"Our Chief Reader, Rosenstein" by Dan Kennedy
Sung to the tune of "My Darling, Clementine"
Peerless leader, dirty deeder, our Chief Reader, Rosenstein,
You're our hero, you gave zero to a kid we thought was nine!
In a classroom, in Topeka, on the 13th day of May,
sat the class of Mrs. Bentley, for their AP Judgment Day!
After months of AP HomeWork, Betty Sue was well prepared,
she moved quickly through the problems, never nervous, never scared!
AB6 was tough for some, but Betty Sue was feeling fine,
as she smugly wrote her answer, she was sure she had a nine!
Then the tests were wrapped and bundled and were sent to ETS,
where a group of expert graders would do justice, more or less!
In the world of Mathematics, sometimes things aren't meant to be,
so, alas, at George's briefing, Betty Sue was Sample G!
All the readers at the briefing gave her 9s with pleasure when,
they could see she had four x cubed minus 3 x squared plus ten!
George was wincing with displeasure, and his head just gently shook.
Then he sighed, "That's not what I had, so let's take a closer look!"
"In the third line, she had f prime where she wants to integrate.
Then she never quite recoups it, so she can't get more than 8!
"In the 4th line, she miscopies, and a 12 becomes 11.
I'll admit that it's a pity, but her 8 just fell to 7!
"Now she sees that a's 11, but her a and b don't mix.
So, she changes b to match it, that's too bad, she's down to 6!
"Then she puts those terms together, for a function to derive.
But a plus becomes a minus, so she drops from 6 to 5!
"Then she integrates quite nicely, but we dock the kid once more.
For her C is clearly missing, so her 5 is down to 4!
"In the next line, by some magic, she is solving for a C.
But she never justifies it, so we drop her score to 3!
"If you closely check her limits, where the integral is through.
You will see she had them backwards, so at most she gets a 2!
"Now her error, if consistent, could not yield the constant 10.
So her right C is the wrong C, and we burn her once again!
"If she puts it all together, this poor girl could still get one.
But recall, she's lost a plus sign, now it's back, so she gets none!"