Mastering your Emotions


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Mastering your Emotions

  1. 1. Mastering your EQ Choosing the Secret Competitive Advantage
  2. 2. Emotion <ul><li>a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts, and behavior </li></ul><ul><li>subjective experiences; or something experienced from an individual point of view. </li></ul>
  3. 3. Emotion versus Behavior <ul><li>What we are doing and what we are feeling may be quite different. </li></ul><ul><li>Caution: </li></ul><ul><li>Do not assume that you know what is going on inside other people simply by watching their behavior . </li></ul>
  4. 4. Basic components of emotions <ul><li>1. The physiological aspect </li></ul><ul><li>involves active changes in the body physically </li></ul><ul><li>2. The cognitive component </li></ul><ul><li>- emphasizes the importance of thoughts, beliefs, and expectations in determining the type and intensity of emotional response </li></ul>
  5. 5. Basic components of emotions <ul><li>3. The behavioral component </li></ul><ul><li>- involves the various forms of expressions that emotions may take , e.g., facial expressions, bodily postures, gestures, and tone of voice which changes with anger, joy, fear, sorrow, etc. </li></ul>
  6. 6. Basic components of emotions <ul><li>4. The subjective experience </li></ul><ul><li>- includes elements of pleasure, or displeasure, intensity of feeling, etc. </li></ul><ul><li>- what one individual experiences as intensely as pleasurable may be boring for another </li></ul>
  7. 7. Time Frame – Past, Present & Future <ul><li>You cannot feel Anxiety when you think of the Past and you cannot feel Disappointment when you think of the Future. </li></ul><ul><li>Application Exercise : </li></ul><ul><li>Regret to Hope </li></ul><ul><ul><li>by shifting from the past to something that could happen or something you could do in the future.  </li></ul></ul>
  8. 8. Time Frame – Past, Present & Future <ul><li>Application Exercise : </li></ul><ul><li>Bored to Restless </li></ul><ul><ul><li>by shifting from what is not going on in the present to looking forward to something pleasant that is going to happen in the not-too-distant future. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Frustration into Patience </li></ul><ul><ul><li>by shifting Time Frame from the Present to another time farther into the Future. </li></ul></ul>
  9. 9. Modality – Necessary, Possible, Desirable <ul><li>The language that we use somewhat describes the emotion. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>That it needs to be done is part of Necessity. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>That it can be done by you is part of Possibility. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>If you believe you can not , then you move to a feeling of Inadequacy or Despair.   </li></ul></ul>
  10. 10. INVOLVEMENT -  Active or Passive / Going toward or Away <ul><li>Emotions also indicate: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“movement” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>what kind of “movement” that is. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Are you moving towards or away? </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Are you initiating the “movement” or are you going with the flow? </li></ul></ul></ul>
  11. 11. To or away? Passive or active? <ul><li>Determination </li></ul><ul><li>Ambition   </li></ul><ul><li>Curiosity      </li></ul><ul><li>Frustrated      </li></ul><ul><li>Aggressive </li></ul><ul><li>Affectionate / Friendly   </li></ul><ul><li>Hope </li></ul><ul><li>Victim </li></ul><ul><li>Acceptance . </li></ul><ul><li>Hope </li></ul><ul><li>Apathy </li></ul><ul><li>Complacence </li></ul><ul><li>Satisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>Loneliness </li></ul><ul><li>Calm. </li></ul><ul><li>Boredom </li></ul><ul><li>Annoyance </li></ul><ul><li>Loneliness </li></ul><ul><li>Self-Pity </li></ul><ul><li>Patience </li></ul>
  12. 12. INVOLVEMENT -  Active or Passive / Going toward or Away <ul><li>Determination – get something done / Going Toward </li></ul><ul><li>Ambition   - to rise to a certain level / Going Toward </li></ul><ul><li>Curiosity – to figure something out / Going Toward </li></ul><ul><li>Frustrated – to make something turn out the way you want it to / Going Toward </li></ul><ul><li>Aggressive / Affectionate / Friendly   – Moving Toward </li></ul>
  13. 13. INVOLVEMENT -  Active or Passive / Going toward or Away <ul><li>Passive </li></ul><ul><ul><li>feeling that there is nothing you can do </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>that there are forces moving around ‘out there’ that will or will not grant you your wishes </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“You are more likely to be passive if you have no outcome in mind.” </li></ul></ul>
