooperation.
  7. When communication and discipline goes wrong: An angry child is a discouraged child.
  8. Have audience members read each one, one by one.