The Vetinari Dualegacy Chapter 9

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In which there is marriage, offspring, angst, slight Eeevil, intrigue, and OMG!

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The Vetinari Dualegacy Chapter 9

  1. 1. Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! This is Chapter 9, when Gen 3 moves back home and gets started on Gen 4, and this picture is for all of you Spider Jerusalem fangirls out there who missed seeing him in the college chapter. But enough about our favorite arachnid for now--let's check in with some old friends, shall we?
  2. 2. "Sycamore? Sweetie? When did we get a creepy, glowing, smoking, skull-covered phone?" "Oh, I brought that back from college. I decided to finally get around to cleaning out my Inventory." "You couldn't have brought back the piano I gave you instead of this thing?" "You didn't have anywhere to put the piano. I'll get rid of the Bone Phone if it bothers you that much."
  3. 3. "We should just make sure it's out of the baby's way. And possibly out of the baby's sight; this thing'll give ME nightmares, no telling what it'll do to a toddler!" "I'll find something else to do with it. I guess I lived with it for so long at the dorm that it doesn't really creep me out any more."
  4. 4. "Where are you working today, Malcolm?" "Robot shop. Are you sure you don't want me to bring home a Servo for you? I don't want you to be stressed out taking care of Eddie and a baby all day." "No Servos! I'm a Family Sim; I don't want some metal automaton looking after my children!" "Okay, okay! I'll be back for dinner. Give Eddie a hug for me when he gets home from school." "Make lots of money, hon." "Mmmm... money..." I bet if I'd made Sycamore the heir, she wouldn't have thrown Stabby Death Nose. Speaking of Stabby Death Nose...
  5. 5. Hiya, Jon! "I appear to have rolled Wants to Get Married to Jeannie and to Throw a Wedding Party." Surprised the heck out of me too, buddy. Just come home from work Permaplat, and I'll take care of both of those for you. "That would be most agreeable." Jonny's an Aries 9/9/6/3/5 Knowledge Sim with the LTW of reaching the top of the Education career, just like his father. He's already maxed his skills, and is engaged to the lovely Beantown Dormie Jeannie LeTourneau (presumably no relation to the Chloe LeTourneau Cow Mascot who poked Bana and made her cry). Like Larch, Education was the first career on the computer the day he moved back, and he's one promotion away from Permaplat.
  6. 6. After a night of meditating in platinum, Jon goes to work and hits Permaplat when he gets home. Now he wants to be a Criminal Mastermind. Can do! Move Jeannie in! I want me some cute babies! Must...get rid of...Stabby Death Nose...
  7. 7. In case you were wondering? June and Stephan are still adorable together! Two-bolty goodness.
  8. 8. "Move in with me, Jeannie! I have two wedding-related Wants, and you know how rare that is for a Knowledge Sim!" "Absolutely! I have no wedding-related Wants, though." "Speed date?" "That'll do it." And it did.
  9. 9. Jeannie LeTourneau, Cancer 6/3/6/4/6 Family Sim, has the LTW to reach the top of the Education career (yawn--what does this make, 5 so far?). She's got the same Aspiration and personality as Calista, but two bolts for Jon, unlike the one I managed to squeeze out between Calista and Isaac. She brought in a mere $1000, but, meh, they've already got close to $300K, so even $17 or $18K wouldn't mean much. "Wicked cute hair!" Wicked cute indeed. "Wedding now?" Just let me get everyone on the phone and invite them over. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone.
  10. 10. "Jeannie, the emotions you engender within me make me feel as though we are a pair of prairie voles." "I'm really better with mythology than with generic dorkiness." "I love you and want to be with you and only you for the rest of my life!" "That works for me!"
  11. 11. "Jonquil, I love you more than the right arms of Tom Brady and Curt Schilling combined!" "Really? I know how much that means coming from you!" "I even love you more than Larry Bird and Ray Borque!" "Gosh--I'm honored!"
  12. 12. "Does anyone know what the score of the Pats game is?" "Does anyone know if Grandma's haunting tonight?"
  13. 13. Yeah, so this is the everyone: Bana, Delirium, Finn acting as a demilitarized zone between Delirium and Spider Jerusalem, Larch in the blue suit in the back...
