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X3 pure men's chapt 11a

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X3 pure men's chapt 11a

  1. 1. Session 11: X3pure Men’s Series Recovery Target #1: Psychological Examination of Feelings
  2. 2. Review
  3. 3. Review Unwanted Sexual Behavior | |
  4. 4. Review Unwanted Sexual Behavior | | White-Knuckle Change Real Change | | | | Abstinence Understanding of Physiology | | | | Relapse Abstinence | | Acceptance of Conditional Love | | Pursuit of Unconditional Love
  5. 5. Acceptance of Conditional Love
  6. 6. Recovery Targets Recovery Target #1: Psychological Examination of Feelings. Recovery Target #2: Seeking, Establishing and Engaging in Community. Recovery Target #3: Truth, Trust and Territory. Recovery Target #4: Development and Exploration of Genuine Faith.
  7. 7. Recovery Targets Recovery Target #1: Psychological Examination of Feelings.
  8. 8. Systems Theory Reprised
  9. 9. Systems Theory Reprised • Family Systems Theory
  10. 10. Systems Theory Reprised • Family Systems Theory - This theory explores the reality that we all belong to various different systems whether they are family, community, church, or society.
  11. 11. Systems Theory Reprised • Family Systems Theory - This theory explores the reality that we all belong to various different systems whether they are family, community, church, or society. • Root of Conditional Love
  12. 12. Systems Theory Reprised • Family Systems Theory - This theory explores the reality that we all belong to various different systems whether they are family, community, church, or society. • Root of Conditional Love - Feeling as if we have to be someone whom we aren’t in order to receive love.
  13. 13. Psychoanalysis
  14. 14. Psychoanalysis • Early Childhood Development
  15. 15. Psychoanalysis • Early Childhood Development - At birth your brain becomes very attached, or wired, to the person most capable of helping you survive in the world.
  16. 16. Psychoanalysis • Early Childhood Development - At birth your brain becomes very attached, or wired, to the person most capable of helping you survive in the world. • How can a helpless child change the moods of an unhappy and therefore inattentive parent?
  17. 17. Psychoanalysis • Early Childhood Development - At birth your brain becomes very attached, or wired, to the person most capable of helping you survive in the world. • How can a helpless child change the moods of an unhappy and therefore inattentive parent? - He does so by changing himself.
  18. 18. Pathogenic Beliefs
  19. 19. Pathogenic Beliefs • If a child can avoid having a break or a separation in his bond with his parents or caregivers he will do it immediately by changing, altering, or suppressing his feelings, desires, and even the way he sees himself in the world.
  20. 20. Pathogenic Beliefs
  21. 21. Pathogenic Beliefs • In blaming ourselves for what really were our parents’ or guardians’ mistakes of conditional love, we develop what are called pathogenic beliefs. These beliefs are deep-seeded “icky feelings” such as “I am dumb,” “I am incapable,” “I am unlovable,” “I am unworthy,” or “I am shameful.”
  22. 22. Default Positions/Repetition Compulsion
  23. 23. Default Positions/Repetition Compulsion • To give up pathogenic beliefs is a risk
  24. 24. Default Positions/Repetition Compulsion • To give up pathogenic beliefs is a risk • As we grow older these pathogenic beliefs continue to define whom we are
  25. 25. Default Positions/Repetition Compulsion
  26. 26. Default Positions/Repetition Compulsion • Because we overvalue the negative messages we begin to ignore the positive messages, thus throughout our lives our pathogenic beliefs grow stronger and stronger.
  27. 27. Default Positions/Repetition Compulsion • Because we overvalue the negative messages we begin to ignore the positive messages, thus throughout our lives our pathogenic beliefs grow stronger and stronger. • Repetition Compulsion
  28. 28. Default Positions/Repetition Compulsion
  29. 29. Default Positions/Repetition Compulsion - When you were a child, you blamed yourself for the way you were treated by parents or guardians.
  30. 30. Default Positions/Repetition Compulsion - When you were a child, you blamed yourself for the way you were treated by parents or guardians. - If your parents or guardians were abusive or neglectful, beliefs about who you are become pathogenic, or “diseased in origin,” such as “I’m shameful, stupid, ugly, embarrassing, unworthy, unlovable, etc.”
  31. 31. Default Positions/Repetition Compulsion - When you were a child, you blamed yourself for the way you were treated by parents or guardians. - If your parents or guardians were abusive or neglectful, beliefs about who you are become pathogenic, or “diseased in origin,” such as “I’m shameful, stupid, ugly, embarrassing, unworthy, unlovable, etc.” - These pathogenic beliefs do not go away as we get older. In fact, we carry them around at the very core of our being as feelings of psychological discomfort, “ickiness,” unhappiness, depression, or, as we have called it here, the feeling of being loved conditionally.
  32. 32. Facing the Shadow
  33. 33. Facing the Shadow • Patrick Carnes
  34. 34. Facing the Shadow • Patrick Carnes “Because I am unworthy, no one would love me if they really knew what I was like on the inside. Consequently, my needs are never going to be met if I have to tell the truth about who I am. Given that sex is my most important need, I will never be able to depend on another person who really knows me to get it.”
  35. 35. What to do now?
  36. 36. What to do now? • You need to be willing to explore this side of yourself.
  37. 37. What to do now? • You need to be willing to explore this side of yourself. • This isn’t about sex; it’s about who we think we are, what value we believe we have, and how we can manage difficult emotions.
  38. 38. Engage in Recovery Target #1 by...
  39. 39. Engage in Recovery Target #1 by... 1. Visiting a licensed counselor or therapist in order to express hard personal histories and feelings in a safe environment.
  40. 40. Engage in Recovery Target #1 by... 1. Visiting a licensed counselor or therapist in order to express hard personal histories and feelings in a safe environment. 2. Discussing deep issues or feelings with your accountability partner.
  41. 41. Engage in Recovery Target #1 by... 1. Visiting a licensed counselor or therapist in order to express hard personal histories and feelings in a safe environment. 2. Discussing deep issues or feelings with your accountability partner. 3. Joining a support group where these feelings can be shared.
  42. 42. Engage in Recovery Target #1 by... 1. Visiting a licensed counselor or therapist in order to express hard personal histories and feelings in a safe environment. 2. Discussing deep issues or feelings with your accountability partner. 3. Joining a support group where these feelings can be shared. 4. Maintain a journal where thoughts feelings and discoveries can be explored.
  43. 43. Engage in Recovery Target #1 by... 1. Visiting a licensed counselor or therapist in order to express hard personal histories and feelings in a safe environment. 2. Discussing deep issues or feelings with your accountability partner. 3. Joining a support group where these feelings can be shared. 4. Maintain a journal where thoughts feelings and discoveries can be explored. 5. Or all of the above.
  44. 44. Farewell
  45. 45. Farewell • If you ever feel lost and confused, please keep in mind that our over-all goal in recovery is to discover the areas in our lives where conditional love either existed or exists now, and then learn ways to convert that conditional love into unconditional love.

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