How to overcome the fear of being single forever


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How to overcome the fear of being single forever

  1. 1. How To Overcome The Fear Of Being Single ForeverQ. I am a 30 year old single woman and I have never been married and have no kids. Iconsider myself a confident, happy and healthy woman but of late, I sense a gradualchange in the way I feel about myself. As I realize all my friends are already marriedand even having kids, I am almost constantly reminded that I am not yet married nomatter where I go whether it is social events, parties or holiday gatherings. I have hadmy share of relationships some great and some not so great. But of late I am feeling theurge that I need to get married and I am also worried that I might never be able to findthe right man. I have never worried about marriage before, so this is something new andit is affecting my self-esteem.Recently, I went out for a date and I made an absolute mess of it. I was tensed, nervousand felt I was grilling the man I was with. Deep inside, I felt as if I was trying to figure outif he was marriage material so that I can stop wasting time with him if he wasn’t. I dorealize that it is ridiculous to think that way- after all we were on our first date. But Icannot seem to enjoy the now and my mind seems to constantly slip into a grim futurewhere I am single and lonely. How can I stop worrying about the future and startrelaxing and enjoying the present?A. Dear Grim Future,First and foremost no marriage can truly make your self-esteem stronger. That is aprincess dream, perpetuated by your need to believe in fairytales, instead of the magicallife you can create in your reality.An excellent question to ask yourself is: “If I know I am a confident, happy and healthywoman, why do I feel the need to compare myself to my married and child-rearingfriends?One of the main reasons that women start to notice the relationship milestonedifferences around thirty is that they are no longer in school or just starting off in theircareers—meaning we’re not all on the same level in life anymore.Adulthood offers vast opportunities for when you can marry and have children. Whyforce it upon yourself rather than letting it happen naturally?If you continue to compare yourself to your friends, fear your future or act desperatelyon dates, your results will continue to be sad dates and a lot of loneliness.Here are some quick tips and strategies to keep yourself focused on maintaining theconfidence you’ve had all along, and on finding a healthy relationship, which in myopinion should be your real
  2. 2. Anyone can get married and have kids. But not everyone who marries does it for theright reasons, and many married people have very unhealthy relationships.1. Start a journal so you can pay attention to your thoughts and feelings aroundyour desire to get married and have children.Pay special attention to how your feel or how you’re thinking after you have meet upswith some of your married friends. Also journal before and after you go on dates, to seeif there are trigger words or expressions that leave you wrestling with your thoughts.2. Create a fun game about the type of man you would like marry, date or dump.Famous actors, musicians, high school crushes, single men at work, neighbors, guys atthe gym, etc., are eligible for your game. It’s a lot easier to determine who is realrelationship material for you when you are having fun with the idea of maritalcompatibility. Your girlfriends may enjoy this game too, and you will get to hear theiropinions on who they think is marriage material.3. Invest in some gratitude.You say you’re happy and healthy— give yourself some credit! There was a time inhistory when woman your age had to be married and have kids by the time they turned30. Now you get to choose when you want to marry and have kids, based on findingsomeone you actually want to do that with, regardless of when in life it happens. Whenyou are feeling moments of despair ask yourself: “How would my confident and happyself handle this?”4. Treat yourself the way you would prefer to be treated by your future spouse.There is nothing sadder then expecting a man to treat you in a certain way when you’renot even treating yourself in that way! There are several men who may read this postand think: “I tell her all the time that she’s beautiful, smart and talented, but she doesn’tbelieve me.” You don’t want to be this kind of partner.5. Speak well of yourself, always.When someone asks if you are married or dating anyone, smile coyly and say, “Notyet.” If they press you with more questions, respond confidently and vivaciously,” Isimply can’t marry every man I go on a date with. I have goals too, you know!”
  3. 3. 6. Consider and expand your interests.Are you into yoga? Are you a coffee shop junkie? Or are you constantly looking for menby getting drunk at your latest watering hole? A great thought to ponder and even betterquestion to ask yourself is: “Where does the kind of man I desire to be with hang out?Does he like golf? Does he play rugby? What kinds of music does he love? There isnothing better then observing and flirting with the opposite sex in their environment,especially if it’s an interest of yours too. Men are usually more relaxed in their ownenvironments, and you will be too.7. If you are dating online, consider what you are saying about yourself.Your profile should be as clear, direct and honest as possible. If you’ve had crummyrelationship experiences, can you find a way to explain them so they sound humorous?Or if you had a serious breakup, can you make sure your story comes across wellwithout “glossing it over?” Be as real with your heart as you can be.8. Believe in your value and self-worth.You have to truly believe that you have a lot to offer to a potential romantic partner.Begin by saying affirmations that state you really are beautiful, loving, intelligent andtalented, and that the love of your life can’t wait to meet you.About the authorMs. Jeannie Dougherty, LCPC began her counseling career over ten years ago. Shehas worked with hundreds of clients helping them to seek balance in their lives. Herapproach as a counselor and coach is to guide you in discovering your destructivepatterns while creating new healthy habits.To know more about Jeannie, visit her website For more free tips and insights on what really attracts a man, how tomake yourself irresistible to him and how to capture his heart, click the link below.