Successful Negotiating: 15 Rules For Becoming A Super Negotiator


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Dr. Jim Anderson revels 15 different steps that negotiators can take during their next negotiation in order to reach a better deal with the other side of the table.

Using his knowledge of seduction skills, Dr. Anderson shows how you can use seduction skills to improve how you negotiate. In an entertaining way, Dr. Anderson weaves these two bodies of knowledge together in a way that makes sure that you'll remember what you learn!

Dr. Anderson covers what it means to be a winner in a negotiation. He shows the power of using the right words, picking the place and time when a negotiation will take place, how to manage your concessions, deliver counteroffers to prices, handling cost breakdowns, saying "yes", dealing with major concessions, deal with deadlines, when to shut up, when to be skeptical, and how to deal with funny money.

For more information on Dr. Jim Anderson and the information contained in this presentation, visit the web site

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  • We’ve seen the 7-step negotiating process before.This time we’re going to focus on stage 2 of the seduction process. The second phase of the seduction process has to do with making your target become dependent on you. This correlates with the parts of the negotiating process in which you take the time to determine how you will connect with the other side and what kind of offer you’ll be able to make to them that will meet their needs
  • The goal in this phase is to lead your victims so far that retreat is no longer possible. Springing on them a pleasant surprise will make them see you as delightfully unpredictable, but will also keep them off balance (9: Keep them in suspense. The artful use of soft and pleasant words will intoxicate them and stimulate fantasies (10: Use the power of words to sow confusion). Pleasant little rituals will distract their minds (11: Pay attention to detail). Your greatest danger in this phase is the mere hint of routine or familiarity. You need to maintain some mystery, to keep a little distance so that in your absence your victims become obsessed with you (12: Poeticize your presence). A well-timed display of your weakness will help cover your tracks (13: Disarm through strategic weakness and vulnerability). To excite your victims, you must give them the feeling that they are actually living some of the fantasies (14: Confuse desire and reality). By giving them only a part of the fantasy, you will keep them coming back for more. Focusing your attention on them so that the rest of the world fades away, even taking them on a trip, will lead them far astray (15: Isolate your victim). There is no turning back.
  • A winner is one who understands what his/her objective is and takes the time to achieve what is possible through the bargaining process.A winner strives to leave the other side as satisfied as possible with the outcome.Winners accomplish this by the way that they conduct themselves in the negotiations and by the way that they jointly search for a better deal for both sides.Winners don’t negotiate to achieve all of their objectives or to get the best of every deal.The other side often cannot or will not grant a total victory.Winning in negotiations is not like winning in sports.The story of Jack
  • The moment people feel they know what to expect from you, your spell on them is broken. More: you have ceded them power. The only way to lead the seduced along and keep the upper hand is to create suspense, a calculated surprise. People love a mystery, and this is the key to luring them further into your web. Behave in a way that leaves them wondering, What are you up to? Doing something they do not expect from you will give them a delightful sense of spontaneity—they will not be able to foresee what comes next. You are always one step ahead and in control. Give the victim a thrill with a sudden change of direction.
  • Control Your Location & Time: Just like most sports teams, the sales negotiator who conducts a negotiation on his / her home turf tends to do better. Negotiating at your base of operations makes life easier – you have better access to information and people and you spend less time searching for things that you need to complete the deal. Additionally, although there is no one perfect time to conduct sales negotiations, every deal has its own best time. Late on Fridays can often be a powerful time to close a deal quickly!Story: Japanese in the 1980’s
  • Understand Your B.A.T.A.N.A?:Before you start any sales negotiation, you need to make sure that you have a good understanding of what your Best Alternative To A Negotiated Agreement (BATANA) is. If the talks break down, what will your next action be? Get your management to buy in to your BATANA before you start to negotiate so that you know that you have their backing if things don’t go well.Knowing this in advance gives you more power while you are negotiating.
