Five Things You Should Never Ask An Author


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Authors love, need, and cherish readers. By publishing our deepest thoughts and darkest fears, we invite you into our hearts. Stilll, we lovingly request you refrain from ever asking the following five questions again. Never. Pleeeeeze.

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Five Things You Should Never Ask An Author

  1. 1. Friends, I have been going nonstop since last November promoting and marketing my book with bookstore signings, book club meetings, online/telephone chats, seminars, booths at conferences....I'm gone almost every weekend. I turned my oven on yesterday just to make sure it still works. I've been to twelve states and I've taken pictures with everybody and their mama. This is my fourth book so I know to expect certain things. For example, during a two-hour signing at Barnes & Noble, I will repeat the synopsis of my book 20-30 times. I don't mind. I will answer questions on every subject from my make-up to my age. I don't mind. My feet will hurt no matter what shoes I wear. That's life. I just wish people would not ask me the five following questions over and over and over again... 1. Is that you? (Pointing to my on the back cover.) You look different in person. Answer: Thank you. With a lot of make-up and good lighting, you, too, can appear almost attractive. Sorry, to disappoint you with my age spots and wrinkles. 2. Is this a true story? Answer: It is a novel. Novel means fiction. Fiction means I will not admit it has elements of truth; therefore, I will not subject myself to a potential lawsuit. And, I might actually have an imagination though it's hard to believe after seeing that airbrushed photo. 3. What do you do with your royalties/profits? Answer: Why? I pay bills. What do you do with your paycheck? 4. Will you read my 800-page novel (for free) and tell me what you think I should change? Answer: First, that's called editing and people make a living doing that full-time. Honestly, I'd love to right after I write my next book, work at my day job, take care of my family, update my website, catch up on emails and bookkeeping, go to church, tour at my own expense, do interviews, volunteer in the community, give seminars, and write press releases. Yes, I want to support you, but I can’t give away that much time. Most writers have another job for a reason. I recommend you read books on writing, go to workshops, take classes, or hire a writing coach, as I did. Invest in dream to make it a reality. I'm not mean. I'm tired. 5. You should go on Oprah! Answer: Love that woman, but Oprah doesn't interview authors of novels with happy endings. However, if you can change her mind, holla! Website: Blog: Twitter: @drmoeanderson © 2006. Monica F. Anderson. All Rights Reserved.