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English	
  wri+ng	
  and	
  edi+ng	
  +ps	
  	
  
for	
  sharing	
  development	
  stories	
  
	
  
	
  
Facilitated	
  by	
  Cobi	
  Smith,	
  	
  
Australian	
  Youth	
  Ambassador	
  for	
  Development,	
  Australian	
  Volunteers	
  for	
  Interna+onal	
  Development	
  
New	
  Media	
  and	
  Communica+ons	
  Development,	
  AIPP	
  Research	
  and	
  Communica+ons	
  Development	
  Programme	
  
	
  
Thursday	
  5	
  September	
  2013,	
  at	
  the	
  AIPP	
  Secretariat	
  in	
  Chiang	
  Mai	
  
	
  
	
  
Advice	
  from	
  six	
  months	
  of	
  edi1ng	
  AIPP	
  documents*.	
  	
  
	
  
Five	
  ideas	
  I	
  hope	
  you	
  remember	
  from	
  today:	
  
1. Give	
  separate	
  messages	
  separate	
  sentences.	
  
2. Use	
  direct	
  and	
  clear	
  language.	
  
3. Use	
  ac1ve	
  not	
  passive	
  voice.	
  
4. ‘The	
  right’	
  is	
  singular.	
  ‘Rights’	
  are	
  plural.	
  
5. Explain	
  every	
  acronym	
  when	
  you	
  first	
  use	
  it.	
  	
  
	
  
	
  
	
  
	
  
*see	
  also:	
  William	
  Strunk	
  and	
  E.	
  B.	
  White,	
  The	
  Elements	
  of	
  Style,	
  
	
  4th	
  edi1on	
  (New	
  York:	
  Allyn	
  and	
  Bacon,	
  2000)	
  
	
  
1.	
  Give	
  separate	
  messages	
  separate	
  sentences.	
  
	
  
Avoid	
  long	
  sentences.	
  	
  
	
  
Example:	
  
There	
  is	
  no	
  health	
  facility	
  in	
  the	
  community	
  and	
  the	
  
nearest	
  hospital	
  is	
  about	
  11	
  kilometres	
  away	
  which	
  has	
  
three	
  Kui	
  doctors.	
  
	
  
BeXer:	
  
There	
  is	
  no	
  health	
  facility	
  in	
  the	
  community.	
  The	
  nearest	
  
hospital	
  is	
  about	
  11	
  kilometres	
  away.	
  Three	
  Kui	
  doctors	
  
work	
  there.	
  
	
  
	
  
	
  
	
  
	
  	
  
2.	
  Use	
  direct	
  and	
  clear	
  language.	
  	
  
	
  
Avoid	
  verbs	
  as	
  nouns.	
  
	
  	
  
Note	
  that	
  ‘carry	
  out’	
  and	
  ‘undertake’	
  are	
  indicators	
  of	
  this.	
  	
  
	
  
Example:	
  
Carry	
  out	
  land	
  tenure	
  reform.	
  
	
  
BeXer:	
  
Reform	
  land	
  tenure.	
  	
  
2.	
  Use	
  direct	
  and	
  clear	
  language.	
  	
  
	
  
Keep	
  it	
  simple	
  so	
  it’s	
  easy	
  to	
  understand.	
  
	
  
Avoid	
  using	
  more	
  words	
  than	
  necessary.	
  	
  
	
  
Example:	
  
Thus	
  it	
  is	
  her	
  role	
  to	
  propagate	
  tradi1onal	
  beliefs	
  in	
  order	
  to	
  
maintain	
  the	
  unity	
  and	
  solidarity.	
  
	
  
BeXer:	
  
She	
  propagates	
  tradi1onal	
  beliefs	
  to	
  maintain	
  solidarity.	
  
2.	
  Use	
  direct	
  and	
  clear	
  language.	
  	
  
	
  
Use	
  less	
  adjec+ves	
  and	
  adverbs.	
  
	
  
Example:	
  
Cambodia	
  has	
  ra1fied	
  important	
  interna1onal	
  
human	
  rights	
  trea1es	
  that	
  are	
  directly	
  related	
  
to	
  indigenous	
  women.	
  
	
  
These	
  adjec1ves	
  do	
  not	
  add	
  to	
  the	
  sentence’s	
  
meaning.	
  	
  
	
  
3.	
  Use	
  ac+ve	
  not	
  passive	
  voice.	
  
	
  
Passive:	
  
It	
  is	
  recommended	
  that	
  mobile	
  phone	
  recep1on	
  is	
  
given	
  to	
  indigenous	
  communi1es	
  in	
  Cambodia.	
  
