THE ROD - Part 2


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Part 2 of some slides based on Ted Tripp's book "Shepherding a Child's Heart" and Ginger Plowman's book "Don't Make Me Count to Three" on the subject of using "the rod" in parenting

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THE ROD - Part 2

  1. 1. THE ROD - Part 2 Shepherding A Child's Heart
  2. 2. Review <ul><ul><li>The Rationale Behind the Rod </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>The child's problem is sinfulness in the heart, not an information deficit </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The Function of the Rod </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>The rod is a tactile demonstration of the child's rebellion, and renders an atmosphere of readiness for the child to receive life-giving biblical wisdom </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>What is the Rod? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>The rod is a parent, in faith toward God and faithfulness toward his or her children, undertaking the responsibility of careful, timely, measured, and controlled use of physical punishment to underscore the importance of obeying God, thus rescuing the child from continuing in his foolishness until death </li></ul></ul></ul>
  3. 3. Review <ul><ul><li>Distortions of the Rod </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Should not be used to vent vindictive anger </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Common Objections to the Rod </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The Fruit of the Rod </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Impart a &quot;harvest mentality&quot;: they'll reap what they sow </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Exemplifies that God's authority supersedes mom and dad's authority </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Shows that authority structures are a blessing </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Demonstrates parental commitment </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Yields peace and righteousness </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Returns child to a place of blessing </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Promotes closeness and openness between parent and child </li></ul></ul></ul>
  4. 4. Outline <ul><ul><li>&quot;When&quot; to spank </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Avoiding traps </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;How&quot; to spank </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Signs that spanking is done properly </li></ul></ul>
  5. 5. &quot;When&quot; to spank <ul><ul><li>&quot;The 'when' of spanking is so simple that parents miss it. If your child has not obeyed, he needs to be spanked.&quot; (Tripp, p. 145) </li></ul></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Therefore the real issue is to set the correct &quot;Standard of Obedience&quot;. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;You inevitably train your children in obedience. You may train them to obey only after you've yelled, pleaded, or threatened. You may train them to obey only when they wish to. You may not train them to obey at all. Even that is a type of training in obedience.&quot; (Tripp, p. 134) </li></ul></ul>
  6. 6. Standard of Obedience <ul><ul><li>&quot;Obedience ... means doing what he is told -- </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Without challenge, Without excuse, Without delay.&quot; (Tripp, p.134) </li></ul></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Expect instant obedience from our children. Teach them that God wants them to obey -- </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>All the way, Right away, and With a happy heart.&quot; (Plowman, p. 117) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>  </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;We should reinforce [this] expectation with the rod each and every time they fail to obey -- or we'll be sending them mixed signals.&quot; (Plowman, p. 118) </li></ul></ul>
  7. 7. Standard of Obedience <ul><ul><li>&quot;All the way&quot; (Plowman, p. 117-118) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>1 Samuel 15: Saul failed to completely destroy the Amalekites, including all of their livestock </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Right away&quot; (Plowman, p. 118) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Delayed obedience is disobedience&quot; </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;The command that should be obeyed is to be spoken in a normal tone of voice and only one time.&quot; </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;With a happy heart&quot; (Plowman, p. 118-119) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;The child who obeys outwardly but is inwardly angry because he didn't get his way is a child who is not truly happy.&quot; </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;The feelings or emotions are a barometer of the will. When a child chooses the proper attitude, the appropriate emotional response will follow.&quot; </li></ul></ul></ul>
  8. 8. Standard of Obedience <ul><ul><li>&quot;It is easy to think unclearly about obedience. When you say to your child, 'Dear I want you to go to bed now,' there is only one appropriate response.    It is not, 'I'll go after I finish coloring this page.'    It is not, 'Why do I always have to go to bed early?'    It is not to ignore you entirely.    There is only one obedient response. It is to go to bed without delay. If you accept any other response, you are training your children to disobey.&quot; (Tripp, p. 135) </li></ul></ul>
