SlideShare a Scribd company logo
1 of 26
Strategies to Manage Conflictual Coparents
Parents in conflict cannot coparent in the traditional sense.
Professionals insist they learn to get along, but often there is at
least one parent who is may have difficulty getting along with
other people and they use the breakup to attack the other
parent and to stay engaged in a relationship through conflict.
There are two types of Coparents-Cooperative
Coparents and Conflictual Coparents. Parents in
conflict are usually Conflictual Coparents

The next few slides will teach you the
differences between these two types of
coparents.
©Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009
Cooperative vs. Conflictual Coparenting
The mindset of the
courts is that all parents
need to coparent for the
sake of the children.
Counselors recommend
it, judges order it, family
members and friends tell
you that you need to
learn to work together.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009
Cooperative vs. Conflictual Coparenting
We all know that
we must learn to
work together for
the children, but
what if you can’t.
What do you
do?
We will be discussing cooperative coparenting and
conflictual coparenting in this slideshow.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009
Dr. Deena’s Cooperative Coparenting Definition
(It is the mindset of both parents)
1. Both parents believe that the other parent has the
best interests of the children at heart.
2. Both parents believe that the
other parent is valuable,
worthwhile and important in the
children’s life. Both parents
believe that the children need to
have a relationship with both
parents, and they will actively
support that relationship.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Dr. Deena’s Cooperative Coparenting Definition
(It is the mindset of both parents)
3. Although the parents may
have disagreements with
each other about the issues
that need to be resolved,
they will both work together,
(even if it is difficult) in order
to reach some kind of
parenting decision. Even if it
is parenting by default.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Dr. Deena’s Cooperative Coparenting Definition
(It is the mindset of both parents)
4. Once the parents have made the parenting decision,
they will actively support the decision and each other in
that decision.
5. Both parents will
do whatever it
takes to support
the other parent’s
relationship with
the children.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Ideal Cooperative Coparenting Action Steps
Ideal coparenting means that both parents are willing
and able to agree with each other about general child
sharing issues which occur when raising children.

It means that the
both parents believe
that the other parent
is important in the
children’s life.

© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Ideal Cooperative Coparenting Action Steps
Ideal coparenting means
that both parents work
together to resolve issues
related to medication and
medical and psychological
needs of the child.
Ideally, the parents create a
plan of action together to
determine whether the child
will take medications, if
meds are an issue.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Ideal Cooperative Coparenting Action Steps
Ideal coparenting means that both parents agree to
place the child in extracurricular activities during
both parent’s time. Both parents believe that these
activities develop their child’s physical and social
competence.

© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Ideal Cooperative Coparenting Actions Steps
Ideally, if issues come up, coparents work together, as
much as possible to agree on schooling, bedtime,
homework, medication, clothing issues and activities...

© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Ideal Cooperative Coparenting Actions Steps
For example, ideally parents would talk freely about a
child’s homework or school issues. They would meet
with the teacher to figure out what they were going to
do to help the child with academics, or behavioral
issues.

© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
What If Cooperative Coparenting Doesn’t Work?

Approximately 25% – 35% of the parents
involved in child custody cases cannot
cooperatively coparent.
These cases are identified as high conflict
cases.

© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Defining A High Conflict Case

We have found that high conflict occurs
when one or both of the parents involved
in the conflict cannot or will not
let go of their marital battle or
marital relationship.
Frequent intervention by the court is necessary
because the family’s adjustment is constantly being
disrupted.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
High Conflict Love
In high conflict, we have
a saying:
Love is like a butterfly . . .

If you love something, let
it go, and if it doesn’t
come back. . .

Hunt it down and kill it!. . .
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Dr. Deena’s Conflictual Coparenting Definition
(It is a different mindset of one or both parents)
One or both parents believe that:
1.The other parent does not have the best interests of
the children at heart (as their primary focus).
2.The other parent has
fundamental character flaws,
parental deficiencies, a
personality disorder, or
substance abuse issues that
interferes with their parenting
ability.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Deena’s Conflictual Coparenting Definition
(It is the mindset of one or both parents)
One or both parents believe that:
3. The other parent is detrimental to the children. One
or both believe that the other parent should not have an
active, supportive relationship with the children because
it will damage them.

© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Dr. Deena’s Conflictual Coparenting Definition
(It is the mindset of one or both parents)
4. They need the assistance of the court professionals
to help them make child sharing decisions.
But once the recommendations
or orders have been made, one
or both of the parents may
actively sabotage the court order
and badmouth the professionals
who worked on the child sharing
plans.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Dr. Deena’s Conflictual Coparenting Definition
(It is the mindset of one or both parents)
5. One or both parents
continues to undermine the
other parent’s relationship
with the children, believing
that they have to protect the
children from that parent, by
taking away time or getting
the courts to determine the
other parent is unfit.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Identifying a High Conflict Case

• Frequent court litigation;
• Physical violence, intimidation or stalking between the
parents or children, or one or both parents allege abuse
of some kind;
• Chronic co-parenting difficulties, (even over minor issues);
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Identifying a High Conflict Case

• One/both parents seem unable to protect the children from
the conflict;
• One/both parents encourage the children to take sides;
• One/both parents seem unable to separate the children’s
needs from their own issues of hurt and anger;
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Identifying a High Conflict Case

• One/both parents refuse to share the children with the
other parent;
• One/both parents seem unable to move away from the
conflict;
• One/both parents cannot build a new life away from the
other parent;
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Identifying a High Conflict Case

• One/both parents may have been represented by several
attorneys;
• One/both parents have earned a negative reputation with
the court for being very difficult.

© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Two Ways To End The Conflict
Parents need to learn how to:
1. Disconnect from the other parent

Characters drawn by Dr. Suess

2. Learn to connect “with” their children. If you are still
connected to or upset by the other parent, then it is light’s
on, no one is home for the children.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
High Conflict Intervention and Coparenting
Program

Hi, I’m Dr. Deena Stacer. I teach the
High Conflict Intervention and
Coparenting Program in San Diego.
I’ve been teaching this as a live program in
San Diego since 1997. And now, I have
translated this class online for you to
participate without leaving your home.

I was in a high conflict breakup myself (for seven
years) and have three grown children who were
part of my custody fight.
©Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009
My Credentials
I have teaching credentials
ranging from Kindergarten
through College. I have a
Bachelors of Science in
Child Development, a
Masters in Counseling and
Leadership and a Ph.D. in
Psychology.
I have worked with over 5000 high conflict parents and
many of their children. I have mediated over 850
divorces. I mostly mediate highly conflictual cases now.
©Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009
The High Conflict Intervention Program
Because of my experiences, I’ve learned a lot of great
strategies to help parents get out of conflict.
I teach parents how to
navigate through the court
system, how to disengage
from the fight with the other
parent and how to protect the
children from permanent
emotional damage that often
occurs from chronic conflict.
To learn how to end conflict with the other parent, go to
www.ParentsInConflict.com/courses.
©Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009

More Related Content

What's hot

Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children
Raising Emotionally Intelligent ChildrenRaising Emotionally Intelligent Children
Raising Emotionally Intelligent ChildrenFortes Education
 
ABC of Parenting Skills
ABC of Parenting Skills ABC of Parenting Skills
ABC of Parenting Skills ashgrover
 
Separation, Grief and Loss of Children in Foster Care
Separation, Grief and Loss of Children in Foster CareSeparation, Grief and Loss of Children in Foster Care
Separation, Grief and Loss of Children in Foster Carekimberlykeith
 
Attachment, trauma, emotional regulation in school to make sense of 'nonsensi...
Attachment, trauma, emotional regulation in school to make sense of 'nonsensi...Attachment, trauma, emotional regulation in school to make sense of 'nonsensi...
Attachment, trauma, emotional regulation in school to make sense of 'nonsensi...Helen Oakwater
 
Adult Children Of Alcoholics - May 2009
Adult Children Of Alcoholics - May 2009Adult Children Of Alcoholics - May 2009
Adult Children Of Alcoholics - May 2009Dawn Farm
 
Healthy Relationship Powerpoint
Healthy Relationship PowerpointHealthy Relationship Powerpoint
Healthy Relationship Powerpointamieberlinski
 
Coparenting-Parallel Parenting
Coparenting-Parallel Parenting Coparenting-Parallel Parenting
Coparenting-Parallel Parenting Deena Stacer, PhD.
 
Tarbiyat e Aulad (Season 2)
Tarbiyat e Aulad (Season 2)Tarbiyat e Aulad (Season 2)
Tarbiyat e Aulad (Season 2)Hamaray Bachchay
 
Building self discipline in our students
Building self discipline in our studentsBuilding self discipline in our students
Building self discipline in our studentskkgmom03
 
Chapter 6 intimacy presentation
Chapter 6 intimacy presentationChapter 6 intimacy presentation
Chapter 6 intimacy presentationmorganalfiero
 

What's hot (20)

Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children
Raising Emotionally Intelligent ChildrenRaising Emotionally Intelligent Children
Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children
 
Co-Dependency and the Addiction Recovery Process
Co-Dependency and the Addiction Recovery ProcessCo-Dependency and the Addiction Recovery Process
Co-Dependency and the Addiction Recovery Process
 
Parenting ppt
Parenting pptParenting ppt
Parenting ppt
 
ABC of Parenting Skills
ABC of Parenting Skills ABC of Parenting Skills
ABC of Parenting Skills
 
Separation, Grief and Loss of Children in Foster Care
Separation, Grief and Loss of Children in Foster CareSeparation, Grief and Loss of Children in Foster Care
Separation, Grief and Loss of Children in Foster Care
 
Attachment, trauma, emotional regulation in school to make sense of 'nonsensi...
Attachment, trauma, emotional regulation in school to make sense of 'nonsensi...Attachment, trauma, emotional regulation in school to make sense of 'nonsensi...
Attachment, trauma, emotional regulation in school to make sense of 'nonsensi...
 
