Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! These two handsome gents... OK, so one handsome gent
and one not-so-handsome gent... OK, so one guy with Stabby Death Nose and one guy with Cheeks O'
OK, these two guys are Jon of the Prettacy and Finn of the Uglacy, my Gen 3 heirs, and this is the
college chapter. The last couple of chapters were heavy on the teenage angst of some spare-spawn
and nastiness courtesy of the pure malevolent Eeevil that is Cypress, but this chapter has almost zero
trauma and substantially less Eeevil (except where the cow mascots are concerned), and way, way
more WooHoo and heart-farting than is probably healthy for anyone, least of all me and my sanity.
But this picture is a bit ahead of its time, so clicky clicky to head back to the beginning.
"We're at college, right?"
"Oh yeah! Bring on the hot college chicks!"
"Focus, Delphinium! Do you see what I see?"
"That dress totally makes you look like a triangle?"
"No, you idiot!"
"Where the hell are we supposed to live?"
"You make a good point, sis. Shouldn't there be, like, a dorm or something here?"
"Way to state the obvious, Captain... Obvious."
"Way to think of synonyms, Captain Thesaurus."
I've never done the Greek House thing before, so I figured, what the heck, may as well give it a go
now. If I can't do it with two Romance Sims and a Pleasure Sim, I can't do it at all. Oh, and Jon
will be here too, but I'm guessing he won't be rolling as many Wants for dates and friends as the
rest of them. Soooo...
Welcome to Havelock House, kids! OK, so it's not quite a Greek House yet; I'll wait until the
Prettacy boys are at Academie Le Tour before I apply for the charter, but here's their little home-
away-from-Riverblossom Hills for the next few semesters.
Normally I build small houses that I can furnish fully, but hey, this is college--it's all about living in
conditions that would scare most normal people. And if the house is successful, it should be quite
the nice place to live by, I dunno, Gen 5 or so. I think once Jon moves in, I'll have enough for a
"Well, at least you saved enough money to go shopping!"
You totally grew into a nose, Zee!
"Yes, I did! Now point me in the direction of the nearest college boy!"
He's in the next room.
"Do NOT make me come over there--you know what I meant!"
Zinnia "Zee" Vetinari, Aries 10/10/5/3/1, another in a long series of mean finger-gunning neat-freak Vetinaris, is the
Gen 3 Uglacy spare. She's a Romance Sim with the LTW to be a Professional Party Guest. Unlike Uncle Cypress,
she's quite happy to be the spare, as it ensures her motherlodes galore and no ring on her finger unless she wants
it. Which she won't.
Zinnias are flowers of the family Asterceae. They get their name from botanist Johann Gottfried Zinn, and have
brightly-colored solitary long-stemmed blossoms.
"The 10:30 walkby's a lady, awww yeah! Time to let her find out if there's a shark beneath this Finn!"
Dude, what does that even mean? You know what? I just realized I don't want to know. Never, ever say that again. I
mean it. Geez, you're almost as bad as your father.
"At least I'm wearing a shirt, awww yeah..."
Delphinium "Finn" Vetinari, Scorpio 7/7/8/3/2, still mean, just not so much a finger-gunning neat-freak, is the Gen 3
Uglacy heir. His twin sister may have grown into a nose, but he did not grow into those cheeks. He's also a Romance
Sim, with the LTW to be a Hall of Famer. He's not overly keen on being the heir, being that it comes with marriage
and children, but he's willing to give it a go, mostly because Daddy Larch is even meaner than he is.
Delphiniums, more commonly called Larkspurs, are in the Ranunculaceae family, and are extremely poisonous, to
the extent that they can cause death if eaten in great enough quantity.
Cow Mascot vs. Gen 3 Vetinaris: Round 1!
She shouldn't've poked Finn. Poor, sad, deluded little cow mascot. There are no nice points here,
only people who hit back.
Zee: "Leave me the hell alone, you bovine moron!"
Cow Mascot: "But can't I prank you and still be friends?"
Zee: "No! I'd beat the tar out of you if that were an option right now!"
Mohawk Guy: "Zee is HOT when she's going after the cow mascot!"
Cow Mascot picked on Mohawk Guy three or four times in a row, leading to this. Zee's rooting for
Mohawk Guy, but Finn seems to be cheering on Cow Mascot. She keeps flirting with him, so
maybe he figures they've got a 'thing,' I dunno.
But Mohawk Guy reigns supreme, and Cow Mascot gets pwned. Hooray for Mohawk Guy!
"Oh, Mohawk Guy, you're so manly when you're beating up a cow mascot. You're my hero."
