BUILDING  SELF-ESTEEM
Definition… “ Self-esteem is the judgment or opinion we hold about ourselves.  It’s the extent to which we perceive oursel...
Self-esteem… <ul><li>Is learned.  No one is born with high and healthy self-esteem. </li></ul><ul><li>Comes from thoughts,...
Low self-esteem is a result of a discrepancy between the importance of an area and one’s perception of competence in that ...
<ul><li>Blaming </li></ul><ul><li>Reluctance to learn new things or an avoidance of a  challenge  </li></ul><ul><li>Over r...
Researchers tell us that the foundation for happiness and success  is a positive judgment of self. Research has documented...
Take a minute…
<ul><li>The positive experience that you remembered most likely can be described by one or more of the following feelings:...
The positive experience that you had probably satisfied a basic emotional need. It helped reinforce a belief in your own v...
<ul><li>The five feelings that nurture high self-esteem are: </li></ul><ul><li>A sense of security . This is a feeling of ...
<ul><li>Three critical elements common to homes that promote high self-esteem (based on research done by Dr. Stanley Coope...
<ul><li>Two easy ideas to enhance the feeling of  security : </li></ul><ul><li>“ DO NOT DISTURB” sign on door </li></ul><u...
<ul><li>Second building block of self-esteem: </li></ul><ul><li>2.  A sense of Selfhood.  This is having a strong sense </...
Ways to enhance your child’s feeling of  self-hood : <ul><li>Me Collage </li></ul><ul><li>Me Mobile </li></ul>
<ul><li>The third feeling of self-esteem: </li></ul><ul><li>3.  A sense of Affiliation.  Having a sense of  </li></ul><ul>...
<ul><li>Two ways to enhance your child’s feeling of  </li></ul><ul><li>affiliation : </li></ul><ul><li>Feature One Member ...
<ul><li>The fourth building block of self-esteem: </li></ul><ul><li>4.  A sense of Mission . It is a feeling of purpose,  ...
<ul><li>Ways to enhance your child’s sense of  mission : </li></ul><ul><li>Let children know mistakes are OK </li></ul><ul...
<ul><li>The final building block of self-esteem is: </li></ul><ul><li>5.  A sense of Competence.  It is having a feeling  ...
<ul><li>Ideas to enhance a feeling of  competence  in your </li></ul><ul><li>child: </li></ul><ul><li>Accomplishment journ...
 
<ul><li>7 Steps For Developing Your Child’s Self-Esteem: </li></ul><ul><li>Use “praise words” or “empowering words” </li><...
<ul><li>Acknowledge special efforts. Notice when your </li></ul><ul><li>children do something special, such as display </l...
<ul><li>Avoid put-downs, even as jokes. Children take  </li></ul><ul><li>them seriously. They may not admit it, they may <...
Communicating with children: <ul><li>When you actively listen to your children, you help them feel valued.  This makes the...
<ul><li>Share reflections: “It seems like you are feeling…” </li></ul><ul><li>Summarize: “If I understand you correctly, y...
 
REFERENCES Dr. Michele Borba,  Home Esteem Builders,  Jamar Press, 1994. Jim Ewing & Karen Liptak,  Smart Parenting, The P...
THIS POWER POINT PRESENTATION  WAS MADE POSSIBLE  WITH HELP FROM: Jay Shirey Nicholas Shirey Cindy Kaldenbach
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Selfesteem