  9. 9. Avoiding traps <ul><ul><li>&quot;Repeating yourself&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;We are causing our children to be in the habit of not obeying instantly&quot; (Plowman, p. 120) </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Raising your voice&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Children are trained to delay obedience until the parents' voice is raised </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;One... Two... Three&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;If you don't expect your child to obey until the count of three, then he will not obey until you count.&quot; (Plowman, p. 120) </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Tolerating Small Acts of Disobedience&quot; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Waiting Until the Teapot Boils&quot; </li></ul></ul>
  10. 10. &quot;How&quot; to spank <ul><li>1. Act as promptly after the offense as possible </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Although it may be an inconvenient time, justice for the child would be to politely excuse yourself and the child for a time of correction.&quot; (Plowman, p. 130) </li></ul></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><li>2. Take your child to a private place </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Discipline must not rob a child of his dignity&quot; (Tripp, p. 146) </li></ul></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><li>3. Tell him specifically what he has done or failed to do </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;The spanking should always address a specific attitude or incident&quot; (Tripp, p. 147) </li></ul></ul>
  11. 11. &quot;How&quot; to spank <ul><li>4. Secure an acknowledgment from the child of what he has done </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;You might probe his heart by asking him questions like, 'Was God pleased with what you did? What was wrong with what you did?'&quot; (Plowman, p. 129) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;It is also important for the child to verbally confess what he has done and ask for forgiveness.&quot; (Plowman, p. 129) </li></ul></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><li>5. Guide the child in thinking through what he should have done </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Ask him, 'What could you have done in this situation that would have been better?'&quot; (Plowman, p. 129) </li></ul></ul>
  12. 12. &quot;How&quot; to spank <ul><li>6. Discuss why it is your responsibility to spank him </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Make sure he knows that you spank him because you love him too much to allow the sin to take root in his heart and grow.&quot; (Plowman, p. 129) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;The spanking must reflect your obedience to God's directives and concern for the child's good.&quot; (Tripp, p. 147) </li></ul></ul>
  13. 13. &quot;How&quot; to spank <ul><li>7. Tell the child how many swats he will receive </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;This is an important signal that you are in control of yourself.&quot; (Tripp, p. 147) </li></ul></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><li>8. Administer the spanking to the child's bottom </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Remove ... his pants. This should be done at the last possible moment. They should be returned as soon as you are done.&quot; (Tripp, p. 148) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Lay the child across your lap rather than over a bed or a chair. This puts the spanking in the context of your physical relationship. He is not being removed from you to a neutral object for the purpose of being disciplined.&quot; (Tripp, p. 148) </li></ul></ul>
  14. 14. &quot;How&quot; to spank <ul><li>9. Take time for reconciliation </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;After you have spanked, take the child up on your lap and hug him, telling him how much you love him, how much it grieves you to  spank him, and how you hope that it will not be necessary again.&quot; (Tripp, p. 148) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;If he refuses to receive your affection, then something is wrong. In such cases, ...&quot; (Tripp, p. 148) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Check your own spirit. Have you handled him roughly? Have you been out of control? ... [If so,] you must confess your sin and seek forgiveness and restoration.&quot; </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Check his spirit. Is his anger a reflection of rejection of your discipline? Is he mad at you? Is he trying to  punish you for what you have done? If so, the discipline session is not over.&quot; (Tripp, p. 149) </li></ul></ul></ul>
  15. 15. &quot;How&quot; to spank <ul><li>10. Pray with him </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;There is ... no more powerful time to press the claims of the gospel than when your children are being confronted with their need of Christ's grace and power during discipline.&quot; (Tripp, p. 149-150) </li></ul></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><li>11. Require the child to make restitution </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;In most cases with small children this is simply a matter of having the child go back and practice what is right.&quot; (Plowman, p. 131) </li></ul></ul>
  16. 16. Signs that spanking is done properly <ul><ul><li>&quot;When training is done properly, it should always end on a positive note .&quot; (Plowman, p.105) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>  </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;[Proper spanking] sends the positive message, ' I love you enough to train you in what is right'.&quot; (Plowman, p.106) </li></ul></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><ul><li>&quot;Our desire should be for the child to ponder what he could have done right rather than what he did wrong.&quot; (Plowman, p.105) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>This doesn't refer to getting the child to say sorry; instead the child needs to be convicted to live in righteousness and know how to do that </li></ul></ul></ul>