MEEKIE                                It’s as
                                     mad as a   FREE!
MONTHLY               ...
Editor’s welcome                                          meekiemonthly
Contents                                                       Issue 5               June 2007

           In this month’s...
For our new readers….

(both of them) …..

                             gs you
  101                    thin
Celebrity Showdown

                                           V Corbet
                                      Barker    ...
The Great
As you may well have noticed, y...
                                            kie M

BIG                    ...
onthsalyyso. . . .
     Meekiers pMe..cos we
Dear                                                                         ...
Back Issues
Get noticed

Even in small business, image is everything

Press releases · web page content · sales letters · newslette...

r !!
               a fo
       er view
We int                       l?        otbal
Dear                                                                                    My daughter is an embarrassment
Rugby World Cup Preview
   Striking your opponent full in the face is illegal in most rugby games
   these days. However, ...
ORRITE?                Holby Heaven
Issue 1    June 2007   Celebrity Rikki Gallup puts her
                        feet up...
As Welsh celebrities go, Krik (he only has the
                                               one name in honour of his ch...
Advertise here for
         as little as

              per month.
Meekie Monthly is a fast ...
      nversation wit                                                                                                   ...
Lisa: I’m sorry, I
How lazy are you?
    Let Meekie Monthly decide whether you’re a lazy arse

                                                              Josie: W EM
  CE                                                                            ...
Meekie Monthly, Issue 5
Meekie Monthly, Issue 5
Meekie Monthly, Issue 5
Meekie Monthly, Issue 5
Meekie Monthly, Issue 5
Meekie Monthly, Issue 5
Meekie Monthly, Issue 5
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Meekie Monthly, Issue 5


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Meekie Monthly, Issue 5

  1. 1. MEEKIE It’s as mad as a FREE! MONTHLY badger Issue 5 June 2007 L! PECIA YS EBRIT CEL Read our exclusive interview with a Hollywood celebrity! FREE OMEGA 66 TRACK WITH THIS ISSUE!! GIVE I T SOME HEAD
  2. 2. Editor’s welcome meekiemonthly Contact details: Editor: Royston Butterscotch Dear readers, Well it’s good to be back. As you know, last month I was in hospital having penis reduction surgery. It was awfully embarrassing having to tuck it in my socks all the time. (blush) So it’s back to business– for those of you in the UK, summer’s here and for the lads and Cover girl: Holly from Walsall ladettes of the Northern Hemisphere, time to enjoy the sun. As for me– Find us at and well, my family and I are off to West Wales for a few days– my surgically enhanced wife Brenda Meekie Monthly is a free subscription-based E-Magazine. is getting my rubber ring ready for my...erm… To subscribe, email visit to the pool. My young daughter Cindy has A small portion of our profit goes to Cancer Research been busy buffing up her ‘Brazilian’ (some kind of nut I’m guessing) and young Royston Timmy has been buying some top-shelf magazines to take with Editor him. Juggz Ahoy! Have a great June. MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 2
  3. 3. Contents Issue 5 June 2007 In this month’s Meekie Monthly: WRITERS WANTED We’re looking for writers to write for our 5. Interesting facts about horses hallowed pages. You don’t need any experience– 6. Celebrity Showdown just the cheek to think that you’d be good enough. Go on back yourself– drop us a line at 8. The BIG Interview– with a real life celebrity! 9. Letters page Comment 13. The Lads’ Page– Tits and Beer. Wahay! 14. Agony Aunt– your problems solved Say NO to 15. Rugby World Cup Preview– how to punch someone in the face 16. Page 16 the Severn 20. A Flowchart Thing that says you’re lazy. Barrage 22. Fok knows 24. Have a look yourself onthly I read Meekie M re I watch 26. Siop Meekie Monthly every night befo Of all the fokkin sea in the world, you I believe Cagney & Lacey want to build a barrage on my fokkin 28. Horoscopes thly is that Meekie Mon doorstep to power the rest of the UK. nd to great quality, seco 30. Sport You know where you can stick it none. A Pope, Italy MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 3 MEEKIE
