colinperini.com

Copyright © 2010 Colin Perini
Colin Perini
    presents

the Princess
    and
  the Ape
Little known scientific discovery:

99% of all Princesses
agree - Apes are odd
You are about to learn of a
strange tale,
a story that will unravel some of
the mysteries surrounding the
relationship bet...
This scientifically- based
study was written so that
ladies all around the world
could catch a glimpse into
the greatly mis...
Based on a true story, this
unbiased tale, is a brave
journey that will takes you
into rough, uncivilised lands
where only...
If the characters in this tale, in
any way resemble any person
you are currently living with,
it’s just a coincidence, so
...
Age-old mysteries surrounding
Princesses and Apes are about
to be solved!

Apes! Please… do not think
about these things a...
Can a tiger understand a termite?
Can a flower understand a flamingo?
Can a Princess understand an Ape?
Is it possible to cr...
Basic facts about Life on
Earth

Every species on this planet
is alien to every other
species.

Within each species are
gr...
Planet of the Apes

The Ape feels at home in this
world.

He loves the raw, rough life of
the warrior. He pushes himself
t...
The poor Princess is not so
happy on this planet.

The Princess never feels
completely comfortable in this
world.

She is ...
The origin of life on Planet
Earth

Apes are from another planet,
probably somewhere a little
more junglish, more primitiv...
Private information
(not to be shared with
Apes).

Princesses are more likely
to
have come from somewhere
nice, like Paris...
Huh! What’d ya say?

Apes are never sure about what’s
going on. All they know is, what
they know,
 is all you need to know...
Social Etiquette

Apes like to take turns at
talking. It’s usually a game of
who can climb on whom, to get
to the top of M...
How ya goin’?

Ask an Ape how he’s going
and he’ll always say ‘Not
bad!’
This is because imaginative
responses are just ou...
Poor little Princess

Ask a Princess how she’s
going
and she’ll tell you.
She lives in reality and it’s
shocking, ‘I reall...
Problems

Apes assume that they always
know best and he can see the
solution clearly. He cannot see
the point in arguing w...
Amazing muscularity

Apes are never fat, they are
big. ‘That huge belly mound
is actually all muscle, go on
punch it! See,...
Ask and you shall receive

When you ask for an opinion,
Apes assume you are asking
for advice and step into the
role of di...
Life is an emotional
kaleidoscope!

An Ape’s emotions, depend on
whose company he has just
kept, what day it is, what he j...
Don’t you get it?

Apes can justify anything. An
ape believes that logic is
exactly how he thinks. He also
thinks that log...
Love, love me do

When an Ape passes the age
of having to impress a
Princess,
he believes that love is
something only gays...
It’s not easy being an Ape

Apes are very busy, so
Princesses should be able to
handle most of the problems
for them.

Pri...
I never complain

Apes believe that they are
always badly done by but they
keep it to themselves. ‘Yeah,
you’re lucky mate...
The light in the darkness

Apes believe that they are not
really recognised for their
brilliance. Since it’s so obvious
to...
I thought of it first

Apes are happy to
acknowledge Princesses
but to give them credit is
going too far.

Princesses don’t...
If I say ‘No!’ I mean it!

Apes are amazingly self-
disciplined, mentally and
physically. This gives us a
warrior-like sta...
Obviously we’re smarter,
that’s why!

Apes are born with the idea
that we rule the world. It’s a
subtle thing that Princes...
It’s a scientifically proven
fact!

Apes believe that their brain
power is far superior to
Princesses.

Princesses believe ...
I would’ve done the exact same
myself!

Apes believe that in some
strange way, they personally
influenced the design of eve...
It wasn’t easy being the best at
everything

Apes believe that if you are over
50,
the truth is no longer important.

Prin...
Believe me. I know best!

The dumber an Ape is, the
more
he will fight for his right to
be right.

Princesses aren’t dumb.
Now look what you made
me do!

When an Ape makes a
mistake, which is rare, he
usually manages to blame
someone else, usual...
Now what’s wrong?

An Ape ends an argument
with abruptness. Then can’t
see anything wrong.

Princesses let it simmer
and s...
I look pretty good for my age


Apes assume that they are good
looking and it helps more if you
breathe in.

Princesses ne...
And so in conclusion...
A quote from an actual Ape:
“It’s not easy being an Ape. It’s
all about sacrifice, working day
afte...
linaperini.com
colinperini.com
Copyright © 2010 Colin Perini
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
The Ape and the Princess
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The Ape and the Princess

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A simple story that highlights the differences between men and women. Shocking, personal and revealing... plus a lot of fun. With a bias towards women and an obvious poke at big bully husbands, this show should thrill men and women alike... well maybe not the men... We expected our inaugural speech to be overwhelming with laughter and cheers form the girls... instead it was met with complete silence... only later did we realise that most of the audience was made up of men who are apes or women who are married to them.... they did not need reminding of reality.

