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Dating Against Humanity
…a game in which nice single people are roped into a horrible game with
others, resulting in cogni...
2001…
I met Sarah
online
Intimate space
for authentic &
genuine
conversations
2002…
Chemistry
happened in
London
After 4½ years,
we split and
had a divorce
The internet
changed my
life once,
why not again?
https://www.flickr.com/photos/thomasswilliams/17080992987
New city,
outlook,
opportunities,
people...
https://www.flickr.com/photos/gidzy/12038501134
I became a bit of a serial dater *
* Compared to the typical number of dates people go on before committing to a relations...
Match, Guardian Soulmates, OkCupid,
Plenty of Fish, Zoosk, Tinder, Woome,
How about we, Badoo, Bumble, and
more...
I am still single...
36 year old
divorcee,
left-leaning,
feminist & self
confessed geek
I’m @cubicgarden if interested
I have been called
The wikipedia of online dating
Northern Lass in The Guardian
Expert by experience
Claire
Why are you
still single?
Swimming in the
sea with sharks,
beautiful dolphins,
catfish & used
condoms
What is a
Catfish?
Dating 101,
always tell
people where
you are going
Ok this is going to sound a little crazy...!
Been chatting to a woman o...
What do they
get out of it?
The thrill,
control &
manipulation
Hallmarks of a
psychopath
Blackmail, mail
order brides &
sextortion
Some disturbing insights
Fetishisation
of the profile
photo
The paradox
of choice
Cognitive
burn-out or
extreme
nit-picking
https://www.flickr.com/photos/francisco_osorio/11979751175
My own
nit-picking
http://whitechicksgangsigns.tumblr.com/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/iceninejon/5054548426
Grass is
greener
syndrome
Endemic corruption
There is a
fundamental
mismatch
IAC own Match,
OkCupid, POF,
Tinder
Valued at $5.8
Billion
Match had $888.3
million in rev...
A permanently
paired-off
dater, means
lost revenue
How many ashley madison accounts are real?
Ashley
madison
is only the
start
$1.5 billion
courtcase
Photos used in
200+ fake match
profiles
Legally, can not
show clips from
BBC Panorama
tainted love
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b037wr14
To pay? or
not to pay?
Straight from
drug dealing
handbook?
Apps make
money from
attention &
personal data
Gamification
to prolong
attention &
usage
Swipe right culture
"On to the Next One" by Jay-Z
False sense of intimacy
Date:Play
Startup idea
from Vana
Koutsomitis
Tinder sucks,
they say. But
they don’t/can’t
stop swiping
Boiling down
human
emotion to
binary
https://www.flickr.com/photos/abhi_ryan/2476059942
Apathy and
fear adds
to their profits
Something is working?
Science of
the matching
algorithm
https://www.flickr.com/photos/re-publica/13951164029
Algorithmic
hokey pokey?
...past 80 years of
scientific research about
what makes people
romantically compatible
suggests ...
Birthday
paradox
https://www.flickr.com/photos/frozen-in-time/2263904827
Getting people
together since
2002
https://www.flickr.com/photos/cybaea/18078152 - By Budaris - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0
Tesco’s basket
dating will
work for a
percentage
https://amp.twimg.com/v/47b7e2b4-ff80-449c-bbf8-234e83746815
Connecting
niches, is the
new black
We feel disconnected in a hyperconnected world
Milgram’s
1972 paper
familiar
strangers
https://www.flickr.com/photos/99123936@N00/3554843698/
We crave
authentic
intimacy in
our society
We all fear
rejection
Hesitation leads to doubt and then fear
https://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisguillebeau/5798084744/
Reject
conformity,
embrace
diversity
We only have
one life
https://www.flickr.com/photos/rawbanana/4714807991
Every date I learn more about myself
Incredible
experiences
https://www.flickr.com/photos/14589121@N00/466360486
Treasure
friends &
conversations
https://www.flickr.com/photos/eye2eye/50892860/
Create intimate
spaces, where
chemistry can
flourish
https://www.flickr.com/photos/zeldman/7643539108
Made of
respect, love,
laughter and
hugs
https://www.flickr.com/photos/mettamatt/3221339104/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/dethstar/5084287508
Places to be
authentic,
genuine &
present
Places where
we can be
human again
https://www.flickr.com/photos/rawbanana/4714807991
With humanity
in mind, enjoy
valentine’s day
Thank you...
@cubicgarden - cubicgarden.com
Dating against humanity
Dating against humanity
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Dating against humanity

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From TedxManchester4: Dating against humanity

…a game in which nice single people are roped into a horrible game with others, resulting in cognitive overload, shocking manners, narcissism, algorithmic prejudice, financial loss and decisions based purely on appearances.

