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Describing Your Negative Cycle


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Acknowledging & describing your negative cycle is the first step in breaking the cycle. This self-assessment will help you understand what goes on behind the scenes of unresolved conflict between you and your mate. If you need help breaking the cycle, contact Dr. Debi Smith through her website at

Published in: Self Improvement
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Describing Your Negative Cycle

  1. 1. Keys to Creating Your Joyful Marriage Describing Your Negative Cycle
  2. 2. PROVERBS 18:13 To answer before listening — that is folly & shame.
  3. 3. When we’re not getting along … Jot down the statements that reflect how you feel or what you do when you & your mate are not getting along.
  4. 4. What I Do I attack I avoid conflict I become cold or aloof I defend I blame
  5. 5. What I Do I clam up I criticize I get quiet I leave I withdraw
  6. 6. What I Feel I feel abandoned I feel analyzed I feel blamed or criticized I feel controlled I feel discounted
  7. 7. What I Feel I feel empty I feel guarded I feel hurt I feel that I’ve failed I feel intimidated
  8. 8. What I Feel I feel like it’s always my fault I feel like clinging to my partner I feel misunderstood I feel overwhelmed I feel sad
  9. 9. What I Feel I feel small or insignificant I feel unable to focus my thoughts I feel unimportant I feel worried or nervous I feel afraid
  10. 10. What I Feel I feel angry I feel blank I feel disappointed I feel dismissed or “blown off” I feel flooded with emotion
  11. 11. What I Feel I feel guilty I feel like I don’t know what I’ve done I feel ignored I feel invalidated I feel judged
  12. 12. What I Feel I feel like getting back I feel like my mate is never there for me I feel put down I feel scared I feel smothered
  13. 13. What I Feel I feel unattractive I feel unlovable I have trouble putting my thoughts into words I feel alone or lonely I feel confused
  14. 14. What I Feel I feel disconnected I feel down or depressed I feel frustrated I feel hopeless I feel like I don’t matter
  15. 15. What I Feel I feel inadequate I feel isolated I feel let down I feel like protecting myself I feel numb
  16. 16. What I Feel I feel rejected I feel shut out or pushed away I feel unable to calm myself down I feel uncared for or unwanted I feel vulnerable
  17. 17. In My Body I Feel I feel my heart speeding up I feel tightness in my throat I feel pressure in my chest I feel uneasy in my stomach I f eel tense somewhere in my body
  18. 18. How We Interact During Conflict I become silent, withdrawn, & don’t want to discuss anything. I often get angry & critical to get my partner to talk.
  19. 19. How We Interact During Conflict I often want to avoid talking about our relationship. I often want to push my partner to talk about our relationship.
  20. 20. How We Interact During Conflict My partner often pushes an issue & won’t let it drop. My partner withdraws a lot & won’t face an issue when I want to talk.
  21. 21. Breaking the Cycle If you compare your answers with your mates, you will be able to describe the negative cycle you co-create. The key to breaking the cycle is learning to talk about your vulnerable feelings.
  22. 22. Breaking the Cycle If you’d like help breaking the cycle, let me know. Because I’m here to help. Dr. Debi Smith 512-710-4865