  4. 4. For our new readers…. ie? (both of them) ….. ek e am t is This is a drawing of ha W a meekie by a well- renowned artist Sigh! Do we really have to go through this every month? For those of you who do not yet know, a meekie is a person with a very large head, usually through no fault of their own. There is Royston says: nothing wrong with these people. Meekie Monthly aims to celebrate these amazing people and has been doing so since 1988. “For some meekies, having a headache can This is a real-life be a real headache. The pharmaceutical photo of a meekie industry can overcome this by building bigger tablets to take” Meekie Fact: Meekies can be found the whole world over– even in places like Germany MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 4 MEEKIE
  5. 5. never gs you 101 thin horses about new k of rry. He was fed up an soldier called Te om ed in 204 AD by a R s rag and bone cart e to help him pull hi Horses were invent rs 1. and invented the ho ld War when they ng his own chariot, in the Second Wor pulli avily e at one that they mad They were used he y wars, including th ominently in wars. nd. arou pr an have also started m rses have featured roughout history, ho y positions. Horses 2. Th arm ight of 3000ft onto e dropped from a he anything interesting. wer n horses and Italian why they never say often made betwee about. a film ains is all brains which expl ds. This comparison very large love glan orses have very sm 3. H ve horses and they ha nd National, which allions are the male of them all, the Gra 4. St d by the biggest race jockey getting up e love glands. e UK get very excite their jockey and the , who also have larg th to men for racing. People in n of horses falling on e horses are used the age old traditio never do it again. 5. Som people enjoy seeing ctive and the horses g that they hop of shment is 100% effe ving just the one le ld once a year. Lots ni r ha is he a reprimand. The pu ed are renowned fo Short Highland Bre ooting the horse as the and sh ith 4 legs although t horses are born w 6. Mos st performance , tstanding ventriloqui on. around ou . nally worn by horses could fly, turn in an has it that he rode e Wonderhorse. He seshoes are traditio been found. Legend th 7. Hor ver in the world is Zippo the local paper for s. His body has ne most famous horse rious circumstance had bad reviews in 8. The yste he as depressed after e died in 1986 in m en ride a bicycle. H Some say that he w es. and ev Point in South Wal . es and other horses X off a cliff at Nash between some hors his BM n t that went wrong. s the great variatio his ventriloquist ac ite short. This reflect tall and some are qu 9. Horses are quite paint a horse. 10. You can actually . 11. If ever wanted to MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 5 MEEKIE
  6. 6. Celebrity Showdown V Corbet Barker t ly more cudd Looks: Ronnie t de him a lo C’s diminutive r frame ma size belied the was a rampant sturdie rker’s fact that he sex god Looks: Ba chum. 8/10 le 9/10 than his litt Comic Talent: uo, Corbett’s legen an of the d dary monologue couch remain to e funny m s on the this day, timeles ered th ften consid t is legendary s Talent: O 9/10 n 10/10 comic tale Comic Hair: Corbett st ndoubted ill sports exactly er’s u Bark the same hair th in the 1970s. S at he had plendid fe. his entire li of hair for 10/10 head ined a full Height: Legend Barker reta has it that Ronn 9/10 Hair: ie B met Ronnie wedding– Ronn C at a ie C was stood e Impressiv on the cake. Ho Corbett’s heigh C, wever, t only adds to h to Ronnie is appeal compared ll but sn’t that ta n nnie B wa a tall ma o 8/10 Height: R 9/10 very much Total: looked Barker 36/40 36/40 Total: It’s a draw! Hoorah! MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 6 MEEKIE