  14. 14. ...Malcolm on the far left, Stephan, Juniper in the back between Stephan and Cy's heads, Cypress sticking his hands through Stephan's arm, Cami, Gabe O'Mackey who seems to show up for many Vetinari family events and who was last seen standing in one of Finn's high school dates, Zee (who does not look happy to see Jon getting hitched), Gerry (who actually heart-barfed Jeannie), Larch again tucked away behind Gerry, Christy, and Drake. Since Cami and Malcolm were here, Eddie was floating around as well, but he didn't seem to make it to the ceremony.
  15. 15. While Jon was giving Jeannie a dainty forkful of cake, some random townie was busy kicking over the trash can. I've never seen him before, and if I ever see him again, he's going to meet Rossweisse the cowplant up close and personal, because by the time I got Stephan out to right the can and pick up the trash, there were roaches hidden under the snow, and Stephan and Juniper went out to squish them while Jon and Jeannie were on their honeymoon. The newlyweds came back all energized, hopped into the hot tub until a lullaby was heard, and generally did newlywed things. This was of course interrupted by the messages that Stephan and June were sick, followed shortly by the message that Jon was sick, leading to the following...
  16. 16. "Hey, I've been married for about a day here, and I haven't been tired enough to go to bed before now-- explain to me why it is that I'm not sleeping in the large comfy bed with my shiny new wife?" Uh, you're diseased and your shiny new wife is pregnant, and the very last thing I want to deal with is a sick pregnant woman. "I can't sleep with my wife?" Or talk to her, play with her, be in the same room with her... Oh, and also your parents can't do any of that either. *headdesk* And that is why poor Jeannie spent most of the first two days of her pregnancy skilling all by herself in a room, with a plummeting Social motive to go with those plummeting Bladder, Hunger, and Energy motives. Welcome to the family, Jeannie--we will all ignore you now!
  17. 17. "You have no idea how glad I am that you're not sick anymore. Those Social Bunnies are wicked creepy." "Zis is really ze first chance we've 'ad to chat, non? I am Stephan. So sorry to 'ave avoided you for all zis time, but we don't want a sick mom-to-be, do we?" "Just promise me you won't go squish any more roaches, okay? Is my husband better yet?" "Non." "This bites." "I am in complete agreement, as Juniper is still sick."
  18. 18. "MmmphNomoregermsmmmmph..." "MmmphStabbyDeathNosehurtswhenit'sthroughmyfacemmmmph..." "MmmphFinallyabletokissmywifemmmmph..." "MmmphPatsare13-0mmmmph..." But what's June doing in the background?
  19. 19. "I'm worried about Cypress. This generation doesn't know him the way mine does. I'm worried about what will happen when Larch and I die. Cy's a nasty piece of work; always has been, always will be. He's my cousin, but I've never really liked him. What'll happen when there's no one around here who knows how his mind works?" Larch is working on it. If anyone can stop Cy, it's Larch, geriatric or no. Anyway, it may be a totally moot point if I can't find someone ugly for Finn to marry. The uglier college girls he dated are all lazy, and that's not something I want to deal with in an adult.
  20. 20. "Hello, little fetus! Daddy's not sick anymore, so he can interact with Mommy again!" I'm so glad Jeannie's having an otherwise easy pregnancy--she only threw up once, and hasn't passed out in her food or gone into Bladder Desperation at all. And she's almost Best Friends with Stephan and June; everyone likes the chess board, and they're perfectly happy to play with her while she skills. To make me even happier, Isaac was haunting, and didn't even come close to Jeannie, let alone scare her. My Prettacy ghosts are awesome.
  21. 21. "Hello, belly! It's Grandma!" June did this autonomously. Jon went and autonomously cleaned the sink, toilet, and shower. And then the countertops and stove. And then the downstairs half-bath. Stephan keeps rolling the Want to Hire a Maid. Why, I have no idea--OCD Jonny does it all on his own, and they don't have to pay him.
  22. 22. "Bleh! You made me drink Boot Juice! Bleh!" I love Boot Juice!
  23. 23. Hahahahahahahahaha! This is the first time I have EVER seen him fart! He's waaaay too neat to do it, and too nice to autonomously prank! "I am under the influence of Boot Juice! Anything I say or do cannot be held against me in a court of law!"
