Sucking thePoison OutRemoving Negativity from InteractionBy Darius Contractor
Why I’m Interested At work and in life, I see negativity:   Grind teams to a stop   Deplete energy   Crowd out happy m...
But first:                    Negativity=Awesome!                                                        acid Communicati...
So When Remove Negativity? When the acid is dissolving the wrong things.   Negativity should destroy Behaviors and Limit...
Why “Sucking the Poison Out”?Because to remove negativity from a situation, you must:      gather it,                     ...
How  Go to presentation about negativity Sensitivity Careful Delivery Agree More Re-route It Keep Positive
Tuning your Neg-o-meterLeft hand = negative, right hand = positiveRate each below, -5 to +5: “Wow, you crushed it” “I ca...
Delivering Bad News Sandwich – Good, Bad, Good Extended Sandwich – Good feedback  constantly, Bad feedback sparingly
Agree Better Renegotiate agreements before they’re due Always get something Zipper concept – agreed wide, narrow down t...
Re-routing Negativity Mantras can show the value of painful realities:      “Release fast and Break stuff” (ie “this is ...
Keeping it positive Slice off time for yourself. Cooks have to eat too. Relationship research shows couples need 80%  of...
#1Gratitude
#1“Without you here X and Y wouldn’t get done”                                                   Feel Proud of yourselfTha...
Thank youQuestions / Comments? Darius - d@rius.com - @dariusmc
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Removing Negativity from Interaction

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Sucking the Poison Out - Removing Negativity from Interaction is a talk I gave at NED 4.0. I go through methods for removing negativity from groups of people and relationships for greater productivity, happiness and flow.

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  • Generally: Avoid resentment by updating expectations
  • Removing Negativity from Interaction

    1. 1. Sucking thePoison OutRemoving Negativity from InteractionBy Darius Contractor
    2. 2. Why I’m Interested At work and in life, I see negativity:  Grind teams to a stop  Deplete energy  Crowd out happy moments No fun. So I set out to understand and eliminate it
    3. 3. But first: Negativity=Awesome! acid Communicating pain is the that dissolves painful realities. Sharing honesty is the keystone of a good relationship. Connecting with our own negative thoughts lets them float away… “Our wounds are often the opening to the best and most beautiful part of us.” – David Richo
    4. 4. So When Remove Negativity? When the acid is dissolving the wrong things.  Negativity should destroy Behaviors and Limits  Not Trust, Confidence, or Hope When it’s Mu*lti*pl*ing  Transitively – Person B making Person C Wrong  Internally – Escalating to Belief & Identity When… it’s….. just….. so…. Exhausting… When its disrupting floooo | oooow
    5. 5. Why “Sucking the Poison Out”?Because to remove negativity from a situation, you must: gather it, hold it, and dispose of it. (Without spilling it if someone bumps you)Like cleaning up cups at a party.
    6. 6. How Go to presentation about negativity Sensitivity Careful Delivery Agree More Re-route It Keep Positive
    7. 7. Tuning your Neg-o-meterLeft hand = negative, right hand = positiveRate each below, -5 to +5: “Wow, you crushed it” “I can’t believe you sometimes” “I told you so” “I’m so glad you’re here” “Thanks” “Thank you” “Your idea didn’t work”
    8. 8. Delivering Bad News Sandwich – Good, Bad, Good Extended Sandwich – Good feedback constantly, Bad feedback sparingly
    9. 9. Agree Better Renegotiate agreements before they’re due Always get something Zipper concept – agreed wide, narrow down to issues For more: The Corporate Mystic by Gay Hendricks
    10. 10. Re-routing Negativity Mantras can show the value of painful realities:  “Release fast and Break stuff” (ie “this is forward progress”)  “Every cloud has a silver lining” (ie “what can I enjoy?”) Create a safe place for expression/action of feelings  Writing, art, exercise, therapy, friends, etc Avoid communicating problems to off-load them
    11. 11. Keeping it positive Slice off time for yourself. Cooks have to eat too. Relationship research shows couples need 80% of interactions to be positive to make it. Office research shows the best teams are 85% positive. http://blogs.hbr.org/schwartz/2012/01/why-appreciation-matters-so-mu.html For more: Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by Gottman
    12. 12. #1Gratitude
    13. 13. #1“Without you here X and Y wouldn’t get done” Feel Proud of yourselfThank those who helped, taught, and challenged you. GratitudeLook downward as well as upward Notice what others do right Find something to appreciate: helping, trying, hoping, showing up, being.
    14. 14. Thank youQuestions / Comments? Darius - d@rius.com - @dariusmc

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