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Selfesteem

  1. 1. BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM
  2. 2. Definition… “ Self-esteem is the judgment or opinion we hold about ourselves. It’s the extent to which we perceive ourselves to be worthwhile and capable human beings.” “ Self-esteem is the picture we have of ourselves.”
  3. 3. Self-esteem… <ul><li>Is learned. No one is born with high and healthy self-esteem. </li></ul><ul><li>Comes from thoughts, feelings and experiences we have had and continue to have throughout life. </li></ul><ul><li>Can be affected by daily circumstances, other people, and most importantly ourselves. </li></ul><ul><li>Can be changed and changed at any age. </li></ul>
  4. 4. Low self-esteem is a result of a discrepancy between the importance of an area and one’s perception of competence in that area. Some common signs of low self-esteem: <ul><li>Exaggerated bragging </li></ul><ul><li>Resorting to numerous attention-getting behaviors such as clowning, acting overly silly, teasing, complaining, exhibiting both verbal and physical aggression </li></ul><ul><li>Being self-critical </li></ul><ul><li>Easily influenced by peers </li></ul>
  5. 5. <ul><li>Blaming </li></ul><ul><li>Reluctance to learn new things or an avoidance of a challenge </li></ul><ul><li>Over reacting to things such as healthy competition, constructive criticism, or time constraints </li></ul><ul><li>Being unable to make choices or solve problems </li></ul><ul><li>Expressing a narrow range of emotions and feelings </li></ul><ul><li>Demeaning one’s own talents </li></ul><ul><li>Very reactive to ups and downs of daily life—failure can be devastating, even on minor projects </li></ul><ul><li>Always apologizing </li></ul>
  6. 6. Researchers tell us that the foundation for happiness and success is a positive judgment of self. Research has documented the importance of positive regard from significant others (parents, peers, & teachers) as a critical determinant of self-esteem. Positive regard needs to be unconditional; a child feels loved and accepted regardless of his/her ability or behaviors.
  7. 7. Take a minute…
  8. 8. <ul><li>The positive experience that you remembered most likely can be described by one or more of the following feelings: </li></ul><ul><li>You felt secure, safe, and trusting of your environment. </li></ul><ul><li>You felt special or unique. You felt worthwhile. </li></ul><ul><li>You felt important and appreciated by someone whose opinion you valued. </li></ul><ul><li>You had a goal or purpose. You were successful in achieving what you wanted. </li></ul><ul><li>You felt that you made a difference. You felt capable. </li></ul>
  9. 9. The positive experience that you had probably satisfied a basic emotional need. It helped reinforce a belief in your own value as a person. Each of those feelings just mentioned represents one of the five building blocks that comprise high self-esteem.
  10. 10. <ul><li>The five feelings that nurture high self-esteem are: </li></ul><ul><li>A sense of security . This is a feeling of trust or </li></ul><ul><li>safety. </li></ul><ul><li>Most critical feeling of self-esteem since all other </li></ul><ul><li>feelings generally build from this first component. </li></ul><ul><li>Means knowing what is expected, being able to </li></ul><ul><li>depend on others, and comprehending rules & limits. </li></ul><ul><li>They feel emotionally and physically safe. </li></ul>
  11. 11. <ul><li>Three critical elements common to homes that promote high self-esteem (based on research done by Dr. Stanley Coopersmith, Child Psychologist: </li></ul><ul><li>The children experienced the kind of love that expresses respect, concern, and acceptance. They were accepted for their strengths as well as for their limitations and weaknesses. “Love with no strings attached.” </li></ul><ul><li>Parents were significantly less permissive than were parents of children with lower self-esteem. There were clearly defined limits, standards, and expectations, and as a result children felt secure. </li></ul><ul><li>Families functioned with a high degree of democracy. Children were encouraged to present their own ideas and opinions for discussion. </li></ul>
  12. 12. <ul><li>Two easy ideas to enhance the feeling of security : </li></ul><ul><li>“ DO NOT DISTURB” sign on door </li></ul><ul><li>Birthday Letters </li></ul>
  13. 13. <ul><li>Second building block of self-esteem: </li></ul><ul><li>2. A sense of Selfhood. This is having a strong sense </li></ul><ul><li>of self-knowledge. </li></ul><ul><li>Know who they really are </li></ul><ul><li>Know their interests, their attitudes, their strengths </li></ul><ul><li>Acts as a powerful buffer to stress and trauma </li></ul>
  14. 14. Ways to enhance your child’s feeling of self-hood : <ul><li>Me Collage </li></ul><ul><li>Me Mobile </li></ul>
  15. 15. <ul><li>The third feeling of self-esteem: </li></ul><ul><li>3. A sense of Affiliation. Having a sense of </li></ul><ul><li>belonging or connectedness. </li></ul><ul><li>Feel approved of, respected, and appreciated by </li></ul><ul><li>others </li></ul><ul><li>Feel recognized and connected </li></ul><ul><li>Family unit is the greatest source of belonging </li></ul><ul><li>for children </li></ul>