  24. 24. "You made me fart." And I'm still laughing about it! Now I'm also laughing about this face too. I *heart* you, Jonny. Have I mentioned I love Boot Juice?
  25. 25. "Baaaaaaby tiiiiiime!" Amazingly, everybody showed up for the birth, which did not take place in a tiny bathroom.
  26. 26. "I regret that I am a Sim man, and therefore my sole function is to stand by and look distressed, as I would very much prefer to offer you some comfort in this difficult time!" "Chill out, Jon, this is wicked easy, just twirl and catch. The moans are just for show." "Interesting--I had no idea."
  27. 27. I'm going with birds for Gen 4; this little guy is Wren. Jeannie: OMG Family Sim +8000 Aspiration for baby! Jon: "My face was momentarily obscured, but now it is once again visible! I am led to believe that this is cause for excitement amongst tiny infants such as yourself!" Wren: I hope my nose doesn't look like that when I grow up. 'Wren' is kind of a shout-out to Stephan as well--his last name was Wren before he married into the family. Given Jon and Jeannie's genetics, Wren pretty much had to have the black hair and dark blue eyes that he got. Only time will tell about Stabby Death Nose. I'm kinda bummed that it's Gen 4 and the Vetinari nose is already out of the gene pool. It's not a bad nose, as far as noses go. Much less lethal than Stabby Death Nose, at any rate.
  28. 28. June: "Seeing that grandbaby reminds me that it's the first day of spring." Stephan: "Want to head to ze bedroom and fulfill some of zose springtime Wants? We 'ave some time before I 'ave to get to work." June: "What do you think?" Jon: "It IS spring, Jeannie--have you rolled a Want for another baby yet? We can get to Trying for Baby any time now." Jeannie: "Uh, maybe I oughta feed this one and put him in his crib first. And are you even rolling romantic Wants?" Jon: "Well, if you had a maid outfit, I could Influence you to Clean. That's kinda romantic, right?" Jeannie: "I think I hear your carpool."
  29. 29. "Congratulations on ze baby!" "Your next speech bubble is going to have a purple WooHoo heart in it, isn't it?" "Oui!" "We will never speak of this again." Well, we've got Gen 4 kicked off nicely at the Prettacy. But what about the Uglacy?
  30. 30. Hey, Finn. "You're going to make me get married, aren't you?" Well, you could have tried just a little bit harder to be attractive to the aliens, but noooooo, one of us had to go and NOT be violated by visitors from outer space. Finn's a Scorpio 7/7/8/3/2 Romance Sim with the LTW to be a Hall of Famer. He had a few squiffy-faced dates in college, but they're lazy, so marrying one of them in is sort of a last resort. That means that now it's time for a Downtown lot crawl, where we look for squiffy-faced Townies. "How about I just don't get married?" How about you get in the car and go Downtown and start trolling for unattractive chicks. "I don't really want to." This is not a negotiation! *whipcrack*
  31. 31. "Hey, uh, I'm off the menu, right?" Oh yeah, totally. No way am I letting Finn hit on my own Simself. "Please--like I don't know about your horrible genetic experimentation in CAS." Asexual reproduction is perfectly acceptable. Besides, some of those SimNerd/Legacy Guy genetic mergers are freaky attractive. SimNerd and a certain aged-up spare-spawn, anyone? "Heh, yeah, you may have a point there." And won't they make for more interesting placeholders than Chester Gieke? "You're still not allowed to let Finn hit on me." Believe me, no one wants to see that less than I do. 'Cept maybe you. "Ya think?"
  32. 32. Hmmm... Kinda lumpy bartender... And recessive hair, so that's a plus...
  33. 33. I like this one. The nose is kinda tragic, and I can see the cheekbones meshing not-so-well with Finn's Cheeks O' Doom.
  34. 34. Looks a bit like the bartender. Only blonde. What, this is it for female Townies with questionable genetics? I think Brown Trenchcoat Girl will do the most damage, though.
  35. 35. This is how Finn got through three straight days Downtown. Motives flagging? Call up a girlfriend and have a Dream Date! And then, of course, they all flock to the porch with their bouquets at the same time. Awkward!
  36. 36. Blonde Girl In Pink Dress: I wonder who Brittany's here visiting? Blonde Girl In Brown Dress: I hope Finn likes roses. He's sure got a lot of them here. Brittany: What are all these other girls doing here? Gosh, this must be one swinging bachelor pad.
