Not Born for Porn

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This is my first-ever sermon focused on the real problems that pornography creates for any person using it. There is a plague of porn in the world today and we cannot continue to ignore it or just say it is wrong. We have to know how harmful it is and how to protect ourselves, our kids, our families from it so that we can have holy, heathly, godly relationships as sexual beings. Despite my personal angst in giving this message, God blessed it. I hope everyone of us hears this so we can help ourselves and others. Millions are addicted to porn. Hundreds of millions are affected by porn. God hates porn. We need to, also. Porn deeply damages relationships, especially in marriages and families.

The audio of this sermon is on our church website at john10-10.org under Sermon Audios.

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Not Born for Porn

  1. 1. Not Born for Porn Nakedness Is a Private Matter Gen 3:8-10 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as He was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” 11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” God the Clothier 21 The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. God made mankind to wear clothes. God Himself made the first set of clothes for Adam & Eve. Adam & Eve knew that others besides their spouse were not supposed to see them naked. God agreed. By making them clothes, God obviously desired that the bodies of men & women He formed be seen only in their full sexual glory by their spouses. I wonder why? Made For Relationships Because People are made for relationships. Viewing naked people easily leads to sexual pleasure and misused sexual pleasure deeply damages godly relationships.
  2. 2. God is a Trinity of relationships. We are all made in the image of God. We are made for healthy, holy relationships with God and with people. That is our primary function as created beings. Life on earth is mainly about relationships with God and with people--hence the three great commandments: Love God, Love your neighbor and love one another. Part of how God designed us to relate to others is through sex. God made every person a sexual being, capable of having sexual attraction toward others and having sexual feelings towards others that could lead to sexual acts with another person. In fact, every creature in the animal world is created a sexual being. There are 1 to 30 million species of animals, mostly insect species. It seems true that all animals experience some degree of God-given sexual pleasure when mating. That sexual pleasure seems to be God’s incentive to keep the species alive and to reward the creature for doing something wonderful in partnering with God to create another creature. Sexual pleasure in humans is also a strong bonding agent between husbands and wives to maintain the stability and emotional health of the family. In marriage, sex is one expression of the love, joy, delight and desire to please that each spouse should have for the other. Let’s be honest: God made sex an amazing experience for humans. As I have often said to Beth in our intimate moments,“God really knew what He was doing when He made sex!” The chemical Dopamine is released in our brain when we do heroin or sex. Creates great pleasure. God made pleasure, not the devil--but
  3. 3. He has rules for how we are to experience pleasure--especially sexual pleasure. Real, technical name for dopamine is: “O-My-gosh-a mine” ( joke) However, according to the Bible, sexual pleasure between two people is forbidden unless they are married. Sexual pleasure between two people who are not married is called fornication. Between two people who are married to others is called adultery. Both are sinful in God’s sight because they threaten the safety and well-being of marriages, families and children which are the main foundation of a society and God’s primary way to raise godly people. Sexual pleasure outside of marriage cheapens sex in marriage. • People who have slept around with many before marriage find it harder to be satisfied with just one sexual partner after marriage. Bother spouses feel the loss. • Sexual pleasure before marriage steals some of the special sexual joy that should be reserved for your spouse. • Fornication also produces unwanted babies who either grow up without their real father or are killed by abortion. • In addition, some who “fool around” before marriage also get STD’s, some of which are incurable, can lead to infertility, lifelong pelvic pain, blindness and HIV can be fatal. • There is an epidemic of STD’s in the world now. Porn is probably driving the increase by inciting more sexual activity at all ages.
