At external level, we are
influenced by cultural myths and
Our stories are variation of fundamental archetypes.
Myths provide role models
• Human beings are the
only specie born too
soon: situation of
• Myths are like marsupial
• If you destroy the myths,
you destroy the culture
(cf buffalos for Native
• Pick 3 tales you remember from your childhood
• Pick 3 stories from your family you have heard
• What are their core message?
• Draw your positive genealogy tree with the
superpowers of your antecedents
At internal level, we are a sum of
life stories and events
And we are trying to make sense of
them and connect the dots
And that is very specific to
• We are the only beings to perceive our
time on earth as a story.
• We constantly interpret what we see
and create stories out of the reality.
• We crave for meaning.
• Suicide rates actually plummets in
time of war since conflict is a way of
Your brain is a novelist
• It orders, classifies, selects, excludes,
forgets events and stories.
Your identity is a fiction
• Who are you? Your job? Your family? Your
name? Your community?
We create stories to include and
• To federate people towards a goal, around values,
against an enemy.
• To build nations and communities.
• School manuals from 70 countries have been compared
on the story of the ”discovery” of America. None tells
the same story.
And especially the fear of
• “I want to experience your vulnerability
but I don’t want to be vulnerable.
• Courage in you sounds like inadequacy in
• I am drawn to your vulnerability but
repelled by mine.
• Vulnerability is the last thing I want to see
in me but the first thing I look for in you.”
And the fear makes us develop
• Imagining the worst
• Being perfect and
pleasing at all cost
• Numbing with work,
alcohol, sleeping pills,…
• Disconnexion, isolation...
• Blaming others
• Cynicism or agressivity
• I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon
your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
“I’m not screwing around. It’s time.All of this pretending and performing –
these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from
feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.”
• Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I
understand that you needed these protections when you were
small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you
secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and
belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
• Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of
you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other
people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage
and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and
love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.
~ Brené Brown
• Which is your armor?
• When you experience shame, what is your
– Move away (withdraw, hide, silence),
– Toward (please),
– Against (Aggressive, shame others).
• When was the last time you used your
Fear traps us into negative
• You are flawed.
• You are bad.
• You are not worthy of
love and belonging
And women are even more
targeted by negative narratives
You are fat
You can’t please your partner
You are a bad mother
You are not enough
Women don’t know
how to drive
Women change opinion
all the time
Women are emotional
These constant messages have a
huge impact in terms of self-esteem
BIG GIRL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
90%OF ALL WOMEN
WANT TO CHANGE
AT LEAST ONE ASPECT
OF THEIR PHYSICAL
of ten year old girls
are afraid of being fat.
And only 2% actually think
they are beautiful. 02
SHIFTBALANCE.ORG || ACCELERATING GENDER BALANCE Handcrafted by rodrigoseoane.com
Funny Weight Loss
Special Thanks to
Source: Women Don’t Ask / Oxfam / EU
We can identify seven types of
THE GIVE UPPER
• Which gremlins are most present in you?
• What do they say?
• What is your ”sticky path”?
That is why we need to make a
very conscious effort to change
our internal narrative
Positive Psychology is grounded in the belief that people want to lead meaningful and
fulfilling lives, to cultivate what is best within them, and to enhance their experiences of
love, work, and play (Positive Psychology Center, 2016).
Positive psychology is focusing
on the scientific study of human
Your positivity capital
In a world where scarcity and shame
dominate, vulnerability is subversive.
• How much do you dare?
• What was your boldest challenge lately?
• Set yourself 3 challenges for the coming year.
• What are your superpowers?
• Write your epitaph or eulogy
• Ask 10 people around you to tell you moments or
circumstances in which they saw you thriving.
• Visualize success situation
• Imagine your 80th birthday: which 3 positive decisions led
• How is your body language?
• Do you open up or do you close ?
• Practice the power pose.
• How often do you smile?
• Have you practiced laughing yoga?
• Let’s sing and dance! #fitnessmarshall
• Clown: receive applause. Look into the eyes.
Mindfulness helps you to not
identify with the gremlins
• You separate yourself from your thoughts and
• You avoid the sticky path.
• Anything towards which you direct your
attention gets stronger.
• Let’s meditate for 10 minutes!
• Raisin exercise
• Breathe in. Breathe out. Bell.
Gratitude creates a spiritual
• It dissolves fears and ego, our need to
possess and control.
• It makes us more generous and tolerant.
• It develops our souls.
• You did XXX.
• That made me feel XXX
• That satisfied my need of XXX
• Write a gratitude journal
• Letter to 5 people you want to thank
• Gratefulness visit
• Gratefulness meditation
• Gratefulness before meals
• Deepen your relationships: 36 questions app
• Improvise: What happens with Jaume?
• Free hugs
• Feedback speed dating
• Draw your relationships map
• Give a gift with no reason
• Guardian angel
• Benevolent look
• Qualities game: 10 you like. 10 you hate. 3 defaults so you love. 3
qualities so you hate. Out of 26 select 3 you are and 3 you are not.
You attract people with these 6 qualities.
• What is your love language?
• What is your partner’s? children’s?
Life as a spiritual path
• From fear
• Negative internal
• I am different
• To love
• Positive internal
• We are one
• How often do you insult yourself?
• What is your first thought when...
– A person is late to a meeting
– Somebody spills sth over you
– A date does not get back to you
– Your boss does not say hi
We attribute the cause of the
conflict to the other
• But in reality you are responsible of your
• The others may trigger them but they are
not the cause.
• Anger comes from our judgmental
• Conflict comes from unmet needs.
• Judgment triggers auto-defense and
Spark your emotional agility
• SITUATION: what happens
• AUTOPILOT: Feeling
• REACTION: Behaviour
• KNOWLEDGE: evidence to prove what
Four steps of non violent
• When OBSERVATION (no judgment),
• I feel FEELING (no covered reproach),
• Because I need NEED (no strategy).
• So I would like PRECISE AND POSITIVE
REQUEST (no demand).
Beginning anew steps
• First sharing your appreciation for the
• Then voicing regrets or apologies for the
hurt we might have caused in the other.
• Expressing what has hurt us in the other
person’s actions, speech or thoughts.
• And finally, asking for support regarding a
difficulty we are currently experiencing.
• List your most common judgments ( I hate
people who…). Then list your unmet needs in
front of them.
• Identify the SPARK of a recent conflict
• Apply CNV to a recent conflict you had
• Apply Beginning anew to a conflict
• Write a forgiveness letter
How do you reframe the
• The power of narrative psychology
“You enter the forest at the
darkest point, where there is
Where there’s a way or path,
it is someone else’s path.
Each human being is a unique
The idea is to find your own
pathway to bliss.”
Flow is a state of being completely
involved in an activity for its own sake.
• The ego falls away.
• Time flies.
• Every action, movement,
and thought follows
inevitably from the
previous one, like playing
• Your whole being is
involved, and you're using
your skills to the utmost.
• What’s your bucket list?
• Write down your manifesto
• Dream mapping: your life in 5 years
• Live a new experience: change habits
• Learn a new skill
• Do something altruistic
• Dare to do something scary
• Commitment letter towards oneself
• Create a habit or quit one: commitment for 21 days
• Draw your life ups and downs
– 3 ups
– 3 downs
– 3 inspiring people
• Find 5 trends in your life and events which justify it
• Tell a same story with 5 different perspectives / tones
• Which animal are you?
• Find a word which qualifies you best.
• Imagine you build a social business.