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Dating into the future for Manchester Futurists

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Manchester Futurists - https://www.meetup.com/Manchester-Futurists/events/246711589/
Why
dating, matching and love is important for the future of humanity;
some of the issues when you mix corporate and capital interests in the
matter; and the effects future dating could have on culture and
society.

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Dating into the future for Manchester Futurists

  1. 1. https://www.flickr.com/photos/x1brett/14972080124 Ian Forrester @cubicgarden Dating into the future?
  2. 2. Adult conversations only @cubicgarden | http://diversity.wccnet.edu/lgbtqa/lgbtqa-info/ | https://jezebel.com/5674628/great-visual-maps-of-non-monogamous-relationships Think LGBTQA+ Think non-monogamous relationships No shaming or bashing Let’s talk sex safety Be respectful, don’t assume and keep things friendly
  3. 3. TEDxMCR Valentines day 2015 @cubicgarden | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6MfCdo6RoQ | https://www.slideshare.net/cubicgarden/dating-against-humanity
  4. 4. 38 year old divorcee, left-leaning, feminist & self confessed geek I’m @cubicgarden if interested @cubicgarden
  5. 5. Expert by experience Claire
  6. 6. A bit of a ethical serial dater Compared to the typical number of dates people go on before committing to a relationship
  7. 7. The wikipedia of online dating Northern Lass in The Guardian
  8. 8. Dating for science @cubicgarden | https://cubicgarden.com/2007/12/16/how-to-have-more-sex-2/ | https://cubicgarden.com/2014/12/21/qs-metadating-in-newcastle/ | http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0791nhx
  9. 9. Where is online dating now? @cubicgarden | https://www.flickr.com/photos/joebehr/6922148295/ | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modern_Romance:_An_Investigation
  10. 10. Online dating in 2010s @cubicgarden | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modern_Romance:_An_Investigation “I thought the big changes in romance were obvious—technological developments like smartphones, online dating, and social media sites. As I dug deeper, however, I realized that the transformation of our romantic lives cannot be explained by technology alone; there’s much more to the story. In a very short period of time, the whole culture of finding love and a mate has radically changed” - Aziz Ansari
  11. 11. Online dating in 2010s @cubicgarden | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modern_Romance:_An_Investigation “Today people spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate. The tools we use on this search are different, but what has really changed is our desires and “even more strikingly” the underlying goals of the search itself”
  12. 12. Why you should care?
  13. 13. The internet changed everything @cubicgarden | credit - https://www.flickr.com/photos/thomasswilliams/17080992987
  14. 14. Collapsing geography & changing culture @cubicgarden | https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating People used to meet their partners through proximity, through family and friends, but now Internet meeting is surpassing every other form. “It’s changing so much about the way we act both romantically and sexually,” “A century ago people would find a decent person who lived in their neighborhood. Their families would meet and, after they decided neither party seemed like a murderer, the couple would get married and have a kid, all by the time they were twenty-two” - Aziz Ansari
  15. 15. Short and bitter sweet @cubicgarden | https://www.themoviedb.org/movie/9489-you-ve-got-mail/images/backdrops | https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating As soon as people could go online they were using it as a way to find partners to date and have sex with. In the 90s it was Craigslist and AOL chat rooms, then Match.com and Kiss.com. But the lengthy, heartfelt e-mails exchanged by the main characters in You’ve Got Mail (1998) seem positively Victorian in comparison to the messages sent on the average dating app today. “I’ll get a text that says, ‘Wanna fuck?’ ” says Jennifer, 22, a senior at Indiana University Southeast, in New Albany. “They’ll tell you, ‘Come over and sit on my face,’ ” says her friend, Ashley, 19.
