1. Intro slide. Wives and girlfriends, cover your ears. You already know this stuff. But seriosuly, business people, students, kids, parents, everyone...this stuff applies to all of you.
2. Figure out what you actually want. Most people don't actually know what they want, at least not concisely enough to get it. Think about it like ordering a burger. Can you get the right flavors you want by asking for "meat", or instead "The Brewer's burger, medium rare, hold the tomatoes".
3. How to set goals. There are two kinds of goals: big picture goals and smaller iterative goals. Think about goal setting like sailing. You can't always sail in a straight line (towards your destination), sometimes you need to tack back and forth, correcting course along the way. The more times you tack (iterate), the closer you stay to the path of your destination.
4. Figure out what other people might want. This is the first step that most people skip. How are you supposed to negotiate if you don't know what the person you're negotiation with wants to get in return? The end result of every negotiation is a compromise, for somebody.
5. Motivators. In order to get somebody to do what you want, or help you do what you want, you need to understand their motivators. There are two main kinds:
6. Extrinsic motivators are usually what's thought about first. Extrinsic motivators are things that can be taken away. Rewards, like money, points, contests. Because they can be taken away, they're best for getting people to comply in the short term, but not so good if you need their long term buy in. They're also useful when the thing you want isn't inherently desirable.
7. Intrinsic motivators are things that cannot be taken away, and tend to be more emotional and visceral motivators. Enjoyment, curiosity, appreciation, and core values are common intrinsic motivators. If you can understand these motivators and align your want with them, the long term buy in is much stronger.
8. What are you willing to give up? Knowing your own thresholds for negotiating before entering negotiation is important. You're never thinking clearly enough in the heat of the moment to rationally hold on to, or let go of, the right things. Consider your own intrinsic motivators, and extrinsic motivators.
9. What aren't you willing to give up? And to that end, know your boundaries and be able to articulate them. If you're going to say not to any negotiating point, be able to express why you're saying no. Figure out what is valuable to you. Try to narrow it down to a small number of qualifiers. You'll be able to use those qualifiers as filters to make simple decisions during negotiation.
10. Check your balances. Not your bank account balances, but your Whuffie balances. If asking for something is like making a withdrawl from a bank account, building Whuffie is making a deposit. And if you've ever tried to make a withdrawl when you haven't made a deposit in a while, you know how well that goes. The easiest ways to build Whuffie is to be "Nice, notable, and networked".
11. First impressions. If you're initiating the negotiation, you need to be clear headed, composed, and articulate. Being sober helps too, in some cases. In other cases, it hurts you. We're not going to talk about those tonight.
12. If you're asking in writing, do yourself a favor and get someone to proofread. That typo you might have made is a distraction, and its important to remove distractions from the negotiating floor.
13. Don't be a dick. Coming into a negotiation with guns-a-blazing, calling names and making accusations is a great way to get the other person to put up a wall. At that point, it doesn't matter what you say, it's clear to them that there's no pleasing you.
14. Ask. Clearly. Don't be too detailed, but be sure to focus on the purpose and the outcome.
15. Explain how it affects them. If you don't, they'll try to figure it out on their own, and they will assume the worst.