  4. 4. Pornography Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913 + 1828): Licentious painting or literature; especially, the painting anciently employed to decorate the walls of rooms devoted to bacchanalian orgies. Greek pornographos, adjective, writing about prostitutes, from pornē prostitute + graphein to write Porn is looking at the things that prostitutes do. Today, porn is provided by movie stars in regular movies, rock stars in concerts (Miley Cyrus), etc but that kind of activity used to be limited to prostitutes who were paid to take their clothes off in public for sexual reasons. Pornography (often abbreviated as "porn" or "porno" in informal usage) is the viewing the nakedness of others and/or viewing the sexual acts of others, real or simulated, in order to experience the pleasure of sex in your own body. Softcore porn is viewing naked bodies. “Skin magazines” Hard-core porn is viewing naked bodies performing sex acts, real or simulated. Internet, movies and TV full of this and available on some ipods, ipads, laptops, smartphones, some Kindles, etc. The pornography industry (2006) is larger than the combined revenues of the top technology companies combined: Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo!, Apple, Netflix and EarthLink: $97 Billion More than 70% of male internet users from 18 to 34 visit a pornographic site in a typical month. There are more students compulsively looking at pornography at younger ages and with greater frequency than ever before. Ann Marie Miller ( S Baptist PK): “Over the last six years I’ve had the opportunity to share my story in a variety of venues: thousands of college students, men, women and teens. This summer, I was invited to speak at several camps to both junior high and high school students
  5. 5. and it’s without exaggeration when I tell you with each year I counsel students, the numbers and the stories shock me more and more.” See this site by Ann Marie for more info. Excellent!: The three top internet search terms are: porn, sex and xxx. Of the top 10 cities in the Us that search for those terms, Norfolk, VA ranks #8. Viewing Porn is Sinful & Harmful To Everyone Jesus was Hard on Porn ( Matt 5:28-29) “You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.… Looking with lust at another is very sinful. Note the part about tearing out the offending eye. Porn Hurts Everyone Porn is not a victimless Crime. That is a naked lie! It is just as devastating as a heroin, crack or alcohol addiction. Pornography could actually hurt you whether you’ve ever viewed it or not! Former Lady Porn Addict: “I wish that 10 years ago someone had educated me on pornography. What it is, what it does and what it reaches in and destroys in the hearts, minds and bodies of men and women...I simply wish someone would have told me why it was so harmful, instead of simply putting it on a list of things we don't talk about. We all know our rights and wrongs, but seldom do we know
  6. 6. what makes them so. Had I known how much it would have harmed me, I would have left it alone.” 1. PORN CONTRIBUTES TO SOCIAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS WITHIN MEN • “Young men who become addicted to porn, “neglect their schoolwork, spend huge amounts of money they don’t have, become isolated from others, and often suffer depression.” (Pornland, 93). • “Men who use porn become controlling, highly introverted, have high anxiety, narcissistic, have low self-esteem, depressed, dissociative, distractible.” 2. PORN REWIRES THE BRAIN of Men or Women Pornography is powerful. Porn is visual heroin! 1. As men fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on [pornographic images], the exposure to them creates neural pathways. Like a path is created in the woods with each successive hiker, so do the neural paths set the course for the next time an erotic image is viewed. Over time these neural paths become wider as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. They become the automatic pathway through which interactions with woman are routed….They have unknowingly created a neurological circuit that imprisons their ability to see women rightly as created in God’s image (Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain by William M. Struthers, 85). From Former Lady Porn Addict: “I wish someone would have explained how dopamine, the chemical that is released every time you experience pleasure, drives you to return to what provided that feeling before. Even while I wasn't "addicted" to watching pornography, I always wanted more. When I was in college, I used soft porn to feel loved. It was easily addicting but as I got closer to God, the addiction ceased but the
  7. 7. damage to my brain took years to heal. I deeply regret using porn. It hurt me, my relationship to Beth and my relationship with women in general. 3. PORN TURNS SEX INTO Just Self-Gratification ( M-word) Sex becomes self-serving. It becomes about your pleasure and not the self-giving, mutually reciprocating intimacy that it was designed for. Porn sabotages your sex life im marriage. The porn the men used was keeping them from being turned on to their wives in marriage. “Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction: A Growing Problem” 4. PORN DEMEANS AND OBJECTIFIES WOMEN Porn teaches men to view women as objects rather than to be in relationships with women as human beings.’ Former Lady Porn addict: “I wish someone would have told me I would begin to objectify men, build up images in my mind and think of sex day in and day out, to the point where I couldn't remain focused on anything else.” Pornography gives men or women the false impression that sex and pleasure are entirely divorced from relationships, “causing huge problems in your intimacy with real significant others” as one lady porn user admitted. Story of Vineyard teen. By inundating girls and women with the message that their most worthy attribute is their sexual hotness and crowding out other messages, pop culture is grooming them just like an individual perpetrator would. Lady Porn Addict: “I wish someone would have told me it would make me feel less valuable to men and bring up insecurities for years in the bedroom.”
