Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy--when we left the Prettacy last time, pregnant Gen 3
spouse Jeannie had just been discovered dead, presumably the victim of a tag-team haunting by
the Founder and his spouse. An extremely gutted Jonquil was trying to find a way to bring her
back while attempting to comfort Wren, whose Aspiration was in the toilet after losing his mother.
"I miss her so much!"
Well, the jobs refresh at midnight and it's 1am, so get on the computer and see if Paranormal
shows up. There's generally one or two Uni careers a day and we might get lucky.
sob sob sob sob "It's the third job listed."
OK, you go cuddle Wren so he can get another Aspiration boost and I'll get the Bone Phone. All I
can say is, Thank Wright for the maxed skills and scads of family friends that mean you don't need
a promotion to get the Career Reward.
"I want my moooooommmmmyyyyyyyy!"
"It's okay, Wren. I have everything I need, and she'll be back in no time. Just give me a minute,
and Daddy'll make it all better. Didn't I promise I'd fix this?"
"Hi, Death? Yeah, uh, you kinda took my wife a while ago, and I'd kinda like her back now. And if
you could also give my grandparents an ass-whupping of epic proportions, that'd be super."
"Jeannie, you're all right! I've never been so glad to see anyone in my life!"
"What's going on? Why are we not married anymore?"
"I don't know and I don't care! You're alive, and that's what matters."
"But we're not even best friends. No crush, no love, nothing."
"I don't care what the stupid icons say; I still love you. And more importantly..."
"...the baby's okay!"
"Jon, this is all really confusing."
"You died. It must have been Grandma and Grandpa. I brought you back to life. I couldn't bear the
thought of losing you. The last six hours have been the worst of my life."
"But we lost everything we had between us!"
"We can get back the hearts and the bolts and the rings. Those are all just things; what we have
is more than any of that. We'll start over. How many people can say they got to woo the one great
love of their life twice?"
"Oh, Jonny, I can't believe I ever thought you didn't love me."
"How's my little Wren?"
"Mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy!"
"I missed you too, sweetie."
So as near as I can figure based on Jeannie's memories and what I recall of her Needs Panel the last time I saw it,
this is what happened: I sent her to bed, and Calista scared her awake, causing her Hunger and Bladder motives to
drop even further then they already were due to the pregnancy. When I checked on her when she should have been
waking up, she was already awake and on the bubble blower, with her Hunger and Bladder almost at the red, Social
and Hygiene verging on the yellow, and Energy about a third down. So I canceled the Blow Bubbles, told her to pee
and eat and went to check up on Jon. She made it about three steps before Isaac scared her, and with her motives
so low, that was all it took.
Jeannie is officially my Unluckiest Spouse Ever.
And as for you two chuckleheads...
You can just sit here in the Stuff Bunker and think about what you did! There are no doors or
stairs, so have fun haunting the spare potty. I'd like to see you cheer your bed from in here!
If you behave yourselves, you can come out when Jeannie's not pregnant anymore.
"Have I mentioned in the last thirty seconds how much I love you?"
"What should we call her, Jon?"
"How about Raven? They're often associated with death, and she did spend some time dead,
"Raven it is."
Baby girl got Calista's bushy eyebrows. Let us pray she did not also get Calista's Stabby Death
"Hey, Wren. Wanna say hi to your baby sister?"
"Hi baby sister!"
A touching family moment, ruined only by Stabby Freaking Death Nose.
Wren grows up!
"You're not going to die again, are you, Mommy?"
"Not for a very long time."
Wren's a little paranoid about people dying now. His Fear Panel pretty much always has
something in it related to someone dying, either a specific person or just the generic "Relative
And I don't care about what his personality says--6 neat points, my butt. This kid's every bit as
OCD about cleaning as Jonny. He's already gained 2 Cleaning points all on his own.
Wishing Well for the Prettacy!
You can see in the background that Isaac is still in Time-Out with Calista. And also, I've got a
portrait of Jonny up.
"Uh, Mom, we just fed Raven. She doesn't need to be fed again."
"Babies need to be fed!"
