Md Anderson Cc Sslides

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How conversation about topics and with people (we would rather not have) can improve communicationa nd strengthen relationships.

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  • Md Anderson Cc Sslides

    1. 2. Courageous Conversations (CC) <ul><li>Most people are more comfortable with old problems than new solutions </li></ul>
    2. 3. Courageous Conversations <ul><li>…are conscious exchanges that are real, meaningful and energizing </li></ul><ul><li>…are a face to face accountability session </li></ul>
    3. 4. Courageous Conversations <ul><li>…can take you to the heart of what's most important </li></ul><ul><li>…can lighten your heart and your life </li></ul>
    4. 5. How to recognize a CC <ul><li>It’s </li></ul><ul><ul><li>the one you don't want to have </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>the one you haven't even thought of having </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>a conversation that can transform your relationships, and set you free </li></ul></ul>
    5. 6. OK - But Give Me Examples... <ul><ul><li>&quot;I've hated you for leaving me&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;I'm angry at how you treat your children&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;I stole $2,000 from you 20 years ago&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;I'm in the country illegally, and would like to apply for legal residency&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;We've never said 'I love you' in our family, and I love you&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Will you marry me?&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;I'm not enjoying our sex life&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;I had an affair five years ago&quot; </li></ul></ul>
    6. 7. How about a few more... <ul><ul><li>&quot;I really gave you a hard time at school/that old job - and I'm sorry&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;I should have told you I have an STD before we had sex&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;I'm in love with you, and am scared of threatening your marriage, but more afraid of hearing you don't love me&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;I'd like to feel acknowledged for all the hard work I do&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;I know I abused you sexually, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;I love you so much it scares me. And...I think your ears are really big and can't stop thinking about them&quot; </li></ul></ul>
    7. 8. How Do I Know I Need One? <ul><li>Do you find yourself avoiding the important things you want to say to family and/or coworkers? </li></ul><ul><li>Are all your relationships great? </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Partner </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Family </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Boss and staff </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Patients, family members </li></ul></ul>
    8. 9. Why Should I? <ul><li>And the best clue of all: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>You probably don't want to have the conversation, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>you're afraid </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>of the outcome </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>that you'll lose something </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>you might feel VERY uncomfortable </li></ul></ul></ul>
    9. 10. Why Should I? <ul><ul><li>Isn't the past just the past? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;I'll just move on&quot;, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;It's enough that I know about it&quot;, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;It might upset them&quot;. </li></ul></ul>
    10. 11. What stops us <ul><li>Fear </li></ul><ul><ul><li>of the reality </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>because prior attempts were unsuccessful </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>my actions could escalate the problem </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>of rejection </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>of retaliation </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>of feeling vulnerable </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>of losing the relationship </li></ul></ul>
    11. 12. What stops us <ul><li>Believing </li></ul><ul><ul><li>the cure could be worse than the disease </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>it might hurt feelings </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>I might discover I am part of the problem </li></ul></ul>
    12. 13. But if you feel… <ul><li>Any </li></ul><ul><ul><li>stored guilt, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>anger, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>sadness, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>love </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>‘thing that is unexpressed - then maybe … better out than in </li></ul></ul>