	
  
14	
  words	
  
	
  
Ac1ve:	
  
AIPP	
  recommends	
  that	
  the	
  Cambodian	
  government	
  
gives	
  indigenous	
  communi1es	
  mobile	
  phone	
  
recep1on.	
  
	
  
12	
  words	
  
	
  
Which	
  one	
  is	
  a	
  stronger	
  call	
  for	
  change?	
  
	
  
4.	
  ‘The	
  right’	
  is	
  singular.	
  ‘Rights’	
  are	
  plural.	
  	
  
	
  
Example:	
  
Indigenous	
  women	
  have	
  the	
  right	
  to	
  all	
  levels	
  and	
  
forms	
  of	
  educa1on.	
  	
  
	
  
BeXer:	
  
Indigenous	
  women	
  have	
  rights	
  to	
  all	
  levels	
  and	
  forms	
  of	
  
educa1on.	
  
	
  
Example:	
  
Every	
  indigenous	
  woman	
  have	
  rights	
  to	
  ci1zenship.	
  
	
  
BeXer:	
  
Every	
  indigenous	
  woman	
  has	
  the	
  right	
  to	
  ci1zenship.	
  	
  
	
  
	
  
5.	
  Explain	
  every	
  acronym	
  when	
  you	
  first	
  use	
  it.	
  	
  
	
  
Don’t	
  assume	
  people	
  share	
  your	
  understanding	
  of	
  what	
  the	
  
acronym	
  means.	
  	
  
	
  
Example:	
  
IP	
  advocates	
  face	
  HR	
  barriers	
  to	
  applying	
  interna1onal	
  law	
  in	
  
Asian	
  countries.	
  	
  
	
  
Which	
  meaning?	
  
	
  
Intellectual	
  property	
  (IP)	
  advocates	
  face	
  human	
  resources	
  (HR)	
  
barriers	
  to	
  applying	
  interna1onal	
  law	
  in	
  Asian	
  countries.	
  	
  
	
  
Indigenous	
  peoples’	
  (IP)	
  advocates	
  face	
  human	
  rights	
  (HR)	
  	
  
barriers	
  to	
  applying	
  interna1onal	
  law	
  in	
  Asian	
  countries.	
  	
  
	
  
	
  
“Isn’t	
  it?”	
  used	
  in	
  speech	
  is	
  an	
  indicator	
  an	
  Asian	
  first	
  language	
  
	
  
Correct:	
  
The	
  cat	
  is	
  asleep,	
  isn’t	
  it?	
  
	
  
Example:	
  
We	
  are	
  wri1ng	
  it	
  together,	
  isn’t	
  it?	
  	
  
	
  
BeXer:	
  
We	
  are	
  wri1ng	
  it	
  together,	
  aren’t	
  we?	
  	
  
	
  
Example:	
  
They	
  will	
  get	
  permission,	
  isn’t	
  it?	
  	
  
	
  
BeXer:	
  
They	
  will	
  get	
  permission,	
  won’t	
  they?	
  
	
  
Example:	
  
She	
  can	
  go,	
  isn’t	
  it?	
  	
  
	
  
BeXer:	
  
She	
  can	
  go,	
  can’t	
  she?	
  	
  
(bonus	
  idea)	
  
J	
  	
  
Advice	
  from	
  six	
  months	
  of	
  edi1ng	
  AIPP	
  documents*.	
  	
  
	
  
Five	
  ideas	
  I	
  hope	
  you	
  remember	
  from	
  today:	
  
1. Give	
  separate	
  messages	
  separate	
  sentences.	
  
2. Use	
  direct	
  and	
  clear	
  language.	
  
3. Use	
  ac1ve	
  not	
  passive	
  voice.	
  
4. ‘The	
  right’	
  is	
  singular.	
  ‘Rights’	
  are	
  plural.	
  
5. Explain	
  every	
  acronym	
  when	
  you	
  first	
  use	
  it.	
  	
  
	
  
	
  
	
  
	
  
*see	
  also:	
  William	
  Strunk	
  and	
  E.	
  B.	
  White,	
  The	
  Elements	
  of	
  Style,	
  
	
  4th	
  edi1on	
  (New	
  York:	
  Allyn	
  and	
  Bacon,	
  2000)	
  
	
  

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English writing and editing tips for sharing development stories