"The bottle's still on the kitchen floor, and it hasn't even started to fume yet. Let her sleep. And let
us get back to our attempt to rekindle our romance."
It's super-annoying. Their relationship is back up to 100/100, but no amount of flirting or kissing
seems to be able to induce a crush, love, or bolts. Jeannie has two bolts for Stephan (Head?
Meet Desk!), so I know it's possible for her to have them, but she can't seem to get back the bolts
or hearts she had for Jon.
Aaaaawwwww, they're so cute together when you can't see Stabby Death Nose.
OK, they're cute together even when you CAN see Stabby Death Nose.
"Still no bolts?"
"Still no hearts?"
"Guess we'll just have to keep trying."
"As if either of us has a problem with that."
Speaking of cuteness...
This is Kendra, and, um, Flutie, I think.
Cute running puppy with floppy ears and big paws!
Could be Snyder and Wood.
Cute puppies playing!
Oh, wait, there are people in this house too?
Time for a marathon hot tub WooHoo session. I want to hear a lullaby!
"Yeah, well, my Want Panel's full of Wants to WooHoo different people, so it's not like I'm getting
any kind of a bonus out of this."
You're a ROMANCE Sim! How do you not roll a generic WooHoo Want? You know what, I don't
care. You have to stay in there and WooHoo until I hear a lullaby, frammit.
whine "But I don't wanna!"
*whipcrack* What kind of crappy excuse for a Romance Sim are you, anyway?
She didn't throw up at all the whole first day. If I hadn't heard the lullaby, I wouldn't have thought
she was pregnant.
Anyway, she's got some female Townie friends that she can invite over for Finn's new LTW. Gosh,
this generation is going to be like some trashy, low-budget reality show! "Pimp Out My Friends,"
maybe. Or "Who Wants to Date My Husband?"
Painting Finn there, Larch?
"Well, it's sort of the tradition, isn't it? Uncle I and Dad painted each other, Dad painted me, I paint
Finn, he paints his heir..."
Yup. Isaac painted Juniper, she painted Jonny, etc.
"Takes me back to when I was a teenager and used to paint Masterpieces so that Dad could sell
them for the Aspiration points. Good times."
Bump number two! Grow, my little ugly baby! GROW!
I'm trying to imagine Finn's cheeks with Rosemarie's lack of chin and smooshy nose, and I just
can't do it. I'm really hoping for some quality facial squiffiness here.
"I'm having a baby!"
"That's cool, I'm just gonna go grab a shower. You go do your thing, or whatever."
The baby is a little blonde boy named Kestrel.
Christy: "I'd be more excited if you'd spawned a huge sack of money!"
Larch: "GRANDCHILDRINION YAY!"
Rosemarie: "Friends nooowwwww?"
Look who finally shows up!
And no, I wasn't joking, he really watched Rosemarie start to go into labor, and then went and
took a shower. His hygiene bar wasn't even half empty.
All I can say is, Kest is going to be REALLY glad that Larch is a Family Sim.
Actually, Rosemarie's turning out to be a pretty good mom. She and Christy have pretty much
done all the feedings and diaper changings. I don't think Finn or Larch has even touched Kest.
Some people have Romance Sims who are great parents, but Finn appears to be taking lessons
from the PseudoBruty parenting manual. I don't know what Larch's excuse is; I figured he'd be all
over his grandchildrinion.
Wood grows up! And because five dogs in the house is a lot too many, I sold him to Gerry.
Spares--not just for placeholding anymore!
This is Flutie. She has a permanent home with Zee.
Snyder gets to stay. He's the one who's friendliest with Finn, plus he's the only one I managed to
housebreak as a puppy.
I decided three dogs was still too many, so Willy the Snitch lives with Bana and Drake now.
Kendra and Snyder get along great! Snyder got Willy the Snitch's hardcore chin-beardy thing, and
I'm not sure where the lack of black in his coat came from. Both Kendra and Willy the Snitch have
more than just a ring around the collar.
Time to grow up another baby!
"I love ze grandbabies!"
And they appear to love you too, Stephan.