  37. 37. I wasn't really going to do the whole big pet thing, but since I have Kendra, I may as well get her a friend and try for some puppies. This is Willy the Snitch.
  38. 38. Kendra and Willy the Snitch get along right from the start! That makes me happy. I might get some puppies soon! Willy the Snitch looks like the same kind of dog as Kendra, only with a different coat pattern, eyebrows, and a mustache. I'd hazard a guess that the puppies are going to be little clones of their parents.
  39. 39. "We got a new dog! Does this mean I don't have to get married? Can't we just have a Legacy with puppies?" Where do you come up with this stuff? YES, you have to get married! Zinnia wouldn't have to because her kids would have the Vetinari name, but you have to marry in the mother of your children. "You know I'm gonna go into Aspiration Failure and cost you a point just like Grandma did." Well, it's 12:04 in the morning, so hop on that computer and look for an Athletic job. "I already have an Athletic job." Yeah, from the paper, which means clawing your way up the career ladder instead of starting one step from the top. Computer now! *whipcrack* "Last job is Athletic." Hooray!
  40. 40. Wow. You need to never make this face again. Why are you doing that hand-punchy thing anyway? "I have two nice points; do I need a reason?" Nope. But your dad looks a whole better when he walks around the house doing that.
  41. 41. Dude! This is not the way to ingratiate yourself with the Supreme Nerd! I wish I could sic Kendra on you. I think last chapter, I said he was a Pleasure Sim. He's a Fortune Sim, but I just always think of him as a Pleasure Sim. I think it's all the primping. Of course, if he keeps stealing newspapers, he's going to end up a chubby little cheese-obsessed primpaholic in a red smoking jacket.
  42. 42. Finn, you're Permaplat! "So what now?" Call Brown Trenchcoat Girl and see if you can get that LTR up. I'm pretty sure she won't marry you today, so enjoy your freedom. "Do I really...?" YES, you have to get married. And now I'm going to really push for it since I no longer have to worry about you kissing Moppy McPlateface instead of your fiancee when you propose. Not really much else to see here now except for watching Finn on the phone, so let's head next door.
  43. 43. "Is everything all right, Jeannie? Ever since Wren was born, I feel like things aren't the same between us. I know having a baby changes things, but you haven't wanted to flirt with me even once, and it's spring, so even I've been rolling Wants for flirts. If I did something to make you angry, I'm sorry." "It's not that. I just wonder if we rushed into things too quickly. We had sort of a whirlwind romance, and I don't know if that was the best idea. I mean, we had this wicked intense attraction, but how well did we really know each other when we got married?" "Didn't we know the important things? Don't we love each other--and don't we love Wren?" "Of course I love you and Wren! But, Jon, sometimes I wonder if you love me. It's so hard to tell what you're thinking sometimes. And I don't understand half of what you say when you do talk!"
  44. 44. "I'm not so good with the romantic stuff. I never really have been. I've always been one to talk from my brain and not from my heart. But how I feel about you... Every time I see you, my heart beats a little faster. When you walk into the room, I know it, even if my back is turned, because I can just feel you there. Sometimes I wonder what a cute, witty, vivacious woman like you sees in a geeky, OCD, Stabby Death Nosed Legacy heir like me, and I'm feel like the luckiest man alive because you're my wife. There's no one I'd rather have as the mother of my child, and when I watch you with Wren, I know I couldn't have made a better choice about whom to give my heart to. I love you with everything I am, and I don't know what I'd do without you. Maybe I don't say that often enough or plainly enough, but I should."
  45. 45. "Oh, Jonny, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me." "I meant every word of it." "Wanna head upstairs and see if we can get another lullaby?" "The hot tub's closer." "Sounds like a wicked good idea to me." And now to go 180* from the sweetness...
  46. 46. "Agghhh! Delirium, get off!" "Who's the Big Bad One Nice Point Meanie now, huh?"
  47. 47. "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?" "You kiss your mother with that mouth? Oh, wait, you don't HAVE a mother. And thanks to you, neither do I." "Get the hell over it already!" "You know who else told me that? DAD. You two are perfect for each other." "Delirium, why don't you and your attitude go play a rousing game of Hide And Go Fuck Yours..."