Adult Children Of Alcoholics - May 2009
Adult Children Of Alcoholics - May 2009Adult Children Of Alcoholics - May 2009
Adult Children Of Alcoholics - May 2009
 
Family Relations
Family Relations Family Relations
Family Relations
 
Healthy Relationship Powerpoint
Healthy Relationship PowerpointHealthy Relationship Powerpoint
Healthy Relationship Powerpoint
 
Family system
Family systemFamily system
Family system
 
Coparenting-Parallel Parenting
Coparenting-Parallel Parenting Coparenting-Parallel Parenting
Coparenting-Parallel Parenting
 
Family dynamics of addiction
Family dynamics of addictionFamily dynamics of addiction
Family dynamics of addiction
 
Dysfunctional Families
Dysfunctional FamiliesDysfunctional Families
Dysfunctional Families
 
Have you lived in a dysfunctional family
Have you lived in a dysfunctional familyHave you lived in a dysfunctional family
Have you lived in a dysfunctional family
 
Tarbiyat e Aulad (Season 2)
Tarbiyat e Aulad (Season 2)Tarbiyat e Aulad (Season 2)
Tarbiyat e Aulad (Season 2)
 
Building self discipline in our students
Building self discipline in our studentsBuilding self discipline in our students
Building self discipline in our students
 
Parenting of Busy Family
Parenting of Busy FamilyParenting of Busy Family
Parenting of Busy Family
 
Family Systems Theory
Family Systems Theory Family Systems Theory
Family Systems Theory
 
Chapter 6 intimacy presentation
Chapter 6 intimacy presentationChapter 6 intimacy presentation
Chapter 6 intimacy presentation
 
Divorce
DivorceDivorce
Divorce
 

Viewers also liked

Children in Affluent Families May Handle Divorce the Hardest
Children in Affluent Families May Handle Divorce the HardestChildren in Affluent Families May Handle Divorce the Hardest
Children in Affluent Families May Handle Divorce the HardestMiriam Galindo
 
Orientation To Mediation (English)
Orientation To Mediation (English)Orientation To Mediation (English)
Orientation To Mediation (English)Doug Rice
 
Community Care Based Services
Community Care Based ServicesCommunity Care Based Services
Community Care Based ServicesGilbert Gonzales
 
Hostile agressive parenting
Hostile agressive parentingHostile agressive parenting
Hostile agressive parentingVaughan Greene
 
Presentation by A Barlow, at the Meeting on Fostering Inclusive Growth and Tr...
Presentation by A Barlow, at the Meeting on Fostering Inclusive Growth and Tr...Presentation by A Barlow, at the Meeting on Fostering Inclusive Growth and Tr...
Presentation by A Barlow, at the Meeting on Fostering Inclusive Growth and Tr...OECD Governance
 
“A Different Path” Advanced Family Law Seminar September 25th, 2015 (5)
“A Different Path” Advanced Family Law Seminar  September 25th, 2015 (5)“A Different Path” Advanced Family Law Seminar  September 25th, 2015 (5)
“A Different Path” Advanced Family Law Seminar September 25th, 2015 (5)Kids First Parents Second
 
The Now State Of Education
The Now State Of EducationThe Now State Of Education
The Now State Of EducationSSENCA
 
Dr Karin Huffer ~ Judicial System Inaccessibility ~ Legal Abuse Syndrome PTSD
Dr Karin Huffer ~ Judicial System Inaccessibility ~ Legal Abuse Syndrome PTSDDr Karin Huffer ~ Judicial System Inaccessibility ~ Legal Abuse Syndrome PTSD
Dr Karin Huffer ~ Judicial System Inaccessibility ~ Legal Abuse Syndrome PTSDAmerican Fathers Liberation Army
 
Problem Solving Courts
Problem Solving CourtsProblem Solving Courts
Problem Solving Courtsronaldawilson
 
Emery’s mediation study - Divorce the Smartway
Emery’s mediation study - Divorce the SmartwayEmery’s mediation study - Divorce the Smartway
Emery’s mediation study - Divorce the SmartwayDivorce the Smartway
 

Viewers also liked (14)

Children in Affluent Families May Handle Divorce the Hardest
Children in Affluent Families May Handle Divorce the HardestChildren in Affluent Families May Handle Divorce the Hardest
Children in Affluent Families May Handle Divorce the Hardest
 
Orientation To Mediation (English)
Orientation To Mediation (English)Orientation To Mediation (English)
Orientation To Mediation (English)
 
Community Care Based Services
Community Care Based ServicesCommunity Care Based Services
Community Care Based Services
 
Hostile agressive parenting
Hostile agressive parentingHostile agressive parenting
Hostile agressive parenting
 
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter FourteenChapter Fourteen
Chapter Fourteen
 
Presentation by A Barlow, at the Meeting on Fostering Inclusive Growth and Tr...
Presentation by A Barlow, at the Meeting on Fostering Inclusive Growth and Tr...Presentation by A Barlow, at the Meeting on Fostering Inclusive Growth and Tr...
Presentation by A Barlow, at the Meeting on Fostering Inclusive Growth and Tr...
 
“A Different Path” Advanced Family Law Seminar September 25th, 2015 (5)
“A Different Path” Advanced Family Law Seminar  September 25th, 2015 (5)“A Different Path” Advanced Family Law Seminar  September 25th, 2015 (5)
“A Different Path” Advanced Family Law Seminar September 25th, 2015 (5)
 
Citizens Concerned About Judicial Integrity
Citizens Concerned About Judicial IntegrityCitizens Concerned About Judicial Integrity
Citizens Concerned About Judicial Integrity
 
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter ThirteenChapter Thirteen
Chapter Thirteen
 
The Now State Of Education
The Now State Of EducationThe Now State Of Education
The Now State Of Education
 
Dr Karin Huffer ~ Judicial System Inaccessibility ~ Legal Abuse Syndrome PTSD
Dr Karin Huffer ~ Judicial System Inaccessibility ~ Legal Abuse Syndrome PTSDDr Karin Huffer ~ Judicial System Inaccessibility ~ Legal Abuse Syndrome PTSD
Dr Karin Huffer ~ Judicial System Inaccessibility ~ Legal Abuse Syndrome PTSD
 