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  • Whether your home is in a castle or in a tent, it’s always been the same.
    An irresistible attraction along with a natural repulsion.

  • The rugged and independent male and the sensible and accepting female
    He knows what he wants and she knows what he wants but she is not sure what she wants.

  • Sometimes an Ape needs to get away to somewhere quiet, so that he can think on the great mysteries of life. Ponder the impossible and to consider the infinite wonder of life.

  • Sometimes a girl has secret thoughts, things that a mere Ape wold never understand. She likes to think of what could have been or perhaps how she could get there now.


  • Who knows what things the Ape might do if he was sure that she would not find out.

  • There is a place, a space in most Princesses mind that is always like Paris in Springtime.
    Soft pastel colours, warm sunshine and of course polite and attentive Apes.

  • Sometimes an Ape accidentally forgets that he doesn‘t know everything and he needs the gentle nudge of a caring Princess to remind him.

  • According to the Ape, the strangest thing is… they can repeat each conversation as if it was spoken separately.

  • Social graces are limited because of the Apes inability to express himself in words that contain more than 4 syllables.

  • Every day she is sure that things could not get worse and they do! Who can a girl turn to except her friends in these terrible situations?

  • Apes are happy to listen to alternative points of view, as long as they agree with his.



  • Give him a chance and he will soon tell the world all about his brilliant ideas.
    Problem is, nobody will give him the chance.

  • There are many tragic events in every princesses life, such as this one. It is no wonder that they get tired at times and wish they could return to Paris in Springtime.

  • The brilliant mind of an ape in action. Step by step analysing, justifying and mesmerising the Princess with his logic.

  • He has a lot of friends who agree that love is okay for the movies but it’s not real life is it?

  • An ape is a complex machine and machines need to be kept in good order so that they are ready at the drop of a hat.

  • There’s always a better world out there. It’s hard to live with the memory all of those lost opportunities.

  • Sometimes Apes don’t get the respect they deserve. Princesses have a way of saying nothing and yet making him feel as if they don’t believe anything he just said.

  • Princesses believe that housework is as unnatural as expecting to understand an Ape.

  • They can’t help it! No matter what happens, secretly Apes believe they never lose their masculine magnificence.

  • Unfortunately for Apes, the results for who rules the world are in, and it’s not looking good.

  • Anyway, who cares, if our brains are really that small, we’re probably too dumb to realise it!

  • There’s something about an Ape and his car, you toucha my car, is same as you toucha me! Crazy!

  • It’s not easy for an Ape to experience ageing. Usually it is a gradual process and by the time he dies at say 75, he still thinks he is only about 40.

  • Even though an Ape does not mind occasionally admitting he is wrong, he much prefers to be right all of the time.

  • There are some behaviours that the Ape finds completely non-sensical

  • You can feel it in the air, i imagine it is just like a volcano before it erupts, shattering the peace and destroying all in its way.

  • Life is such a tease, happiness is always just around the corner or over the next hill...


