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2 Ways to Deeper Listening

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2 Ways to Deeper Listening

  1. 1. 2 Ways to Deeper Listening Increased awareness through music + NLQ (noticing-listening-questioning) Jeff Evans & Dave Goldberg Purdue University & ThreeJoy Associates, Inc. jje@purdue.edu & deg@bigbeacon.org
  2. 2. Musical Icebreaker
  3. 3. Which one’s Lucy?
  4. 4. Three Word Check-in -  Your name -  Your role -  One word that describes your current head/heart state.
  5. 5. What was it about workshop that motivated you to come today?
  6. 6. Debrief
  7. 7. © David E. Goldberg 2011 Shift (Don’t-Call-Them-Soft) Skills are the Royal Road to Change
  8. 8. Master View of Core Shift Skills Aligning & Seeking Meaning & Purpose No?cing & Direc?ng Inten?on Being & Changing (Learning) Receiving Sense Making Ac?ng
  9. 9. Core Shift Skills Func%on Type Core Shi1 Skills Awareness & Inten?on No?cing thoughts, feelings, body with inten?on, holding inten?on without aNachment Receiving Listening, ques?oning, journaling Sense Making Reflec?on, dis?nc?on use, polarity management, Ac?ng Speech acts, presence, naturalis?c decision making, planning & effectua?ng Being & Changing Living in story, Story reframing & redesign, Inten?on without aNachment, habit forma?on, engaging elephant, rider & path, localizing communi?es of change, dis?nc?on making and transfer Meaning Making Not knowing with inten?on, curiosity, vulnerability & courageous honesty
  10. 10. Core & Derivative Shift Skills Core ShiU Skills Communica?ons Sales Conflict management Leadership Teamwork Nego?a?on Entrepreneurship Other
  11. 11. A word about presence
  12. 12. A word about discomfort
  13. 13. © David E. Goldberg 2011
  14. 14. Workshop in Two Parts 1.  Music as vehicle to heighten auditory awareness. 2.  NLQ à Noticing, listening & questioning as key receiving shift skills.
  15. 15. Music to heighten auditory awareness
  16. 16. Heart Rate Apps •  Download one & Learn how to use it – Now! IOS Android IOS & Android
  17. 17. Sound & Physiology •  We can hear before we can see - we hear in the womb. •  Humans crave arousal as much as they crave sleep. •  Sound/Music causes increased arousal - heightened alertness, awareness, interest, excitement; enhanced state of being. •  Human measures from music: absolutely physical, and immediate. •  Silence can be as important as sound - think silence before a horrific event in a movie. Storr, A., Music and the Mind, Ballantine Books, NY 1992
  18. 18. Music & Physiology •  Music structures time: accompanies many activities: Marching, worship, serenading, marriages, funerals, manual work. •  Music creates order out of chaos, rhythm imposes unanimity upon the divergent, melody imposes continuity upon the disjointed, harmony imposes compatibility upon the incongruous. •  Music can have +/- effects. •  Music and rhythm can influence crowd behavior, positive and negative.
  19. 19. Activity 1 •  You will need your heart rate app •  Pair up –  Person 1 – get comfortable –  Person 2 – you will be gathering data •  Experiment 1a: Monitor resting heart rate –  Gather 2-3 data points (more if possible). •  Experiment 1b: Monitor “Aroused” heart rate –  Gather 2-3 data points (more if possible).
  20. 20. Post Experiment •  In your pair: Determine average resting and aroused heart rates – Calculate percent change •  With one other pair: Discuss your findings
  21. 21. Debrief
  22. 22. Music & Emotion •  Human. Whenever humans come together there is music •  Big $. Americans spend more money on music than on sex or prescription drugs. •  Expert listeners, yet profess ignorance. Most Americans qualify as expert music listeners. Yet ,many people who love music profess to know nothing about it. •  Whole brain. Music is distributed throughout the brain. •  Evokes emotion. The power of music to evoke emotions is harnessed by advertising executives, filmmakers, military commanders, and mothers.
  23. 23. Better understanding of music à Better able to understand our motives, fears, desires, memories, and communication in the broadest sense.
  24. 24. Activity •  You will need to get comfortable •  Experiment: Close your eyes – Listen •  What do you notice? •  What mental images appeared?
  25. 25. Post Experiment •  Form small groups (2 to 6) •  Discuss what your mind “saw” from the music> Consider: – Location (Where) – Time (When - historical) – Context (What is happening?)