  48. 48. "... Hey, is that Cassidy over there?" "Whatever, don't care. The only reason I'm even here with you is because Dad kicked us out of the house so he could have that sorostitute girlfriend of his over." "He wouldn't have to kick us out if YOU wouldn't throw a hissyfit every time she's in the same time zone." "She's horrible and I hate her. Anyway, I see my boyfriend, so you and Loser Cassidy can go have whatever loser fun you two losers have when you get together." "Bite me." "Kiss my ass."
  49. 49. "Cassidy! It's so great to see you! I haven't seen you since... Well, since. I'm sorry I called you so much while you were at college, but I just needed somebody to talk to, you know? I feel bad about pulling you away from your studying." "Didn't do much of that. The real key to college is professor WooHoo." "I don't understand."
  50. 50. "It's not your thing, Spider, don't worry about it. I'm glad to see you too. Man, you got tall! And I notice you and Delirium still have your special loathe/hate relationship. You look good, though." "I hate to say it, but you look kinda rough. You smell like booze and bubbles."
  51. 51. "Yeah, I've been Downtown for a while now. I got kicked out of the last bar I was in a couple of hours ago. Sorta ran out of cash. I forgot to ask for some more when I left this morning, so I'm a little broke." "What, you live in a bank that you just ask for money in the morning?" "Not exactly. I'm living with Jake Bui--you know, Mr. Big?"
  52. 52. "Mr. Big? Cass, that guy's a world-class jerk! Why would you move in with him?" "Where else was I supposed to go? There's worse things than hooking up with a rich guy and being set for life. I don't need to work, I can have whatever I want, I can do whatever I want, and I don't have to take care of anyone else." "Yeah, or yourself!" "Forgive me for wanting to live on Easy Street! I spent most of my life giving--maybe now it's time for me to get."
  53. 53. "So you, what, Cass, WooHoo Mr. Big Jerkwad and he gives you money and buys you things? Gosh, it's really too bad we don't have a word for that." "Get off my back! For a change, I don't have to be responsible for anyone else, and I like it!" "Well, it sure smells like you spend all your free time drinking at the bar and sitting at a bubble blower. Are you really enjoying all of that, or are you just trying to drown your shame?" "It's my life, Spider Jerusalem! I can live it however I want, so lay off!"
  54. 54. "You're better than this. You DESERVE better than this, better than that jerk. Wake up, Cassidy!" "Spider..." "Never mind. There are none so blind as those who will not see. I can't help you, can I?" "You could lend me a few bucks." "It's getting late; how about I buy you dinner?" "I don't need food." "You don't WANT food. But I think you NEED it." "Sure, okay. Dinner sounds good."
  55. 55. "I'm sorry I snapped at you back there, Spider. I didn't mean it. You just don't understand what I've been through. Anyway, I love Jake. He's not like people think he is. He's good to me, really. He doesn't HAVE to give me the things he does; he does it because he loves me. I mean, he's never once threatened to kill me." "That's hardly a ringing endorsement. There are squishy things that live under rocks that are better parents than Dad. Your standard for someone to have a relationship with should be higher than 'not homicidal'." "I got a roof over my head, a nice car in the garage, a guy I love in my bed, and money in my pocket. Uh, except for right at this particular moment. Things could be a lot worse." "But they could be a lot better, too."
  56. 56. "Cassidy, there you are! I've been looking everywhere for you! We're supposed to be at a party in two hours, and you need to be cleaned up and presentable." "Was that tonight? Sorry, I forgot what day it was." "I wish I'd known you were going to be Downtown trolling for teenagers."
  57. 57. "I'm his brother, you perv. Spider Jerusalem." "Mmmm. Quite the family resemblance. Come on, Cassidy, we need to leave." "Cass, you don't have to do this."
  58. 58. "Sorry, Spider. I gotta go. Thanks for dinner." "Don't do this. I know you can't come home, but there must be somewhere else you can stay. Go to Uncle Larch's, maybe. Please, Cass. PLEASE don't do this. He's bad for you. Can't you see that?"
  59. 59. "Cassidy! We! Are! Leaving!"
  60. 60. "Cass, don't. Please. I'm begging you." "I'm sorry, kid. I guess... I guess Dad was right about me. I'll see you around."