  7. 7. The Great Meekie Monthly Giveaway! As you may well have noticed, you’ve received a lovely MP3 of Cardiff superband, Omega 66, courtesy of your favourite E-mag, Meekie Monthly. Omega 66 reformed in June 2006, keeping two of the original members of Dark Chunk, who famously played at the Glastonbury Dance Tent in 2004. Your track has been exclusively mixed by renowned DJ, Angel Farringdon, and you can get the whole of Omega’s brand new album by visiting them at or Omega’s guitarist Krik has also been exclusively interviewed on page 17! “are currently awaiting reviews of their debut album and recent live shows. Don’t miss them on Radio One’s Annie Nightingale Show on 4th June. If you have a band you’d like to promote through the beautiful pages of Meekie Monthly, please drop Royston a line at MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 7 MEEKIE
  8. 8. The Mee kie M BIG onth Excl ly usiv e! Interview This month, we’ve spoken to the beautiful Hollywood actress, famous for appearing in What day is your bin day? CSI, ER, Friends, Thursday Charmed, Joan of Arcadia and loads of other films Have you ever seen the film Groundhog Day? including The Parent Trap Multiple times, yes, multiple times and Inspector Gadget II. Elaine is a talented writer If you get in a taxi on your own, do you get into the front and musician in her own or the back? right, and tells us that Back seat quot;Driving Miss Elainequot; style she’s been to London and seen Big Ben and also What did you have for tea last night? seen the film My Fair Astro Burger and fries to celebrate Memorial Day. Yeah baby! Lady. We think she’s a bit crazy, Have you ever seen the film Groundhog Day? but we love crazy women! Multiple times, yes, multiple times Find Elaine at What’s your favourite yellow crescent-shaped fruit? Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? In response to many reader enquiries– MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 8 MEEKIE yes, these interviews are real!
  9. 9. onthsalyyso. . . . Meekiers pMe..cos we Dear TV Made My Son a Superhero Who says television ag Your favourite lette doesn’t influence yo ung children? My 8 old son got bitten by year a spider last week an d now runs around Maesteg in a red su it saving people from burning buildings (which is quite comm on in Maesteg). Who says television turns children in monsters? My son is a hero! Train Trauma Egg-sploding Ethel Les Gardner Maesteg I am a train conductor and I’m sick me round last My mother-in-law Ethel ca of mothers getting on to my trains, her one of my week for tea and I cooked I’ve enclosed a pic of with six or seven kids and with him in his last heroic wards, I realised adventure speciality omelettes. After prams wider than a pickup truck. It’s te and my that the eggs were out of da my job to help these lazy women get hours later fears were confirmed a few their troop of clones on and off my e salmonella when she detonated an hug train. I even had one woman tell me refurbished salvo in the pan of my newly to learn some manners after I told here where she could stick her bathroom. let and see a Now, every time I visit a toi pram. Perhaps these women should er, I think of similar straw-coloured splatt learn to keep their legs closed of your readers my mother-in-law. Do any instead? es that remind have any similar visual cu them of someone? Andy Merthyr Tydfil Colin Cupcake Colchester Pointless Penguins ramme. Hi. My name’s Dan and C’s Planet Earth prog t down to watch the BB I’m your new warm by standing in a d I sa Last night, my wife an nguins on. They keep Spiderman. As you can th all the pe get a We watched the one wi huddle so that they all go on the outside of the see, I’m in a bit of a ns to huddle, taking it in tur pickle right now. But e to move middle. ven’t they got the sens turn in the warm with a bit of Spidey- to do that, then why ha eek to And they’ve got the ch e If they’ve got the sens Meek t bloody-mindedness. magic I’ll be out in no ie Mo ih! nthly Talk abou at dump pretty sharps somewhere warmer? Wales bird would get out of th time– ready to fight Any sensible call themselves birds! UK crime wherever it World happens…. David Kagool Saltash, Cornwall MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 9 MEEKIE
