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  1. 1. 8 Mistakes Parents Make With Preschoolers Find out how you can avoid these common parenting missteps. WebMD Feature Reviewed by Roy Benaroch, MD Sometimes, it may seem like your preschooler has the innate ability to push you to the outer edge of your patience. And that's on a good day. Fear not, moms and dads. You're not alone. Preschoolers want to own their newfound independence. But they also want the close attention and love of their caregivers. Michele Borba, EdD, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, says, "These ages (3-5) are among the most active and frustrating in terms of parenting. Here are eight common mistakes parents of preschoolers make and some smart fixes to help avoid or resolve problems. 1. Be consistent Consistency is key for preschoolers, says pediatrician Tanya Remer Altmann, author of Mommy Calls: Dr. Tanya Answers Parents' Top 101 Questions about Babies and Toddlers. When you're not being consistent with your routine, preschoolers get confused and may act out more or throw more temper tantrums. Altmann says, "If sometimes you let them do something and sometimes you don't, they don't understand." Your child probably wants to know why last time Mommy let her play on the playground for 10 minutes when school got out but this time wants her to get in the car right away. Or why did Mommy laid down with her for 10 minutes last night while she fell asleep but now says she can't.
  2. 2. Fix it: Be consistent across the board -- whether it's with discipline, sleep habits, or mealtime routines. Altmann says if your routine is consistent 90% of the time and your child is doing well, then so are you, and a minor exception may be OK. 2.Rewards the positive don’t just focus on the negative. It's easy to focus on your child's negative actions -- like yelling and screaming -and ignore the good ones. Altmann says parents tend to focus on what they don't want their preschoolers to do. "They'll say, 'Don't hit. Don't throw. Don't say 'poopy pants,'" she says. Fix it: Notice when your child is doing something positive, and reward the good behavior. The reward for positive actions can be your praise, or it can be giving your child a big hug or kiss. "Those types of things really go a long way with preschoolers," Altmann says. Tell your child, "I like the way you sat quietly and listened," or "That was good when you were so friendly to the child on the playground." 3 Don’t miss the Warning Signs Parents often try to reason with children when they're in the throes of a temper tantrum, repeating, "Calm down, calm down." But that's like trying to reason with a goldfish, Borba says. "You've got power immediately beforehand when you can still distract or anticipate. But once the tantrum is in full force, you've lost it. The kid is not hearing you." Fix it: Figure out and anticipate what your kid's natural warning signs are, Borba says. The usual ones are hunger, fatigue, and boredom.
  3. 3. So don't take your child to the supermarket unless she's napped or you've stashed a healthy snack in your purse. 4. Encouraging Whining Does your child's whining drive you crazy? For instance, does it drive you up the wall when, right before dinnertime while getting ready to preparing food, your child starts crying, "I wanna go to the park," or "I wanna go play with Riley." Borba says parents often give in to these whines, but this only reinforces the attention-getting behavior. Your child will figure out which buttons to push and then push them over and over again. "This is the age when your children come out of their shells," she says. "Watch out, because they figure out what works." Fix it: Ignore it. For behavior that isn't aggressive, like a whine or sulk, you're better off if you don't respond to it at all. If you're consistent, Borba says, your child will think, "Well, that didn't work." 5. Don’t Overscheduling Your Child Parents often line up a slew of activities, like dance or music classes. Then they wonder why their child isn't getting in bed and falling asleep right away after so many activities that must have made her tired. The problem, Altmann says, is that they're still wound up and need time to calm down. Every child needs down time, especially preschoolers, she says. Whether your child is at preschool for two hours or there all day, it can be very exhausting.