But it's almost Raven's birthday, and you know what that means--shake those chicken bones for
Or Stephan's nose. You know, whichever. At this point, I'm not really going to be picky.
Well, at least it's less Stabby on the girls.
And as far as Raven's personality? Well, she's a typical Vetinari: Aries 9/9/9/3/1. Yup, another
mean finger-gunning neat-freak. So Jeannie fails to pass on either her nose OR her mild
personality. I'm blaming Isaac and Calista. Because I can.
I felt like Raven needed a little something extra, seeing as how she's my Living Dead Girl, so she
gets a purple-streaked goth-y punk-y hairdo and spiderweb dress.
"Zere is not a zing wrong wiz my granddaughter!"
I didn't say there was! Just, you know, that she was dead for a few hours. Oh, and I know she's
only your daughter-in-law (kinda sorta, seeing as how she and Jon aren't technically married
anymore), but you and June could have maybe shed a tear or two when Jeannie died. I mean,
your son and grandson lost their wife and mother! Is that not sniffle-worthy?
"I cannot control ze coding."
"I rolled ze Want to teach my granddaughter to walk!"
And don't I always indulge you?
"She loves 'er grandpa!"
I *heart* you too, Stephan. And I'm starting to get all frowny every time I look at your lifebar.
"OK, Raven, bears are cute and cuddly!"
"You're lying, Daddy. Bears are mean, and I'm putting you on notice."
And what about our Uglacy baby?
Kest slams that pretty baby face into the brick wall of Uglacy toddlerdom!
For a change, Kest isn't an Aries! He's a Virgo 10/3/8/3/6, so he's still Vetinari neat, serious, and
active, but he's managed to pull nice points out of the ether. Larch will be so upset--hard to have
an Eeevil minion without the Eeevil.
You can see Finn on the phone in the background. Yeah, buddy, not like your firstborn son is
growing up or anything.
You might want to swallow what you're drinking before you clicky clicky. Just a fair warning.
Come on--for a toddler, that's pretty squiffy, right? Zee and Finn didn't look that oogly as toddlers.
I might even detect a hint of Cheeks O' Doom. I think I'll get some quality ugly out of Kest.
Kendra grows up too. Now I guess I get to find out how long pets live.
I threw the penguin a fish I didn't need.
Then Larch walked into the kitchen and finger-gunned the penguin. *headdesk*
"I notice I still have that WooHoo 10 Sims Want locked. Any chance I might fulfill that soon?"
You haven't rolled any Wants for Kest. Even your grandmother rolled the random Want to potty
train a toddler on occasion, even if it lasted all of ten seconds.
"You said I could have 20 Simultaneous Lovers!"
OK, I just went through College Date Hell a chapter ago. Can ya blame me for not being all
'Ooooh, I get to do more dating yaaaaay!' about this?
"Look, do you want the point or don't you?"
sigh Yes. Tomorrow you can have a date.
"I think he's defective. Can we take him back and get a new one?"
He's Gen 4 Uglacy. He's supposed to look like that.
"I don't mean that! Six nice points? Where did he get those from?"
"I don't know what to do with a kid with six nice points!"
I wouldn't worry too much about it, Larch...
...I think he's got six nice points in the same way that Delirium has six nice points.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR TRAUMA? LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE ALREADY!"
"Or you'll what, exactly? Act all emo at me?"
"I AM GOING TO..."
"I'm going to go for a walk. I'm sure as hell not going to calm down with you here."
"Hey! Get back here! You're just going to run away from me?"
"No, Del, I'm gonna walk, and you're gonna let me."
"Why should I?"
"Do you know what happens when a Reaper child with one nice point blows his stack?"
"Neither do I. And I very much suspect that neither of us wants to find out. So maybe you wanna
think about that the next time you feel like pushing my buttons. I'll be back when I'm no longer
speaking in profanity."
"Spider? Is everything all right?"
"I just lost my temper with Delirium. Why does she go after me like that? I don't understand why
she sets out to get on my nerves. Well, I do, I guess, but it's still not fair. I really wanted to let her
have it. It was all I could do to walk away."