"Can I get a kiss, little lady?"
"Call me that again and you're a dead man, and I'm not gonna kiss you until you shower,
Stinkypants. But after that, we can kiss and then some..."
Finn wastes no time fulfilling some of those Romance Sim wants. He calls up the walkby from the
first day and makes his move. She's also a Romance Sim, which probably helps.
"Romance stud wants smoochies!"
"Romance chick wants smoochies too!"
"Woo! College rules!"
Why do my Sims not roll the First WooHoo want? It's worth soooo many more points than just
In the end, hormones prevail, and Finn gets his little demented purple heart guy.
"College! My heart fills with glee! Can I write a term paper now?"
You haven't even declared a major yet. And I think getting you out of those clothes takes
precedence over homework.
"Can I at least clean something first?"
Just call a cab, you igmo.
Disappointingly, he still has Stabby Death Nose. I extracted him and played around in BodyShop,
and it turns out that he's got the male version of Calista's nose. Yes, it's so clear, because
Calista's nose was hatchety and potentially lethal (WTF? It totally wasn't!). But on the other hand,
I don't have to blame Stephan for Stabby Death Nose, so hooray! Stephan is still perfect!
"You're getting better at this--I didn't want to vomit when I spied my own visage in the mirror."
Well, you seemed to hate the glasses, so I ditched them. And you're rocking the CC clothes; that should have
been worth a cheer.
Jonquil "Jon" Vetinari, Aries 9/9/6/3/5, is the Gen 3 Prettacy heir. Jon's a little OCD, so he should be keeping
Havelock House extremely clean. While not mean, he does take after the rest of his neat finger-gunning
Vetinari relatives. Like his father, he's a Knowledge Sim with the LTW to reach the top of the Education career.
He's already maxed his skills, so I'm gonna have to come up with something else to occupy his time.
Jonquils are a rush-leaved variety of Narcissus (or Daffodil) with prominent fragrance.
"I have maxed Logic and I'm not a dork like Jonny. Why am I out here?"
If you get abducted, you don't have to get married.
"So I meet some aliens and then I don't have to get married and have kids?"
If you get abducted, you absolutely do not have to get married. Pinky-swear!
"Date all day and spend all night at the telescope? Can do!"
Zee hits up Ashley Pitts, who wasn't exactly playing Hard To Get. He brought over Castor Nova,
who spent the entire day trying to Admire Zee, Finn, and Jon, which didn't work out so well for
him. Needy little git.
"I just rolled Wants for First WooHoo with Zinnia, WooHoo with Zinnia, and WooHoo in bed!"
Her Want Panel is First WooHoo with Ashley, WooHoo with Ashley, Flirt with Mitch Indie, and Flirt
with Jon (NO, I said!). But I don't think Ashley needs to know any of that.
Zee has two bolts for Jon. She keeps rolling unspeakable Wants. Fortunately, he's an oblivious
Demented purple hearts for Zee and Ashley. Guess who's rolling Wants for Make Out with 3
Different Sims? Clue: it ain't Ashley.
Gotta love that Romance Sim strut!
"So who's the lucky boy tonight?"
Mohawk Guy, I think.
"I like a man who can beat up a girl in a cow costume."
You like a man, period.
"Guilty as charged."
Finn moves on to his next conquest while Ashley and some blonde girl get into it in the front yard.
Yeah, that's Ashley's underwear. He wears them a lot when he's visiting.
sigh Jon, this is college! A little filth is to be expected. Put down the toilet brush, pick up the phone,
and meet a cute girl.
"Just as soon as I finish cleaning the bathroom. And the kitchen. And by then someone will have
used the bathroom, so I can clean it again. And then maybe someone will have cooked lunch, so I
can clean the kitchen again."
Ah yes, the Moebius strip of cleaning.
STOP. IT. NOW.
Call a cab. What is it with you and hoodies, anyway?
Great. Now Zee's rolling horrible Wants for BOTH of her cousins. Fanfreakingtastic.
"Gonna take the ladies to a gun show!"
OK, now you're making me regret the tank top.
Geranium "Gerry" Vetinari, Taurus 9/4/9/10/3, is the Gen 3 Prettacy spare. He's a Pleasure Sim with the LTW
to be a Celebrity Chef. Gerry's the oddball personality of Gen 3, being playful and not outgoing. He also has
Stabby Death Nose. For all their differences, he gets along very well with his brother, and, like Zinnia, was
quite relieved not to be the heir.
