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Senior Moments (年老時分) [Rev 2]


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Senior Moments (年老時分) [Rev 2]

  1. 1. Senior Moments<br />年老時分<br />(Rev 2)<br />changcy0326<br />按滑鼠換頁 <br />Click forpage continue<br />
  2. 2. Garage Door<br /> The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. <br /> His assistant walked up to him and said, &apos;This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?&apos; <br /> The boss told her he knew he&apos;d closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. <br /> As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant&apos;s question about his &apos;garage door.&apos; <br /> He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, &apos;When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?&apos; <br /> She smiled and said, &apos;No, I didn&apos;t. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.&apos; <br />
  3. 3. 車庫大門<br /> 一個早上,老闆走進辦公室,並不知道褲子拉鍊沒拉上,他的褲襠是敞開的。 <br />他的助理走過來跟他說:「今天早上離家時,你家車庫門關上了嗎?」<br /> 老闆回答她說:「他肯定車庫門已經關上了」,走進辦公室為這個問題感到納悶。 <br /> 當他完成了批閱工作,突然發現他的褲襠是敞開的,馬上將拉鍊拉上,他才瞭解助理說的車庫門問題。 <br /> 他到外面倒了一杯咖啡,走到她辦公桌前問道「當我的車庫門撇開的時候,你看到我的駿馬停在裡面嗎?」<br /> 她笑著說「沒有,沒看到。我只看到一輛老爺車與兩個洩了氣的輪胎」。<br />
  4. 4. Hearing aids<br />An elderly gentleman... <br />Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% <br />The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, &apos;Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.&apos;<br />The gentleman replied, &apos;Oh, I haven&apos;t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I&apos;ve changed my will three times!&apos; <br />助聽器<br />一位長者,若干年來都有嚴重的聽力問題。他去看醫生,醫生為他安裝了一付助聽器,可以使他百分之百聽得清楚。 <br />一個月後老先生來回診,醫生說:「你聽力非常棒了,再度恢復聽力,家人一定很高興吧。」<br />那位老先生回答說「噢!我還沒有告訴家人,我只是坐在那裡聽他們交談,我已經把遺囑更改三次了。」<br />
  5. 5. Newborn baby<br />Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree, <br />when one turns to the other and says: &apos;Slim, I&apos;m 83 years old now and I&apos;m just full of aches and pains. I know you&apos;re about my age. How do you feel?&apos;<br />Slim says, &apos;I feel just like a newborn baby.&apos;<br />&apos;Really!? Like a newborn baby!?&apos;<br />&apos;Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.&apos; <br />新生嬰兒<br />兩位退休老人坐在安養中心一棵大樹下的長凳上,其中一位對另一位說:「斯利姆,我83歲 <br />了,現在我全身到處都會酸痛。我知道你的年齡和我相仿。你感覺怎麼?」<br />斯利姆說「我覺得就像一個新生嬰兒一樣。」 <br />「真的嗎?像一個剛出生的嬰兒?」<br />「是的!沒有頭髮,沒有牙齒,我想我剛剛尿濕了我的褲子。」<br />
  6. 6. New restaurant<br />An elderly couple had dinner at another couple&apos;s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.<br />The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, &apos;Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.&apos;<br />The other man said, &apos;What is the name of the restaurant?&apos;<br />The first man thought and thought and finally said, &apos;What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that&apos;s red and has thorns.&apos;<br />&apos;Do you mean a rose?&apos;<br />&apos;Yes, that&apos;s the one,&apos; replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, &apos;Rose, what&apos;s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?&apos; <br />
  7. 7. 新的餐廳<br /> 一對老夫婦到另一對老夫婦家中共進晚餐,用完餐後,太太們離開桌子走進廚房。 <br /> 兩位男士在那兒聊天,一個說「昨天晚上,我們去了一家新餐廳,真是棒極了,我慎重推荐給你們。」 <br /> 另一名男子問「那餐廳叫什麼名字?」<br /> 那個人想了又想,最後說「你經常買給你愛人的花叫什麼名字來的?就是那種紅色的,有刺的那種。」 <br />「你說的是 蘿絲(Rose玫瑰)嗎?」<br />「是的,就是這個」該名男子回答。<br /> 然後,他轉向廚房大叫「蘿絲!,昨晚我們去的餐廳叫什麼名字來的?」 <br />
  8. 8. Patient discharged from hospital<br />Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. <br />However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn&apos;t need my help to leave the hospital.<br />After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.<br />On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.<br />&apos;I don&apos;t know,&apos; he said. &apos;She&apos;s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.&apos; <br />病人出院<br />醫院規定,病人出院一定要坐輪椅。<br />當時我是一名實習護士負責照顧工作,我發現一位老先生已經穿好衣服坐在床上,行李箱在他腳下,堅持不需要我幫忙他出院。 <br />經過閒聊瞭解有關出院規則後,不情願地讓我用輪椅推他進電梯。 <br />在電梯下降時我問他「你太太會不會來接他你?」 <br />「我不知道」他說「她仍然在樓上浴室,更換她醫院的袍子。」 <br />