Problem Solving Courts
Problem Solving CourtsProblem Solving Courts
Problem Solving Courts
 
Custody Battles | Thomas & Associates
Custody Battles | Thomas & AssociatesCustody Battles | Thomas & Associates
Custody Battles | Thomas & Associates
 
Emery’s mediation study - Divorce the Smartway
Emery’s mediation study - Divorce the SmartwayEmery’s mediation study - Divorce the Smartway
Emery’s mediation study - Divorce the Smartway
 

Similar to Coparenting Strategies-two types of coparenting: Cooperative and Conflictual

Easing the Tough Conversations: Mediating Elder/Family Disputes
Easing the Tough Conversations: Mediating Elder/Family DisputesEasing the Tough Conversations: Mediating Elder/Family Disputes
Easing the Tough Conversations: Mediating Elder/Family Disputesdebrein
 
Creating A Positive Parenting Environment
Creating A Positive Parenting EnvironmentCreating A Positive Parenting Environment
Creating A Positive Parenting EnvironmentJoan Young
 
Naeyc 2018 Captian Kirk annual conference workshop
Naeyc 2018 Captian Kirk annual conference workshopNaeyc 2018 Captian Kirk annual conference workshop
Naeyc 2018 Captian Kirk annual conference workshopDr. Angela Searcy
 
Coparenting Strategies to Reduce Conflict over Custody-writing tips to elimin...
Coparenting Strategies to Reduce Conflict over Custody-writing tips to elimin...Coparenting Strategies to Reduce Conflict over Custody-writing tips to elimin...
Coparenting Strategies to Reduce Conflict over Custody-writing tips to elimin...Deena Stacer, PhD.
 
Confidentiality Considerations and Rapport Building Strategies with Children ...
Confidentiality Considerations and Rapport Building Strategies with Children ...Confidentiality Considerations and Rapport Building Strategies with Children ...
Confidentiality Considerations and Rapport Building Strategies with Children ...Spectrum Health System
 
Ways to Get Along Adolescent
Ways to Get Along AdolescentWays to Get Along Adolescent
Ways to Get Along AdolescentEleanor Estoque
 
Counseling young children
Counseling young childrenCounseling young children
Counseling young childrenChericeJohnson
 
Counseling young children
Counseling young childrenCounseling young children
Counseling young childrenChericeJohnson
 
Parental Alienation-What is it? How Does it Happen? How Does it Affect Chil...
Parental Alienation-What is it?  How Does it Happen?  How Does it Affect Chil...Parental Alienation-What is it?  How Does it Happen?  How Does it Affect Chil...
Parental Alienation-What is it? How Does it Happen? How Does it Affect Chil...Dialogue in Growth
 
How to Handle Child Custody Disputes in San Jose Divorce Cases.pdf
How to Handle Child Custody Disputes in San Jose Divorce Cases.pdfHow to Handle Child Custody Disputes in San Jose Divorce Cases.pdf
How to Handle Child Custody Disputes in San Jose Divorce Cases.pdfHamdy Abdelgawad
 
TALKING WITH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SEPARATION AND DIVORCE
TALKING WITH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SEPARATION AND DIVORCETALKING WITH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SEPARATION AND DIVORCE
TALKING WITH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SEPARATION AND DIVORCEMarcyXXXXX
 
children therapy because its_for_the_kids Unit 11
  children therapy because its_for_the_kids Unit 11  children therapy because its_for_the_kids Unit 11
children therapy because its_for_the_kids Unit 11Bluecare
 
U nit 6 children therapy because its_for_the_kids
 U nit 6 children therapy because its_for_the_kids U nit 6 children therapy because its_for_the_kids
U nit 6 children therapy because its_for_the_kidsBluecare
 
Parental Drinking: Keeping The Child in MInd
Parental Drinking: Keeping The Child in MIndParental Drinking: Keeping The Child in MInd
Parental Drinking: Keeping The Child in MIndAlcoholActionIreland
 
Parent Support Groups In Juvenile Drug Courts
Parent Support Groups In Juvenile Drug CourtsParent Support Groups In Juvenile Drug Courts
Parent Support Groups In Juvenile Drug CourtsVictoria Kamm
 
Parenting children with disability
Parenting children with disabilityParenting children with disability
Parenting children with disabilitypjeevashanthi
 

Similar to Coparenting Strategies-two types of coparenting: Cooperative and Conflictual (20)

Week2 groupcases (1)
Week2 groupcases (1)Week2 groupcases (1)
Week2 groupcases (1)
 
Easing the Tough Conversations: Mediating Elder/Family Disputes
Easing the Tough Conversations: Mediating Elder/Family DisputesEasing the Tough Conversations: Mediating Elder/Family Disputes
Easing the Tough Conversations: Mediating Elder/Family Disputes
 
Creating A Positive Parenting Environment
Creating A Positive Parenting EnvironmentCreating A Positive Parenting Environment
Creating A Positive Parenting Environment
 
Naeyc 2018 Captian Kirk annual conference workshop
Naeyc 2018 Captian Kirk annual conference workshopNaeyc 2018 Captian Kirk annual conference workshop
Naeyc 2018 Captian Kirk annual conference workshop
 
Coparenting Strategies to Reduce Conflict over Custody-writing tips to elimin...
Coparenting Strategies to Reduce Conflict over Custody-writing tips to elimin...Coparenting Strategies to Reduce Conflict over Custody-writing tips to elimin...
Coparenting Strategies to Reduce Conflict over Custody-writing tips to elimin...
 