  • 1.   English  wri+ng  and  edi+ng  +ps     for  sharing  development  stories       Facilitated  by  Cobi  Smith,     Australian  Youth  Ambassador  for  Development,  Australian  Volunteers  for  Interna+onal  Development   New  Media  and  Communica+ons  Development,  AIPP  Research  and  Communica+ons  Development  Programme     Thursday  5  September  2013,  at  the  AIPP  Secretariat  in  Chiang  Mai      
  • 2. Advice  from  six  months  of  edi1ng  AIPP  documents*.       Five  ideas  I  hope  you  remember  from  today:   1. Give  separate  messages  separate  sentences.   2. Use  direct  and  clear  language.   3. Use  ac1ve  not  passive  voice.   4. ‘The  right’  is  singular.  ‘Rights’  are  plural.   5. Explain  every  acronym  when  you  first  use  it.             *see  also:  William  Strunk  and  E.  B.  White,  The  Elements  of  Style,    4th  edi1on  (New  York:  Allyn  and  Bacon,  2000)    
  • 3. 1.  Give  separate  messages  separate  sentences.     Avoid  long  sentences.       Example:   There  is  no  health  facility  in  the  community  and  the   nearest  hospital  is  about  11  kilometres  away  which  has   three  Kui  doctors.     BeXer:   There  is  no  health  facility  in  the  community.  The  nearest   hospital  is  about  11  kilometres  away.  Three  Kui  doctors   work  there.              
  • 4. 2.  Use  direct  and  clear  language.       Avoid  verbs  as  nouns.       Note  that  ‘carry  out’  and  ‘undertake’  are  indicators  of  this.       Example:   Carry  out  land  tenure  reform.     BeXer:   Reform  land  tenure.    
  • 5. 2.  Use  direct  and  clear  language.       Keep  it  simple  so  it’s  easy  to  understand.     Avoid  using  more  words  than  necessary.       Example:   Thus  it  is  her  role  to  propagate  tradi1onal  beliefs  in  order  to   maintain  the  unity  and  solidarity.     BeXer:   She  propagates  tradi1onal  beliefs  to  maintain  solidarity.  
  • 6. 2.  Use  direct  and  clear  language.       Use  less  adjec+ves  and  adverbs.     Example:   Cambodia  has  ra1fied  important  interna1onal   human  rights  trea1es  that  are  directly  related   to  indigenous  women.     These  adjec1ves  do  not  add  to  the  sentence’s   meaning.      
  • 7. 3.  Use  ac+ve  not  passive  voice.     Passive:   It  is  recommended  that  mobile  phone  recep1on  is   given  to  indigenous  communi1es  in  Cambodia.     14  words     Ac1ve:   AIPP  recommends  that  the  Cambodian  government   gives  indigenous  communi1es  mobile  phone   recep1on.     12  words     Which  one  is  a  stronger  call  for  change?    
  • 8. 4.  ‘The  right’  is  singular.  ‘Rights’  are  plural.       Example:   Indigenous  women  have  the  right  to  all  levels  and   forms  of  educa1on.       BeXer:   Indigenous  women  have  rights  to  all  levels  and  forms  of   educa1on.     Example:   Every  indigenous  woman  have  rights  to  ci1zenship.     BeXer:   Every  indigenous  woman  has  the  right  to  ci1zenship.        
  • 9. 5.  Explain  every  acronym  when  you  first  use  it.       Don’t  assume  people  share  your  understanding  of  what  the   acronym  means.       Example:   IP  advocates  face  HR  barriers  to  applying  interna1onal  law  in   Asian  countries.       Which  meaning?     Intellectual  property  (IP)  advocates  face  human  resources  (HR)   barriers  to  applying  interna1onal  law  in  Asian  countries.       Indigenous  peoples’  (IP)  advocates  face  human  rights  (HR)     barriers  to  applying  interna1onal  law  in  Asian  countries.        
  • 10. “Isn’t  it?”  used  in  speech  is  an  indicator  an  Asian  first  language     Correct:   The  cat  is  asleep,  isn’t  it?     Example:   We  are  wri1ng  it  together,  isn’t  it?       BeXer:   We  are  wri1ng  it  together,  aren’t  we?       Example:   They  will  get  permission,  isn’t  it?       BeXer:   They  will  get  permission,  won’t  they?     Example:   She  can  go,  isn’t  it?       BeXer:   She  can  go,  can’t  she?     (bonus  idea)   J    
  • 11. Advice  from  six  months  of  edi1ng  AIPP  documents*.       Five  ideas  I  hope  you  remember  from  today:   1. Give  separate  messages  separate  sentences.   2. Use  direct  and  clear  language.   3. Use  ac1ve  not  passive  voice.   4. ‘The  right’  is  singular.  ‘Rights’  are  plural.   5. Explain  every  acronym  when  you  first  use  it.             *see  also:  William  Strunk  and  E.  B.  White,  The  Elements  of  Style,    4th  edi1on  (New  York:  Allyn  and  Bacon,  2000)