  4. 4. Fix it: Don't overschedule your child or shuttle him from one activity to the next. Give your child time to unwind with free play when he gets home from school. 6. Underestimating the Importance of Play Many parents feel they should sign their children up for enrichment programs to give them an edge. But that's not really the case. What's most enriching at this age, says psychologist Lawrence J. Cohen, author of Playful Parenting, is free play. That includes dramatic play (make believe), rough housing, and goofing around. "Free play is how children's brains develop best," he says. "In play, children will naturally give themselves the right amount of challenge -- not too easy or too hard." Fix it: Allow your child time and space for free play. Remember that preschoolers define play as "what you do when you get to choose what to do." Free choice -- the voluntary aspect of play -- is important, Cohen says. "Preschoolers love to vacuum or do housework, but it's play. It's not on their chore list. They've chosen to do it and they're just doing it for fun," he says. 7. Getting Distracted By the Daily Grind Your child may play well independently, but that doesn't mean he or she doesn't crave your attention. "There's something children miss out on if parents don't get on the floor and play with them," Cohen says. Not only do parents not get down and play, many parents are too easily distracted by their cell phone, email, or other multitasking. "Kids aren't dumb," Cohen says. "They know whether we're really paying attention or not."
  5. 5. Fix it: Set a timer, be enthusiastic, and stay involved for your designated play period with your child. "A half an hour of concentrated play where you give your undivided attention and you're not worried about dinner or work," Cohen says, "is better than all day when you're only half paying attention." 8. Don’t Overreact to Lies Cohen says lying really freaks parents out. He urges parents to see the behavior as experimenting rather than as "a moral thing." "When children start to lie, it's a big cognitive advance," he says. "It's kind of exciting and a little bit scary. It has an emotional charge. But then parents freak out and have visions of their child in prison, so they get very tense and anxious about it." Fix it: Don't overreact. Know that telling a fib or two is a normal part of your child's development. And don't get hung up on the lie itself, Cohen says. For instance, if your little Pinocchio is denying he had anything to do with a spill, you can say matter-offactly, "You feel bad about that and I understand." Effective parenting takes time, patience, and love. It also takes remembering that changes may not happen overnight. But as the old maxim goes, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." And again.Parenting Styles The Four Styles of Parenting By Kendra Cherry, Guide See More About:childdevelopmentparenting styles
  6. 6. Parenting styles play an important role in child development. Image ©Joann Green/iStockPhoto Ads Positive Parenting Tips Learn How You Can Be a Better Parent. Everyday Tips and Tools Church Online Tired of your life? Find hope at Church Online Family Problems? Find resources and help for Filipino families More Psychology Ads Parenting Styles Education Psychology Mental Psychology Child Clinical Psychology Psychology Marriage Ads Symptoms of Pregnancy? Pregnant or worried you might be? Support, experience and info here. Free Prophecy For You Get God's Plan For You in 2013. Receive Your Free Written Prophecy! Developmental psychologists have long been interested in how parents impact child development. However, finding actual cause-and-effect links between specific actions of parents and later behavior of children is very difficult. Some children raised in dramatically different environments can later grow up to have remarkably similar personalities. Conversely, children who share a home and are
  7. 7. raised in the same environment can grow up to have astonishingly different personalities than one another. Despite these challenges, researchers have uncovered convincing links between parenting styles and the effects these styles have on children. During the early 1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted a study on more than 100 preschool-age children (Baumrind, 1967). Using naturalistic observation, parental interviews and other research methods, she identified four important dimensions of parenting: Disciplinary strategies Warmth and nurturance Communication styles Expectations of maturity and control Based on these dimensions, Baumrind suggested that the majority of parents display one of three different parenting styles. Further research by also suggested the addition of a fourth parenting style (Maccoby& Martin, 1983). The Four Parenting Styles Authoritarian Parenting In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules established by the parents. Failure to follow such rules usually results in punishment. Authoritarian parents fail to explain the reasoning behind these rules. If asked to explain, the parent might simply reply, "Because I said so." These parents have high demands, but are not responsive to their children. According to Baumrind, these parents "are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation" (1991). Authoritative Parenting Like authoritarian parents, those with an authoritative parenting style establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, this parenting style is much more democratic. Authoritative parents are responsive to
  8. 8. their children and willing to listen to questions. When children fail to meet the expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than punishing. Baumrind suggests that these parents "monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and selfregulated as well as cooperative" (1991). Permissive Parenting Permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, have very few demands to make of their children. These parents rarely discipline their children because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control. According to Baumrind, permissive parents "are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation" (1991). Permissive parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children, often taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent. Uninvolved Parenting An uninvolved parenting style is characterized by few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. While these parents fulfill the child's basic needs, they are generally detached from their child's life. In extreme cases, these parents may even reject or neglect the needs of their children. The Impact of Parenting Styles What effect do these parenting styles have on child development outcomes? In addition to Baumrind's initial study of 100 preschool children, researchers have conducted numerous other studies that have led to a number of conclusions about the impact of parenting styles on children. 1. Authoritarian parenting styles generally lead to children who are obedient and proficient, but they rank lower in happiness, social competence and self-esteem.