Geraniums are attractive flowers found in temperate regions, tropical mountains, and the eastern part of the
Mediterranean. The seed heads resemble the bill of a crane, and the genus takes its name from the Greek
word "geranos," meaning "crane."
Hmmm. I might have to keep Mohawk Guy in mind for future generations, if I ever need to breed
in the Goopynose.
Poor thing doesn't seem to grasp the idea of Aspiration Fodder, though.
Meanwhile, the boys make use of the poker table I bought to keep Gerry happy and also to
hopefully supplement their income by suckering in passing Dormies.
Finn: Man, Jonny really sucks at poker! Sweet! Finn is a pool shark, awww yeah!
Jon: Man, I really suck at poker. If only I weren't too nice to cheat!
Finn: "So, beaten up any cow mascots lately?"
Mohawk Guy: "Not recently, no."
Jon: I'm going to have to scrub that chair when he leaves. I can't even look at him in his
unsanitary repugnance. Since when are pants optional?
It's a Choose Your Own Caption Adventure! What is Jon saying?
1) "Wow, he must have scored with your sister!"
2) "Zee's really making a bid for Home Run King, huh?"
3) "Looks like someone just ran the bases!"
4) "Aren't you glad I'm too nice to make a 'ball' metaphor joke?"
We hope you have enjoyed this Choose Your Own Caption Adventure!
"Hey you! You're almost flabby! Stop macking on the hottie and work out!"
"Buddy, I'll be getting sweaty in a minute if you'll get the hell out of here."
"So these are boobs--fantastic!"
Ooooh, the heart-barf from Mitch Indie! What d'you think about that, Zee?
"I like a challenge! I give him another two hours."
The +8000 Aspiration? That's from WooHoo 3 Different Sims. Now if only she'd stop rolling Fall In
Love With Geranium. NO, I said!
Amusingly, Zee rolls the Want to Call Cassidy to Chat pretty much every day. I can only imagine
that she wants someone to have Girl Talk with, because there's no way she can date him--aside
from the "he's gay" thing, he's also her first cousin.
If there were a blue-eyed redhead with this skin tone here, I'd have the complete set.
I love how it looks like Finn and Gerry are mad at Jon, and he's shocked by it, as if Finn and Gerry
don't have the same number of nice points between the two of them that he has on his own.
Notice that Finn is in his underwear and Jon and Gerry are in their pajamas. I can't remember the
last time Zee and Jon went to class dressed in regular clothes. Gotta love nine or ten outgoing
Applied for the Greek House Charter. Went with the sort of 'H'-looking letter for Havelock House.
Havelock, of course, is the first name of Patrician Vetinari from the Discworld novels.
Havelock House started out as Level 6. Hooray for Romance Sims with lots of "special friends!"
Time to get some pledges and free pizza! Yay!
Dude, I suck. I guess I should have had him run to the Energizer. He must have dropped back down into
green on his way over. Those bars go down really quickly when you Energize in the green, don't they? And
what a lovely shade of red that plumbbob turns!
He got up, peed himself, and then passed out in the puddle. I got him back into gold, but when I tried to get
him back into the Energizer to fix the damage, he'd go "I'm smelly! I'm hungry! I'm tired! I need fun! Whine
whine whine!" etc and wouldn't stay in. It was very annoying.
I was glad he's got a good relationship with Zee, because I figured if the Grim Reaper showed up when he
starved to death unconscious in a pool of his own waste, she could save him.
Happily, he lived.
And what college party would be complete without a cheerleader, a jock, and an emotionally
traumatized gay half-alien? Yup, that's Cassidy!
And he doesn't need to call you, HE LIVES WITH YOU! Also, stop trying to Relax next to him in
his bed while he's sleeping!
Meanwhile, Gerry's almost as oblivious to it as Jon is.
Thanks to Finn's girlfriend (OK, one of them, anyway), the party was a Roof Raiser.
Zee and Jon changed into PJs. Apparently 9 or 10 Outgoing Sims do not wear togas to toga
parties. I did not know that.
"You know, this heart-farting of cousins is only going to keep going on."
Ugh. Don't remind me.
"You got another six generations of this. Seven, if you decide to play Gen 10 through college."
This is the part where I go to my Happy Place.
It involves Jensen Ackles, John Barrowman, Oahu, and umbrella drinks, soundtrack by Velvet
Revolver. And that's all I'm gonna say about it.
"So, Cassidy, listen, I know you're gay and a Pleasure Sim and all, but could you maybe dial back
your efforts to set the gender preference for all the male Dormies to male?"
"I don't get what you mean."
"I mean, how's about leaving some for the rest of us?"
