Understanding Hostile Aggressive Parenting Behavior Used to Sever the Parent-Child Relationship.
==== ====The #1 Ultimate Empowerment Toolkit for Parentshttp://94e532zp417v0y6bnoneyjqgfm.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=PARENT==== ====When I first married, I didnt realize there was a 50 percent chance that my marriage would end indivorce. During our marriage, we had a child and again, I didnt realize that there was a one in sixchance my divorce would turn out to be "high conflict," and that my child would be used by anangry and vindictive ex to avenge the failure of our marriage. Over the years since my divorce, themothers behavior has only intensified. Eventually, I came to learn the meaning of terms such asParental Alienation (PA), Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), and Hostile Aggressive Parenting(HAP), and experienced how easily the family court system can be manipulated by falseallegations.In 1985, Dr. Richard Garner, a forensic psychiatrist, introduced the concept of PAS in an article,"Recent Trends in Divorce and Custody Litigation," in which he defined PAS as "a disorder thatarises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the childscampaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from thecombination of programming (brainwashing) by the other parent and the childs own contributionsto the vilification of the targeted parent." Several years later, Ira Daniel Turkat introduced "Divorce-Related Malicious Mother Syndrome." Behaviors associated with both syndromes are relativelysimilar, encompassing hostile aggressive parenting behavior in an attempt to alienate the childfrom the other parent. However, the latter focuses on the mothers behavior whereas PAS canrelate to both the mother and the father. Presently, PA or PAS are the common terms used todefine the practice of attempting to alienate a child or children from a parent, regardless of gender.The American Psychological Associations (APA) official statement on PAS notes "the lack of datato support so-called parental alienation syndrome and raises concern about the terms use."However, the APA states it has "no official position on the purported syndrome." Advocatesagainst PAS believe it is a form of psychological child abuse, and the APAs refusal to addressPAS leaves "targeted parents" lacking needed resources to fight the problem. At the same time,there are those who discount the validity of PAS and believe it is used as an excuse by abusiveparents during custody challenges to explain "the animosity of their child or children toward them."In certain cases, that may very well be true.In his article, "New Definition of Parental Alienation: What is the Difference Between ParentalAlienation (PA) and Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?" Dr. Douglas Darnall focuses on thebehavior and defines "parental alienation (PA), rather than PAS, as any constellation of behaviors,whether conscious or unconscious, that could evoke a disturbance in the relationship between achild and the other parent." Simply put, PA is teaching the child to hate the other parent, leading toestrangement from the parent. By concentrating on the behavior, Dr. Darnall presents a morepragmatic approach to acceptance of PA by attorneys, therapist and family courts.The tactics or tools that parents use to alienate a child range from simple badmouthing the other
parent in front of the child; encouraging others to do likewise, until the child is bombarded withnegative remarks on a daily basis; to reporting accusations of abuse or neglect to child protectiveservices or family court. This behavior is known as Hostile Aggressive Parenting. One tactic thatauthor John T. Steinbeck describes in Brainwashing Children is that some "hostile parents whoremarry will have the child or children call the stepfather, daddy, as a technique used to devaluethe biological parent." Parental Alienation Syndrome is a condition. Hostile Aggressive Parentingis the behavior.Hostile aggressive parents are unable to move on. They are stuck in the past and focused onavenging the failure of their marriage and the control they had during the marriage. Theymanipulate the family court and child protective services in an attempt to continue control overtheir ex-spouse. They accept no responsibility for their actions, blame everyone, and placethemselves above the childs own interest. Therapist turned family law attorney Bill Eddy notes inhis article "Personality Disorders and False Allegations in Family Court" that there is a "prevalenceof personality disorders in high conflict divorce and custody cases in which false allegations areused." The most prevalent of these is Borderline Personality Disorder, followed by NarcissisticPersonality, and Anti-Social Personality Disorder. This accounts for the lack of empathy toward thechilds emotional state, and the ability to manipulate family court and child protective services soeasily. Parents with anti-social personality disorders will play the "victim." They are experts atmanipulating and lying because they actually believe their lies to justify what they are doing.Not all children can be taught to hate. Some have a very