  9. 9. 2. Authoritative parenting styles tend to result in children who are happy, capable and successful (Maccoby, 1992). 3. Permissive parenting often results in children who rank low in happiness and self-regulation. These children are more likely to experience problems with authority and tend to perform poorly in school. 4. Uninvolved parenting styles rank lowest across all life domains. These children tend to lack self-control, have low self-esteem and are less competent than their peers. Why Do Parenting Styles Differ? After learning about the impact of parenting styles on child development, you may wonder why all parents simply don't utilize an authoritative parenting style. After all, this parenting style is the most likely to produce happy, confident and capable children. What are some reasons why parenting styles might vary? Some potential causes of these differences include culture, personality, family size, parental background, socioeconomic status, educational level and religion. Of course, the parenting styles of individual parents also combine to create a unique blend in each and every family. For example, the mother may display an authoritative style while the father favors a more permissive approach. In order to create a cohesive approach to parenting, it is essential that parents learn to cooperate as they combine various elements of their unique parenting styles.
  10. 10. PARENTING STYLE QUESTIONNAIRE Please rate how often you engage in the different parenting practices, listed below. Scores range from “Never” to “Always” on a 5-point scale. At the end of each section, add up the scores and divide it by the number of questions in that section. The calculated score is your total score for that category. The highest score indicates your preferred parenting style. Authoritative Parenting Style 1. I am responsive to my child’s feelings and needs: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 2. I take my child’s wishes into consideration before I ask him/her to do something: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 3. I explain to my child how I feel about his/her good/bad behaviour: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 4. I encourage my child to talk about his/her feelings and problems: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 5. I encourage my child to freely “speak his/her mind”, even if he/she disagrees with me: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 6. I explain the reasons behind my expectations: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 7. I provide comfort and understanding when my child is upset: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 AlwaysBased on: Robinson, C., Mandleco, B., Olsen, S. F., & Hart, C. H. (1995). Authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive parenting practices: Development of a new measure. Psychological Reports, 77, 819-830. 8. I compliment my child: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
  11. 11. 9. I consider my child’s preferences when I make plans for the family (e.g., weekends away and holidays): Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 10. I respect my child’s opinion and encourage him/her to express them: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 11. I treat my child as an equal member of the family: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 12. I provide my child reasons for the expectations I have for him/her: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 13. I have warm and intimate times together with my child: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always Scoring: Total score …….. / 13 = …….. Authoritarian Parenting Style 1. When my child asks me why he/she has to do something I tell him/her it is because I said so, I am your parent, or because that is what I want: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 2. I punish my child by taking privileges away from him/her (e.g., TV, games, visiting friends): Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 AlwaysBased on: Robinson, C., Mandleco, B., Olsen, S. F., & Hart, C. H. (1995). Authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive parenting practices: Development of a new measure. Psychological Reports, 77, 819-830. 3. I yell when I disapprove of my child’s behaviour: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 4. I explode in anger towards my child: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 5. I spank my child when I don’t like what he/she does or says: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 6. I use criticism to make my child improve his/her behaviour: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always
  12. 12. 7. I use threats as a form of punishment with little or no justification: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 8. I punish my child by withholding emotional expressions (e.g., kisses and cuddles): Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 9. I openly criticise my child when his/her behaviour does not meet my expectations: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 10. I find myself struggling to try to change how my child thinks or feels about things: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 11. I feel the need to point out my child’s past behavioural problems to make sure he/she will not do them again: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 12. I remind my child that I am his/her parent: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 AlwaysBased on: Robinson, C., Mandleco, B., Olsen, S. F., & Hart, C. H. (1995). Authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive parenting practices: Development of a new measure. Psychological Reports, 77, 819-830. 13. I remind my child of all the things I am doing and I have done for him/her: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always Scoring: Total score …….. / 13 = …….. Permissive Parenting Style 1. I find it difficult to discipline my child: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 2. I give into my child when he/she causes a commotion about something: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 3. I spoil my child: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always 4. I ignore my child’s bad behaviour: Never 1 2 3 4 5 6 Always Scoring: Total score …….. / 4 = ……..