  61. 61. Dad's not right about you, Cassidy. Dad's not right about anything. He said you were weak and useless, but you're not and you never were. You're the strongest person I know. If anyone's useless, it's me. I'm supposed to have these great powers because of what I am, only I'm not special, I'm not better or stronger than anyone. I'm the weak one, not you. I can see what you're doing to yourself, but I can't help you, and I can't make you see what I see. You're the only person who ever cared about me, and there isn't a single thing I can do for you. I hate him for this, Cass. I hate Dad for doing this to you. I hate that all I can do is sit back and watch. I hate that after you sacrificed everything you had for me, I still need you. I hate that I'm scared of Dad and scared of what I might become and I hate that I'm alone and that I need my big brother to tell me it's okay and I hate that right now you can't do that and I hate that it's not okay and I don't know what to do.
  62. 62. "Who's a good dog? Who's a good dog?" Finn, your intended wife is here. Leave Willy the Snitch alone and go say hi. "I need to bond with the dog. It's important to make friends with the family pets. Otherwise, no puppies!" Go outside now! *whipcrack* "You need to stop doing that." Tee hee! *whipcrack*
  63. 63. Well, that's one way to greet someone who's not even your best friend yet.
  64. 64. Rosemarie: "You're hot!" Finn: "Awww yeah! Don't I know it!" It's totally kismet--the spouse of the guy named after a flower is ROSEmarie. Yay!
  65. 65. OMG SHE HAS NO CHIN! Yesssss! Face...so...smooshy...
  66. 66. In a weird way, they're sort of sweet together. And they're both wearing swimsuits in the hot tub, which has to be some sort of record for me.
  67. 67. Christy: My husband is hot! Larch: "Are we driving you nuts yet? Tend two plants, heart-fart each other, tend two plants, heart- fart each other..." It's kind of adorable, actually. Larch: "I am Eeevil! I am not adorable!" You're watching your wife heart-fart you. That's adorable, I don't care who you are.
  68. 68. Heh. You thought I was kidding when I said Christy thinks about money when she's Making Out with Larch, didn't you? Oh, and while she only has two bolts for Larch now, she still has three for Malcolm Landgraab.
  69. 69. Doggy lullaby! I get puppies soon!
  70. 70. "That is not a heart above my head! Um... Just ignore the man behind the curtain!" I see it. And I see your Want Panel. There's a certain Want not currently offset by the corresponding Fear, so... *whipcrack*
  71. 71. "I am doing this to avoid pain of whipcrack!" "OMG, getting out of Townie Limbo means chances to make best friends! Popularity Sim likey!"
  72. 72. grumblegrumblegrumble"Marry me?"grumblegrumblegrumble "Could you be at least slightly enthusiastic?" "Romance Sim." "Can I be best friends with your dad?" "Just not in the hot tub." "Squeeee!"
  73. 73. "DO NOT WANT!" Yes, I see that Fear of marriage you have. But I also see those Wants for WooHoo in Car and WooHoo Rosemarie, that I will now let you fulfill. "You win this round, Supreme Nerd." Buddy, I win ALL the rounds. And anyway, there's nothing like a good night's sleep to re-roll that Want/Fear panel. Mehehehehehe.
  74. 74. "Uh, I totally don't want to do this, but since I don't officially Fear it, I'm sorta being forced into it, if that's cool." "Can I make friends with your mom?" "If you can pry her off my dad." Tell ya what, Finn, I'll provide some musical accompaniment to your front-hall nuptials. Will that cheer you up? "No." Too bad!