  10. 10. Back Issues We’ve got lots of back issues of Meekie Monthly left. We’ve been doing Meekie Monthly since 1988, but we only launched the electronic version back in March 2007. We think you’ll find that we’re getting bigger and The Isle of Wight better every month. Meekie Monthly Competition Time! If you’ve missed out on the earlier issues, fear not– you can order them, free of charge, from Yes, here’s your chance to win your very own island! us. I think we’re a bit too good to you, but It’s got everything that you’ve ever wanted– beaches, some grass and then we think that in even a regular boat service to the mainland. All you have to do to win this this day and age, you splendid prize, is answer this very easy Isle of Wight question: deserve something for free. What is Cilla Black’s real name? All you need to do is Send your answers on a postcard (or in an email) to email us at, requesting which issue you want. We’ve got them all from March All entries must reach us by June 30th. onwards. Think– they might be worth something in a few years’ time. Probably not though. Stop press! Due to an oversight by one of my family members, I do not in fact, own the Isle of Wight and am therefore unable to offer it as a prize in this competition. I am very sorry for all distress caused and I will do my best to find a suitable alternative. Isle of Man any good anyone? MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 10 MEEKIE
  11. 11. Get noticed Even in small business, image is everything Press releases · web page content · sales letters · newsletters · advertisements · advertorials · brochures · feature writing MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 11 MEEKIE
  12. 12. Advertisement Ginger Person of the Month Every month, Meekie Monthly celebrates those wonderful ginger people by interviewing them Name: Rachelle Location: Ely, Cardiff Why I love being ginger: It's eye catching and certainly not boring. Out of a group, the redhead is the first one you spot! Also we're least likely to go grey! Having red hair feels special cos it's quite a rarity, and takes up something like 2% of the population, how cool is that? I read Meekie Monthly before every fight. It gives me an edge over my opponents. Vladamir Nokabolokov MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 12 MEEKIE
  13. 13. r !! otballe a fo er view We int l? otbal ying fo like pla hat’s it MM: W nice otball? ’s quite ck a fo n: It you ki Dar re far can w MM: Ho e far r? n: Quit ng ove Dar re ke falli Meekie Monthly t’s it li reader M: W ha s full of the month– M ur ts M ball hit eally h add t : It r n a foo Carter from Au Dar ren r t whe stralia es it hu MM: Do then? he face in t ends : It dep Dar ren Top Fuel Dragster Bad Ass Fiesta hat? : On w it hits MM e face : Whos Dar ren your ollecting Star t c We’ve p cards. tr u m first n you the give ollect r free! C two fo onth! s ever y m your Top Speed: 330+ mph Top Speed: 42 mph Fuel: Nitromethane Fuel: 4* Unleaded 0-100mph: Under 1 second 0-100mph: It doesn’t but it’s 1/4 mile: 4.5 seconds got a fokkin massive exhaust ads’ Page on it The L Balls * Bad Ass Cars * BO * Boobs MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 13 MEEKIE
  14. 14. Dear My daughter is an embarrassment Dear Briony My daughter has the most hugest head that the world has ever seen. Every time we Briony….. go to Kwik Save, children stop and stare. Last Christmas, the Council even decorated it and made her stand outside the Town Hall for 7 weeks. However, she's now become depressed. She's become a recluse and all she does all Your embarrassing problems day is sob on her (huge) pillow. published to the world What can I do? Sarah Newcastle I can’t get laid I’ve got good news for you Sarah. Soon, you won’t have to shop at quick save any more. What is the best way to ensure that I get laid on my You’ll be able to ascend to the highest rung of the grocery ladder, Waitrose. Actually do they first date? I've spent so much money wining and even have Waitrose in Newcastle? Probably not. You’re probably at the pinnacle of dining women and I never get to the 69ing. It's become