Adolescent subst tx presentation 4 13-18
Adolescent subst tx presentation 4 13-18Adolescent subst tx presentation 4 13-18
Adolescent subst tx presentation 4 13-18
 
Confidentiality Considerations and Rapport Building Strategies with Children ...
Confidentiality Considerations and Rapport Building Strategies with Children ...Confidentiality Considerations and Rapport Building Strategies with Children ...
Confidentiality Considerations and Rapport Building Strategies with Children ...
 
Post divorce parentinge book
Post divorce parentinge bookPost divorce parentinge book
Post divorce parentinge book
 
Ways to Get Along Adolescent
Ways to Get Along AdolescentWays to Get Along Adolescent
Ways to Get Along Adolescent
 
Family Court, S Calvert and D Cameron
Family Court, S Calvert and D CameronFamily Court, S Calvert and D Cameron
Family Court, S Calvert and D Cameron
 
Counseling young children
Counseling young childrenCounseling young children
Counseling young children
 
Counseling young children
Counseling young childrenCounseling young children
Counseling young children
 
Parental Alienation-What is it? How Does it Happen? How Does it Affect Chil...
Parental Alienation-What is it?  How Does it Happen?  How Does it Affect Chil...Parental Alienation-What is it?  How Does it Happen?  How Does it Affect Chil...
Parental Alienation-What is it? How Does it Happen? How Does it Affect Chil...
 
How to Handle Child Custody Disputes in San Jose Divorce Cases.pdf
How to Handle Child Custody Disputes in San Jose Divorce Cases.pdfHow to Handle Child Custody Disputes in San Jose Divorce Cases.pdf
How to Handle Child Custody Disputes in San Jose Divorce Cases.pdf
 
TALKING WITH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SEPARATION AND DIVORCE
TALKING WITH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SEPARATION AND DIVORCETALKING WITH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SEPARATION AND DIVORCE
TALKING WITH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SEPARATION AND DIVORCE
 
children therapy because its_for_the_kids Unit 11
  children therapy because its_for_the_kids Unit 11  children therapy because its_for_the_kids Unit 11
children therapy because its_for_the_kids Unit 11
 
U nit 6 children therapy because its_for_the_kids
 U nit 6 children therapy because its_for_the_kids U nit 6 children therapy because its_for_the_kids
U nit 6 children therapy because its_for_the_kids
 
Parental Drinking: Keeping The Child in MInd
Parental Drinking: Keeping The Child in MIndParental Drinking: Keeping The Child in MInd
Parental Drinking: Keeping The Child in MInd
 
Parent Support Groups In Juvenile Drug Courts
Parent Support Groups In Juvenile Drug CourtsParent Support Groups In Juvenile Drug Courts
Parent Support Groups In Juvenile Drug Courts
 
Parenting children with disability
Parenting children with disabilityParenting children with disability
Parenting children with disability
 

Recently uploaded

Mythology Quiz-4th April 2024, Quiz Club NITW
Mythology Quiz-4th April 2024, Quiz Club NITWMythology Quiz-4th April 2024, Quiz Club NITW
Mythology Quiz-4th April 2024, Quiz Club NITWQuiz Club NITW
 
CHEST Proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation.pptx
CHEST Proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation.pptxCHEST Proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation.pptx
CHEST Proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation.pptxAneriPatwari
 
How to Fix XML SyntaxError in Odoo the 17
How to Fix XML SyntaxError in Odoo the 17How to Fix XML SyntaxError in Odoo the 17
How to Fix XML SyntaxError in Odoo the 17Celine George
 
DIFFERENT BASKETRY IN THE PHILIPPINES PPT.pptx
DIFFERENT BASKETRY IN THE PHILIPPINES PPT.pptxDIFFERENT BASKETRY IN THE PHILIPPINES PPT.pptx
DIFFERENT BASKETRY IN THE PHILIPPINES PPT.pptxMichelleTuguinay1
 
Q4-PPT-Music9_Lesson-1-Romantic-Opera.pptx
Q4-PPT-Music9_Lesson-1-Romantic-Opera.pptxQ4-PPT-Music9_Lesson-1-Romantic-Opera.pptx
Q4-PPT-Music9_Lesson-1-Romantic-Opera.pptxlancelewisportillo
 
How to Make a Duplicate of Your Odoo 17 Database
How to Make a Duplicate of Your Odoo 17 DatabaseHow to Make a Duplicate of Your Odoo 17 Database
How to Make a Duplicate of Your Odoo 17 DatabaseCeline George
 
Transaction Management in Database Management System
Transaction Management in Database Management SystemTransaction Management in Database Management System
Transaction Management in Database Management SystemChristalin Nelson
 
Active Learning Strategies (in short ALS).pdf
Active Learning Strategies (in short ALS).pdfActive Learning Strategies (in short ALS).pdf
Active Learning Strategies (in short ALS).pdfPatidar M
 
Scientific Writing :Research Discourse
Scientific  Writing :Research  DiscourseScientific  Writing :Research  Discourse
Scientific Writing :Research DiscourseAnita GoswamiGiri
 