    13. 14. Behavior Signals <ul><li>Acting out </li></ul><ul><li>Badmouthing others </li></ul><ul><li>Gossiping </li></ul><ul><li>Feeling depressed </li></ul><ul><li>Helplessness </li></ul><ul><li>Silence </li></ul><ul><li>Making serious errors </li></ul>
    14. 15. When others avoided a CC <ul><li>The consequences were tremendous </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Multiple medical errors in health care </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Challenger disaster </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Air crash in Potomac river </li></ul></ul>
    15. 16. The Effect On Others... <ul><li>It's also amazing the effect it can have on the other person. </li></ul><ul><li>Your courage can ripple out and change the world . </li></ul>
    16. 17. Does it all add up? <ul><li>The Risks </li></ul><ul><ul><li>No guarantees </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The outcome may be even worse than you feared. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>CC can lead to… </li></ul></ul>
    17. 18. An easy Out <ul><li>It’s not my fault </li></ul><ul><li>I couldn’t help it </li></ul><ul><li>It’s no big deal </li></ul><ul><li>I had no choice </li></ul><ul><li>No one could work with … </li></ul><ul><li>She’s an idiot </li></ul><ul><li>He is impossible </li></ul>
    18. 19. What If I Don’t vs What If I Do <ul><li>The problem could escalate </li></ul><ul><li>I might be rejected </li></ul><ul><li>I could lose the relationship </li></ul><ul><li>There might be retaliation </li></ul><ul><li>I might hurt his feelings </li></ul><ul><li>I might not be prepared for the outcome </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Where have I seen these before? </li></ul></ul></ul>
    19. 20. The dead shall live again <ul><li>To bring a dead relationship back to life start with C.P.R. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>C ontent </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>P attern of behavior </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>R elationship </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Patterson et al (2005) Crucial conversations </li></ul></ul>
    20. 21. Personal Preparation <ul><li>7 Rights of CC </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Right problem </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Right words </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Right delivery </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Right frame of mind </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Right… </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Right … </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Right … </li></ul></ul>
    21. 22. Personal Preparation <ul><li>the person vs the problem </li></ul><ul><li>R-E-S-P-E-C-T </li></ul><ul><li>Off your guard </li></ul><ul><li>Speak but… </li></ul>
    22. 23. A Port In A Storm <ul><li>Provide an emotional safe haven </li></ul><ul><li>In the absence of safety people can’t discuss anything meaningful </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Valued and respected </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Verbal and non-verbal </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Interests and plans </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Fear of negative consequences </li></ul></ul>
    23. 24. Inquiry versus Advocacy <ul><li>Share your thinking </li></ul><ul><li>Test your assumptions </li></ul><ul><li>Inquire into his views </li></ul><ul><li>Test her assumptions </li></ul><ul><li>Share your data </li></ul>
    24. 25. Courageous Dialogue <ul><li>Name the issue </li></ul><ul><li>Select an example </li></ul><ul><li>Describe the feeling </li></ul>
    25. 26. Courageous Dialogue <ul><li>Declare the stakes </li></ul><ul><li>On your own </li></ul><ul><li>Indicate your intent </li></ul>
    26. 27. Courageous Dialogue <ul><li>Invite a response </li></ul><ul><li>Reflect </li></ul><ul><li>Follow through </li></ul>
    27. 28. Follow through <ul><li>When all is said and done </li></ul><ul><li>When I move you move </li></ul><ul><li>Hold me </li></ul><ul><li>“Sorry” is not a 4 letter word </li></ul>
    28. 29. When an apology is right <ul><li>Why am I sorry </li></ul><ul><li>Leaver 2000 </li></ul><ul><li>Delta </li></ul><ul><li>And this time I mean it </li></ul><ul><li>Is it me or do you feel better </li></ul><ul><li>no see what happened was… </li></ul>
    29. 30. Common mistakes <ul><li>Can you smell what the Rock’s cooking </li></ul><ul><li>Oreo is just a cookie </li></ul><ul><li>Bed, Bath and Beyond </li></ul><ul><li>Put the writer’s back on strike </li></ul><ul><li>Guerilla warfare </li></ul><ul><li>Scott (2002) Fierce Conversations </li></ul>
    30. 31. Common mistakes <ul><li>Doing most of the talking </li></ul><ul><li>Calgon </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t ask, don’t change </li></ul><ul><li>Huh? </li></ul><ul><li>You know what I mean? </li></ul><ul><li>No big buts </li></ul><ul><li>Scott (2002) Fierce Conversations </li></ul>
    31. 32. Courageous Conversations <ul><li>Most people are more comfortable with old problems than new solutions </li></ul>
    32. 33. Courageous Conversations <ul><li>Are you most people? </li></ul>

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