shopping excellence already, aren’t you? Scrap that. My point was that you are sitting on a so bad that I've started turning up for the first date, goldmine. Guinness will probably pay you a million pounds a day to feature your daughter’s saying quot;Hiquot; and then leaving again as nothing head within it’s esteemed pages. You could get hats made especially for her. What more ever happens on the first date. does she want? You need to teach her about life: you play the hand (or head) you’re dealt Please help Trevor Lincoln The Impotence o f being Ernest Dear Briony Before you reach for the Roofies, Trevor, you might want My husband Erne st recently com to consider this statistic. Only 0.001% of people named e home from the impotent. The fa doctors and told ct of the matter Trevor have ever had sex. And those that did were doing me that he was is, he's not impo take our next do tent- he's just a or neighbour Col farmyard animals. So go on down to your town hall and road digger. No in– he’s very im and sings solo in w potent- he's on the local church the local Counc get your name changed by deed poll. (Tip: Kevins, choir. How can that he's not as il I break the news impotent as he thinks he is? to my husband Leslies and Kenneths are even less likely to get laid). Sally Bath Oh, Trevor? And this is just a thought, mind, you might want to stop thinking about dating as a capitalist I know for a fact transaction where the woman is just a provider of a Colin is not only impotent, but he’s man can’t, you kn service. That might be where you’re going wrong. I’m not important too. Im ow, ahem, do the portance is when special thing that cases other men a men do to women sure women are very inclined to engage in orally-based ). Importance is a (and in some real problem for m to 50 or so, and yo en of a certain ag u see them driving sexual acts with men who think that saying “Come on e. Once they get their little penis sh Morrison’s, swollen aped cars down with their own im love, I just spent fifty quid on that meal” while pushing her the local potence, you just taking place. Anyw know there’s no ay, about your hu head towards his crotch is foreplay. other “swelling” sband. W hat’s to cookie like you fo say he isn’t impo r a wife? Second thought, forget my advice about the name. Mas- tent, with a smar t turbating is probably the better option for you m’duck. MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 14 MEEKIE
  15. 15. Rugby World Cup Preview Striking your opponent full in the face is illegal in most rugby games these days. However, it does still make for exciting viewing and always In a new series, goes down a treat with the lads down the pub. Have fun! Meekie Monthly counts down to Step One: Pick an opponent You startin’…? the Rugby World Preferably someone smaller than you and on his own. The last thing you want is his bigger mate wading in. Cup this September by Step Two: looking at the Start an argument various tactics This can be for any reason whatsoever. This chap on the left has singled out his target and is going over to used by the punch the little fellow firmly on the nose. world’s teams. Have a bunch Mfmfmfmsdsjhfdfdfd! of fives you This month we Step Three: Deliver your blow little rotter you Strike your opponent firmly on the hooter. look at the art of punching your opponent Step Four: Make your escape Leave the scene of the crime immediately. Ensure that your escape route is not blocked by an larger opposing player, referee or policeman. MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 15 MEEKIE
  16. 16. ORRITE? Holby Heaven Issue 1 June 2007 Celebrity Rikki Gallup puts her feet up and relaxes with an exciting episode of the BBC’s EXCLUSIVE! flagship medical drama. RIKKI For celebrity Rikki Gallup, “Sometimes I’ll pop to the Above; Rikki relaxes and settling down to watch an shops in the day. Most of watches her favourite medical drama GALLUP episode of ‘Holbs’ is a life- them are open 9-6 and it’s changing experience. nice to have them open all Below: Rikki poses outside her “I always have a cup of tea day. It gives the shopper SITS ON small detached house just and some Hob Nobs. nine hours to select their outside Gatwick