  14. 14. INVOLVEMENT -  Active or Passive / Going toward or Away <ul><li>Complacence, Satisfaction, Apathy </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Outcomes have been met or do not exist and you do not feel like you have to do anything. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Loneliness </li></ul><ul><ul><li>involves wanting to be with people, but feeling unable to do anything about it </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Boredom, Annoyance, Loneliness, Self-Pity </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Passive / Away From </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Hope, Patience </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Passive / Moving toward </li></ul></ul>
  15. 15. INTENSITY <ul><li>more images, enhanced detail, increased depth of colors, more sounds, more loudness of sounds, increase in intensity of physical movements, increase in intensity of sensations, intensity of internal dialogue </li></ul>
  16. 16. Trauma Overwhelmed Pressured Stressed Demand Bliss Peaceful Calm Comfortable Okay   Rage   Furious Angry   Irritated Disapproving Obsessed   Lustful Aroused   Interested Curious Hysterical Anxious Upset   Worried Concerned Ecstatic Thrilled Happy    Pleased Satisfied Self Destruct Depression Grieving        Sad Disappointed
  17. 17. TEMPO <ul><li>Moving quickly, slowly, steadily, erratically. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Fast Tempo is in emotions of:  Excited, Panicky, Restless, Impatient, Anxious, Angry . </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Slow Tempo : Bored, Lonely, Apathetic, Discouraged, Patient, Accepting, Satisfied </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Fast/Uneven Tempo : Anxious, Nervous       </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Slow/Even Tempo : Calm </li></ul></ul>
  18. 18. Tempo <ul><li>Patience </li></ul><ul><ul><li>It is impossible to feel patient and experience a fast tempo at the same time. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>When people are feeling impatient, it is well known to slow down and take a deep breath and let it out slowly. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>When we are so impatient that we get excited and speed around, we miss much of what is around us and allow no time for input. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>. </li></ul>
  19. 19. Tempo Grieving Bored Lonely Calm  Patient  Accepting Satisfied  Discouraged Dread   SLOW Anxious Nervous Panicky Restless Angry Excited Frustration Enthusiasm joy   FAST   UNEVEN / ERRATIC     EVEN / SMOOTH  
  20. 20. CRITERIA <ul><li>the standards that you are applying in a certain situation </li></ul><ul><li>Emotions always occur within a particular context or situation . </li></ul><ul><li>When the situation changes, your emotions do too. </li></ul>
  21. 21. CRITERIA <ul><li>Some emotions are better in some situations than in others . </li></ul><ul><li>How useful and appropriate an emotion is depends on the situation and what you want. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Being frustrated and challenged when faced with a task = keep you going, keep you trying </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Feeling defeated or inadequate = not useful. </li></ul></ul>
  22. 22. CRITERIA <ul><li>“Changing the Criteria will change the emotion as well as changing any other component.” </li></ul>
  23. 23. Patience <ul><li>Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>to keep you going toward long term goal </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>gives you time to evaluate and reevaluate your actions and results </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>when desired outcome will take time or when you cannot impose your own time table and do things when you want to do them (traffic jam, waiting in line, teaching others, etc.) </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Not the best emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>when you have to take immediate action or suffer imminent negative consequences </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>when you are being taken advantage of or being abused. </li></ul></ul>
  24. 24. Calm <ul><li>Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>when there is nothing you have to do. Examples are going to bed to sleep, relaxing or meditating, or going on vacation. It will enhance those experiences. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Not Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>when you have to respond to something immediately or be alert </li></ul></ul>
  25. 25. Determination <ul><li>Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>When making a sustained effort against obstacles to accomplish a goal. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Not Good emotion      </li></ul><ul><ul><li>may fail to notice that your family relationships or personal health is deteriorating </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>if your goals are not worthwhile or not achievable. </li></ul></ul>