"But you did."
"Only because I had somewhere to go. I can't go to Cassidy, not with Mr. Big there, and you're the
only other person I can talk to. I've got no one else."
"No, it's okay. I'm still sick, I guess. It's really wearing me down."
"You should get some rest."
"I don't think I could ever get enough sleep to take care of this tiredness. It goes a long way down,
and a long way back."
"It'll be all right. You'll get through this."
"I don't know, Uncle Larch. What am I going to do when you're gone?"
"You'll figure something out."
"I don't want to be alone."
"Things have a way of working themselves out."
"Like the way things worked out for Cassidy? For Jane? Nothing works out around Dad. Nothing. Not even
"There's nothing wrong with you, Spider Jerusalem."
"Of course there is. How could there not be? You tell me that things will work out, that it'll turn out all right, and
I don't believe you. I can't see myself having a fairytale ending."
"Nobody gets a fairytale ending. Not really."
"Maybe not. But at least some people get to be happy. I won't. I KNOW that. And I don't even regret it
Obligatory shot of toddler cuddling pet. Kest looks kinda cute, and Kendra looks very patient.
And what's his grandpa up to?
"Larch, I have something important I need to talk to you about."
"That suit is kind of horrible."
"Yeah, I'm really not sure where this came from, seeing as how I went to work in my regular
clothes this morning. But since when is my wardrobe an important issue?"
"It's about Cypress. We all know what he's like. He's going to try to destroy the Dualegacy, isn't
"That's pretty much a given. He was plenty mad at Dad for not really being considered for heir,
and he's still mad at me for BEING heir."
"How do we stop him? I may be a goofy Pleasure Sim, but so was Dad, and he took this Legacy
seriously. I do too, and I don't want my grandchildren and their children et cetera wiped out by
your crazy brother."
"Don't worry about it. I've asked Sycamore to look after your family."
"She's a spare like Cy. She'll be alive to the end of this thing, unlike you or me."
"You think she can do it?"
"She's your twin sister. She'll fight to the bitter end to protect your family."
"Not to sound rude, but you're Eeevil too. Why do you care about the Prettacy?"
"These Legacies succeed or fail as a team. If Cy takes down the Prettacy, then all the work I did
for the Uglacy will have been a waste. Either your family and mine make it ten generations, or
"So your motivations aren't exactly pure."
"Hey, you said it yourself--I'm Eeevil. But I'm YOUR Eeevil, and I'm all you've got."
"Another baby to make friends with! Hooray!"
Another baby to be potentially hideous! Hooray!
Orson finally decides to scare someone. And he shoots for Christy rather than Rosemarie, which
I got my Uglacy a wishing well and let Christy wish for some money. I figure a big fat sack of cash
will make up for the whole "peeing herself when she saw the ghost of her father-in-law" thing.
Also? I see the wishing well being useful for Finn's 20 Simultaneous Lovers. He's already made a
conquest of the bartender, who is another 10 Outgoing Sim, and could catch Finn cheating if she
keeps letting herself in and making herself at home.
What is it about the greenhouse that brings out the horndogs in my Sims? It's not even spring
Yeah, Finn's not exactly faithful to Rosemarie, but they do have two bolts, without me even
tweaking her turnons. After this, he flirted with her, gave her a backrub, and kissed her again, all
"I have siiiiix niiiiice pooooiiiiints. See how haaappy I aaaaam?"
Yup. Right up until you make those random 'grrrrr' faces that remind me that you're a Vetinari.
Kest grows up in front of the potty, and his mother immediately heart-farts his father, who didn't
manage to change out of his jammies. Just a normal birthday at the Uglacy house.
--the hell? Larch, why are you making 'grrrr' face and flamey-thought-ballooning Christy?
"I don't know!"
Weird. He's got no memories of her cheating on him or anything, he's not Furious at her, and it's
not like she's even in the house while he's doing this.
"I have one nice point! Do I need a reason?"
Apparently not, although even for you, flamey-thought-ballooning someone you have a 100/100
relationship with is a little strange.
