05 17 09 Resolving Conflict In Our Marriage Part 2 Conflict Resolution Communication Keys For Couples

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Resolving Conflict In Our Marriage Part 2 Conflict Resolution Communication Keys For Couples

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05 17 09 Resolving Conflict In Our Marriage Part 2 Conflict Resolution Communication Keys For Couples

  1. 1. West Ridge Church Marriage Ministry <ul><li>“ Can You Hear Me Now?” </li></ul><ul><li>Communication Keys for Couples </li></ul>
  2. 2. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Misconceptions about Conflict   </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  3. 4. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Misconceptions about Conflict   </li></ul><ul><li>1. Christians are supposed to avoid all conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>Matthew 21:12 </li></ul><ul><li>Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all </li></ul><ul><li>who were buying and selling there. He overturned </li></ul><ul><li>the tables of the money changers and the benches </li></ul><ul><li>of those selling doves. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  4. 5. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Misconceptions about Conflict   </li></ul><ul><li>2. Wives should automatically cave in to their </li></ul><ul><li>husband’s wishes . </li></ul><ul><li>Ephesians 5:21 </li></ul><ul><li>Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  5. 6. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Misconceptions about Conflict   </li></ul><ul><li>3. The best way to handle conflict is through </li></ul><ul><li>compromise . </li></ul><ul><li>Psalm 25:5 </li></ul><ul><li>… .guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are </li></ul><ul><li>God my Savior… </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  6. 7. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Typical Responses to Conflict </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  7. 8. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Typical Responses to Conflict </li></ul><ul><li>1. Avoid …pretend it doesn’t bother me </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  8. 9. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Typical Responses to Conflict </li></ul><ul><li>1. Avoid …pretend it doesn’t bother me </li></ul><ul><li>2. Accommodate I’ll give in. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  9. 10. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Typical Responses to Conflict </li></ul><ul><li>1. Avoid …pretend it doesn’t bother me </li></ul><ul><li>2. Accommodate I’ll give in. </li></ul><ul><li>3. Compete I’ll get my way. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  10. 11. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Typical Responses to Conflict </li></ul><ul><li>1. Avoid …pretend it doesn’t bother me </li></ul><ul><li>2. Accommodate I’ll give in. </li></ul><ul><li>3. Compete I’ll get my way. </li></ul><ul><li>4. Compromise I’ll meet you half way. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  11. 12. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Typical Responses to Conflict </li></ul><ul><li>1. Avoid …pretend it doesn’t bother me </li></ul><ul><li>2. Accommodate I’ll give in. </li></ul><ul><li>3. Compete I’ll get my way. </li></ul><ul><li>4. Compromise I’ll meet you half way. </li></ul><ul><li>5. Collaborate I’ll work together with you. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  12. 13. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  13. 14. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>1. Get a firm grip on who you’re talking to. </li></ul><ul><li>Philippians 2:3 </li></ul><ul><li>Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, </li></ul><ul><li>but in humility conside r others better than </li></ul><ul><li>yourselves. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  14. 15. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>1. Get a firm grip on who you’re talking to. </li></ul><ul><li>Philippians 2:3 </li></ul><ul><li>Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, </li></ul><ul><li>but in humility conside r others better than </li></ul><ul><li>yourselves. </li></ul><ul><li>See and treat your spouse as a VIP! – because </li></ul><ul><li>that’s what they are! </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  15. 16. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul>
  16. 17. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard </li></ul><ul><li>for decision-making. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  17. 18. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard </li></ul><ul><li>for decision-making. </li></ul><ul><li>Hosea 4:6 </li></ul><ul><li>… .my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  18. 19. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard </li></ul><ul><li>for decision-making. </li></ul><ul><li>Mark 12:24 </li></ul><ul><li>Jesus replied, &quot;Are you not in error because you do </li></ul><ul><li>not know the Scriptures or the power of God? </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  19. 20. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard </li></ul><ul><li>for decision-making. </li></ul><ul><li>Psalm 119:165 </li></ul><ul><li>Great peace have they who love your law, and </li></ul><ul><li>nothing can make them stumble . </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  20. 21. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard </li></ul><ul><li>for decision-making. </li></ul><ul><li>John 8:31-32 </li></ul><ul><li>Jesus said, &quot;If you hold to my teaching, you are really my </li></ul><ul><li>disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set </li></ul><ul><li>you free. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  21. 22. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard </li></ul><ul><li>for decision-making. </li></ul><ul><li>2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every </li></ul><ul><li>pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, </li></ul><ul><li>and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to </li></ul><ul><li>Christ. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  22. 23. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard </li></ul><ul><li>for decision-making. </li></ul><ul><li>“ Life is hard; it’s even harder if you’re stupid.” </li></ul><ul><li>John Wayne  </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  23. 24. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard </li></ul><ul><li>for decision-making. </li></ul><ul><li>People experience conflict primarily over </li></ul><ul><li>conflicting values and desires . </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  24. 25. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard </li></ul><ul><li>for decision-making. </li></ul><ul><li>We should decide once and for all that His Word </li></ul><ul><li>will be THE source of truth. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  25. 26. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make a commitment to honesty AND </li></ul><ul><li>openness . </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  26. 27. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make a commitment to honesty AND </li></ul><ul><li>openness . </li></ul><ul><li>Psalm 34:13 </li></ul><ul><li>keep your tongue from evil and your lips from </li></ul><ul><li>speaking lies. </li></ul>