  26. 26. Encouraged <ul><li>Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>when you perceive you are making progress toward a goal </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>when you are striving toward a goal that will be difficult or a long time coming </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>NOTE: It is a better choice than Satisfaction to keep you going because Satisfaction brings striving to a halt. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Not Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>if evidence of success is not coming or is misinterpreted and it keeps you going toward a goal that is not worthwhile </li></ul></ul>
  27. 27. Resignation <ul><li>Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>when you must set aside something you want in order to attain an outcome that has a higher priority </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>for things that are either short term or in transition. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>NOTE: Feeling Resigned does not mean giving up what you want, but merely setting it aside in favor of something more important. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Not Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>in situations that are ongoing and continuous </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>When it leads to pent-up anger and dissatisfaction </li></ul></ul>
  28. 28. Acceptance <ul><li>Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>For things you cannot change or it would not be worth what you would have to go through in order to even try </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>When the goal is impossible and the costs are too high and so it is best to disengage. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>NOTE: Unlike Disappointment , Acceptance is ongoing and allows you to live comfortably with your circumstance. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Not Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>When a goal is attainable and worthwhile </li></ul></ul>
  29. 29. Frustration <ul><li>Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>to maintain the importance of some goal you have and you are still trying , trying despite setbacks, obstacles, and difficulties </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>to re-engage or remain engaged in striving toward some desire or goal. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>NOTE: Frustration serves best as a temporary bridge to more effective emotions of curiosity or patience or determination. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Not Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>When trying to change things which cannot be changed. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>In situations in which you do not have the skills or resources to make that change. </li></ul></ul>
  30. 30. Disappointment <ul><li>Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>lets you know that you did not get want you wanted. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>when it is time to let go , to let go of pursuit and to let go of waiting for others to do it for you. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>helps you to let go and disengage. It is useful to tell you to move on to something else. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Not Good emotion </li></ul><ul><li>when it keeps you stuck in an unpleasant and useless way </li></ul><ul><li>to let go too soon when you could have gotten what you wanted with a little more time or patience or determination. </li></ul><ul><li>Feeling cautious is not useful when you are in a familiar situation and there is not danger. </li></ul>
  31. 31. Suspicion <ul><li>Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>when you are with people who can harm you, know they can harm you, and yet are treating you as though nothing is wrong. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Difference between Suspicion and Skeptical is one of Intensity. Suspicion is more protective than Skeptical because potential for harm is more. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Not Good emotion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>if there is no mismatch between the other person’s past and present behavior </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>if there is no danger of harm and no evidence of mismatch </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Being suspicious will create confusion, resentment, and anger in others . </li></ul></ul>
  32. 32. What is EQ? (EI) <ul><li>describes the ability, capacity, skill to: </li></ul><ul><li>sense </li></ul><ul><li>identify </li></ul><ul><li>assess </li></ul><ul><li>manage </li></ul>the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups
  33. 33. Emotional Maturity <ul><li>being aware of one’s emotions </li></ul><ul><li>being able to manage the reactions that come with it </li></ul>If you know your EQ, you can better understand how your emotions affect your choices and decisions.