Grade Three -ELLNA-REVIEWER-ENGLISH.pptx
Grade Three -ELLNA-REVIEWER-ENGLISH.pptxGrade Three -ELLNA-REVIEWER-ENGLISH.pptx
Grade Three -ELLNA-REVIEWER-ENGLISH.pptxkarenfajardo43
 
4.16.24 21st Century Movements for Black Lives.pptx
4.16.24 21st Century Movements for Black Lives.pptx4.16.24 21st Century Movements for Black Lives.pptx
4.16.24 21st Century Movements for Black Lives.pptxmary850239
 
4.11.24 Poverty and Inequality in America.pptx
4.11.24 Poverty and Inequality in America.pptx4.11.24 Poverty and Inequality in America.pptx
4.11.24 Poverty and Inequality in America.pptxmary850239
 
Oppenheimer Film Discussion for Philosophy and Film
Oppenheimer Film Discussion for Philosophy and FilmOppenheimer Film Discussion for Philosophy and Film
Oppenheimer Film Discussion for Philosophy and FilmStan Meyer
 
Team Lead Succeed – Helping you and your team achieve high-performance teamwo...
Team Lead Succeed – Helping you and your team achieve high-performance teamwo...Team Lead Succeed – Helping you and your team achieve high-performance teamwo...
Team Lead Succeed – Helping you and your team achieve high-performance teamwo...Association for Project Management
 
Decoding the Tweet _ Practical Criticism in the Age of Hashtag.pptx
Decoding the Tweet _ Practical Criticism in the Age of Hashtag.pptxDecoding the Tweet _ Practical Criticism in the Age of Hashtag.pptx
Decoding the Tweet _ Practical Criticism in the Age of Hashtag.pptxDhatriParmar
 
Grade 9 Quarter 4 Dll Grade 9 Quarter 4 DLL.pdf
Grade 9 Quarter 4 Dll Grade 9 Quarter 4 DLL.pdfGrade 9 Quarter 4 Dll Grade 9 Quarter 4 DLL.pdf
Grade 9 Quarter 4 Dll Grade 9 Quarter 4 DLL.pdfJemuel Francisco
 
Unraveling Hypertext_ Analyzing Postmodern Elements in Literature.pptx
Unraveling Hypertext_ Analyzing  Postmodern Elements in  Literature.pptxUnraveling Hypertext_ Analyzing  Postmodern Elements in  Literature.pptx
Unraveling Hypertext_ Analyzing Postmodern Elements in Literature.pptxDhatriParmar
 
ARTERIAL BLOOD GAS ANALYSIS........pptx
ARTERIAL BLOOD  GAS ANALYSIS........pptxARTERIAL BLOOD  GAS ANALYSIS........pptx
ARTERIAL BLOOD GAS ANALYSIS........pptxAneriPatwari
 
ICS 2208 Lecture Slide Notes for Topic 6
ICS 2208 Lecture Slide Notes for Topic 6ICS 2208 Lecture Slide Notes for Topic 6
ICS 2208 Lecture Slide Notes for Topic 6Vanessa Camilleri
 
31 ĐỀ THI THỬ VÀO LỚP 10 - TIẾNG ANH - FORM MỚI 2025 - 40 CÂU HỎI - BÙI VĂN V...
31 ĐỀ THI THỬ VÀO LỚP 10 - TIẾNG ANH - FORM MỚI 2025 - 40 CÂU HỎI - BÙI VĂN V...31 ĐỀ THI THỬ VÀO LỚP 10 - TIẾNG ANH - FORM MỚI 2025 - 40 CÂU HỎI - BÙI VĂN V...
31 ĐỀ THI THỬ VÀO LỚP 10 - TIẾNG ANH - FORM MỚI 2025 - 40 CÂU HỎI - BÙI VĂN V...Nguyen Thanh Tu Collection
 

Recently uploaded (20)

Mythology Quiz-4th April 2024, Quiz Club NITW
Mythology Quiz-4th April 2024, Quiz Club NITWMythology Quiz-4th April 2024, Quiz Club NITW
Mythology Quiz-4th April 2024, Quiz Club NITW
 
CHEST Proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation.pptx
CHEST Proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation.pptxCHEST Proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation.pptx
CHEST Proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation.pptx
 
How to Fix XML SyntaxError in Odoo the 17
How to Fix XML SyntaxError in Odoo the 17How to Fix XML SyntaxError in Odoo the 17
How to Fix XML SyntaxError in Odoo the 17
 
DIFFERENT BASKETRY IN THE PHILIPPINES PPT.pptx
DIFFERENT BASKETRY IN THE PHILIPPINES PPT.pptxDIFFERENT BASKETRY IN THE PHILIPPINES PPT.pptx
DIFFERENT BASKETRY IN THE PHILIPPINES PPT.pptx
 
Q4-PPT-Music9_Lesson-1-Romantic-Opera.pptx
Q4-PPT-Music9_Lesson-1-Romantic-Opera.pptxQ4-PPT-Music9_Lesson-1-Romantic-Opera.pptx
Q4-PPT-Music9_Lesson-1-Romantic-Opera.pptx
 
How to Make a Duplicate of Your Odoo 17 Database
How to Make a Duplicate of Your Odoo 17 DatabaseHow to Make a Duplicate of Your Odoo 17 Database
How to Make a Duplicate of Your Odoo 17 Database
 