  26. 26. Debrief
  27. 27. Top Takeaways: Sound/Music
  28. 28. © David E. Goldberg 2011
  29. 29. © 2013 David E. Goldberg NOTICING, LISTENING, AND QUESTIONING
  30. 30. © David E. Goldberg 2011 Four New School Ideas: The Technologies of Trust
  31. 31. Old School: Fixed Mindset, Reward and Punishment “There are smart students and not-so- smart students. You can’t do anything about it.” “Rewards and punishments are the most effective ways to motivate students.” Final&Examination& ME3221:&Transport&Theory& ! ! Student!ID: 012-345-6789 Question!1! 15 /30 Question!2! 10 /30 Question!3! 12 /40 Total! 37 /100 Grade! Fail
  32. 32. New School: Positive Psychology and Intrinsic Motivation
  33. 33. Old School: Professor as Expert
  34. 34. © David E. Goldberg 2011 New School: Professor as Coach
  35. 35. Old School: Things are the way they are.
  36. 36. New School: We can understand and change culture. ©David Goldberg ThreeJoy℠ Associates, Inc. 2010
  37. 37. Old School: Change is business as usual. “I guess I’ll appoint a committee.”
  38. 38. New School: Intentional Change Leadership iFoundr
  39. 39. © David E. Goldberg 2011 Today : Coaching and Change
  40. 40. Expert vs. Coach •  Expert: –  Shares knowledge. –  Students demonstrate static mastery on extrinsically important exam to get grade. •  Coach: –  Draws out learning –  In domain where active mastery is intrinsically important to learn to accomplish task.
  41. 41. Coaches Beliefs About Clients •  Client is – Resourceful – Creative – Whole •  Consistent with growth mindset, mastery orientation, and learning goals. •  To extent possible, coach facilitates learning and avoids judgment of performance.
  42. 42. Coaching Toolkit •  Noticing •  Listening •  Questioning •  Language: distinctions, assertions, assessments, requests, and complaints •  Reframing stories •  Complete communication •  Vulnerability & courage Useful for interacting with colleagues, with students – and also with yourself. Fernando Flores (b. 1943)
  43. 43. © David E. Goldberg 2011
  44. 44. © 2013 David E. Goldberg NOTICING, LISTENING, AND QUESTIONING
  45. 45. Noticing
  46. 46. © David E. Goldberg 2011 The Story of Yesterday Discuss yesterday with a partner at your table. What events occurred? Who did you meet? What did you no3ce about your physical surroundings? About your thoughts & feelings? About others’ thoughts & feelings around you? Without judging yourself, on a scale of 1 (no3ced li@le) to 10 (no3ced everything), how much did you no3ce yesterday (today)?
  47. 47. What do you notice right now?
  48. 48. Centrality of Noticing to Change •  The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds. R. D. Laing (1927-1989)
  49. 49. 3 Domains of Noticing Language Body Emo?on
  50. 50. Noticing Students
  51. 51. Levels of Noticing: The O-A-R Model Observer Ac?on Results First-order learning Second-order learning O à A à R No?cing mini-me
  52. 52. Brain Science •  Noticing begets increased connections. •  Meditation and reflection builds connections in prefrontal cortex. •  Exercise self-observation and noticing of others and you get better at it.
  53. 53. Exercise: Pause Practice •  Close eyes. •  Take 3 deep breaths. •  Notice your emotional- mental state.
  54. 54. © David E. Goldberg 2011
  55. 55. Listening
  56. 56. © David E. Goldberg 2011 Listening Exercise: A Recent Experience Identify someone to partner with. Decide which of you will be the listener, and which will be the storyteller. Storytellers leave the room for 5 minutes; think about a recent challenging experience.
  57. 57. Level-1 or Internal Listening •  “Level I, our awareness is on ourselves. We listen to the words of the other person, but our attention is on what it means to us personally. At Level I, the spotlight is on “me”: my thoughts, my judgments, my feelings, my conclusions about myself and others. … At Level I, there is only one question: What does this mean to me?” Whitworth, Laura; House, Karen Kimsey; House, Henry Kimsey; Sandahl, Phillip (2010-11-15). Co-Ac?ve Coaching : New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life (Kindle Loca?ons 742-746). Davies-Black. Kindle Edi?on.