  13. 13. Parenting Styles: On the lines below you can record the rank order of your preferred parenting styles: 1) ………………………………………………………………………………….. Score: 2) ………………………………………………………………………………….. Score: 3) ………………………………………………………………………………….. Score:
  14. 14. How Parents Can Bless Their Children Martin Kim 15 Martin Kim Sermons Topic: #261 of 732 for Sermons on Parenting Scripture: Psalms 112:1-112:2 Denomination: Adventist Date Added: September 2004 Audience: Believer Adults (31 - 49) Keywords: none (Suggest a Keyword) View on one page Share this Print friendly Add to Favorites Add to Calendar Suggest Keywords Blessing the Children Happy Sabbath! I would like to start with a short word of prayer this morning. One evening mother was busy fixing supper. Her little boy came up to her and gave her a piece of paper. She dries her hands on her apron and reads. For cutting the grass: $5.00 For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00 For going to the store for you: $.50 Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: $.25 Taking out the garbage: $1.00 The list went on. At the bottom it said, Total owed: $14.75 Well, his mother looked at him standing there, and the boy could see the memories flashing through her mind. She picked up the pen. She turned over the paper he’d written on, and this is what she wrote: For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside me: No Charge
  15. 15. For all the nights that I’ve sat up with you, doctored and prayed for you: No Charge For all the trying times, and all the tears that you’ve caused through the years: No Charge For all the times I wiped your nose and your butt: No Charge For all the toys, food, and clothes: No Charge Son, when you add it up, the cost of my love is: No Charge. When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight at his mother and said, "Mom, I sure do love you." And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote: "PAID IN FULL". I¡¯ve often heard that you cannot really know the love of a parent until you become a parent yourself. Is there any limit to a parents love? As a parent, would you withhold any good thing from your children? If your child needed a kidney, and you were a perfect match, would you donate one of your kidneys? I know you would. What if your child needed a heart transplant and you were a perfect match? You would give him your heart. You would give up your life so that your child could live. You would do whatever you could so that your child can enjoy good physical health. Right? Amen! Physical health is important. But there is something more important than physical health. It is spiritual health. How much would you be willing to give for your child¡¯s spiritual health so that your child can live eternally? Would you do as much for your child¡¯s spiritual health as you would for your child¡¯s physical health? Our young people have sin damaged minds and sin damaged hearts. They need help. In order for them to successfully run the Christian race so they can obtain the crown of life, they need help. They need all the help they can get. God says, ¡°I want to help.¡± God says, ¡°I want to help, but I need the parents cooperation.
  16. 16. God didn¡¯t say, ¡°I need the youth pastors help.¡± God says, ¡°I need the parents help.¡± God says to parents, ¡°If you do three things, I will bless your child. There are three things you can do to help them. If you do these three things, your children will be blessed spiritually. Do you want to help them? Please say ¡°amen¡± if you want to help your children. Let¡¯s open our Bibles to Psalm 112:1-3. (1) Praise the Lord! Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, Who delights greatly in His commandments. The blessed man is the person who says on Friday, ¡°I¡¯m so glad another Sabbath is here.¡± The commandments are not burdensome for this person. He delights greatly in His commandments. (2) His descendants will be mighty on earth; The generation of the upright will be blessed. Do you want your children to be blessed? If you are godly, God will bless your children. By the way, just because you come to church does not mean that you are godly. The devil also comes to church. Let¡¯s just make sure that we are not the ones bringing the devil to church with us. You are going to like the next verse. (3) Wealth and riches will be in his house, And his righteousness endures forever. I believe that God wants to do more than bless our children spirituall