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NLQ01 - Noticing, Listening & Questioning

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Noticing, listening & questioning session oriented toward students.

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NLQ01 - Noticing, Listening & Questioning

  1. 1. Noticing, Listening & Questioning (NLQ) NLQ01: Experiencing & Exercising Fundamental NLQ Skills David E. Goldberg ThreeJoy Associates, Inc. Champaign, IL 61821 USA deg@threejoy.com © 2012 David E. Goldberg
  2. 2. Check In •  Your name •  One fact about yourself that not too many people. ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  3. 3. What is success in education? © 2012 David E. Goldberg
  4. 4. •  Stephen Covey says begin with the end in mind. •  If you are as successful as you want to be, what will you be doing? Stephen R. Covey (b. 1932)
  5. 5. What will you learn, if we are successful in this course? © 2012 David E. Goldberg
  6. 6. Roadmap •  Noticing. •  The observer you are. •  Mindfulness & pause practice. •  Listening at level one and level two. •  Open-ended questions. ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  7. 7. Reflection on Noticing •  Pair up with a partner. •  Discuss your day, yesterday, with your partner: –  What events occurred? –  Who did you meet? –  What did you notice about your physical surroundings? –  What did you notice about your thoughts & feelings? –  What did you notice about others thoughts & feelings around you? •  Without judging yourself, on a scale of 1 (noticed little) to 10 (noticed everything), how much did you notice yesterday (today)? ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  8. 8. Debrief © 2012 David E. Goldberg
  9. 9. Centrality of Noticing to Change •  The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds. R.  D.  Laing  (1927-­‐1989)   ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  10. 10. 3 Domains of Noticing Language     Body  EmoAon   ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  11. 11. We Are More Than Brains-on-a-Stick © 2012 David E. Goldberg
  12. 12. O-A-R Model Observer   AcAon   Results   First-­‐order  learning   Second-­‐order  learning   O    A    R   NoAcing   mini-­‐me   © 2012 David E. Goldberg
  13. 13. Noticing Your Mini-Me Enhances Noticing •  Interesting thing supported by modern neuroscience. •  Noticing your noticer enhances your power to notice. •  Your mini-me is a mental muscle. •  Exercise it and it gets stronger. ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  14. 14. O-A-R Example © 2012 David E. Goldberg
  15. 15. This Is Why Meditation Works •  Gets you out of your story & engages your mini-me. •  Start a meditative/pause practice  become a better noticer (more mindful). •  Become more aware & self-aware more of the time. ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  16. 16. Exercise: Pause Practice •  Close eyes. •  Take 3 deep breaths. •  Notice your emotional- mental state. ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  17. 17. Advanced   Secondary     Primary     Language,  EmoAon  &  Body   NoAcing  &  ReflecAon   Purpose   Iceberg of Education Above  the  waterline   Below  the  waterline  
  18. 18. Deep Listening & Powerful Questions •  A key way to improve the observer you are is to become – a better listener and – a better asker of questions. •  Level-one vs. level two listening. •  Powerful questions. ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  19. 19. Level-1 or Internal Listening •  “Level I, our awareness is on ourselves. We listen to the words of the other person, but our attention is on what it means to us personally. At Level I, the spotlight is on “me”: my thoughts, my judgments, my feelings, my conclusions about myself and others. Whatever is happening with the other person is coming back to us through a diode: a one-way energy trap that lets information in but not out. We’re absorbing information by listening but holding it in a trap that recycles it. At Level I, there is only one question: What does this mean to me?” Whitworth,  Laura;  House,  Karen  Kimsey;  House,  Henry  Kimsey;  Sandahl,  Phillip  (2010-­‐11-­‐15).  Co-­‐AcAve  Coaching  :  New   Skills  for  Coaching  People  Toward  Success  in  Work  and  Life  (Kindle  LocaAons  742-­‐746).  Davies-­‐Black.  Kindle  EdiAon.     ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  20. 20. Level-I Dialogue* •  Client: The new house is a mess. I’ve got boxes everywhere. I can hardly get from the front door to the bathroom—and I’ve got the biggest proposal of my career to finish by Friday. •  COACH: I went through the same thing last year. The key is to make sure you’ve got your long-term vision in sight. •  Client: That’s sort of the dilemma, though. Because I traveled so much last month, my wife’s past the point of patience. I’m really not pulling my weight at home. •  COACH: That’ll work out. The mess is temporary. Don’t let it distract you from the real issue—maintaining momentum. •  Client: This feels like more than a little distraction. •  COACH: I’m sure you can explain why this is so important. In the meantime, let’s get back to your proposal. •  Client: Okay. If you’re sure . . . *Whitworth,  Laura;  House,  Karen  Kimsey;  House,  Henry  Kimsey;  Sandahl,  Phillip  (2010-­‐11-­‐15).  Co-­‐AcAve  Coaching  :  New  Skills  for   Coaching  People  Toward  Success  in  Work  and  Life  (Kindle  LocaAons  766-­‐778).  Davies-­‐Black.  Kindle  EdiAon.     ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  21. 21. Listening Exercise 1 •  Form pairs of individuals, one person the storyteller and the other the listener. •  Instructions to the storyteller. Storyteller describes a trip or an experience, including stories about things that went well and things that didn’t go so well. •  Instructions to the listener. As the storyteller tells the story, your job is to listen to the words and interpret the story entirely in terms of your own experience. Make frequent comments in which you offer your opinion. Think about how you would have done the trip differently or how you might improve on your partner’s story. What’s going on in you while this other person is talking? What does this story remind you of in your own life? •  After ten minutes or so (if you last that long), tell each other what it was like to listen at Level I and what it was like to be listened to at Level I. •  Be prepared to share key insights with the larger group. •  Adapted from Co-Active Coaching. ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  22. 22. Level-II or Focused Listening •  At Level II, there is a sharp focus on the other person. Sometimes you can see it in each person’s posture: both leaning forward, looking intently at each other. There is a great deal of attention on the other person and not much awareness of the outside world Whitworth,  Laura;  House,  Karen  Kimsey;  House,  Henry  Kimsey;  Sandahl,  Phillip  (2010-­‐11-­‐15).  Co-­‐AcAve  Coaching  :  New   Skills  for  Coaching  People  Toward  Success  in  Work  and  Life  (Kindle  LocaAons  783-­‐785).  Davies-­‐Black.  Kindle  EdiAon.     ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  23. 23. Level-II Dialogue* •  Client: The new house is a mess. I’ve got boxes everywhere. I can hardly get from the front door to the bathroom—and I’ve got the biggest proposal of my career to finish by Friday. •  COACH: How important is it to get settled at home? This is the most productive time you’ve had in your business since you started. •  Client: I know, but if I don’t help out with moving in, I could be living solo soon, if you know what I mean. My wife did nearly all the packing last month while I was traveling. •  COACH: How can you deal with the situation at home—and still maintain your momentum with the new business? •  Client: I could clone myself. •  COACH: I can see this is a real dilemma. You’ve got values to honor in more than one important area of your life. Let’s look at some options. Would that be useful? •  Client: Yeah. Good. Frankly, I was starting to feel trapped—like there was no way out *  Whitworth,  Laura;  House,  Karen  Kimsey;  House,  Henry  Kimsey;  Sandahl,  Phillip  (2010-­‐11-­‐15).  Co-­‐AcAve  Coaching  :  New  Skills   for  Coaching  People  Toward  Success  in  Work  and  Life  (Kindle  LocaAons  811-­‐822).  Davies-­‐Black.  Kindle  EdiAon.     ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  24. 24. Listening Exercise 2 •  Work with the same partner—and the same story— for about ten minutes. But this time, without describing Level II, be curious. Ask questions, clarify, and articulate what you see. Be alert for your partner’s values as they are expressed in the story. Stay completely focused on your partner by listening and responding at Level II. •  Tell each other what it was like to listen at Level II and what it was like to be listened to at Level II. How was the experience? •  Be prepared to report back to the larger group. •  Adapted from Co-Active Coaching. ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  25. 25. Debrief © 2012 David E. Goldberg
  26. 26. Powerful Questions •  Different types of questions: –  Information gathering –  Open-ended questions •  Powerful questions are usually open-ended. •  Short-cut to powerful questions: Begin every question with the word “what.” ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  27. 27. Begin your questions with “What.”
  28. 28. Question Pump Priming •  With your storytelling partner from the last exercise, work together and make a list of at least 5 “What” questions that would have been good to ask while listening at level-2 during the last story. ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  29. 29. Debrief © 2012 David E. Goldberg
  30. 30. 12 What Questions 1.  What do you want? 2.  What are your choices? 3.  What assumptions are you making? 4.  What are you responsible for? 5.  In what other ways can you think about this? 6.  What is the other person thinking, feeling, and wanting? 7.  What are you missing or avoiding? 8.  What can you learn? ... from this person or situation? ... from this mistake or failure? ... from this success? 9.  What action steps make the most sense? 10.  What questions should I ask (myself or others)? 11.  What can turn this into a win-win? 12.  What's possible? Marilee  G  Adams.  Change  Your  Ques.ons,  Change  Your  Life:  10  Powerful  Tools  for  Life   and  Work  (p.  184).  Kindle  EdiAon.   ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  31. 31. Pick your 2 favorite powerful whatQs from the list of 12. © 2012 David E. Goldberg
  32. 32. Top Takeaway © 2012 David E. Goldberg
  33. 33. ©  2012  David  E.  Goldberg  
  34. 34. Noticing, Listening & Questioning (NLQ) NLQ01: Experiencing & Exercising Fundamental NLQ Skills David E. Goldberg ThreeJoy Associates, Inc. Champaign, IL 61821 USA deg@threejoy.com © 2012 David E. Goldberg

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