Airport “I like the drama in Holby sundry goods”. HER City. There’s always Rikki’s favourite shop is someone falling over and Gregg’s, the bakers. hurting themselves and it’s “They do a lovely choco- SETTEE amazing how these actors, late flake cake there. They who you often see in other even put a small section of AND programmes, manage to a Flake bar on the top and save people’s lives. Take it’s nice with another cup Nigel from Eastenders for of tea”. WATCHES instance. He’s done ever Rikki hopes to become so well to become a even more famous this HOLBY consultant. He was always year. thick as shit in Eas- “I hope to become even tenders”. more famous this year” CITY But life isn’t all about Holby she says. City for Rikki. MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 16 MEEKIE
  17. 17. As Welsh celebrities go, Krik (he only has the one name in honour of his childhood super- ORRITE? hero Superted), is one of the most famous. In some countries, he is even more famous than that bloke out of Def Leppard. You know- the one with one arm. I think he might have died. Him anyway. But there’s more to Krik Issue 1 June 2007 than just plucking the strings of love: “I sometimes like going to Kwik Save and sniff things. I can spend hours in the fabric EXCLUSIVE! conditioner aisle. I just love smelling things– “If it wasn’t for my tortoise herbs, spices, fabric conditioners, washing powders, marker pens– anything that reminds I wouldn’t be here today” Omega 66’s me of my childhood basically”. Krik is Krik opens his heart to Above: Krik singing Krik’s certainly come a long way since those Below: A recent picture (picture days and now lives in a 14 bedroom flat in the Meekie Monthly about his courtesy of South Wales Speed trendy area of Cardiff known as Grangetown, famous for music, his sniffing and his Enforcement (Speed camera) with his 17 dogs and a tortoise called Sid. Department) coming to terms with his But living in the fast lane has taken its toll on strumming the South Wales rocker. SP30 “I got caught driving my Fiat Uno through in public. town at 140mph. I was only trying to clear my carburettor. I was flashed by a camera. A copper then pulled me over and told me that And also he’d been waiting for me, so I told him that I got there as fast as I could”. for driving Krik was fined £60 and had three points put on his licence. quite fast “Coming through driving rehab was hell but I got there in the end thanks to my dogs and tortoise” MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 17 MEEKIE
  18. 18. Advertise here for as little as £20 per month. Meekie Monthly is a fast growing E-Magazine with its roots in South Wales but with a global readership base.You can be part of this growing phenomenon by advertis- You? ing on our hallowed pages. Just £20 will buy you a full page advert in glorious technicolour, street cred and exposure to new clients. Email MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 18 MEEKIE
  19. 19. ha nversation wit By Josie Henley Co Machine 1911966 , let’s see. 0870 Josie: Right then Lisa: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Do you know the name of the Traveldodge where s One ies, please pres r reservation quer you want to stay? aveldodge, fo you for calling Tr Machine: Thank- Josie: WEMBLEY Josie: One Alys: Lisa Wembly? o please press Tw ections, Machine: For dir Lisa: So you’d like to stay in Traveldodge Wembley Hotel. Is that right? Josie: One, one ception d to the lodge re u’ll be transferre Josie: Yes. e hold and yo other calls, pleas Machine: For all . 08701911966 Lisa: When will you be arriving? ke! Ok, try again e: Oh for gods’ sa Josi Josie: Tuesday the eighteenth of April. eldodge… u for calling Trav achine: Thank-yo M Lisa: Staying for how many nights? n you. Josie: One, dam cess to me, you’ll gain ac e. By speaking to Josie: Three. of Traveldodg a. I’m the voice Machine: I’m Lis via our website. rmally available our best rates no Lisa: Ok. You’d like to arrive on Tuesday the eighteenth of April and stay for three es now. nights. Is that right? giving them nam od god, they’re Josie: Lisa? Go Josie: Yes. Alys: W hat? nt to stay? e where you wa of the Traveldodg Lisa: Great. Now tell me how many adults will be staying. e u know the nam Machine: Do yo Josie: Two. lled Lisa. the machine is ca Josie: It’s Lisa, ge where you e of the Traveldod u know the nam Lisa: And how many children aged fifteen and under will be staying? . Do yo I didn’t catch that Lisa: I’m sorry, Josie: One. want to stay? Josie: W embley Lisa: And would you prefer smoking or non-smoking? who? Alys: W hat? Lisa dge where you Josie: Non-smoking. e of the Traveldo u know the nam . Do yo didn’t catch that Lisa: I’m sorry, I want to stay? MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 18 MEEKIE
