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Bureau

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Bureau

  1. 1. „ Tu as entendu ? Notre chef est mort !." „ Oui, et je me demande depuis tout un temps qui est mort avec lui." „ Comment ça, avec lui?" “ Ben, dans l‘annonce on avait écrit “avec lui est mort un de nos collaborateurs les plus compétents“ ..."
  2. 2. Le chef à un collaborateur : „Ça fait la quatrième fois cette semaine que tu es en retard. Qu‘est-ce que tu en conclus ?“ „ Que c‘est jeudi!"
  3. 3. „ Dites, Dupond, pourquoi arrivez-vous seulement maintenant au bureau ?" „ Parce que vous m‘avez dit hier que je n‘avais qu‘à lire mon journal à la maison."
  4. 4. Un entrepreneur demande à un autre : „ Pourquoi tes collaborateurs arrivent-ils toujours à l‘heure ?" „ C‘est très simple : j‘ai 30 collaborateurs, mais seulement 20 places de parking !"
  5. 5. “ Ne me considérez pas comme votre chef, mais comme un ami qui a toujours raison."
  6. 6. Aussi longtemps que mon chef fera semblant de bien me payer, je ferai semblant de bien travailler !
  7. 7. “ Nous voudrions bien vous engager, mais hélas, nous n‘avons pas de travail pour vous...“ “ Oh... Travailler ne m‘intéresse pas tellement...“
  8. 8. Le chef engueule sa secrétaire : „Qui vous a dit que vous pouviez vous tourner les pouces ici toute la journée, simplement parce que je vous ai embrassée une fois ou deux ?" Et la secrétaire de répondre en riant: “Mon avocat !"
  9. 9. “ Pourquoi Dupond ne fait-il rien aujourd‘hui?" „ Cette semaine, il remplace le chef..."
  10. 10. Un collaborateur à son chef : „ Vous m‘aviez bien promis une augmentation si vous étiez content de moi..." “ Bien sûr!" répond le chef, „Mais comment puis-je être content de quelqu‘un qui demande plus d‘argent !"
  11. 11. Le chef du personnel: „Vous commencez lundi. Vous serez payé selon vos prestations" Le candidat : „Désolé, mais je ne peux pas vivre de ça."
  12. 12. “ Nous cherchons quelqu‘un qui n‘a pas peur du travail et n‘est jamais malade." "OK, engagez-moi, je vous aiderai à chercher."
  13. 13. “ Chef, pourrais-je arrêter aujourd‘hui deux heures plus tôt le travail? Ma femme voudrait que nous fassions des courses ensemble." „ Il n‘en est pas question !" „ Merci, chef ! Je savais que vous ne me laisseriez pas tomber."
  14. 14. Mon patron m’a enfin donné plus de responsabilités. Désormais, je suis responsable de tout ce qui va de travers .
  15. 15. Quand je demande une augmentation, mon travail est sans importance, mais quand je demande congé, je suis indispensable.
  16. 16. Le lundi, je me sens comme Robinson Crusoe. J’attends Vendredi…

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