Outlines of Essay Audience general AudiencePurpose Hayaka.docx
English writing and editing tips for sharing development stories
1.
English
wri+ng
and
edi+ng
+ps
for
sharing
development
stories
Facilitated
by
Cobi
Smith,
Australian
Youth
Ambassador
for
Development,
Australian
Volunteers
for
Interna+onal
Development
New
Media
and
Communica+ons
Development,
AIPP
Research
and
Communica+ons
Development
Programme
Thursday
5
September
2013,
at
the
AIPP
Secretariat
in
Chiang
Mai
2. Advice
from
six
months
of
edi1ng
AIPP
documents*.
Five
ideas
I
hope
you
remember
from
today:
1. Give
separate
messages
separate
sentences.
2. Use
direct
and
clear
language.
3. Use
ac1ve
not
passive
voice.
4. ‘The
right’
is
singular.
‘Rights’
are
plural.
5. Explain
every
acronym
when
you
first
use
it.
*see
also:
William
Strunk
and
E.
B.
White,
The
Elements
of
Style,
4th
edi1on
(New
York:
Allyn
and
Bacon,
2000)
3. 1.
Give
separate
messages
separate
sentences.
Avoid
long
sentences.
Example:
There
is
no
health
facility
in
the
community
and
the
nearest
hospital
is
about
11
kilometres
away
which
has
three
Kui
doctors.
BeXer:
There
is
no
health
facility
in
the
community.
The
nearest
hospital
is
about
11
kilometres
away.
Three
Kui
doctors
work
there.
4. 2.
Use
direct
and
clear
language.
Avoid
verbs
as
nouns.
Note
that
‘carry
out’
and
‘undertake’
are
indicators
of
this.
Example:
Carry
out
land
tenure
reform.
BeXer:
Reform
land
tenure.
5. 2.
Use
direct
and
clear
language.
Keep
it
simple
so
it’s
easy
to
understand.
Avoid
using
more
words
than
necessary.
Example:
Thus
it
is
her
role
to
propagate
tradi1onal
beliefs
in
order
to
maintain
the
unity
and
solidarity.
BeXer:
She
propagates
tradi1onal
beliefs
to
maintain
solidarity.
6. 2.
Use
direct
and
clear
language.
Use
less
adjec+ves
and
adverbs.
Example:
Cambodia
has
ra1fied
important
interna1onal
human
rights
trea1es
that
are
directly
related
to
indigenous
women.
These
adjec1ves
do
not
add
to
the
sentence’s
meaning.
7. 3.
Use
ac+ve
not
passive
voice.
Passive:
It
is
recommended
that
mobile
phone
recep1on
is
given
to
indigenous
communi1es
in
Cambodia.
14
words
Ac1ve:
AIPP
recommends
that
the
Cambodian
government
gives
indigenous
communi1es
mobile
phone
recep1on.
12
words
Which
one
is
a
stronger
call
for
change?
8. 4.
‘The
right’
is
singular.
‘Rights’
are
plural.
Example:
Indigenous
women
have
the
right
to
all
levels
and
forms
of
educa1on.
BeXer:
Indigenous
women
have
rights
to
all
levels
and
forms
of
educa1on.
Example:
Every
indigenous
woman
have
rights
to
ci1zenship.
BeXer:
Every
indigenous
woman
has
the
right
to
ci1zenship.
9. 5.
Explain
every
acronym
when
you
first
use
it.
Don’t
assume
people
share
your
understanding
of
what
the
acronym
means.
Example:
IP
advocates
face
HR
barriers
to
applying
interna1onal
law
in
Asian
countries.
Which
meaning?
Intellectual
property
(IP)
advocates
face
human
resources
(HR)
barriers
to
applying
interna1onal
law
in
Asian
countries.
Indigenous
peoples’
(IP)
advocates
face
human
rights
(HR)
barriers
to
applying
interna1onal
law
in
Asian
countries.
10. “Isn’t
it?”
used
in
speech
is
an
indicator
an
Asian
first
language
Correct:
The
cat
is
asleep,
isn’t
it?
Example:
We
are
wri1ng
it
together,
isn’t
it?
BeXer:
We
are
wri1ng
it
together,
aren’t
we?
Example:
They
will
get
permission,
isn’t
it?
BeXer:
They
will
get
permission,
won’t
they?
Example:
She
can
go,
isn’t
it?
BeXer:
She
can
go,
can’t
she?
(bonus
idea)
J
11. Advice
from
six
months
of
edi1ng
AIPP
documents*.
Five
ideas
I
hope
you
remember
from
today:
1. Give
separate
messages
separate
sentences.
2. Use
direct
and
clear
language.
3. Use
ac1ve
not
passive
voice.
4. ‘The
right’
is
singular.
‘Rights’
are
plural.
5. Explain
every
acronym
when
you
first
use
it.
*see
also:
William
Strunk
and
E.
B.
White,
The
Elements
of
Style,
4th
edi1on
(New
York:
Allyn
and
Bacon,
2000)