  75. 75. In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey Yo Butane in my veins so I'm out to get the junkie Cut it With the plastic eyeballs, spraypaint the vegetables Soy un perdador Dog food skulls with the beefcake pantyhose I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me Kill the headlights and put it in neutral Double barrel of buckshot Stock car flaming with a loser on the cruise control Soy un perdador Baby's in Reno with the vitamin D I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me Got a couple of couches, sleep on the loveseat Someone keeps sayin' I'm insane to complain about A shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt Don't believe everything that you breathe You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve So shave your face with some Mace in the dark Savin' all your food stamps for burning down the trailer park
  76. 76. Forces of Eeevil in a bozo nightmare Soy un perdador Ban all the music with a phony gas chamber I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me 'Cause one's got a weasel and the other's got a flag Get crazy with the Cheez-Wiz One's on a pole, shove the other in a bag Soy un perdador With the rerun shows and the cocaine nose-job I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me The daytime crap with the folk singers' slop ~Beck, "Loser" He hung himself with a guitar string A slab of turkey neck and it's hangin' from a pigeon wing I can't write if you can't relate Trade the cash for the beef for the body for the hate And my time is a piece of wax fallin' on a termite Who's chokin' on the splinters
  77. 77. "Oh, someone thinks she's extremely amusing, doesn't she?" Mehehehehehehe. "For your information, I haven't gotten any red rings at all!" Kind of a bummer, really. I guess because you weren't Fearing getting engaged or married when I actually made you do it. I was looking forward to torturing you with those pictures for the rest of ever, and now I don't get to do that. "Boo freaking hoo." If you're not nice to me, I won't let you work towards that new LTW. "...You win again, Supreme Nerd." I know *beatific grin*
  78. 78. Rosemarie Vetinari nee Young, Aries 5/8/6/3/3 Popularity Sim, is currently Chief of Staff but her LTW is to be Mayor. She brought in $6K and some friends and a whole lot of stuff in her inventory (2 pianos? 2 Dance Spheres? Who needs two of those?), and a glorious lack of chin and weird squishy nose. "You're going to let Finn cheat on me, aren't you?" Well, his new LTW is 20 Simultaneous Lovers, and that's an Impossible Want, so, yeah, kinda. I'll try not to let you catch him at it, though. "You're all heart." I try.
  79. 79. Yay puppies! 2 boys and a girl, all completely identical, so other than Kendra, I have no idea who is who here. The female puppy is Flutie and the males are Snyder and Wood, all named after principals of Sunnydale High. If Flutie and Snyder fail to be eaten, they'll be one-up on their respective namesakes.
  80. 80. "Spider, always good to see you." "I couldn't think of anywhere else I could go." "Feel free to help yourself to the snacks in the fridge. I'm afraid we're almost out of leftovers." "I can't really stay long. I came because I need your help." "If it's help with your father, there's not much I can do."
  81. 81. "It's not that, it's cough cough cough cough..." "Are you all right?" "I'm sick. Haven't been able to shake it. Probably doesn't help matters that I can't stop worrying." "Worrying about what?" "Cassidy. That's why I need your help."
  82. 82. "Cass's shacked up with Mr. Big, but the guy treats him like crap. He's is spending all his time Downtown at the bars when Mr. Big isn't bossing him around. I can't do anything. But maybe you could talk to him, get him to change his mind, something! My brother deserves someone nice after the way Dad treated him, but instead he's living with someone who treats him more or less the exact same way! You have to help him, Uncle Larch; you're the only one who can. Maybe he'd listen to you."
  83. 83. "Cassidy's an adult. He's making his own decisions. I can't change his mind for him. Maybe you're reading something into his relationship with Mr. Big that isn't there." "No, I SAW Mr. Big push Cass around. He acted like Cass was a little kid! Please, Uncle Larch, you have to at least try! I need my big brother!" "And if I go and tell Cassidy he's being foolish, how is that not treating him like a child? As much as you'd like to, you can't live other peoples' lives for them. I know it's hard, but sometimes you have to let people make their own mistakes." "Cass has done everything for me! I should be able to do this for him!" "You can't make someone listen if they're not ready to hear. In time, maybe he'll be ready to accept what you have to say." "I don't have time! He's my big brother and he's always been there for me and he's always been the buffer between me and that one nice point and... and..."
  84. 84. "...and I just can't do it on my own anymore. Please. Please help Cassidy. Help me." "What you're asking me to do isn't possible. I can't live his life for him." "I can't do this by myself. I'm afraid of what I'll do if I don't keep my anger in check, and Cassidy's the only one who's ever been able to make it all right! I need him, Uncle Larch. I need my brother." "I'm sorry. I wish I could help you, but there's nothing I can do."
  85. 85. "I can't do this alone!" "You're not alone, Spider Jerusalem. You know you can come here when things get rough. You know you can come to me for help, or you wouldn't have come here today. You are not alone." "I miss my brother." "It'll be all right. Cassidy will come around, I'm sure. Just give him some time. I'm sorry this is so hard for you. I wish I'd let Mom stuff Cy in the freezer when he was a baby." "Me too. We'd all be better off without Dad. I wouldn't be afraid of what I am and Cassidy wouldn't be a wreck! I miss him, Uncle Larch. I miss him a lot." "It's okay. Just let it out, Spider." Larch being nice for no reason? Don't bet on it.