  • It is hard to make people listen; they are consumed with their own thoughts and desires, and have little time for yours. The trick to making them listen is to say what they want to hear, to fill their ears with whatever is pleasant to them. This is the essence of seductive language. Inflame people's emotions with loaded phrases, flatter them, comfort their insecurities, envelop them in fantasies, sweet words, and promises, and not only will they listen to you, they will lose their will to resist you. Keep your language vague, letting them read into it what they want. Use writing to stir up fantasies and to create an idealized portrait of yourself.
  • Start High, Give In Slowly:If you are negotiating to sell something, you need to plan the negotiation in advance. This means setting your price high enough so that you have room to allow the other side to “bring you down”. During every negotiation, you will have to make concessions to the other side. Studies have shown that sales negotiators who make their concessions in smaller increments seem to end up doing better.Story: A century ago an Englishman snuck into the holy city of Mecca. He browned his skin and pretended to be praying. He made one mistake. He went to the marketplace to buy bananas. The merchant said that it would cost 5 coppers. The Englishman quickly paid – Infidel cried the vendor. An Arab would never have paid the asking price without bargaining.Americans bargain less than other cultures.
  • Our sales negotiations are more often than not a game of back-and-forth: offers are followed by counteroffers which are then themselves countered. One thing that too many of us overlook is that the buyer’s first counter offer is one of the most important events in a sales negotiation. Before the buyer makes a counteroffer, the buyer has no idea if there is any chance of striking a deal. The more the buyer goes on talking and doesn’t make a counteroffer, the greater the doubt in the seller will be. In fact, he/she may end up lowering their price just to get the buyer to make a counteroffer in the first place.
  • Lofty words and grand gestures can be suspicious: why are you trying so hard to please? The details of a seduction—the subtle gestures, the offhand things you do—are often more charming and revealing. You must learn to distract your victims with a myriad of pleasant little rituals—thoughtful gifts tailored just for them, clothes and adornments designed to please them, gestures that show the time and attention you are paying them. All of their senses are engaged in the details you orchestrate.Create spectacles to dazzle their eyes; mesmerized by what they see, they will not notice what you are really up to. Learn to suggest the proper feelings and moods through details.
  • Sometimes, no matter what side of the table you are on, you’ll be presented with a deal that is perfect just the way it stands. The price is right, the terms are good, and it meets your schedule. – you want to say “yes” and move on to other things. However, the master sales negotiators would caution you against doing this. It’s not that there is anything wrong with the deal, it’s just that you are going to leave the other side with a bad feeling about the negotiation. They are forever going to be filled with doubts about the deal (and they may do a poor job of keeping their part of the deal). However, if you say “no” a few times or at least take you time saying “yes”, then they will feel as though they “earned” the final outcome and this will, surprisingly, leave them feeling more satisfied.Story: Dinah Shore saw a house in Beverly Hills that she liked. She offered $425k and the broker immediately said “yes”. Years later she was still upset despite the fact that the house was worth +$1M. She was convinced that her offer was a mistake because it was immediately accepted.
  • Most of the time, the deal that we’re negotiating can be quite complex. In these cases it’s natural for the buyer to request a breakdown of the prices involved. This is an excellent way to get some insight into the seller’s costs. On the other hand, providing such information is going to allow a buyer to do a better job of negotiating a lower price so sellers should work hard to not have to provide them. This can be impossible if they ask for it at point blank; however, trying to avoid ever getting into that situation is always a good plan.Example: Plumbing job: lowest bid is $2,500. You ask for a price breakdown. $2,000 for labor, $500 for materials. Ask why two people are needed for 8 hours and why use copper pipe.
  • Important things happen when your targets are alone: the slightest feeling of relief that you are not there, and it is all over. Familiarity and overexposure will cause this reaction. Remain elusive, then, so that when you are away, they will yearn to see you again, and will associate you only with pleasant thoughts. Occupy their minds by alternating an exciting presence with a cool distance, exuberant moments followed by calculated absences. Associate yourself with poetic images and objects, so that when they think of you, they begin to see you through an idealized halo. The more you figure in their minds, the more they will envelop you in seductive fantasies. Feed these fantasies by subtle inconsistencies and changes in your behavior.