  20. 20. Lisa: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. I’m having technic speak to a call re al difficulties. If yo presentative, our u wish to lines are open be any day of the we tween eight am an ek. Alternatively d eight pm you could try our om at website. Goodbye smoking ro . Josie: Oh for fok’s book a non- e child, sake! ant to lts and on t! So you w for two adu Lisa: Grea e tay for thre bley Hotel, of April to s e W em Alys: W hat? Traveldodg esday the eighteenth Tu arriving on t? . Is that righ Josie: She’s gone . nights Alys: Try again. Josie: Yes. Try for two nights. ty… ck availabili while I che ment t, just a mo Josie: Ok. 087019 Lisa: Grea 11966 ility. ing availab She’s check Machine: Thank- Josie: you for… Josie: One e W em- Alys: Ok. Traveldodg ge vailability in ldod a there is no ble in Trave om Machine: I’m Lis a: I’m sorry, re are spaces availa a. I’m the voice s fr Lis int-eight mile ional of Traveldodge. By ut the access to our be ley Hotel, b oyal, which is zero-po speaking to me, yo st rates normally ddit b site at an a u’ll gain available via our name of the Trav rk R parking on London Pa e-hundred website. Do you eldodge where yo is g will be on oice. There know the u want to stay? your first ch tal cost of this bookin this? like to book Josie: W EMBLEY e to charge. Th would you ve pounds, and sixty fi Lisa: So you’d lik e to stay in Traveldodg e W embley Hotel at? Josie: W h . Is that right? Josie: Yes… Tu esday the eightee nth of April…Two… smoking. Alys: W hat? site! on the web Yes… Two… On ds a night e… Non- ty-six poun it said twen Lisa: Great! So yo Josie: But ok u like to bo u want to book a t. W ould yo non-smoking room Hotel, for two adul ’t catch tha at Traveldodge W ts and one child, rry, I didn embley arriving on Tuesda stay for two night Lisa: I’m so y the eighteenth of s. Is that right? April to this room? ’t in- which doesn Josie: Yes. five pounds, sixty ndred and Josie: A hu ing. Lisa: Great, just ark clude car p like to book a mom ent while I check W ould you availability… catch that. ’t orry, I didn Josie: She’s chec Lisa: I’m s king availability. this room? ds a night! ty-six poun it said twen Alys: But id. t’s what I sa Josie: Tha like to book W ould you catch that. ’t orry, I didn Continued next month…….. Lisa: I’m s
  21. 21. How lazy are you? Let Meekie Monthly decide whether you’re a lazy arse START HERE Would you Do you ever get try and yes Would you order in Would you stay out of bed late? pizza, two kebabs work the there all day? yes no food off? and a bottle of coke? no no yes no You’re a liar. yes yes Are you over- Lazy arse You’re also a weight? lazy arse. Would this be by Is that pizza yes getting out of bed no going to work no to turn the TV itself off? Please go to Do you over? yes the next square maintain no no matter how regular bowel you got here no movements? no Would you use a skateboard You are in danger of no to take you yes yes exploding. Please Only to get some across the consult a vet yes more pizza room? MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 20