  34. 34. High EQ can help you improve decision making by using your head, not just your heart
  35. 35. Five Areas of Emotional Intelligence <ul><li>1. INTRAPERSONAL EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT </li></ul>- your ability to understand and form an accurate concept of yourself, and be able to use that concept to operate effectively in life
  36. 36. Your intra-personal quotient <ul><li>a. Self-Awareness - the ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions, and drives, as well as their effect on others. </li></ul><ul><li>I rely on my intuition to assist me in my decision-making. </li></ul><ul><li>I can name my greatest strengths. </li></ul><ul><li>I am usually aware of the way I am feeling. </li></ul>
  37. 37. Your intra-personal quotient <ul><li>b. Self-Regulation/Control - the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods and the ability to suspend judgment and think before acting . </li></ul><ul><li>I am calm even in tense situations. </li></ul><ul><li>I rarely make impulsive decisions. </li></ul><ul><li>I am willing to forego immediate gratification when on a budget. </li></ul>
  38. 38. Your intra-personal quotient <ul><li>Personal Influence (related to self-awareness and self-regulation) </li></ul><ul><ul><li>The ability to positively lead and inspire others as well as oneself </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Includes competencies of: </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Leading others </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Creating a positive work climate </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Getting results from others </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>self-confidence, initiative and motivation, optimism </li></ul></ul></ul>
  39. 39. Your intra-personal quotient <ul><li>c. Motivation - a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status, and the ability to pursue goals with energy and persistence. </li></ul><ul><li>I seek out innovative ways of getting the job done. </li></ul><ul><li>I would continue to work if I won the lottery. </li></ul><ul><li>When I know what I want, I go after it. </li></ul>
  40. 40. Your intra-personal quotient <ul><li>Mastery of Purpose and Vision (related to motivation) </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Ability to define specific goals and purpose and finds meaning in work </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Includes competencies of: </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Understanding one’s purpose, roles, accountabilities </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Taking action towards purpose </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Authenticity </li></ul></ul></ul>
  41. 41. Five Areas of Emotional Quotient <ul><li>2. INTERPERSONAL EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT - Empathy and Social Skills </li></ul>- ability to understand other people and relate effectively to them; to understand what motivates others, how they work, and how to work cooperatively with them
  42. 42. Your interpersonal quotient <ul><li>a. Empathy - the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people. </li></ul><ul><li>I can sense someone's true feelings based on their body language. </li></ul><ul><li>The emotional tone of an interaction is easy to decipher. </li></ul><ul><li>I would make a great therapist . </li></ul>
  43. 43. Your interpersonal quotient <ul><li>Empathy </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Includes the competencies of: </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Listening to others </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Understanding other’s points of view </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Understanding how one’s words and actions affect others </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Wanting to be of service to others </li></ul></ul></ul>
  44. 44. Your interpersonal quotient <ul><li>b. Social Skills/Social Expertness </li></ul><ul><li>- a proficiency to build a genuine relationships and bonds and express caring, concern, and conflict in healthy ways </li></ul><ul><li>I find it easy to establish common ground with somebody I have just met. </li></ul><ul><li>I have a wide circle of acquaintances. </li></ul><ul><li>I constantly look for opportunities to build relationships. </li></ul>
  45. 45. Five Areas of Emotional Intelligence <ul><ul><li>b. Social Skills/Social Expertness </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Includes the competencies of: </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Building relationships </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Organizational savvy </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Collaboration </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Conflict resolution </li></ul></ul></ul>
  46. 46. Recognize you've got something to do with it. <ul><li>If your belief is unconscious then you act on automatic pilot. </li></ul><ul><li>If conscious, then you have some choice. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Your negative thoughts produce negative emotions. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Your positive thoughts produce positive emotions. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Emotion is not something that happens to you. </li></ul>
  47. 47. Four Steps to Mastering Your Emotions <ul><li>What meaning I’m I going to choose to give this? </li></ul><ul><li>What did I learn from this? </li></ul><ul><li>How am I going to integrate what I learned? </li></ul><ul><li>How can I share it with other people? </li></ul>
  48. 48. Change comes after the fact <ul><li>That's because you can't control your initial reaction to anything! </li></ul>But you can control your second thought and in that is your saving grace.
  49. 49. Keep a record of your emotion Use the journal to bring your unconscious to conscious.
  50. 50. Keep a record of your emotion <ul><li>Ask yourself questions of your emotions to understand your underlying beliefs. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Don't ask: </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Why am I feeling this way&quot;. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Rather make guesses. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Am I feeling hurt because they didn't do what I wanted? </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Am I unhappy because I'm not perfect? </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Am I angry because they don't understand my challenges? </li></ul></ul></ul>
  51. 51. Talk with friends <ul><li>Don't talk with people: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>who gossip </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>reinforce the idea you are a victim </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Talk with people who are interested in understanding what they have to do with how they are feeling. </li></ul><ul><li>Stick with people with high EQ </li></ul>Get counseling!
  52. 52. High EQ Benefit <ul><li>can help you build strong relationships </li></ul><ul><li>reduce stress </li></ul><ul><li>motivate yourself to get what you want </li></ul>A high EQ is related to good performance.