  • Concessions are a part of every sales negotiation. In fact we’ve spent a lot of time talking about the 5 ways that sales negotiators can use concessions to get what they want. Now all of a sudden it looks like we’re doing a 180 and telling you to not give in. What’s up with that? The big difference here is that we’re focusing on the MAJOR issues – not the 100′s of other, smaller issues that come up during any sales negotiation. It’s on these issues and these issues alone that you need to take the hard line. What each of the studies has shown is that the side of the table that makes the first concession on an important issue always seems to end up doing poorly. The reasons are not completely clear, but it appears as though the side of the table that made the concession then finds themselves on the defensive during the rest of the negotiation.
  • People make bad decisions under pressureWhen we become aware of an approaching deadline, all too often we start to make big concessions to the other side of the table that we wouldn’t normally make. What happens next is that they don’t make big concessions to us, instead they make smaller concessions which causes us to make more big concessions. It turns out that this type of behavior is practiced by both experienced and inexperienced negotiators. In all honesty, this type of behavior really shouldn’t come as a surprise to any of us. It all boils down to one simple fact of life: humans have a tenancy to make very bad decisions when we are under pressure. Clearly, the last few minutes of a negotiation is the worst time for us to be making concessions. Story: Parents with kids who keep asking for something eventually give in!!!
  • Too much maneuvering on your part may raise suspicion. The best way to cover your tracks is to make the other person feel superior and stronger. If you seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by the other person, and unable to control yourself, you will make your actions look more natural, less calculated. Physical weakness—tears, bashfulness, paleness—will help create the effect. To further win trust, exchange honesty for virtue: establish your "sincerity" by confessing some sin on your part—it doesn't have to be real. Sincerity is more important than goodness. Play the victim, then transform your target's sympathy into love.
  • Negotiation is all about power. There are actually a number of things that you can do in order to ensure that you keep the upper hand when it comes to negotiating power during you next sales negotiation:Don’t Talk Business: In the small talk that occurs before the start of any sales negotiation, don’t talk about business. You might be able to not give away any secrets, but maybe you’ll make a mistake. Stick to weather, sports, family – anything but business. Let The Other Side Do The Talking: Even better than you talking is getting the other side to talk, and talk, and talk. Just as you can leak power to the other side, the more they talk the better the odds that they will say something that will give you more negotiating power. Tell Everyone On Your Team To Shut-Up!: Even if this discussion sinks in to your brain, you can still lose power by comments that the engineers, procurement staff, and even the lawyers on your team make. Take the time BEFORE the sales negotiation begins to huddle with your team and explain to them that the more they talk, the more negotiating power they will be giving away to the other side.Story: Husband and wife like a house and one tells the relator its perfect…
  • The older a sales negotiator gets, the more he / she is less likely to believe just about ANYTHING that they are told. There is a reason for this! In the end, sales negotiating is all about power – who has it and who doesn’t. However, just like in the game of poker bluffing is not only allowed, it is often encouraged. If you don’t believe me (or you don’t WANT to believe me), then think about how a buyer and a seller interact when they are trying to complete a deal to buy a house – talk about some serious poker playing! A good sales negotiator is ALWAYS skeptical about anything that he / she is told by the other side. This includes when the other side uses facts & figures (where did they come from?), experts (what makes them an expert?), and handsome bound color documents (Kinko’s can turn out great stuff overnight). As a sales negotiator your job is to always be asking questions.
  • To compensate for the difficulties in their lives, people spend a lot of their time daydreaming, imagining a future full of adventure, success, and romance. If you can create the illusion that through you they can live out their dreams, you will have them at your mercy. It is important to start slowly, gaining their trust, and gradually constructing the fantasy that matches their desires. Aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding their powers of reason. The perfect illusion is one that does not depart too much from reality, but has a touch of the unreal to it, like a waking dream, head the seduced to a point of confusion in which they can no longer tell the difference between illusion and reality.
