Communication & Body Language


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Delivered by Nuala O'Sullivan on 28.05.12

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  • P185 concentration tips
  • Medical slang – glossary of terms. Source: Camden New Journal, 4 November 2010
  • Logic: over 91% passed/ here is what a better student did with the assignment Appeal to Ego via Cog Diss: this is not commensurate with your abilities/ you can do better Visualisations: imagine you do/don’t do this …what happens? How do you feel?
  • Touching face/nose = lying Imaginary itch = irritated Coughing = unclear on what to say Crossed Body = defensive Looking away = uncomfortable here Hands steepled = higher status gesture: I’m in charge Rubs back of neck = frustration Patting lips = something to say Side of neck vertically = uncertain about what I’m hearing Foot flexed = disagree
  • Marie Dasborough 2006 (appraisals) Dasborough, M. T. (2006). Cognitive asymmetry in employee emotional reactions to leadership behaviors. The Leadership Quarterly , 17, 163-178.
  • What I hear you saying is that you’ve been a loyal customer for 15 years and now there are some factors you think we can help you with now. We’re here to look at your concerns today. I can see that you’re trying to get on with things and I’d like you to tell me how I can help you
  • SMART objectives are Specific so there is no ambiguity, measurable (ditto) Achievable and reasonable, Realistic and Timebound so that there is a point at which they should be achieved even if these timelines have to be adjusted along the way. This gives a sense of process to the agreement and tasks for the disputants to focus on.
  • Writing clearly and positively helps the process to run smoothly
  • Vulnerability to bias being aware that one party may come across as wholly good and the other as a menace. Not falling prey to either a victim or a bullying personality. Look beyond the presenting problem
  • Be as aware of what you bring into the session as what the parties do. The more insight you have into your own states the more you will be able to be objective. This takes time, practice and courage to recognise your own patterns and responses.
  • Communication & Body Language