  16. 16. Essential part of the human experience @cubicgarden | credit - http://www.flickr.com/
  17. 17. Dominant way people meet @cubicgarden | https://www.technologyreview.com/s/609091/first-evidence-that-online-dating-is-changing-the-nature-of-society/
  18. 18. Population relies on this all @cubicgarden | https://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/aug/23/baby-crisis-europe-brink-depopulation-disaster | https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationand
  19. 19. Future lies in the east? @cubicgarden | https://www.vogue.com/article/chrissy-teigen-5-things-you-didnt-know | http://vrkanojo.com | https://thenextweb.com/contributors/2017/11/25/ai-sex-dolls-just-around-corner/
  20. 20. Too big for the private sector? @cubicgarden | www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b03fh0bg | http://uk.businessinsider.com/japanese-government-dating-services-2016-10 “… local Japanese governments have set up speed-dating services where people can come to meet potential lifelong partners. The programs come in response to the country's population woes. Due primarily to younger generations losing interest in getting married and starting families, the population has actually shrunk by more than 1 million since 2010”
  21. 21. Disturbing insights
  22. 22. The paradox of choice @cubicgarden
  23. 23. Fetishisation of the profile photo @cubicgarden | https://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/lauren-urasek-most-popular-woman-on-okcupid
  24. 24. Scams, catfish, blackmail, sextortion... @cubicgarden | www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/jul/07/hoaxer-who-breaks-womens-hearts | uk.businessinsider.com/how-to-spot-dating-site-scammers-on-okcupid-and-tinder-2015-7
  25. 25. Cognitive burn-out @cubicgarden | https://www.flickr.com/photos/francisco_osorio/11979751175
  26. 26. Grass is greener syndrome @cubicgarden | https://www.flickr.com/photos/iceninejon/5054548426
  27. 27. Endemic corruption
  28. 28. @cubicgarden | https://www.datingsitesreviews.com/staticpages/index.php?page=Match-com-Statistics-Facts-History Fundamental mismatch Matchgroup (IAC) own OkCupid, POF, Tinder, Howaboutwe, chemistry.com, etc… Valued at $5.8 Billion (2017) Revenue $1.2 Billion (2016) Net income $172.0 Million (2016)
  29. 29. Fake & ghost profiles @cubicgarden | http://www.businessinsider.com/yuliana-avalos-lawsuit-against-match-2013-11 | http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b037wr14 | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lW_8D4o-GSI
  30. 30. Membership loop @cubicgarden | https://www.themarysue.com/okcupid-pulls-why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating-match-com/
  31. 31. Revenue from attention & personal data @cubicgarden
  32. 32. How much money per minute @cubicgarden | https://appdevelopermagazine.com/5734/2017/12/6/this-is-how-much-dating-apps-make-every-minute/ | http://www.decluttr.com/money-dating-apps-make-per-minute
  33. 33. Paired-off daters = lost revenue @cubicgarden
  34. 34. Lack of duty & care for its users @cubicgarden http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/met-husband-plenty-fish-watching-14133044
  35. 35. Tinder is like crack? @cubicgarden | http://theconversation.com/why-tinder-is-so-evilly-satisfying-72177 | http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1120207/new-tinder-social-app In a study on the brains of drug addicts, researchers found that the expectation of the drug caused more release of the feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine than the actual drug itself. Similarly, for those who may be expecting the next swipe on Tinder to lead to reward, serial swiping can start to look and feel a lot like addiction. In 2015 Tinder began to limit the amount of daily right swipes to around 100 for users who don’t buy into their premium service. There have already been reports of Tinder withdrawal for those who have tried to break up with their Tinder account.
  36. 36. Gamification @cubicgarden | https://www.psfk.com/2017/09/robotic-finger-swipes-right-6000-tinder-matches.html
  37. 37. Cultural change
  38. 38. Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse” @cubicgarden | https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating As the polar ice caps melt and the earth churns through the Sixth Extinction, another unprecedented phenomenon is taking place, in the realm of sex. Hookup culture, which has been percolating for about a hundred years, has collided with dating apps, which have acted like a wayward meteor on the now dinosaur-like rituals of courtship. “We are in uncharted territory” when it comes to Tinder et al.