  58. 58. Level-I Dialogue* Student: The new semester is a disaster. I’ve got five technical classes, profs who keep piling on homework, and I’m not sure that engineering is really even a good fit for me. I really miss drawing and painting like I did in high school. And I’ve got a big mechanical design proposal due next week. FACULTY ADVISOR: I went through the same thing when I was your age. The key is to make sure you’ve got your long-term vision of an engineering career in sight. Student: That’s sort of the dilemma, though. I thought the promise of a job and high pay was enough, but if engineering work is like engineering school, I’m not sure I want any part of it. FACULTY ADVISOR: That’ll work out. Your worries are temporary. Don’t let them distract you from the real issues—getting good grades and graduating. Student: This feels like more than a little distraction. FACULTY ADVISOR: I’m sure you can tough it out. I had my share of tough semesters too, and I’m glad I stuck with it. In the meantime, let’s get back to the concept for your design proposal. Student: Okay. If you’re sure . . . *Adapted from Whitworth, Laura; House, Karen Kimsey; House, Henry Kimsey; Sandahl, Phillip (2010-11-15). Co-Ac?ve Coaching : New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life (Kindle Loca?ons 766-778). Davies-Black. Kindle Edi?on.
  59. 59. Level-II or Focused Listening •  At Level II, there is a sharp focus on the other person. We listen to the other person to understand them on their own terms. Sometimes you can see it in each person’s posture: both leaning forward, looking intently at each other. There is a great deal of attention on the other person and not much awareness of the outside world Whitworth, Laura; House, Karen Kimsey; House, Henry Kimsey; Sandahl, Phillip (2010-11-15). Co-Ac?ve Coaching : New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life (Kindle Loca?ons 783-785). Davies-Black. Kindle Edi?on.
  60. 60. Level-II Dialogue* Student: The new semester is a disaster. I’ve got five technical classes, profs who keep piling on homework, and I’m not sure that engineering is really even a good fit for me. I really miss drawing and painting like I did in high school. And I’ve got a big mechanical design proposal due next week. FACULTY ADVISOR: In what ways is art important to you? This is a critical period in your engineering education. Student: Art helps me express myself and it helps me keep a sense of balance. Right now I feel like a bit of a robot. FACULTY ADVISOR: How can you do art and finish the engineering education you’ve started? Student: I suppose I could clone myself. FACULTY ADVISOR: I can see this is a real dilemma. You’ve got values to honor in more than one important area of your life. Let’s look at some options. Would that be useful? Student: Yeah. Good. Frankly, I was starting to feel trapped—like there was no way out. * Adapted from Whitworth, Laura; House, Karen Kimsey; House, Henry Kimsey; Sandahl, Phillip (2010-11-15). Co-Ac?ve Coaching : New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life (Kindle Loca?ons 811-822). Davies-Black. Kindle Edi?on.
  61. 61. Debrief
  62. 62. Powerful questions
  63. 63. Effective Level 2 Listening: Powerful Questions •  Different types of questions: –  Information gathering –  Open-ended questions •  Powerful questions are usually open-ended. •  Short-cut to powerful questions: Begin every question with the word “what.”
  64. 64. Begin your questions with “What.”
  65. 65. 12 What Questions 1.  What do you want? 2.  What are your choices? 3.  What assumptions are you making? 4.  What are you responsible for? 5.  In what other ways can you think about this? 6.  What is the other person thinking, feeling, and wanting? 7.  What are you missing or avoiding? 8.  What can you learn? ... from this person or situation? ... from this mistake or failure? ... from this success? 9.  What action steps make the most sense? 10.  What questions should I ask (myself or others)? 11.  What can turn this into a win-win? 12.  What's possible? Marilee G Adams. Change Your Ques3ons, Change Your Life: 10 Powerful Tools for Life and Work (p. 184). Kindle Edi?on.
  66. 66. Curiosity, Judgment & Spaciousness •  Coach listens at level two (with empathy, without ego). •  Coach is curious about what client thinks. •  Coach does not tell stories about him/herself. •  Coach does not judge right and wrong. May assess whether action serves or does not serve client. •  These actions create spaciousness for client to explore what he or she thinks, knows, feels.
  67. 67. Roomwise: I can use deeper listening at my school, in my classroom, in my life by doing …?
  68. 68. Top Takeaways
  69. 69. Closing with poetry
  70. 70. 2 Ways to Deeper Listening Increased awareness through music + NLQ (noticing-listening-questioning) Jeff Evans & Dave Goldberg Purdue University & ThreeJoy Associates, Inc. jje@purdue.edu & deg@bigbeacon.org

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