Published in: Lifestyle
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Dating against humanity

  1. 1. Dating Against Humanity …a game in which nice single people are roped into a horrible game with others, resulting in cognitive overload, shocking manners, narcissism, algorithmic prejudice, financial loss and decisions based purely on appearances. https://www.flickr.com/photos/x1brett/14972080124
  2. 2. 2001… I met Sarah online
  3. 3. Intimate space for authentic & genuine conversations
  4. 4. 2002… Chemistry happened in London
  5. 5. After 4½ years, we split and had a divorce
  6. 6. The internet changed my life once, why not again? https://www.flickr.com/photos/thomasswilliams/17080992987
  7. 7. New city, outlook, opportunities, people... https://www.flickr.com/photos/gidzy/12038501134
  8. 8. I became a bit of a serial dater * * Compared to the typical number of dates people go on before committing to a relationship
  9. 9. Match, Guardian Soulmates, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, Zoosk, Tinder, Woome, How about we, Badoo, Bumble, and more...
  10. 10. I am still single...
  11. 11. 36 year old divorcee, left-leaning, feminist & self confessed geek I’m @cubicgarden if interested
  12. 12. I have been called
  13. 13. The wikipedia of online dating Northern Lass in The Guardian
  14. 14. Expert by experience Claire
  15. 15. Why are you still single?
  16. 16. Swimming in the sea with sharks, beautiful dolphins, catfish & used condoms
  17. 17. What is a Catfish?
  18. 18. Dating 101, always tell people where you are going Ok this is going to sound a little crazy...! Been chatting to a woman on OKCupid - Danielle Mason http://www.okcupid.com/profile/DanielleM_xo/ 44% Match | 54% Enemy She was flirting with me and I decided to play her bluff about hooking up soon.. Anyway, we kept talking on FB. And now were meeting each other for some "fun" I did all the usual scan for scams, sex worker, etc but she’s not showing up. As you can imagine there’s a ton of selfies which were shared. So I'm going to go through with it... In the past, they pulled out at the last minute or turned out to be somebody very different But unlike in the past, I'm going to let friends (you guys) know in advance just in- case things get a little weird or too freaky. So I'm pretty sure I'm dealing with a Catfisher
  19. 19. What do they get out of it?
  20. 20. The thrill, control & manipulation
  21. 21. Hallmarks of a psychopath
  22. 22. Blackmail, mail order brides & sextortion
  23. 23. Some disturbing insights
  24. 24. Fetishisation of the profile photo
  25. 25. The paradox of choice
  26. 26. Cognitive burn-out or extreme nit-picking https://www.flickr.com/photos/francisco_osorio/11979751175
  27. 27. My own nit-picking http://whitechicksgangsigns.tumblr.com/
  28. 28. https://www.flickr.com/photos/iceninejon/5054548426 Grass is greener syndrome
  29. 29. Endemic corruption
  30. 30. There is a fundamental mismatch IAC own Match, OkCupid, POF, Tinder Valued at $5.8 Billion Match had $888.3 million in revenue & $148.4 million profit in 2014 POF sold for $575 million in cash
  31. 31. A permanently paired-off dater, means lost revenue
  32. 32. How many ashley madison accounts are real? Ashley madison is only the start
  33. 33. $1.5 billion courtcase Photos used in 200+ fake match profiles
  34. 34. Legally, can not show clips from BBC Panorama tainted love http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b037wr14
  35. 35. To pay? or not to pay?
  36. 36. Straight from drug dealing handbook?
  37. 37. Apps make money from attention & personal data
  38. 38. Gamification to prolong attention & usage
  39. 39. Swipe right culture "On to the Next One" by Jay-Z False sense of intimacy Date:Play Startup idea from Vana Koutsomitis
  40. 40. Tinder sucks, they say. But they don’t/can’t stop swiping
  41. 41. Boiling down human emotion to binary https://www.flickr.com/photos/abhi_ryan/2476059942
  42. 42. Apathy and fear adds to their profits
  43. 43. Something is working?
  44. 44. Science of the matching algorithm https://www.flickr.com/photos/re-publica/13951164029
  45. 45. Algorithmic hokey pokey? ...past 80 years of scientific research about what makes people romantically compatible suggests that such sites are unlikely to do what they claim to do https://www.flickr.com/photos/re-publica/13951164029
  46. 46. Birthday paradox https://www.flickr.com/photos/frozen-in-time/2263904827
  47. 47. Getting people together since 2002 https://www.flickr.com/photos/cybaea/18078152 - By Budaris - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0
  48. 48. Tesco’s basket dating will work for a percentage https://amp.twimg.com/v/47b7e2b4-ff80-449c-bbf8-234e83746815
  49. 49. Connecting niches, is the new black
  50. 50. We feel disconnected in a hyperconnected world
  51. 51. Milgram’s 1972 paper familiar strangers https://www.flickr.com/photos/99123936@N00/3554843698/
  52. 52. We crave authentic intimacy in our society
  53. 53. We all fear rejection
  54. 54. Hesitation leads to doubt and then fear
  55. 55. https://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisguillebeau/5798084744/ Reject conformity, embrace diversity
  56. 56. We only have one life https://www.flickr.com/photos/rawbanana/4714807991
  57. 57. Every date I learn more about myself
  58. 58. Incredible experiences https://www.flickr.com/photos/14589121@N00/466360486
  59. 59. Treasure friends & conversations https://www.flickr.com/photos/eye2eye/50892860/
  60. 60. Create intimate spaces, where chemistry can flourish https://www.flickr.com/photos/zeldman/7643539108
  61. 61. Made of respect, love, laughter and hugs https://www.flickr.com/photos/mettamatt/3221339104/
  62. 62. https://www.flickr.com/photos/dethstar/5084287508 Places to be authentic, genuine & present
  63. 63. Places where we can be human again https://www.flickr.com/photos/rawbanana/4714807991
  64. 64. With humanity in mind, enjoy valentine’s day Thank you... @cubicgarden - cubicgarden.com

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