  8. 8. 6. PORN HAS A NUMBING EFFECT UPON REALITY It makes real sex and even the real world boring in comparison. It particularly anesthetizes the emotional life of a man. I am working with a Christian couple now whose marriage has been shredded by porn. He is emotionally numb to her and his kids. 7. PORN LIES ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE MALE AND FEMALE Porn tells men that they are “soulless, unfeeling, amoral life- support systems...who are entitled to use women in any way they want. These men (in porn movies) demonstrated zero empathy, respect, or love for the women they have sex with…(Pornland, xxiv).” This article is adapted from BJ Stockman's blog. For more information, check out the free eBook by Mark Driscoll, Porn-Again Christian. A resource for victims of sexual assault and people who care for them is Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault Another resource for those struggling with any type of addiction, including pornography, is Redemption: Freed by Jesus from the Idols We Worship and the Wounds We Carry 8. Porn Enslaves the Porn Actors/Actresses: It could easily be true that the vast majority of women and men who are posing for those sexy pictures and performing those outrageous acts on each other are actually victims of sexual violence, drug addiction, alcoholism, and other types of abuse. By "just watching" you're actually contributing to the cycle of abuse, degradation and humiliation of those women. How to Fight Porn We must face this global moral crisis head-on if we are going to protect and heal our own families and souls and help others trapped in this most vicious and pernicious of addictions. Porn is a drug--just as surely as heroin. Both can destroy lives, families and nations.
  9. 9. Let's begin this discussion as a fellowship who wants to "glorify God with our bodies "(1 Cor. 6:20) and enjoy each other as God intended. Ounce of Prevention Better than a Ton of Repair Internal Monitoring: Parents consider protecting their children from harm as one of their top responsibilities. The average age of first exposure to pornography is 9 years old. • Parents need to understand that it is not possible to fully protect children from exposure to pornography. It is possible to diminish the exposure, and to prepare children to understand and talk about their exposure to pornography when it happens. • Children need to understand what healthy sexuality is and why it is so important. They need to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy sexuality and what a healthy relationship looks like. • Have regular discussions with your children and teens about their experiences with pornography. One family started having a monthly "Warrior’s Counsel" where children (and parents) talked about things such as bullying, bad language, pornography exposure, and vicious gossip to which they have been exposed. The family brainstormed on why these things were harmful and how to avoid or prevent such things, in the future. - See more at this site • Don’t give internet access to your children until you know they can handle the dangers of porn online. Ipads can be set to display only one program fro kids to use. You can lock them out of the internet on an Ipad.
  10. 10. • Turn off your internet when you go to bed. Take the hardware with you to bed if you need to. Some routers can be set to go off at a programmed time. See Jeremy. • Filter and Monitor Internet usage: Covenant Eyes (“I will put no evil thing before my eyes” ). TRacks usage for all devices in home. • K9 Web Protection is free and appears good. • Be willing to be accountable to another if you struggle with viewing porn. Do not hide your struggle. that will strengthen the grip porn has on you. Story of porn addicted pastor. • Take time to develop healthy, holy friendships with others to protect your self from the temptation to use porn as a substitute for healthy affection, affirmation and joy. • Strong friendships are not optional. they are vital to healthy living and a strong relationship with God and others. • Take time to hang out with God, alone, listening, enjoying, waiting on Him. Ultimately, only He can satisfy our hearts. Porn is a poor substitute for the indescribable pleasure of knowing God, feeling His Presence in our lives. • Be willing to talk honestly with your family & friends about your emotional needs. We have not because we ask not. They cannot meet all our needs but they meet more if we ask. • Girls--do not allow the culture to squash you into just a sex object. Be who you are in all of your personality, creativity, intelligence, feminine kindness and compassion.
  11. 11. • Boys--do not allow the porn culture to rob you of a close physical and emotional relationship with your future wife or cause you to pass down to your kids a porn habit that will wreck their lives, too. Don’t do to girls or watch things done to girls that you would not done to your own girls when you are their dad. • Parents--do not be passive about porn in your lives or in your kids lives. If we are passive, our great-grandchildren may may the price for our passivity. Be alert, pray about this. Ask for help.

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