  16. 16. <ul><li>Two ways to enhance your child’s feeling of </li></ul><ul><li>affiliation : </li></ul><ul><li>Feature One Member of the Family </li></ul><ul><li>Create a Family Tree </li></ul>
  17. 17. <ul><li>The fourth building block of self-esteem: </li></ul><ul><li>4. A sense of Mission . It is a feeling of purpose, </li></ul><ul><li>direction, and responsibility. </li></ul><ul><li>Know they have choices and alternatives </li></ul><ul><li>Are goal setters and usually reach their goals </li></ul><ul><li>because those that they set are realistic and </li></ul><ul><li>achievable </li></ul><ul><li>Acknowledge their efforts inside their heads </li></ul><ul><li>instead of waiting for others to pat them on </li></ul><ul><li>the back </li></ul>
  18. 18. <ul><li>Ways to enhance your child’s sense of mission : </li></ul><ul><li>Let children know mistakes are OK </li></ul><ul><li>Share mistakes </li></ul><ul><li>Role-play handling failure </li></ul>
  19. 19. <ul><li>The final building block of self-esteem is: </li></ul><ul><li>5. A sense of Competence. It is having a feeling </li></ul><ul><li>of being capable and successful in things </li></ul><ul><li>regarded as important or valuable. </li></ul><ul><li>We need to help them recognize their unique </li></ul><ul><li>strengths and competencies </li></ul><ul><li>It is important for them to have a feeling of </li></ul><ul><li>power and control over their lives </li></ul>
  20. 20. <ul><li>Ideas to enhance a feeling of competence in your </li></ul><ul><li>child: </li></ul><ul><li>Accomplishment journal </li></ul><ul><li>Strength collages </li></ul><ul><li>Develop strengths </li></ul>
  21. 22. <ul><li>7 Steps For Developing Your Child’s Self-Esteem: </li></ul><ul><li>Use “praise words” or “empowering words” </li></ul><ul><li>often with your children. Praise helps to build </li></ul><ul><li>self-confidence. </li></ul><ul><li>“ I believe in you. I can see how much you </li></ul><ul><li>are trying. You did your best. I’m impressed! </li></ul><ul><li>Thanks for being honest. You rock! You’re </li></ul><ul><li>a great kid! You’re important! Great answer!” </li></ul><ul><li>Give compliments every chance you get. We </li></ul><ul><li>take a lot of things our children do for granted. </li></ul><ul><li>Take the time to reinforce the behavior you want. </li></ul>
  22. 23. <ul><li>Acknowledge special efforts. Notice when your </li></ul><ul><li>children do something special, such as display </li></ul><ul><li>their best manners at a restaurant, or do something </li></ul><ul><li>thoughtful for someone without your coaxing. </li></ul><ul><li>Recognize each good decision. When your children </li></ul><ul><li>make the wisest choice in any situation, point it out with a smile and a hug. We are often tempted to </li></ul><ul><li>compliment from the negative perspective, such as, </li></ul><ul><li>“ It’s about time you did it right.” This reaction is </li></ul><ul><li>actually a put-down. </li></ul>
  23. 24. <ul><li>Avoid put-downs, even as jokes. Children take </li></ul><ul><li>them seriously. They may not admit it, they may </li></ul><ul><li>even laugh with you, but on some level they </li></ul><ul><li>believe the put-down is deserved and this </li></ul><ul><li>contributes to poor self-esteem. </li></ul><ul><li>Praise academic achievements. An “A” is great </li></ul><ul><li>but it is not the only grade deserving of praise. </li></ul><ul><li>Encourage progress by praising all achievements, </li></ul><ul><li>both big and small. </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t compare your children. It may cause </li></ul><ul><li>resentment. Each child is different and special! </li></ul>
  24. 25. Communicating with children: <ul><li>When you actively listen to your children, you help them feel valued. This makes them more willing to communicate with you. Active listening is an acquired skill. These techniques can help you master it: </li></ul><ul><li>Speak encouragingly: “Tell me more…” “Can you describe that…” </li></ul><ul><li>Ask for clarification: “Help me understand what you meant…” </li></ul><ul><li>Restate points: “Tell me if I heard you right…” </li></ul>
  25. 26. <ul><li>Share reflections: “It seems like you are feeling…” </li></ul><ul><li>Summarize: “If I understand you correctly, you said…” </li></ul><ul><li>Validate: “You have every right to feel…” </li></ul><ul><li>Show interests: “Wow, that must have been…” </li></ul><ul><li>Use body language: Make good eye contact. Lean toward them. </li></ul><ul><li>Empathize: Try to understand their feelings and thoughts. </li></ul>
  26. 28. REFERENCES Dr. Michele Borba, Home Esteem Builders, Jamar Press, 1994. Jim Ewing & Karen Liptak, Smart Parenting, The Positive Line, 2002. SiriNam S. Khalsa, Group Exercises for Enhancing Social Skills & Self-Esteem, Professional Resource Press, 1996. The New Yorker Collection from Cartoonbank.com
  27. 29. THIS POWER POINT PRESENTATION WAS MADE POSSIBLE WITH HELP FROM: Jay Shirey Nicholas Shirey Cindy Kaldenbach

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