    1. 1. Influencing with Body Language May 2012 Nuala OSullivan Occupational Psychologist
    2. 2. CommunicationThe problem with communication… is the illusion that it has been accomplished”George Bernard Shaw “The process by which entities exchange information and establish a common understanding” (French et al, 2009:514)
    3. 3. Overview of the SessionIntroduction to InfluencingInfluencing SkillsNLP overviewActive ExercisesBody Language BriefingKinesics & Cultural context
    4. 4. Expressions to Ponder
    5. 5. Can you read?
    6. 6. Influencing Qualities:Empathetic Impartial Non-judgmental Professional Honest Creative Flexible Fair Approachable
    7. 7. Skills for the ListenerActive Listening –Good listening requires a series of skills: – Concentration for a long time – Understand another’s point of view – Ability to read between the lines – Refusal to be drawn into emotional language – Ability to elicit information by probing – Probing Questions should be open – Examine your own perceptions
    8. 8. Perception that the circles Move ?
    9. 9. Drawing Out
    10. 10. Drawing Out
    11. 11. Active ListeningAttend to what is saidEncoding depends on attentionAllow uninterrupted speechCues: visual/auditory/kinaestheticBody LanguageEye movementsReflect backConfirm reflection
    12. 12. Verbal clues to cuesVisual: I see what you mean….…from my point of view…look at it this way…I imagine/visualise it like this…Auditory: I hear what you’re saying…I’d like to echo…it sounds like a good ideaKinaesthetic: In touch with these new ideas.. I’m sensing some resistance.. I just feel..that fits in with…
    13. 13. Non Verbal sensory cluesVisual – Visual Rememberedconstruct (eidetic)Auditory – Auditoryconstruct rememberedKinaesthetic – Auditory+ smell & taste
    14. 14. Influencing by ListeningAllow the speaker to speakThis clears their mind to listen themselvesSpeaking 2nd ensures your message is heardTo disagree first agree: common groundAsk a question rather than directly disagree “What would happen if….” Pacing by probing and listening
    15. 15. SignpostingAttention is distracted by organising mindThink @ 3,000 words per minuteSpeak @ 160-200 words per minuteListeners only half attend as they organiseMay easily misinterpret what we saySignposting helps listeners to organiseOrganised material is clearer Helping to organise like this builds rapport
    16. 16. Useful SignpostsOn the one hand…yet on the other handNot only….but also….Here’s a suggestion. If we…..Playing devil’s advocate what happens if….Let me check that with you, what I understand is…Here’s an example. When I was….
    17. 17. Signpost ExceptionDo not signpost DisagreementSignposting disagreement breaks rapportSwiftly following with valid reasons is uselessToo lateInstead:Describe no more than 2 compelling reasonsOffer to discuss alternativesKeep channel of communication open
    18. 18. Rapport BreakersFormal SpeakAt this moment in time (now)/I will (I’ll)Parental LanguageYou must remember/ you should / you oughtIrritators / Insulting LanguageWith respect..With all due respect…I hear what you’re saying but…Obviously…This is a generous/ I’m being reasonable Lets be honest…let’s be reasonable…
    19. 19. Behavioural Triggers: Defend/ Attack:Dogma triggers dogged behaviour:“Listen, we have got to…”= 60% disagreement or…How would you feel if…?How do you thinkpeople would react if we suggested that..= 66% agreementSuggest & encourage rather than bulldoze
    20. 20. Inclusive Jargon: MedicsBlack Hole Blamestorming Circling the DrainDeparture Lounge FLK GerifixGLM GOK GPO TEETH
    21. 21. Informal communication - jargon Black hole A patient whose problems you never reach the end of Blamestorming A session of mutual recrimination in which a team tries to find someone to blame for an error Circling the Said of a patient expected to die soon drain Departure Geriatric ward lounge FLK Funny looking kid Gerifix A combination of medicines prescribed to elderly patients GLM Good looking mum GOK God only knows GPO Good for parts only TEETH Tried everything else, try homeopathy
    22. 22. Signposting VerbalFrame commentsPrime listenerUse reflective listening to incorporate elements of recent script to introduce own ideaAs you were saying…It’s interesting to note what you mentioned about…I agree with you that X is vital and it can be further enhanced with Y….etc.
    23. 23. Sign posting Non VerbalIntentionBreath: intake/exhaleLooking away as speaker closes indicating readiness to respondTouching lips: ready to speak nowNodding: fast = irritated slow = sympathetic
    24. 24. Counter ProposalsListen to their proposal firstExplore by probingEncourage an environment of thinking it throughSuggest that it may not be idealProposeSuggest it as if it has just occurred to youOffer it as a possible solution– not THE solution
    25. 25. Influencing ChangeLogicAppeal to EgoVisualisationsTowards & Away from LanguageOpen QuestionsHand over the solutionFrame the situation in relation to context(McCormack 2005)
    26. 26. Communicating UncomfortablyListen; allow speaker to exhaustRelax body language to openly receptiveExamine perspectiveIs the speaker giving you an honest account?Are they open to listening or distressed?Pick up on common themeDevelopInclude where possibleState case simplyInvite response
    27. 27. Techniques for feedbackActive listeningAgree where possible & empathiseMake your point unemotionallyFind some middle groundPraise what is praiseworthyEncourage communicationPromote good working practicesAllow mistakes as learning tools
    28. 28. Reading the UnwrittenTouching face/noseImaginary itchCoughingCrossed BodyLooking awayHands steepledRubs back of neckPatting lipsRubs side of neck vertically Foot flexed
    29. 29. ... parallel or not?
    30. 30. FramingActive listening cues areas of interestUse hooks to re-engage common areasPointedly assert how it will affect themOutline potential of new ideas to themUse body language to show unruffledHave a plan to gain commitment
    31. 31. Framing using EIPerformance Review – Group A – negative performance feedback comments but positive emotional signals – Group B – reverse – Group B felt worse than Group ADelivery more important than the message itselfMarie Dasborough 2006 (appraisals)
    32. 32. ReframingSelect the most positive aspect to emphasiseUse non-emotive languageAcknowledge what complainant is sayingEmphasise your problem solving focus
    33. 33. ReframingI’m fed up with your service over the last 15 years it’s gone from bad to worse.Why do you ALWAYS have to be so difficult when I’m only trying to get on with my work?
    34. 34. Reframed ResponsesWhat I hear you saying is that you’ve been a loyal customer for 15 years and now there are some factors you think we can help you with now. We’re here to look at your concerns today.I can see that you’re trying to get on with things and I’d like you to tell me how I can help you
    35. 35. AgreementsBe positive: agreement is possibleFind common groundAsk each to bring something to the agreementLook for a Win-Win situationUse SMART objectives
    36. 36. ListenListen to languageListen to body languageListen to cuesListen to your own body statesUse feedback to adjust your communication.
    37. 37. Influencing Goals to be:PositiveClearAgree timesAgree measuresSMART (Locke & Latham 1990)
    38. 38. Dilemmas & DangersAccepting the presenting problem at face valueBuying into rolesHalo & Horns EffectBeing bullied by the most assertiveBecoming overprotective of vulnerable parties Little Boy Story
    39. 39. Perception that the circles Move ?
    40. 40. Your performance is affected by:Personal historyAttitudesPersonal PerceptionsSelf-beliefsLearning experiencesAbility to learn from these experiencesLearning styles, habits and preferences
    41. 41. You should see a mans face and also a word...Hint: Try tilting your head to the right, the world begins with L
    42. 42. References for Follow upBALDWIN Dasborough, M. T. (2006). Cognitive asymmetry in employee emotional reactions to leadership behaviors. The Leadership Quarterly. Vol. 17 163-178.CIPD (2008) The Psychological Contract: A Fact Sheet. Wimbledon: CIPD.CONWAY, N., and BRINER, R. B. 2005. Understanding Psychological Contracts at Work: A Critical Evaluation of Theory and Research. Oxford: Oxford University Press.DASBOROUGH, M. T. 2006. Cognitive asymmetry in employee emotional reactions to leadership behaviors. The Leadership Quarterly, 17, 163-178. ELLIS, A. 1957. Rational psychotherapy and individual psychology. Journal of Individual Psychology, 13, 38-44TREPPER, T., Dolan, Y., McCollum, E. & Nelson, T. (2010). Steve de Shazer and the Future of SFT. Jnl of Marital & Family Therapy. Vol. 32. No. 2 p133-139