Transaction Management in Database Management System
Transaction Management in Database Management SystemTransaction Management in Database Management System
Transaction Management in Database Management System
 
Active Learning Strategies (in short ALS).pdf
Active Learning Strategies (in short ALS).pdfActive Learning Strategies (in short ALS).pdf
Active Learning Strategies (in short ALS).pdf
 
Scientific Writing :Research Discourse
Scientific  Writing :Research  DiscourseScientific  Writing :Research  Discourse
Scientific Writing :Research Discourse
 
Grade Three -ELLNA-REVIEWER-ENGLISH.pptx
Grade Three -ELLNA-REVIEWER-ENGLISH.pptxGrade Three -ELLNA-REVIEWER-ENGLISH.pptx
Grade Three -ELLNA-REVIEWER-ENGLISH.pptx
 
4.16.24 21st Century Movements for Black Lives.pptx
4.16.24 21st Century Movements for Black Lives.pptx4.16.24 21st Century Movements for Black Lives.pptx
4.16.24 21st Century Movements for Black Lives.pptx
 
4.11.24 Poverty and Inequality in America.pptx
4.11.24 Poverty and Inequality in America.pptx4.11.24 Poverty and Inequality in America.pptx
4.11.24 Poverty and Inequality in America.pptx
 
Oppenheimer Film Discussion for Philosophy and Film
Oppenheimer Film Discussion for Philosophy and FilmOppenheimer Film Discussion for Philosophy and Film
Oppenheimer Film Discussion for Philosophy and Film
 
Team Lead Succeed – Helping you and your team achieve high-performance teamwo...
Team Lead Succeed – Helping you and your team achieve high-performance teamwo...Team Lead Succeed – Helping you and your team achieve high-performance teamwo...
Team Lead Succeed – Helping you and your team achieve high-performance teamwo...
 
Decoding the Tweet _ Practical Criticism in the Age of Hashtag.pptx
Decoding the Tweet _ Practical Criticism in the Age of Hashtag.pptxDecoding the Tweet _ Practical Criticism in the Age of Hashtag.pptx
Decoding the Tweet _ Practical Criticism in the Age of Hashtag.pptx
 
Grade 9 Quarter 4 Dll Grade 9 Quarter 4 DLL.pdf
Grade 9 Quarter 4 Dll Grade 9 Quarter 4 DLL.pdfGrade 9 Quarter 4 Dll Grade 9 Quarter 4 DLL.pdf
Grade 9 Quarter 4 Dll Grade 9 Quarter 4 DLL.pdf
 
Unraveling Hypertext_ Analyzing Postmodern Elements in Literature.pptx
Unraveling Hypertext_ Analyzing  Postmodern Elements in  Literature.pptxUnraveling Hypertext_ Analyzing  Postmodern Elements in  Literature.pptx
Unraveling Hypertext_ Analyzing Postmodern Elements in Literature.pptx
 
ARTERIAL BLOOD GAS ANALYSIS........pptx
ARTERIAL BLOOD  GAS ANALYSIS........pptxARTERIAL BLOOD  GAS ANALYSIS........pptx
ARTERIAL BLOOD GAS ANALYSIS........pptx
 
ICS 2208 Lecture Slide Notes for Topic 6
ICS 2208 Lecture Slide Notes for Topic 6ICS 2208 Lecture Slide Notes for Topic 6
ICS 2208 Lecture Slide Notes for Topic 6
 
31 ĐỀ THI THỬ VÀO LỚP 10 - TIẾNG ANH - FORM MỚI 2025 - 40 CÂU HỎI - BÙI VĂN V...
31 ĐỀ THI THỬ VÀO LỚP 10 - TIẾNG ANH - FORM MỚI 2025 - 40 CÂU HỎI - BÙI VĂN V...31 ĐỀ THI THỬ VÀO LỚP 10 - TIẾNG ANH - FORM MỚI 2025 - 40 CÂU HỎI - BÙI VĂN V...
31 ĐỀ THI THỬ VÀO LỚP 10 - TIẾNG ANH - FORM MỚI 2025 - 40 CÂU HỎI - BÙI VĂN V...
 