  39. 39. Half of British Singles don’t do IRL @cubicgarden | https://www.datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=half-of-british-singles-have-never-asked-someone-out-irl
  40. 40. 46% had never broken up with someone in person @cubicgarden | https://www.datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=half-of-british-singles-have-never-asked-someone-out-irl
  41. 41. Majority would rather check Tinder @cubicgarden | https://www.datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=half-of-british-singles-have-never-asked-someone-out-irl
  42. 42. It’s all fake accounts anyway @cubicgarden | https://www.time.com/4362915/tinder-app-minors-teenagers/ Some dating sites allow under-18s to join. Tinder was one of them until recently (2016) it had 7% of its users aged between 13 and 17 (outnumbering 35 to 44-year-olds!). Tinder is officially 18+ now, but age limits aren't foolproof
  43. 43. One of many tinder games @cubicgarden | https://www.triunetherapy.com/single-post/2017/09/29/The-Tinder-Game 1. Find the “hottest” person in the bar take a picture of them 2. Create a fake Facebook account, which is needed to create a Tinder account 3. Back on Tinder swipe right on only the most “unattractive” people 4. Flirt with them, posing as the attractive person in the bar, and invite them to the bar for a drink 5. Watch as they arrive looking for the hot person and the confusion which follows
  44. 44. The fear of rejection
  45. 45. Alexandr Milov’s Love @cubicgarden | https://www.thelifeisamazing.com/one-of-the-most-powerful-art-pieces-at-burning-man-this-year/
  46. 46. We have conflated intimacy with sex @cubicgarden | https://tribecatherapy.com/4780/sex-intimacy-couples-therapy/
  47. 47. 6 types of love @cubicgarden | https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/03/11/the-6-types-of-love_n_174016.html 1. Eros, or sexual passion 2. Philia, or deep friendship 3. Ludus, or playful love 4. Agape, or love for everyone 5. Pragma, or longstanding love 6. Philautia, or love of the self
  48. 48. What’s intimacy to you? @cubicgarden | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OS0Tg0IjCp4
  49. 49. Intimacy and human connection @cubicgarden | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75URVGOfO40
  50. 50. Accelerated intimacy @cubicgarden | https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html | http://www.36questionsinlove.com
  51. 51. Accelerated intimacy: Undressed @cubicgarden | https://cubicgarden.com/2016/08/12/undressed-a-lesson-in-accelerated-intimacy | https://www.themoviedb.org/tv/67193-undressed/season/1
  52. 52. Accelerated intimacy @cubicgarden | https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html | http://www.36questionsinlove.com Turn to the person next to you and spend 4 mins asking a single question then 1 mins looking into each others eyes 7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 16. What do you value most in a friendship? 18. What is your most terrible memory? 21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  53. 53. Gimmicks and marketing
  54. 54. They never shut up! @cubicgarden | https://www.synthesio.com/blog/dating-apps-social-listening/ (April 2017)
  55. 55. Shiny, shiny, new, new and more gimmicks @cubicgarden | https://qz.com/1075893/apple-event-everything-apple-unveiled-at-its-2017-iphone-x-event/
  56. 56. Invite only dating networks datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=alexa-s-latest-skill--finding-you-an-eharmony-date | datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=plenty-of-fish-announces-integration-with-google-assistant
  57. 57. Invite only dating networks @cubicgarden | https://blog.loveflutter.com/blue/
  58. 58. eHarmony skill and pof google assistant support datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=alexa-s-latest-skill--finding-you-an-eharmony-date | datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=plenty-of-fish-announces-integration-with-google-assistant
  59. 59. Be a hater @cubicgarden | https://www.datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=hater-dating-app-just-scored-200k-from-mark-cuban-on-shark-tank