  86. 86. Jonquil gets to Wren to grow him up. Please no Stabby Death Nose. Did we really need to see a bunch of baby pictures? He looks like every other non-alien baby, people feed and cuddle him, yadda yadda yadda.
  87. 87. Crapnuggets--Stabby Death Nose on Wren. "Can I teach him to walk? And talk?" You might want to start with potty training. Like, now-ish. Wren is another Aries, but with a more balanced personality: 6/9/6/5/6. Still outgoing (will I ever have Sims who do not finger-gun empty rooms?), but less of a neat-freak, not too serious, and reasonably nice. I would have rather gotten Jeannie's nose over her influence on his personality, but I'll take what I can get.
  88. 88. "I am your Daddy, Wren! That is a title denoting the male parent, of which I am yours!" "OK, Daddy. Hug now?" "Sure thing!"
  89. 89. "I rolled ze Want to teach my grandson to walk." I still *heart* you. It was pretty much tag-team skill-teaching. Jon did Talking, Stephan did Walking, June did Potty- Training, and Jeannie did cuddling, tickling, and talking-to.
  90. 90. "I love my Mommy!" "I love my tickly little Wren! Are you excited to be a big brother, tickly little Wren?" "Yes!"
  91. 91. Huh. This is the first time Isaac and Calista have both been haunting at the same time. And they appear to enjoy tandem bed-cheering.
  92. 92. Uh, Jon? Frowns do not lessen the effect of Stabby Death Nose--why the sad face? "Why do you think?" I honestly have no idea. sniffle sniffle "Why, Will Wright? Whyyyyyyyy?" hysterical sobbing ...Um, why is Jeannie's picture no longer in the side panel?
  93. 93. Remember what I said about having awesome ghosts here? I take it back. So all that's left of the very pregnant spouse of my Gen 3 heir is a pee puddle and a tombstone. Oh, and a tanked Aspiration meter on the toddler, who now has Fears of a relative dying, Jonquil dying, and someone kicking Jeannie's tombstone. Note to self: Do not trust that a Sim who has always been able to take reasonably good care of herself, when she is pregnant and wakes up hungry and needing to pee, will, say, EAT AND PEE, rather than, say, hitting the bubble blower until she gets scared by the resident ghosts and dies while everyone else is busy.
  94. 94. "I miss Jeannie! I'll do anything to get her back!" Go look for a job in Paranormal while you're sitting at the computer. "But if I bring her back, will she still be pregnant? Are we going to lose our baby?" That is an excellent question, and one to which I do not have the answer. Step one is getting her back, which is going to require a Bone Phone, so hunt for that Paranormal job.
  95. 95. "Where's Mommy? I want Mommy!" "I want her too, pal. I'm doing everything I can to get her back, but there wasn't the job I needed tonight. Maybe tomorrow, or the next day." "I want my mommy!" "I know." "I WANT MY MOMMY!"
  96. 96. "Shhhhh, Wren, it'll be okay, I promise. Somehow, I'll make it okay." "MOOOOMMMMYYYYYYYY!" Whoa, y'all--cliffhanger! Check back soon for Chapter 9.333 (Yup, this one's gonna be a three-parter, and can ya blame me?): Will Jonquil be able to find a job in Paranormal and rez Jeannie? If he does, will she be pregnant when she comes back? If she is, what will the kid be like after having gestated in the realm of Death, and will we ever be able to break the curse of Stabby Death Nose? What's the status of getting grandchildrinions over at the Uglacy? And just what does Larch have planned for the Bone Phone he stole from the Llama Cult that is currently in Sycamore's possession? If you'd like an early holiday gift ------------------->
  97. 97. You totally just went "Aaaaawwwwwwww" and/or "SQUEEEEEEE!", didn't you? Merry Christmas from DrSupremeNerd to all the fangirls out there! Yeah, well, this chapter ended all depressing on multiple fronts, and what's less depressing than Spider Jerusalem smiling at a cute little puppy?

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