This is where he was while Kest was growing up.
Oh yeah. I see Cheeks O' Doom just waiting to pop out of there. And maybe some crazy
cheekbones to go with them. I think that might be the Vetinari nose, though. Sure, the one house
where I wouldn't mind getting rid of the Founder's schnoz, and it keeps breeding true.
"Hey, my wife's a Popularity Sim!"
"Aren't you going to run to the shower now?"
"Whyever would I do a crazy thing like that?"
This is little Cormorant, with his daddy's brown hair and blue eyes.
"If I cuddle the baby, can I go on a date with not-my-wife?"
sigh Fine. I even have the perfect place for you to go.
SupremeNerd's House of Stuff!
..What? Somebody's going to be making a mint off of the Well-Dressed Sims handicap, it may as
well be SimNerd! Everything's priced Legacy-legal, and there's even a photobooth and some
"You're going to let him WooHoo in my photobooth, aren't you?"
Yup. But then he's going to buy a couple grand worth of clothes off of you, which kinda makes it
"You're going to send him here for every single date, aren't you?"
Yup. That way I don't have to load Downtown.
"SimNerd does not like photobooth WooHoo!"
SimNerd also does not follow the "no shoes, no shirt, no service" rule.
"Hey, this is SupremeNerd's House of Stuff, and I can walk around barefoot if I want to! Now get
him out of my photobooth!"
SimNerd: "Out! Now!"
Jon: "Woooo! My cousin or whatever is a shameless man-whore who is cheating on his wife!
Jonny, I *heart* you.
Guess who caught a boot in the pond this morning?
He needs to walk around like this all the time. I would pay good cash money to see that.
Boot Juice rules!
Everybody else was at work or school, so I had Finn use the wishing well. I've never used it before
except that one time with Christy, so I was interested to see what would happen. Blonde girl
dropped out of the sky and immediately kissed Finn.
Then they got insta-best friends/crush/love. If this happens every time, that just made Finn's new
LTW way, way easier.
She became Finn's 10th WooHoo; now he's rolled the Want for 20. Looks like the photobooth at
SupremeNerd's House of Stuff is going to get quite the workout.
"I made Sycamore Eeevil by doing this. Think I can swing it with Cory?"
Wow. Wrong house for that, buddy. You're just lucky you're not that Livingstone jerk who made
everyone sick at Jon and Jeannie's wedding, or else Larch would have another idiot to drink.
*boxing ring announcer voice*
For tonight's Maaaaiiiin Eveeeent, in the Bluuuuue Corrrrnerrrr, Tooowwwwnie With the
Braaaaiiins Wriiiiight Gave a Naaaaannnnny! In the Reeeeeed Corrrrnerrrr, the Grapplin'
Graaaandfaaaather, Laaarch Veeeetinariiiii!
Snyder: Won't this just make him kick the trash can over more?
Yeah, but at least now he'll have a reason.
He may be old, but he's still got it! The winner and still champeen, Larch Vetinari!
--the hell? Are you getting Aspiration Points for picking up the trash?
OK, I'm pretty sure it's from Kest coming home from school with an A+, but it's still a funny picture.
Yeah, you take yesterday's newspaper! We'll have slightly less compost! That'll show us!
Random Townie Kid: "Hey, you leave that old newspaper where it is! You're a very bad man! I'm
gonna tell that guy in your flamey thought balloon what you did, and then you'll really be sorry!"
Finn's the one to get to Cory to grow him up. I gotta say, I was pleasantly surprised...
...this is the first time I've had siblings look so different from each other facially. Larch and Cy are clones in
both personality and face, Jon and Gerry are nearly identical except for hair color, the Gen 2 Prettacy girls all
looked similar except for June's Stabby Death Nose, Finn and Zee didn't look that dissimilar aside from the
effects of gender, and Wren and Raven look a lot alike. But Kest definitely takes after Finn, and Cory definitely
takes after Rosemarie. Just look at the nose. And the cheeks. And the chin. And the mouth. I'm interested to
see how he grows up.