Coparenting Strategies-two types of coparenting: Cooperative and Conflictual

  • 1. Strategies to Manage Conflictual Coparents Parents in conflict cannot coparent in the traditional sense. Professionals insist they learn to get along, but often there is at least one parent who is may have difficulty getting along with other people and they use the breakup to attack the other parent and to stay engaged in a relationship through conflict. There are two types of Coparents-Cooperative Coparents and Conflictual Coparents. Parents in conflict are usually Conflictual Coparents The next few slides will teach you the differences between these two types of coparents. ©Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009
  • 2. Cooperative vs. Conflictual Coparenting The mindset of the courts is that all parents need to coparent for the sake of the children. Counselors recommend it, judges order it, family members and friends tell you that you need to learn to work together. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009
  • 3. Cooperative vs. Conflictual Coparenting We all know that we must learn to work together for the children, but what if you can’t. What do you do? We will be discussing cooperative coparenting and conflictual coparenting in this slideshow. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009
  • 4. Dr. Deena’s Cooperative Coparenting Definition (It is the mindset of both parents) 1. Both parents believe that the other parent has the best interests of the children at heart. 2. Both parents believe that the other parent is valuable, worthwhile and important in the children’s life. Both parents believe that the children need to have a relationship with both parents, and they will actively support that relationship. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 5. Dr. Deena’s Cooperative Coparenting Definition (It is the mindset of both parents) 3. Although the parents may have disagreements with each other about the issues that need to be resolved, they will both work together, (even if it is difficult) in order to reach some kind of parenting decision. Even if it is parenting by default. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 6. Dr. Deena’s Cooperative Coparenting Definition (It is the mindset of both parents) 4. Once the parents have made the parenting decision, they will actively support the decision and each other in that decision. 5. Both parents will do whatever it takes to support the other parent’s relationship with the children. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 7. Ideal Cooperative Coparenting Action Steps Ideal coparenting means that both parents are willing and able to agree with each other about general child sharing issues which occur when raising children. It means that the both parents believe that the other parent is important in the children’s life. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 8. Ideal Cooperative Coparenting Action Steps Ideal coparenting means that both parents work together to resolve issues related to medication and medical and psychological needs of the child. Ideally, the parents create a plan of action together to determine whether the child will take medications, if meds are an issue. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 9. Ideal Cooperative Coparenting Action Steps Ideal coparenting means that both parents agree to place the child in extracurricular activities during both parent’s time. Both parents believe that these activities develop their child’s physical and social competence. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 10. Ideal Cooperative Coparenting Actions Steps Ideally, if issues come up, coparents work together, as much as possible to agree on schooling, bedtime, homework, medication, clothing issues and activities... © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 11. Ideal Cooperative Coparenting Actions Steps For example, ideally parents would talk freely about a child’s homework or school issues. They would meet with the teacher to figure out what they were going to do to help the child with academics, or behavioral issues. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 12. What If Cooperative Coparenting Doesn’t Work? Approximately 25% – 35% of the parents involved in child custody cases cannot cooperatively coparent. These cases are identified as high conflict cases. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 13. Defining A High Conflict Case We have found that high conflict occurs when one or both of the parents involved in the conflict cannot or will not let go of their marital battle or marital relationship. Frequent intervention by the court is necessary because the family’s adjustment is constantly being disrupted. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 14. High Conflict Love In high conflict, we have a saying: Love is like a butterfly . . . If you love something, let it go, and if it doesn’t come back. . . Hunt it down and kill it!. . . © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 15. Dr. Deena’s Conflictual Coparenting Definition (It is a different mindset of one or both parents) One or both parents believe that: 1.The other parent does not have the best interests of the children at heart (as their primary focus). 2.The other parent has fundamental character flaws, parental deficiencies, a personality disorder, or substance abuse issues that interferes with their parenting ability. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 16. Deena’s Conflictual Coparenting Definition (It is the mindset of one or both parents) One or both parents believe that: 3. The other parent is detrimental to the children. One or both believe that the other parent should not have an active, supportive relationship with the children because it will damage them. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 17. Dr. Deena’s Conflictual Coparenting Definition (It is the mindset of one or both parents) 4. They need the assistance of the court professionals to help them make child sharing decisions. But once the recommendations or orders have been made, one or both of the parents may actively sabotage the court order and badmouth the professionals who worked on the child sharing plans. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 18. Dr. Deena’s Conflictual Coparenting Definition (It is the mindset of one or both parents) 5. One or both parents continues to undermine the other parent’s relationship with the children, believing that they have to protect the children from that parent, by taking away time or getting the courts to determine the other parent is unfit. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 19. Identifying a High Conflict Case • Frequent court litigation; • Physical violence, intimidation or stalking between the parents or children, or one or both parents allege abuse of some kind; • Chronic co-parenting difficulties, (even over minor issues); © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 20. Identifying a High Conflict Case • One/both parents seem unable to protect the children from the conflict; • One/both parents encourage the children to take sides; • One/both parents seem unable to separate the children’s needs from their own issues of hurt and anger; © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 21. Identifying a High Conflict Case • One/both parents refuse to share the children with the other parent; • One/both parents seem unable to move away from the conflict; • One/both parents cannot build a new life away from the other parent; © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 22. Identifying a High Conflict Case • One/both parents may have been represented by several attorneys; • One/both parents have earned a negative reputation with the court for being very difficult. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 23. Two Ways To End The Conflict Parents need to learn how to: 1. Disconnect from the other parent Characters drawn by Dr. Suess 2. Learn to connect “with” their children. If you are still connected to or upset by the other parent, then it is light’s on, no one is home for the children. © Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
  • 24. High Conflict Intervention and Coparenting Program Hi, I’m Dr. Deena Stacer. I teach the High Conflict Intervention and Coparenting Program in San Diego. I’ve been teaching this as a live program in San Diego since 1997. And now, I have translated this class online for you to participate without leaving your home. I was in a high conflict breakup myself (for seven years) and have three grown children who were part of my custody fight. ©Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009
  • 25. My Credentials I have teaching credentials ranging from Kindergarten through College. I have a Bachelors of Science in Child Development, a Masters in Counseling and Leadership and a Ph.D. in Psychology. I have worked with over 5000 high conflict parents and many of their children. I have mediated over 850 divorces. I mostly mediate highly conflictual cases now. ©Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009
  • 26. The High Conflict Intervention Program Because of my experiences, I’ve learned a lot of great strategies to help parents get out of conflict. I teach parents how to navigate through the court system, how to disengage from the fight with the other parent and how to protect the children from permanent emotional damage that often occurs from chronic conflict. To learn how to end conflict with the other parent, go to www.ParentsInConflict.com/courses. ©Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009