  22. 22. CELEBRIT Josie: W EM BLEY Alys: Lisa W em bley? Y Lisa: So you’ d like to st ay in Traveld odge W emb ley Hotel. Is Josie: Yes. that right? UPDATE Lisa: W hen will yo u be arriving ? Josie: Tuesd ay the eight eenth of Apr il. ill y Sian H Lisa: Staying for B how many n ights? d up stars of se the goss on the mes All the scandal all today!!! the wn. I personally find of slappers around to King Kebab ange, and fan- d with all sorts he is getting snappe bit of ‘rough’ for a ch Prince W illiam. And . Maybe he wants a icking out of g st into the 21 century bit of kebab lettuce st split up with future kin e Royal Family move someone with a little Kate Middleton has ould come th d think it’s about time So ‘ladies’. I think he sh ough their blood, an thing hysterical, and white star running thr ded by all those posh round whole ‘ buy one get 2 free’ un d hunt, I’ll be dancing boring for him surro down for a proper bir meone with a bit more him, must be terribly nal! e like, cigarette is optio cies so u do decide to com e! You cant blame fresh from chippie lan other. Join me if you al bird! So Wills, if yo , and find a re their teeth, bottle of Bud in the that he’s newly single kebab in one hand, down to Cardiff now rses outfit! Dog shit rth of life bar, in a nu the lamppost , just no the singers together! Apparently Druggie Duo for recording a single d cent has openly talke are in talks drugs they share. 50 illiams and 50 Cent re’s their love of dy! Robbie W ht by 3 armed e for the single alrea last week he got caug endless! I mean the the joy! Get in queu dably true, the list is there’s Robbie; only eir ‘hard Oh tan ral times. And then ! And then there’s th to talk about! Unders g been arrested seve tra Strength Lemsips ve a lot in common ent most vin ere’s Robbie who sp paracetamol and Ex ha drugs in the past, ha s and battery. And th uggle out 2 packs of love for recreational ed! Per- ce sm of his bars for firearm offen y guards for trying to me out and he chok ending time behind – the chemist’ securit ars if the feathers ca rd time, sp have got 3 ye ‘Boots cent clearly had a ha ry Barlow! He could knock’ childhoods. 50 g pillow fights with Ga dungarees on, havin of it in that band with hear the single! sonally I can’t wait to are ru- on, and some songs sing a new album so Bears Shitney ave 4 u’, and to be relea incess of Pop is going e more time’, ‘I’m a sh studio! Finally, the Pr es- ‘Drop me baby on ing of the song titl is back in the record n’t wait to hear some And Britney Spears cent ‘breakdown’. I ca on her re from. moured to be based few she could choose again! ’ being just a ‘Oops I’ve lost it MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 21
  23. 23. MEEKIE MONTHLY WEB DIRECTORY LEBRITY CE This is a web directory of Meekie Monthly readers and friends. It’s free to add your website on here UPDATE Continued but we can’t accept responsibility for the sites and their contents. GAMING de Backside Statesi y, as the ring her pregnanc ing in America du Girl, says her mum arriv cognisable Spice HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCE REPAIRS AND TACKLE Mel B has blamed weight. The unre reaction to piled on so much ast dinners. Her reason she has by feeding her ro onally, I BAGS fattening her up, s my ass!’. Pers mply been – ‘Kis r mum has been he s si out her weight ha ace on it! her piss-takers ab uld write the whole of W ar and Pe if I co was gonna ask MUSIC PROMOTION Golfing Goon lf in Scot- ve a round of go and decided to ha all over. Said to be a arrived in the UK and groped Justin Timberlake mbarded by fans n of his sed for the duratio rently he was bo PR has been increa land. Appa m Jones rity equivalent to To mberlake’s secu blic, it’s probably tle shaken up, Ti had a lit lf course was pu ngos! I heard he . Seeing as the go ry own Castle Bi d stay d out right flattene v in one of our ve g up to use the la e next course an was on th turnin urly Wurly ichelle McManus PUBLICATIONS scarded half a C lucky escape. M e heard he had di guards, when sh 2 of his security zer! and a bottle of Ti RUGBY hrob Halitosis HeartT , after otlight this month me under the sp has co eems Mr r Tom Jones, he sion this week. S And talking of Si about her depres so W elsh stud has al to talk has stepped out uch of it, and the WHAT’S ON his wife ctor of m has slept g hands was a fa ount of women he Jones’s wanderin st count of the am bottles rhythm stick’ into st that he has lo admitted in the pa to dip his ‘Welsh ue ed a little plaq st told how he lik eded to remove with. One conque ! – Perhaps he ne WOMEN’S ACCESSORIES g foreplay of Listerine durin wwwww! ck to the wife ! Ew re going ba befo MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 22