  60. 60. Blind dating @cubicgarden | mashable.com/2017/08/30/taffy-dating-app-blurred-pictures | https://jezebel.com/5976098/okcupid-finally-comes-up-with-worst-idea-ever
  61. 61. Words of heart @cubicgarden | https://wordsofheart.com/
  62. 62. Other senses @cubicgarden | https://www.datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=hater-dating-app-just-scored-200k-from-mark-cuban-on-shark-tank
  63. 63. Flirting with augmented reality @cubicgarden | https://www.datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=flirtar-aims-to-be-the-world-s-first-augmented-reality-dating-app
  64. 64. Super niche? @cubicgarden | https://www.bristlr.com | www.clowndating.com/ | https://www.uniformdating.com
  65. 65. @cubicgarden | https://www.datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=match-com-launches-facebook-s-first-chatbot--dating-coach Dating coach bot
  66. 66. Why would you leave the social scene? @cubicgarden | https://www.datingsitesreviews.com/article.php?story=tinder-is-testing-real-time-feature-dubbed-feed--integrating-social-media
  67. 67. Once @cubicgarden | https://getonce.com/
  68. 68. Once upon a Nosedive? @cubicgarden | https://www.themoviedb.org/tv/42009-black-mirror/season/3/episode/1/images/backdrops
  69. 69. The future of consensual sex? @cubicgarden | http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/consent-app-sexual-contracts-legalthings-phone-std-free-guarantee-a8154591.html
  70. 70. Demo of live contracts to digitize agreements @cubicgarden | https://legalfling.io/#iq-home
  71. 71. Something is working?
  72. 72. Part of my bookshelf @cubicgarden
  73. 73. Is there an algorithm for love? @cubicgarden | https://cubicgarden.com/2016/04/25/the-bbc-horizon-dating-experiment/ | http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0791nhx
  74. 74. Algorithmic hokey pokey? @cubicgarden | http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/12/opinion/sunday/online-dating-sites-dont-match-hype.html | https://www.flickr.com/photos/re-publica/13951164029 ...past 80 years of scientific research about what makes people romantically compatible suggests that such sites are unlikely to do what they claim to do
  75. 75. Birthday paradox? @cubicgarden | https://www.flickr.com/photos/frozen-in-time/2263904827
  76. 76. Love is a numbers game? @cubicgarden | Amy Webb - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6wG_sAdP0U | Hannah Fry | Chris McKinlay - http://www.wired.co.uk/article/how-one-man-hacked-okcupid
  77. 77. Unsexy & brutally effective @cubicgarden | https://gizmodo.com/the-future-of-online-dating-is-unsexy-and-brutally-effe-1819781116
  78. 78. Black mirror season 4 ep4: hang the dj @cubicgarden | https://gizmodo.com/the-future-of-online-dating-is-unsexy-and-brutally-effe-1819781116
  79. 79. Brutally effective @cubicgarden | https://gizmodo.com/the-future-of-online-dating-is-unsexy-and-brutally-effe-1819781116 In the future, apps like Tinder may be able to infer more about our personalities and lifestyles through our social media activity than an eHarmony questionnaire ever could capture. Researchers already think they can predict how neurotic we are from our Foursquare check-ins, whether or not we’re depressed from our Tweets and the filters we choose on Instagram, and how intelligent, happy, and likely to use drugs we are from our Facebook likes
  80. 80. Brutally effective @cubicgarden | https://gizmodo.com/the-future-of-online-dating-is-unsexy-and-brutally-effe-1819781116 Algorithms could also use our online behavior to learn the real answers to questions we might lie about in a dating questionnaire. One of OkCupid’s matching questions, for example, asks “Do you work out a lot?” But MeetMeOutside, a dating app for sporty people, asks users to link their Fitbits and prove they’re physically active through their step counts. This type of data is harder to fake. Or, rather than ask someone whether they’re more likely to go out or Netflix and chill on a Friday night, a dating app could simply collect this data from our GPS or Foursquare activity and pair equally active users.