"So you want me to stop flirting with all the male Dormies?"
"That's the general idea, yes."
"But I like flirting with all the male Dormies."
"So do I."
"Crushing on Dormies and WooHooing them makes me feel good."
"Me too. Anyway, you're a Pleasure Sim--all you want to do is date, you don't care if it's with the
same person all the time. Why can't you just settle for the guys you already have?"
"Why can't you?"
"Because I'm a mean Romance Sim, that's why."
"Your cousin or whatever is HOT!"
"I know, and he's your cousin or whatever too, doofus."
"Can I set HIS gender preference to male?"
"He's off-limits, apparently."
"To you, or in general?"
"To anyone with the last name 'Vetinari,' or so I've been told."
"Too bad; I love a guy who knows how to accessorize."
"Speaking of wardrobe, the party was yesterday, so why are you still in your toga?"
"I love the freedom of going commando."
"Too much information, Cassidy."
"WHEEE I'M JUGGLING AND IGNORING THE BOTH OF YOU!"
"We're having a toga party in two seconds! Wanna come? Toga optional!"
"Sure! I'm totally attracted to a pair of massive pythons!"
Next time, I let him keep the hoodie.
"Let me kiss you in an adorably charming way, ma petite pomme de terre!"
"Oooh, I love guys who speak French!"
"Maybe later I'll let you get a look at my baguette..."
Geranium Vetinari, no more double entendres for you!
"What? I went shopping on my way home, and I have a loaf of bread in my man-purse. Geez,
always about WooHoo with you, isn't it?"
*headdesk* I really need to stop writing dialogue for the Romance Twins.
"Platinum Aspiration feels tickly like sunshine!"
"You're sort of strange, Gerry."
"Yeah, but you like me anyway, right?"
"Pleasure Sim likes Dream Date!"
Pleasure Sim's gonna like something else in about thirty seconds...
Gerry and his date get their little demented purple hearts. And for once, Zee isn't
stalking him. What's she doing instead?
Cow Mascot vs. Gen 3 Vetinaris: Round 2!
"I AM SENSITIVE TO WRONG TOUCHING!"
I'm not too sure what happened with the jealousy thing, but Gerry's date and Cow Mascot both
ended up with the daggers, Gerry and his date ended up with a double-minus each, but she
wasn't mad at Gerry, just Cow Mascot. And for some reason, at the end of the date five actual
minutes later, she got mad at Gerry for no discernible reason.
"Hey, Zee, Cow Mascot just made my girlfriend upset. Mind Influencing me to Fight with Cow
"Not at all. And if it doesn't work out with your girlfriend, you know where to find me."
"Uh, yeah, sitting next to me on my bed while I sleep, which you can stop doing any time now. It's
not endearing, it's creepy."
"Don't make my girlfriend upset! I have a lack of nice points, and now I'm angry that I'm just
poking you, and not all-out brawling!"
No one kicked Cow Mascot's butt. You fail to lose this time, Cow Mascot. But we will meet again.
Oh yes. We will meet again.
"Look, Jonny, I'm sorta concerned about this 'single' thing you have going on."
"What 'single' thing I have going on?"
"The thing where you don't have a girlfriend! I don't wanna be the heir, and if you don't have a lead
on a cute girl by the time we graduate, Mom might decide to make me the heir instead. You want
this more than me--pull your Stabby Death Nose out of the textbooks and start dating!"
"Gerry, I'm not like you and Zee and Finn. People don't randomly swoon over me, and it takes
more than one vaguely suggestive come-on to get them falling for me."
"Gimme one of your lines. Maybe I can figure out what you're doing wrong."
"Uh, OK... Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Assuming of course, that heaven is relatively
close to the ground, because the force of gravity causes objects in a vacuum to fall at nine point
eight meters per second per second, and even accounting for wind resistance, the human body
would reach terminal velocity in a mere--"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa..."
"I think I see your problem there. Can you turn the 'dork' dial down from eleven?"
"This whole 'meeting girls and flirting with them' is hard! I'm no good with corny come-ons and
cheesy pick-up lines! For crying out loud, I'm OCD Jonny, resident brainiac neat-freak!"
"Jonny, if you're not a cheesy pick-up line guy, then don't try them! They work for me and Finn and
Zee and hell, even Cassidy, because we're basically made to be corny come-on people! You're
not. Geez, bro, you're enough of a geek to know that when your experiments fail, you come up
with a new hypothesis to test."
"For a couch jumper, that was a remarkably dorky thing to say."
"Too much time spent talking to you, I guess. So lay off the cheesy lines and go meet some cute
girls by being Cool Brainiac Jon, not Weird Geeky Come-On Jon!"