  • It turns out that the reason that so many sales negotiations turn out poorly for negotiators is because they enter into the negotiations with the wrong state of mind. Instead of preparing for the negotiation, they go in with a “let’s hope for the best” type of mindset. How can they possibly hope to do well?Sales negotiators who have this type of mind set more often than not don’t do well during a negotiation. They fall prey to the four deadly sins of sales negotiations:No planBad agreements - If you don’t take the time to fully understand what you are agreeing to, you may find yourself quickly in a bad situation. Call for a breakPoor reading skills - it’s the words that make it onto the paper that really matter. Take the time to read them!No follow up - follow up and make sure that the agreement is being executed by both sides.
  • My daughter is currently learning about how to add fractions in school. The trick to doing this right is that you have to make sure that the denominator (the number on the bottom of the fraction) is the same for both numbers before you add them. She’s struggling with this concept and it reminds me of a key sales negotiating point – never try to do a deal using funny money. We all have heard the phrase “apples to apples” right? Well funny money is something that can either sneak into a sales negotiation or be slid into it by one side of the table. When this happens, all of a sudden you aren’t comparing two equal things such as how much a product costs and how much you are willing to pay for it. A great example of funny money in real life is what happens when you gamble in a casino: you don’t use real money, you use chips instead. There are a number of reasons for this, but a key one is that chips don’t “seem” like real money. • Price Per Unit: If I’m asking you to lower your blue widget price by two cents per unit, that seems like a small matter, right? It is until you realize that I’m trying to buy two million blue widgets and so what I’m really asking for is a $40,000 discount. Now that’s real money! • Interest Rates: This is exactly what built those credit card companies into the powerhouses that they are today. If I borrow $60,000 at 10% on a 5-year loan to start my business, then I’ve just agreed to pay the bank $16,489.20 for the privilege of using their money. Sure seems like I should try to negotiate a lower interest rate.
  • An isolated person is weak.By slowly isolating your victims, you make them more vulnerable to your influence. Their isolation may be psychological: by filling their field of vision through the pleasurable attention you pay them, you crowd out everything else in their mind. They see and think only of you. The isolation may also be physical: you take them away from their normal milieu, friends, family, home. Give them the sense of being marginalized, in limbo—they are leaving one world behind and entering another. Once isolated like this, they have no outside support, and in their confusion they are easily led astray.Lure the seduced into your lair, where nothing is familiar.
  • Plenty of Room: Make sure that you always give yourself plenty of room to negotiate. Simple things like starting with a high price or a lengthy delivery cycle will buy you the room to make concessions during the negotiations.Hide Your Cards: You always want to work to make the other side of the table open up and put all of his cards on the table long before you have to do the same. You should keep your motivations and goals hidden from view in order to maintain your negotiating power.Be Second: Never make a major concession first. Once again this is a power thing. Instead, make minor concessions until the cows come home.Make ‘Em Earn It: Never make a concession without making the other side earn it first. If they don’t earn it, then they won’t appreciate the concession when you give it to them.Wait: Make sure that you hold on to your concessions for as long as you can. Giving in later in the negotiation is always better than earlier – and the other side will appreciate it more (see #4).No Tit-For-Tat: it turns out that tit-for-tat or one-for-one concessions are not necessary. It’s ok if the other side gives more than you do.Gimme: Make sure that you get something for every concession that you make.
  • There is a higher level of negotiator: the super winnerThe best negotiators are super winnersEvery time they negotiate they find a better deal for both partiesA deal that neither side was possible when they first metIt isn’t as hard as it sounds – we can all do it.Your need to recognize that negotiation is not a contestA super winner realizes that elements of competition are built into every bargaining situation. The super winner also realizes that both parties win more when the search together for innovative ways to create value that they can share between them.
  • Becoming a good negotiator is something that we can all do.The key to improving your negotiating skills is to find the right training program and the right instructor for you.You have in your hands some information on a negotiation training skills program that I’m going to be introducing in May. If you like the material that I’ve presented here today and if you’re interested in just what is covered in Seduction Phase 3 and Phase 4, then visit the web site and sign up to get more information.