  9. 9. Ice cream and bacon and eggs<br />Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they&apos;re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember <br />Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. <br />&apos;Want anything while I&apos;m in the kitchen?&apos; he asks<br />&apos; Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?&apos;<br />&apos;Sure.&apos;<br />&apos;Don&apos;t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?&apos; she asks. <br />&apos;No, I can remember it.&apos;<br />&apos;Well, I&apos;d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so not to forget it?&apos;<br />He says, &apos;I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. &apos; <br />&apos;I&apos;d also like whipped cream. I&apos;m certain you&apos;ll forget that, write itdown?&apos; she asks.<br />Irritated, he says, &apos;I don&apos;t need to write it down, I can remember it ! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake !&apos;<br />Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. <br />She stares at the plate for a moment.&apos; Where&apos;s my toast ? I know you forget it &apos; <br />
  10. 10. 霜淇淋與培根蛋<br />一對超過90歲的老夫婦,都有記憶方面的問題。一次體檢,醫生告訴他們,身體都很好,為了幫助他們記憶,要開始將事情寫下來。 <br />那天晚上看電視時,老先生從椅子上起來,<br />他問:「我要去廚房,妳想要點什麼嗎?」 <br />「可以你給我一杯霜淇淋嗎?」 <br />「當然可以。」 <br />她說:「你不覺得應該寫下來嗎?,這樣你才能記住。」 <br />「不用,我能記住。」<br />「好吧,霜淇淋上我還想加一些草莓。你還是寫下來吧!這樣才不會忘記」 <br />他說:「這點我能記住,你要一碗草莓霜淇淋。」<br />「我還想加點奶油。還是寫下來吧,我敢肯定你會忘掉。」她說<br />他有點惱火說:「我不需要寫下來,我還記得住!草莓霜淇淋加奶油,我知道啦,老天爺!」 <br />他慢條斯理走進廚房。大約經過20分鐘,老先生從廚房出來,遞給他老婆一盤培根蛋。<br />她看了盤子一下說:「我的吐司麵包呢?我知道你是忘了。」<br />
  11. 11. Get married<br /> A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:<br />&apos;So I hear you&apos;re getting married?&apos;<br />&apos;Yep!&apos;<br />&apos;Do I know her?&apos;<br />&apos;Nope !&apos;<br />&apos;This woman, is she good looking?&apos; <br />&apos;Not really.&apos;<br />&apos;Is she a good cook?&apos;<br />&apos;Naw, she can&apos;t cook too well.&apos;<br />&apos;Does she have lots of money?&apos;<br />&apos;Nope ! Poor as a church mouse.&apos;<br />&apos;Well, then, is she good in bed?&apos; <br />&apos;I don&apos;t know.&apos;<br />&apos;Why in the world do you want to marry her then?&apos;<br />&apos;Because she can still drive!&apos; <br />
  12. 12. 結 婚<br /> 一位老先生對他80歲的好友說: <br />「聽說你要結婚?」<br />「是的!」 <br />「我認識她嗎?」 <br />「不認識!」<br />「這女人她很漂亮?」<br />「不怎麼樣。」<br />「她燒得一手好菜?」<br />「不,燒得還可以。」<br />「她很有錢嗎?」<br />「沒有!她很窮。」<br />「喔!那她一定床上功夫很棒吧?」<br />「我不知道。」<br />「那在這個世界上,為什麼你想和她結婚呢?」<br />「因為她還能開車! <br />
  13. 13. Hearing aid<br />A man was telling his neighbor, &apos;I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it&apos;s state of the art. It&apos;s  perfect.&apos;<br />&apos;Really,&apos; answered the neighbor . &apos;What kind is it?&apos;<br />‘ Twelve thirty.’  助聽器一名男子告訴他的鄰居「我花了4,000美元,剛買了新的助聽器,它是目前最進步的高科技產品,真是棒極了。」 「真的!」鄰居問道「 “ What kind is it ?” (是什麼樣子的?)」 「12 點 30分!<br />(他聽成 What time is it ? )<br />
  14. 14. Hot mamma<br />Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.<br />A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a  gorgeous young woman on his arm.<br />A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, &apos;You&apos;re really doing great, aren&apos;t you?&apos;<br />Morris replied, &apos;Just doing what you said, Dr. “Get a hot mamma and  be cheerful.”&apos;<br />The doctor said, &apos;I didn&apos;t say that. I said, “You&apos;ve got a heart murmur; be careful.”&apos; <br />辣 妹 82歲的男子莫里斯,去看醫生檢查身體。 幾天後,醫生看到莫里斯在街上,挽著一位美麗的年輕女子。 又過了幾天,醫生跟莫里斯說「你真是很行!你覺得是嗎?」莫里斯說「醫生!我都照著你的話去做,你不是說 “Get a hot mamma and  be cheerful.” (找一個辣妹要儘情快樂嗎?)」 醫生「我沒那麼說,我是說 “You&apos;ve got a heart murmur; be careful.” (你心臟有雜音,要小心)。」 <br />
  15. 15. Arthritis <br />A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled  himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.<br />The waitress asked kindly, &apos;Crushed nuts?&apos;<br />&apos;No,&apos; he replied, &apos;Arthritis.&apos;  <br />關節炎一個小老頭緩步蹣跚走進冰淇淋店,他緩慢痛苦地爬上了凳子,在屏息之後,他點了一客香蕉船。 <br />女服務員親切地問道「“ Crushed nuts ? ” 要加碎堅果嗎?」<br />「不!」他回答說「“Arthritis” (關節炎)」<br />(Crushed nuts? 他聽成蛋蛋破了嗎?)<br />
  16. 16. Like those? Now, before you &apos;forget&apos;, send them on to some other folks, you know who could use a good laugh.<br />現在,像這些東西,在你「忘記」之前,傳送給其他人吧, 你知道的,誰會發出好笑的笑聲。<br />
  17. 17. THE END<br />中文編譯:老編西歪<br />changcy0326<br />Music:Fly me to the moon<br /><br />