"Right! I can do this. I'm smart. I'm congenial. People like me."
"See? That's a good attitude to have! Go out there and knock 'em dead!"
"Er... Gerry? If I'm avoiding the sleazy pick-up line, what do I say instead?"
"You could start with your name, for one. Stop overthinking it! 'Hi, I'm Jon' is all you need to say."
"Okay. I can do this. Right?"
"You'd better, because I'd make a crappy heir. I'd never stop jumping on the couch."
"No jumping on the couch!"
"Then you'd better find a girlfriend, Jonny. Otherwise it's bouncy time 24-7."
"Shoe germs! No couch jumping!"
"I hate to tell you, but there's worse than shoe germs on this couch, bro."
"Go to your Happy Place, Jonquil. Happy Place. Happy Place."
"It smells of bleach, and everything is shiny and clean. And there are no buttprints on the sofa."
Wow, that WooHoo-dar is crazy powerful if someone outside can detect cheating in a bedroom at
the back of the house.
Note to self: shoo other lovers before WooHooing next time.
Ashley? That locked door is for your own protection, buddy. Trust me on this.
whine "I wanna slap Zinnia now!"
No, you really, really don't. You're gonna wanna trust me on that one too, because you're a Maxis-
made playable, which means you probably have a grand total of four skill points, and she will mop
the floor with you.
"Hey, I'm Delphinium. I can be toxic if ea-"
Do NOT finish that thought!
"What? You want me platinum to Energize for the nightly telescope vigil, right?"
"I think that was more of a single entendre."
sobs quietly to self
Yikes. Ladies, if a guy ever looks at you like this, RUN AWAY. This is creepy on a "it puts the
lotion in the basket or it gets the hose again" level. That look in his eyes is like he's trying to figure
out if he could wear her skull as a hat.
Annoying come-ons and creepy faces notwithstanding, Finn gets another notch in his bedpost
and platinum Aspiration. Yay! Now get yourself out to that telescope!
Just call him DJ PJs!
That joke sort of cracks me up, and I have no idea why.
But guess who's got ten Body and maxed fitness?
Different day, different date, and he's still in his undies from the date with the other blonde girl
from the day before. Sim ladies to not appear to be particular.
This is number, uh, four, I think. I'd be working harder at it if he'd rolled 20 WooHoos, but he didn't,
so, eh. I just need him gold enough to Energize if the motive boost from the Dream Date isn't
enough to let him spend all night at the telescope.
"Hey, Cass. Back again, huh?"
"Well, you know, free pizza, free bubbles, free pineapple keg, free pajama-clad eye candy..."
"Um... Was that directed at me?"
"Dude. Not cool."
This is pretty much Cass's favorite spot when he gets to Havelock House. Drinks a couple of
cups, sucks straight from the tap, then heads to the poker table for the next few hours.
Cassidy pretty much single-handedly drained this keg. I guess I can amend his description to
"emotionally traumatized gay half-alien with addiction issues."
Cypress really messed this kid up bad. As if to highlight the damage Cy's doing to his offspring,
Spider Jerusalem calls Cassidy to chat every day. It's sadly touching.
"Finn, I know he's your cousin and all, but how long has Cassidy actually been here this time?"
"Uh, like, two days, I think."
"Yeah, and doesn't he have classes to go to?"
"I asked him about it, and he said something about professor WooHoo."
"Geez, even you and Zee haven't stooped that low."
"What's your beef with him anyway? I mean, we're making a mint off him at the poker table. After a
couple trips to the keg, he totally loses the ability to bluff."
"It's bad enough Zee keeps following me around and leering, but now I gotta put up with Cass doing it
"Well, maybe you should stop wandering around in your pajamas."
"Says the guy in his underwear."
"Just talk to him, would you?"
"I'm not gonna ask him to leave, Gerry. He likes it here, and if he keeps playing cards badly, we'll
be able to afford a computer soon. Wouldn't you like to get rid of some of that Want Panel Spam?"
"Yes, but that's not the point... Is he heading for the bubble blower again?"
"I'm just gonna go inside then."
"Zee's playing video games in the living room, so be prepared for the heart-fart."
"Dammit. Why do I have to be so damned irresistable?"
"Hi! I'm Zinnia Vetinari! You're ugly and you smell bad!"
"Vetinari... You're not related to Larch and Cypress, are you?"
"Larch is my dad."
"He fed me to his cowplant, and your uncle rezzed me as a zombie."
"Dad drank you recently too. He said you were delicious."