strong bond with the parent. Steinbeckalso notes that in certain cases the "alienating parent feels that the other parent has a strong,highly functional relationship with the child or children and is irrationally worried that this positiverelationship will somehow affect their relationship with the child." A child old enough to decide withwhom he or she wishes to live with may result in a reversal of financial obligations, as the non-custodial parent is obligated to pay child support and provide medical coverage for the child. HAPmay simply be financially motivated. Regardless of the motives, attempting to alienate a child froma parent using hostile aggressive parenting or parental alienation tactics is psychological childabuse.It is much easier to alienate a child when the child is separated from the parent. False allegationsto family court of abuse or neglect will severely limit the relationship between the parent and childand the limited time spent will be under supervision. The Standard Divorce Decree has alreadyreduced the non-custodial parent to a visitor in the child or childrens lives by a visitation scheduleof the first, third, and fifth weekends of the month. Now the parent is limited to a "supervised"visitation schedule of three or four hours per month. Supervised visitation programs are just aseasily manipulated as family court, e.g., parents simply need to call in at the last minute to seekrescheduling.Family court will always side with the allegations and the court moves very slowly. Depending onthe skill of an attorney, this period of separation could last for months. This gives the "targetingparent" additional time to teach the child to hate the "targeted parent," as well as draining the"targeted parents" financial resources.An attorney once told me that "the only place people lie more than in family court is at a bar."Family court is plagued by false allegations simply because they are such an effective tool toquickly sever the parent-child relationship. Family court does not prosecute against false
allegations, which is why false allegations have proliferated. Allegations do not need to be specific.Some attorneys advise clients to keep the allegations vague so as not to chance involvinginvestigative agencies such as child protective services, as their reports carry so much weight withthe court. An allegation to family court may be as vague as "The father is a danger to the child."This is enough for the family court to order visitations withheld or supervised, but not specificenough to involve child protective services.Family court is a guilt-by-accusation system. Once accused, it is the responsibility of the accusedto prove the allegations false. The accused parent will most likely be court-ordered to supervisedvisitations with the child or children, as well as complete a psychological evaluation and meet withmediators and parent coordinators, all at personal cost. He or she also may pay for a forensicinvestigation, also referred to as a Social Study Evaluation, to prove the allegations false. Theaccused parent will spend thousands, or perhaps tens of thousands, of dollars proving theaccusations false - and in the end, find him/herself financially drained and psychologicallyexhausted. An accused parent may lose a relationship with the child or children simply becausethey ran out of money to continue to fight. Unfortunately, this also results in a child losing a lovingparent. David Levy, cofounder of the Childrens Rights Counsel and author of The Best Parent isBoth Parents, stated: "President Obama talks a lot about absentee fathers who need to takeresponsibility. (But) he may not realize that there are millions of parents who want to be involved(in their childrens lives)." Fighting for the "childs right to both parents" is a costly battle - bothfinancially and psychologically. Many parents simply lose because they ran out of money.The solution is to define "in the best interest of the child" as "the childs right to both parents," andthen protect that right. Stop ignoring false allegations. Understandably, allegations need to beinvestigated; however, if proven false, the parent who made the false allegations should beprosecuted. Order that parent to complete a psychological evaluation. Step in to protect the childwhen you hear your friend or relative making negative remarks about the childs parent or anyother hostile aggressive parenting behavior. Let the child know that both parents love him/her.Encourage those hostile parents to seek therapy to find closure and stop using the child to "geteven." One thing is certain: when a parent is attempting to separate a child from a parent simply toavenge a failed marriage, the child suffers emotional pain. Because this pain was brought onpurposely, it is psychological child abuse. If you participate or allow hostile aggressive parentingbehavior in an attempt to alienate a child from a parent, you are an accomplice to psychologicalchild abuse. Stand up and protect the childs right to both parents.James Edwardshttp://www.achildforgotten.orgArticle Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=James_Ray_Edwards
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