  81. 81. Use the system or face the conquences @cubicgarden | https://www.themoviedb.org/movie/782-gattaca/
  82. 82. Alternative could be scary @cubicgarden | https://really.uktv.co.uk/shows/swipe-right-for-murder/ | http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3859618/mediaviewer/rm1406864896
  83. 83. Imagine life insurance rejections @cubicgarden | http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/met-husband-plenty-fish-watching-14133044
  84. 84. Overruling choice @cubicgarden | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem
  85. 85. Algorithm religion & bias @cubicgarden | https://gizmodo.com/the-future-of-online-dating-is-unsexy-and-brutally-effe-1819781116 It’s also possible that computers, with access to more data and processing power than any human, could pick up on patterns human beings miss or can’t even recognize. “When you’re looking through the feed of someone you’re considering, you only have access to their behavior,” “But an algorithm would have access to the differences between their behavior and a million other people’s. There are instincts that you have looking through someone’s feed that might be difficult to quantify, and there may be other dimension we don’t see… nonlinear combinations which aren’t easy to explain.”
  86. 86. Artificial intelligence matching @cubicgarden | https://www.scientificamerican.com/products/love-in-the-age-of-machine-learning/
  87. 87. Brutally effective @cubicgarden | https://gizmodo.com/the-future-of-online-dating-is-unsexy-and-brutally-effe-1819781116
  88. 88. Datasets or people? @cubicgarden | https://www.flickr.com/photos/xdxd_vs_xdxd/10086156273/ | https://www.flickr.com/photos/pietermorlion/3430892909
  89. 89. Could a combination be the key? @cubicgarden | https://www.flickr.com/photos/adelinapeltea/9026208637/
  90. 90. The future: what humans love
  91. 91. Think about all those single friends @cubicgarden | The Lobster - https://www.theverge.com/2016/5/17/11686442/the-lobster-movie-review-colin-farrell-rachel-weisz
  92. 92. The fun of matchmaking? @cubicgarden | https://ponderapp.co/ | mysinglefriend.com
  93. 93. Chronic matchmaking @cubicgarden | https://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Pages/item.aspx?num=46356 Four studies exploring the psychology underlying people’s proclivity to connect people to each other playing “matchmaker.” - Associated with higher well-being - Is more enjoyable and rewarding than matching people who would not get along - Most rewarding when matching people of different genders and ethnic backgrounds
  94. 94. Money diminishes people’s motivation @cubicgarden | https://ponderapp.co/faq/ - Can I really make money on Ponder? Yes, each time you successfully matchmake a couple, where they both ‘like’ each other, you win $10. If they eventually end up marrying you win $1000 - Is Ponder a dating app? No, it’s a game for playing matchmaker. Everyone can play it, not just singles. However, singles also get to find great dates – with friends and others in the community doing the matchmaking, not some schmucky algorithm - Do I have to pay to use Ponder? Not if you’re just matchmaking and not dating. You start off with $20 of Ponder cash upon creating your account, gaining $10 for every successful match (mutual like) you make for others, and trading in $10 for every match that’s successfully made for you. So if you’re already in a relationship you’ll probably make money. If you’re single, you can’t communicate with matches unless you have a positive Ponder cash balance. You can buy 10 Ponder dollars for 10 real dollars or make it up by successfully matchmaking others
  95. 95. What is the future of online dating?
  96. 96. Federated dating @cubicgarden | https://cubicgarden.com/2016/07/29/this-is-what-disruption-of-online-dating-looks-like/ Gradual disclosure? Search? Strandard data types? Protected information? How do people get in touch? How do you stop harassment?
  97. 97. Proximity, interests, friends, family, etc @cubicgarden | Modern Romance People used to meet their partners through proximity, through family and friends, but now Internet meeting is surpassing every other form. “It’s changing so much about the way we act both romantically and sexually,”
  98. 98. Distributed matchmaking with neutral incentives for all @cubicgarden | https://thenextweb.com/contributors/2017/10/20/blockchain-economy-aligns-incentives-reduces-costs/
  99. 99. @cubicgarden Ian Forrester @cubicgarden Cubicgarden.com Thank you for listening, questions?

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