  • Successful Negotiating: 15 Rules For Becoming A Super Negotiator

    1. 1. Space is limited in order to permit focused learning. Get on the mailing list so that you can get all the details: Successful Negotiating Using The Seduction Method: 15 Rules For Becoming A Super Negotiator The Dr. Jim AndersonS eduction Methodof Negotiating Online Training Course © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    2. 2. Key Steps To An Ideal Negotiation Process Seduction Seduction Seduction Seduction Phase 1: Phase 2: Phase 3: Phase 4:Separation Lead Astray The Precipice The Kill Phase 2: Phase 3: Phase 4: Phase 6: Phase 7:Phase 1: Phase 5: Implementing Relationship Information Information ClosingPreparation Building Bidding the Gathering Using the Deal Agreement © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    3. 3. The Seductive Process: Phase 2 – Lead Astray1. Keep them in suspense – what comes next?2. Use the power of words to sow confusion3. Pay attention to details4. Poeticize your presence5. Disarm through strategic weakness and vulnerability6. Confuse desire and reality – the perfect illusion7. Isolate the victim © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    4. 4. What Does It Mean To Be A Winner In A Negotiation? • Objective • Satisfied • Total Victory © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    5. 5. Seduction: Keep Them In Suspense © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    6. 6. You Manage The Suspense: Pick The Best Place And Time To Negotiate• Home Turf• Access• Best Time © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    7. 7. Keep Them Guessing: What Will YouDo If This Negotiation Breaks Down?• B.A.T.A.N.A• Management 2010 Honda Odyssey ~12,000 miles Buy-In < $25,000• Power No Odyssey Price > $25,000 Older: 2008 More Miles: ~20,000 Look for mileage of Look for lower price Walk Away Walk Away < 12,000 / year < $20,000 © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    8. 8. Seduction: Use The Power Of Words To Sow Confusion © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    9. 9. Use Your Words To Be Stingy WithConcessions (Leave Room To Negotiate) • Start High • Concessions • Smaller Increments © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    10. 10. Control Your Words And Don’t Give A Quick Counteroffer To The Price • First Counter Offer • Hope • Lowering © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    11. 11. Seduction: Pay Attention To Details © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    12. 12. Pay Attention And Don’t Say “Yes” Too Quickly• Perfection Problem• Satisfaction• Just Say “No” © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    13. 13. Pay Attention To Requests ForBreakdowns – Desired, But Not Given • Requested • Insight • Avoid! © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    14. 14. Seduction: Poeticize Your Presence © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    15. 15. Play Hard To Get: Don’t Make The First Major Concession • Major Issues • Defense • Build Up © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    16. 16. Act Like You Don’t Care As Deadlines Approach – Watch Concessions • Give & Take • Time • Big Concessions © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    17. 17. Seduction: Disarm Through Strategic Weakness And Vulnerability © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    18. 18. Show Your Vulnerability By Shutting Up• Power Loss• Information• Team Rule © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    19. 19. Show Your Weakness By Being Skeptical.• Power• Facts & Figures• Questions © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    20. 20. Seduction: Confuse Desire And Reality – The Perfect Illusion © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    21. 21. Help The Other Side To Desire To Give It All Away • No Plan • Clarity • Reading © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    22. 22. Watch Out For The Illusion Of Funny Money • Fractions • Apples-To- Apples • Price Per Unit© 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    23. 23. Seduction: Isolate The Victim© 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    24. 24. Ways To Isolate Your Compromises• Plenty Of Room• Hide Your Cards• Wait © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    25. 25. Be A Super-Winner: You Can AlwaysFind A Better Deal For Both Parties• Not A Contest• Better Deal• Win More © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    26. 26. … And There Is So Much More… Seduction Seduction Seduction Seduction Phase 1: Phase 2: Phase 3: Phase 4:Separation Lead Astray The Precipice The Kill Phase 2: Phase 3: Phase 4: Phase 6: Phase 7:Phase 1: Phase 5: Implementing Relationship Information Information Closing thePreparation Bidding Building Gathering Using the Deal Agreement The S eduction Method of Negotiating Space is limited in order to permit focused learning. Get on the mailing list so that you can get all the details: © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /
    27. 27. Where Do I Go From Here? TheS eduction Methodof Negotiating Online Training Course / 813.418.697027 © 2012 Blue Elephant Consulting /