  • The Ape and the Princess

    1. 1. colinperini.com Copyright © 2010 Colin Perini
    2. 2. Colin Perini presents the Princess and the Ape
    3. 3. Little known scientific discovery: 99% of all Princesses agree - Apes are odd
    4. 4. You are about to learn of a strange tale, a story that will unravel some of the mysteries surrounding the relationship between a man and a woman.
    5. 5. This scientifically- based study was written so that ladies all around the world could catch a glimpse into the greatly misunderstood mind of an ape. ?
    6. 6. Based on a true story, this unbiased tale, is a brave journey that will takes you into rough, uncivilised lands where only Apes know what is going on... and mostly they have forgotten.
    7. 7. If the characters in this tale, in any way resemble any person you are currently living with, it’s just a coincidence, so please… don’t read between the lines!
    8. 8. Age-old mysteries surrounding Princesses and Apes are about to be solved! Apes! Please… do not think about these things at home, without a beer in your hand and 6 in the fridge. Princesses! Some of the truths revealed today may tempt you to laugh. Don’t do it! Apes are not funny!
    9. 9. Can a tiger understand a termite? Can a flower understand a flamingo? Can a Princess understand an Ape? Is it possible to cross this great divide?
    10. 10. Basic facts about Life on Earth Every species on this planet is alien to every other species. Within each species are groups that almost get along. These groups are usually divided into opposites… sort of…
    11. 11. Planet of the Apes The Ape feels at home in this world. He loves the raw, rough life of the warrior. He pushes himself to the limit in the hunt for his food and the fight for domination. At least, that’s how he imagines it is.
    12. 12. The poor Princess is not so happy on this planet. The Princess never feels completely comfortable in this world. She is sure that she got off on the wrong planet and that Mr. Right is still waiting for her somewhere else (nursing his broken heart).
    13. 13. The origin of life on Planet Earth Apes are from another planet, probably somewhere a little more junglish, more primitive than earth... a planet without manners, perhaps.
    14. 14. Private information (not to be shared with Apes). Princesses are more likely to have come from somewhere nice, like Paris in springtime.
    15. 15. Huh! What’d ya say? Apes are never sure about what’s going on. All they know is, what they know, is all you need to know. Princesses like it that way because they know, that apes don’t know, that they know.
    16. 16. Social Etiquette Apes like to take turns at talking. It’s usually a game of who can climb on whom, to get to the top of Mount Masculine. Whereas… Princesses all talk at once.
    17. 17. How ya goin’? Ask an Ape how he’s going and he’ll always say ‘Not bad!’ This is because imaginative responses are just out of their range of expression.
    18. 18. Poor little Princess Ask a Princess how she’s going and she’ll tell you. She lives in reality and it’s shocking, ‘I really need to share this’.
    19. 19. Problems Apes assume that they always know best and he can see the solution clearly. He cannot see the point in arguing with him. Princesses really need to talk about it so that they can make some personal changes.
    20. 20. Amazing muscularity Apes are never fat, they are big. ‘That huge belly mound is actually all muscle, go on punch it! See, told ya!’ Princesses always think they are overweight... but never fat!
    21. 21. Ask and you shall receive When you ask for an opinion, Apes assume you are asking for advice and step into the role of dictator. Ask a Princess and not only will she tell you what she thinks, she will also tell you what her friends, neighbours and relatives think!
    22. 22. Life is an emotional kaleidoscope! An Ape’s emotions, depend on whose company he has just kept, what day it is, what he just saw on TV and of course, how much he has had to drink. Princesses are emotional, regardless.
    23. 23. Don’t you get it? Apes can justify anything. An ape believes that logic is exactly how he thinks. He also thinks that logic is a sign of intelligence. Princesses have no need to justify and believe that logic is definitely illogical!
    24. 24. Love, love me do When an Ape passes the age of having to impress a Princess, he believes that love is something only gays are interested in. Princesses think that love is what they must feel when they decide not to kill the stupid Ape.
    25. 25. It’s not easy being an Ape Apes are very busy, so Princesses should be able to handle most of the problems for them. Princesses think that really, their only problem is the Ape.
    26. 26. I never complain Apes believe that they are always badly done by but they keep it to themselves. ‘Yeah, you’re lucky mate, what about me…’ Princesses quietly accept the fact that they made a mistake. They decide to stay married. They get up to get the Ape another beer.
    27. 27. The light in the darkness Apes believe that they are not really recognised for their brilliance. Since it’s so obvious to them, how come others can’t see it? Princesses know they’re not brilliant because they keep marrying Apes!
    28. 28. I thought of it first Apes are happy to acknowledge Princesses but to give them credit is going too far. Princesses don’t expect credit but do you realise that housework is never ending?
    29. 29. If I say ‘No!’ I mean it! Apes are amazingly self- disciplined, mentally and physically. This gives us a warrior-like status, … if only in the mirror. Princesses give up trying and have another chocolate.
    30. 30. Obviously we’re smarter, that’s why! Apes are born with the idea that we rule the world. It’s a subtle thing that Princesses wouldn’t understand. Princesses think that this world is a shocking mess and it’s obvious who is in charge!
    31. 31. It’s a scientifically proven fact! Apes believe that their brain power is far superior to Princesses. Princesses believe that Apes don’t have a brain.
    32. 32. I would’ve done the exact same myself! Apes believe that in some strange way, they personally influenced the design of every good thing on this planet. Princesses believe they were born to buy every good thing on this planet.
    33. 33. It wasn’t easy being the best at everything Apes believe that if you are over 50, the truth is no longer important. Princesses believe that if you are over 50, there is no need to admit the truth.
    34. 34. Believe me. I know best! The dumber an Ape is, the more he will fight for his right to be right. Princesses aren’t dumb.
    35. 35. Now look what you made me do! When an Ape makes a mistake, which is rare, he usually manages to blame someone else, usually the Princess. Princesses feel guilty whether or not they make a mistake.
    36. 36. Now what’s wrong? An Ape ends an argument with abruptness. Then can’t see anything wrong. Princesses let it simmer and simmer and simmer...
    37. 37. I look pretty good for my age Apes assume that they are good looking and it helps more if you breathe in. Princesses never quite arrive at feeling beautiful.
    38. 38. And so in conclusion... A quote from an actual Ape: “It’s not easy being an Ape. It’s all about sacrifice, working day after day, hour after hour just so my Princess can continue to live the life she dreams.” A quote from an actual Princess: “It’s not easy being a Princess. It’s all about patience. Day after day, hour after hour, waiting for my Ape to give me the life he promised.”
    39. 39. linaperini.com colinperini.com Copyright © 2010 Colin Perini

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