"I hope your whole family dies a slow and horrible death."
"With Uncle Cy around, anything's possible! To make up for your treatment at the hands of my dad
and uncle, please enjoy our poker table."
It's bad when the zombie isn't the smelliest one at the table. Cassidy, maybe it's time to go home
I had to take the pizza away before he'd leave. Pineapple keg, poker table, pizza, bubble blower,
poker table, pizza, keg, poker table, keg, pizza, bubble blower, lather, rinse, repeat. For the better
part of THREE DAYS.
Cow Mascot vs. Gen 3 Vetinaris: Round 3!
"I'm mad at the intended Greek House placeholder and I have no idea why and it's all your fault!"
"Oh no you did NOT just hit me with a pillow!"
"Oh no you did NOT just moo at me!"
"Oh no you did NOT just apologize to me!"
giggles of sheer abject glee
Gerry: So I guess it takes three or four Influence to Fights before you get an all-out brawl. Good to
know. Now if only I could figure out why I'm mad at that placeholder chick...
Underwear Girl: "Oooh, fight! I love fights! Gooooooo Zinnia!"
"SUCK IT, COW MASCOT!"
VICTORY IS MINE!! Or ours, whatever. Who cares, Zee just beat the crap out of Cow Mascot!
Numfar, dance the Dance of Joy!
"Gosh, you look wicked serious."
"I live with two Romance Sims and a Pleasure Sim. Sometimes it's nice to get a little peace and
"Oh. Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you."
"No! I mean, it's no bother. Unless you're going to jump on this bench or make out with your
boyfriend on the other half while I'm trying to study like my roommates do."
"Don't need to worry about that! I'm not a bench-jumper, and I don't have a boyfriend."
"I'm Jeannie, by the way."
"Hi, I'm Jon. Well, it's Jonquil really, but everyone calls me Jon. Or sometimes Jonny."
"Jonquil like the flower?"
"Yeeeaaaah, it's sort of a family thing--my brother's name is Geranium. It's a little weird, I know.
Just try not to hold it against me!"
"Oh, no, I love jonquils! Daffodils are wicked pretty--they're my favorite flower! Did you know
they're members of the Narcissus family?"
"I did! Narcissus gets its name from the Greek Narcissus, who, in a legend, stared at his own
reflection in a pool of water for so long that he fell in and died."
"And a flower--a daffodil--sprang from the spot where he sat! The Narcissus legend is also the
reason we call someone egotistical a narcissist!"
"Wow. No one's ever gotten the Narcissus story before."
"I'm such a sucker for mythology and folklore. My friends all think I'm wicked geeky, but I find all
that stuff totally neat!"
"I think I'm in love!"
"... You're from Boston, aren't you?"
"D'you want to come back to my place?"
"WHOOOO RED SOX!"
"I think I'm going to take that as a yes."
"No, Finn, it's square circle x square triangle left left right-trigger!"
"I swear, it's square circle triangle x left left right-trigger up!"
"Square circle triangle x left left right-trigger up is what you do when you want to do that thing with the
zappy lights and the brrrrt noise. Square circle x square triangle left left right-trigger is that thing with the
jet of fire and the whoooooooosh noise. Dummy."
"You know, for as much as you heart-fart for me and stalk me while I sleep, you're kind of mean to me."
"I have one nice point and my dad is Eeevil; I'm pretty much mean to everyone."
"Finn's not nearly as mean as you."
"He has TWO nice points; he's practically Gandhi."
"I have three and Jonny has five; who does that make us?"
"I dunno, Mother Teresa and Buddha?"
"Hey, is that my brother walking through here attached by the lips to some girl?"
"Sweeeet! Score one for Jonny! I thought he was never gonna find a girl, and no way am I gonna
"Tell me about it! ...No, you idiot, triangle circle left-trigger x x triangle!"
"Do you want to play?"
"No, this is more fun."
"You think Jon's going to be out here in his underwear later?"
"I hope so--maybe it'll shut him up about buttprints on the sofa."
"D'you think we're moving too fast, Jeannie? The Knowledge Sim in me requires analysis."
"I'm wondering why we're still on TOP of the sheets, Jonquil."
Jon finally gets his demented purple heart guy. I like Jeannie; perhaps she can get rid of Stabby
Death Nose. And even if she has an annoying LTW, I don't care, because I don't need her
Visited Campus, eh, Gerry?
"Pleasure Sim wants better stereo!"
I see that. What, you couldn't fit a bigger TV in that man-purse of yours?
"Pleasure Sim Wants car?"