Oh, but Cory's Finn's son in a different way: Scorpio 7/7/8/3/3. Same personality as Finn, but one more nice
What is it with all my kids and those caterpillar brows? Off to the mirror with you! After you potty, of course.
Smooshy face! I hope he doesn't grow out of those chipmunk cheeks.
"Well, he's got three nice points, but that's better than six, right?"
Only from your extremely unique perspective, Larch.
Meanwhile, six-nice-point Kest is busy making friends...
Wren: "Pew pew pew! You are in violation of the law, and even though you were driven to a life of
crime due to unfortunate and uncontrollable socioeconomic circumstances, I am forced to attempt
to arrest you! Pew pew pew! I shoot at you with nonlethal rubber bullets, because killing people is
wrong, and when someone dies, you cry and then Daddy cuddles you a lot and then you cry some
more and then Daddy cries and stops talking in big words and it's really really sad and then Daddy
brings Mommy back from the dead and you never ever want anyone to die again ever."
Kest: "Dangit, Wren, I'm a robber, not a therapist."
Wren: "Pew pew pew! Nonlethal rubber bullets!"
Kest: "Gosh, those nonlethal rubber bullets sting quite badly, copper! But I am a robber, and must
therefore continue to resist arrest!"
Wren: "You know what that means--the Ultimate Perp Takedown!"
"SUPER TWELVE CUMULATIVE NICE POINT HUG ATTACK GO!"
"You caught me, copper. I'll come along quietly."
Yeah, yeah, I know, six nice points really isn't a lot. But relatively speaking, in this family, it may as
well be ten. Remember last generation when my Uglacy household had seven nice points total?
Kest has almost that many all on his own. I'll say that again: this kid has nearly as many nice
points as an entire generation of his family. Who's my little freak of nature? *pats head*
"Jonny, are you worried that we haven't been able to have another baby since you brought me
"Should I be?"
"I know you've been wanting to hear another lullaby. I have too. It's so irritating!"
"The Trying's not so bad."
"I'm serious! What if it's me?"
"What if what's you? Sure, I'd like to have another kid, but I'm a Knowledge Sim, so it's not like I'm
really Wanting it. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. And I certainly don't think there's anything
wrong with you."
"Everything about this whole situation is frustrating. I miss having bolts for you! What if there really
is something wrong with me--or wrong with Raven?"
"If that's the situation, we'll deal with it together. From what I can see, you're still the woman I fell
in love with back in college, and Raven's just a normal little girl."
"You think so?"
THEY ARE CUTE AND I *HEART* THEM.
That is all.
And now for a brief interlude...
"Hey, big sis!"
"You had your baby! Awesome!"
"Yeah, little Mal is sleeping."
"Bana, I need to know if you're still in."
"I don't know. I mean, I know we talked about it, but I'm just not sure this is such an awesome
"It's the best plan we've got. June's your sister too, and Cypress will kill her descendants if
someone doesn't stop him. That someone's got to be me, but I can't watch over the Prettacy if
you don't do this one thing for me. I'm not asking you to help me stop Cy; I know you wouldn't do
anything to hurt him. I also know you want to help, and you're the only one who can do this. If you
don't, Cy's going to win, at the expense of our nephew and his family. Which is less distasteful?"
"I just don't want anyone to get hurt, Cami. Especially you. I know Cy wasn't kidding when he
threatened Larch and Uncle Orson. I guess I'll help you, but I still think you should come up with
"This is the only plan that will work. Trust me. This is the way it has to go down."
"Fine. But I won't hurt anyone."
"I wouldn't ask you to."
"Here you go. Just wait a few days after... well, you know. And don't mess this up!"
"I'm not going to make any mistakes. That wouldn't be awesome."
"Good. Larch and I really appreciate this favor, Bana."
"I'm not doing this for Larch. I'm doing this for June and Jonny and all the rest of the heirs to
come. Family is awesome!"
"I think so too. And that's why this has to be done."
Next time: Chapter 9.667--We say goodbye to Gen 2, the toddlers grow up, and Larch and
Sycamore's plan becomes clear.