Money in the bank says no car for Pleasure Sim. But if you give me two minutes, you can dance
to better stereo.
"Look, my big brother's kind of a dork, but he's a good guy and I don't want to see him hurt. So if you're a
Romance Sim who's gonna use him and dump him, you'd better watch out, because I've got his back. He's a
nice guy, but I'm not a cuddly fuzzy puppy like him."
"You're Jonquil's brother? Geranium, right? That's such a great name! I'm Jeannie. Jeannie and Jonny--isn't
that wicked cute?"
"... Family Sim?"
"Oh yes, aren't kids great? I love kids! And your brother's wicked hawt, and he's so nice and wonderfully
geeky--it was love at first sight!"
"Well then, welcome to the family, I guess."
"I'm sure we're all going to be great friends! ...Is it at all weird that we're having this conversation while I'm in
"Around here, you kind of get used to it."
Jon looks soooo much like his dad here. From this angle, even Stabby Death Nose looks a bit like
Aren't these two cute together?
She rolled the Want to Get Married to Jonquil halfway through their first date. Family Sim through
Because I enjoy them so much, here's another shot of Cow Mascot getting its udder handed to it,
this time by Llama Mascot. Llama Mascot was already visiting when Cow Mascot stopped in, and
Cow Mascot didn't even get the chance to bother anyone before Llama Mascot went all
"schoolyard" on it.
And, amazingly for a picture in this chapter, no one is wearing underwear or pajamas.
This time it's Cheerleader doing the honors, with Gerry and Zee as an appreciative audience. And
we're back to underwear pictures!
Axl Wannabe: "Appropriately positive response!"
Zee: "Giving up, are we, Supreme Nerd?"
I have lost my ability to care. Between you and Finn and Gerry and your constant rolling of Wants to date, "I Have
Bolts With My Girlfriend and Dating Is The Easiest Way To Keep Me Platinum Since I Can No Longer Skill" Jon,
"Family Sim Has Bolts For Boyfriend" Didi, and "I Want To Date Every Guy I've Ever Met, Including Count von
Goopynose" Cassidy, my "giveacrapper" has broken. The thought of coming up with more Romance-related dialogue
makes me die a little inside, and I'm not even really documenting Didi or any of Cassidy's fiftyleven conquests.
Zee: "Not so Supreme, are you now, huh Nerd?"
I gave you Axl Wannabe there so you'd be platinum when I kicked you out after graduation. I tormented myself to be
nice to you, so unless you'd like me to punt you into Aspiration failure, shut up, have a Dream Date, and go away.
"I am going to kill whoever put me in this dress. And took away my custom hair. This is my Smile o' Murderousness."
I'll fix it when Finn leaves in a couple of days.
"How come he gets to stay?"
Another couple of nights with the telescope. Trust me, it's not a reward for him.
Final tally: Zinnia graduates with a 4.0. She fell in love with a bunch of guys, WooHooed every one but Axl Wannabe, got
caught cheating once, never rolled the Want to get engaged without rolling the corresponding Fear (although once,
amusingly, she rolled the Want to get engaged, the Fear of getting engaged, and the Fear of getting rejected for the
engagement proposal, which I guess covers all the bases), beat the crap out of Cow Mascot (yay!), and wouldn't stop stalking
Yay Zee! Now that you're gone, Jon and Gerry can walk into a room without doing that "Zinnia's a Romance Sim!" shake-of-
the-hand thing and I can stop wanting to gouge my eyes out with a grapefruit spoon every time I look at your Want Panel!
Blah blah blah, Brittany Upsnott, big red heart, whatever. All boils down to a motive boost for
stargazing in the end.
Not that it matters, since he spectacularly failed to get abducted. You know what that means--
"What, no party?"
You didn't want a party. You didn't even roll a Want to graduate. You have three WooHoo-related Wants,
one Fall In Love With 10 Sims Want, one Ask Sim On Date, and one Ask to Pledge Want in your panel
right now. You want a party, then actually Want a party.
Final tally: Delphinium graduates with a 4.0. He had a bunch of different lovers, WooHooed them all,
basically had a date a day so he could stargaze all night. He never got abducted, which means he'll
have to get married, and if I'm lucky, I can hold off on it until he's Permaplat so I don't skirt Aspiration
Seeya later, Finn--when I force you to get married and have babies! Oh joy.
"Marry me, ma petite fleur?"
"I think you're MY fleur, Jonquil, but, squeeee! Like I'm gonna say no!"
Final tally: Jonquil graduates with a 4.0 and gets engaged to Jeannie. He made a bunch of friends and
somehow managed to not be on the butt end of the cow mascot's pranks. He kept Havelock House
sparkling clean and mostly went to class in his pajamas. In an effort to keep me happy, after he got
engaged, he rolled Wants to get married and to throw a wedding party. *pats Jon on head* Good boy.
Jon, I think I might *heart* you as much as I do your father. Now scamper off back home and go get
Obligatory Smustle shot!
Gerry still likes hanging out in his jammies, and the steady diet of free pizza has not put a dent
into his maxed fitness.
I'm going to have to remodel Havelock House before the next generation gets here. I've built an
upper level, but don't really have anywhere to put the stairs yet.
"Three little maids from school are we,
Pert as a school-girl well can be,
Filled to the brim with girlish glee,
Three little maids from school!"
Gerry... no. Just... no. There are only two of you, and you're not a Japanese schoolgirl, and... no.
Gerry: "Nudge nudge wink wink?"
Gerry's girlfriend: "Enthusiastic nod!"
Happy Place. Warm sandy beach. Captain Jack Harkness is giving me a foot massage. Dean
Winchester is bringing me mai tais. The sound of the waves crashing on the beach is the guitar
solo from "Slither." Happy Nerd in Happy Place. A day and a half, and I can leave College Date
Hell for a generation. Happy Place.
"As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list--I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed--who never would be missed!"
Ah yes, my nice point-deficient Gilbert and Sullivan addict. *Pats head* I know you want to beat up Cow Mascot, but I
think she's been scared away for now. But you're right, she wouldn't be missed.
I just realized that those are his boxers sticking out of the waistband of his pants. I've been looking at that outfit for
how long and that just occurred to me? In my defense, he does spend a lot of time in his pajamas, but still. I've never
understood the whole boxers-sticking-out-of-the-waistband thing. Especially considering the state of some guys'
underwear. I remember on one occasion thinking to myself, "Oh yeah buddy, you're REALLY gangsta with your
powder blue Snoopy Christmas boxers."
"You bought me a car!"
Yeah, well, it was either that or send you on another framming date to get you to grow up in platinum.
"Can I have my man-purse back now?"
The man-purse outfit really did seem to suit you. I'll get it back once I move you into your new digs.
Final tally: Geranium graduates with a 4.0. He gave Cow Mascot a vicious poking, rolled lots of Wants for things Havelock
House couldn't actually afford, rolled lots of Wants for dates, but unlike Cassidy, didn't care if they were all with the same
person, which made my life a little easier, mostly ignored Zee and Cass heart-farting over him, and made sure his big brother
was motivated to find that special someone.
Shoo, Gerry! Time to go move back to Riverblossom Hills and get set up in some swanky bachelor pad.
He never rolled the Want to get engaged to his girlfriend, even when they were on dates. So I won't force him to. He and
Zinnia can live out their lives happily single. Of course, some of my college brats are happily not-single...
This is Didi and her boyfriend Nolan. Through my own genius, her personality is now 10/3/8/10/4.
Hooray for nice points! And she's slightly less shy than she was!
Yeah, I could keep Nolan in the gene pool for the Prettacy, but he's a Dormie, which means there
are probably a bunch more guys wandering around with his face (like the bajillion
Stephan/Remington clones), and how cute are he and Didi together?
And then there's Cassidy...
He graduated with a 4.0 through the miracle of professor WooHoo, WooHooed his way to Big Man On
Campus, got caught cheating a bunch of times, sometimes by the same people more than once,
drained a couple of kegs at Havelock House, joined in on the heart-farting of Geranium, and rarely
ended a date without a WooHoo--and he had lots of dates, with lots of different men, both Dormies and
And that guy up there with his hand on Cass's butt? Yeah, that's EXACTLY who you think it is. This is
how messed up Cassidy is--he actually Wanted to go there. Well, it was him or Count Goopynose, and I
didn't think Cass needed to be an emotionally traumatized gay half-alien vampire with addiction issues.
And with a shot of the newly-remodeled Havelock House, I will bid you adieu until Chapter 9,
when we head back to the main Legacy households for the birth of Gen 4. Plus you know I'll catch
you up on Cypress's kids (Does Delirium still hate Spider Jerusalem? What's Cassidy doing with a
certain red smoking jacket-ed, purple cravat-ed, perma-Primping Pleasure Sim?) as well as
another household we haven't seen in a while (What's Sycamore been plotting with Larch--and
how does Awesome Banyan fit in?). All that and the more important issue: Since Finn didn't get
abducted, who the heck is he gonna marry, and how ugly are the kids gonna be?