  27. 28. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make a commitment to honesty AND </li></ul><ul><li>openness . </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 12:22 </li></ul><ul><li>The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men </li></ul><ul><li>who are truthful. </li></ul>
  28. 29. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make a commitment to honesty AND </li></ul><ul><li>openness . </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 15:4 </li></ul><ul><li>The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a </li></ul><ul><li>deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. </li></ul>
  29. 30. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make a commitment to honesty AND </li></ul><ul><li>openness . </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 26:28 </li></ul><ul><li>A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering </li></ul><ul><li>mouth works ruin. </li></ul>
  30. 31. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make a commitment to honesty AND </li></ul><ul><li>openness . </li></ul><ul><li>Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in </li></ul><ul><li>love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the </li></ul><ul><li>Head, that is, Christ. </li></ul>
  31. 32. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make a commitment to honesty AND </li></ul><ul><li>openness . </li></ul><ul><li>Ephesians 4:25 Therefore each of you must put </li></ul><ul><li>off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, </li></ul><ul><li>for we are all members of one body. </li></ul>
  32. 33. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make a commitment to honesty AND </li></ul><ul><li>openness . </li></ul><ul><li>1 Peter 3:10 For, &quot;Whoever would love life and </li></ul><ul><li>see good days must keep his tongue from evil and </li></ul><ul><li>his lips from deceitful speech. </li></ul>
  33. 34. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make a commitment to honesty AND </li></ul><ul><li>openness . </li></ul><ul><li>  Everyone should have a chance to be heard . </li></ul>
  34. 35. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make a decision to always treat one another </li></ul><ul><li>with respect . </li></ul>
  35. 36. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make a decision to always treat one another </li></ul><ul><li>with respect . </li></ul><ul><li>Ephesians 5:33 However, each one of you also </li></ul><ul><li>must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife </li></ul><ul><li>must respect her husband. </li></ul>
  36. 37. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make a decision to always treat one another </li></ul><ul><li>with respect . </li></ul><ul><li>1 Peter 3:7 </li></ul><ul><li>Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you </li></ul><ul><li>live with your wives, and treat them with respect… </li></ul>
  37. 38. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make a decision to always treat one another </li></ul><ul><li>with respect . </li></ul><ul><li>1 Peter 2:17 </li></ul><ul><li>Show proper respect to everyone… </li></ul>
  38. 39. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>There is no room for name-calling ! </li></ul>
  39. 40. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>There is no room for name-calling ! </li></ul><ul><li>We don’t raise our voices at one another . </li></ul>
  40. 41. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>There is no room for name-calling ! </li></ul><ul><li>We don’t raise our voices at one another . </li></ul><ul><li>We don’t talk over one another. </li></ul>
  41. 42. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Stick to the issue at hand. </li></ul><ul><li>Genesis 3:11-12 And he said, &quot;Who told you that you were </li></ul><ul><li>naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded </li></ul><ul><li>you not to eat from?&quot; The man said, &quot;The woman you </li></ul><ul><li>put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and </li></ul><ul><li>I ate it.&quot; </li></ul>
  42. 43. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>We effectively admit that we are wrong when we: </li></ul><ul><li>(1) blame our spouse for our own deficiencies </li></ul>
  43. 44. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>We effectively admit that we are wrong when we: </li></ul><ul><li>(1) blame our spouse for our own deficiencies </li></ul><ul><li>(2) twist the facts to justify our own behavior </li></ul>
  44. 45. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>We effectively admit that we are wrong when we: </li></ul><ul><li>(1) blame our spouse for our own deficiencies </li></ul><ul><li>(2) twist the facts to justify our own behavior </li></ul><ul><li>(3) derail the search for truth by going on rabbit trail </li></ul>
  45. 46. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>We effectively admit that we are wrong when we: </li></ul><ul><li>(1) blame our spouse for our own deficiencies </li></ul><ul><li>(2) twist the facts to justify our own behavior </li></ul><ul><li>(3) derail the search for truth by going on rabbit trail </li></ul><ul><li>(4) drag up ancient history to make our own bad </li></ul><ul><li>behavior not seem so bad </li></ul>
  46. 47. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Both should agree to proactively reach out to make peace. </li></ul>
  47. 48. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Both should agree to proactively reach out to make peace. </li></ul><ul><li>Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore, if you are offering your gift at </li></ul><ul><li>the altar and there remember that your brother has </li></ul><ul><li>something against you, leave your gift there in front of the </li></ul><ul><li>altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come </li></ul><ul><li>and offer your gift. </li></ul>
  48. 49. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Both should agree to proactively reach out to make peace. </li></ul><ul><li>Romans 12:18 </li></ul><ul><li>If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at </li></ul><ul><li>peace with everyone. </li></ul>
  49. 50. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Both should agree to proactively reach out to make peace. </li></ul><ul><li>Romans 14:19 </li></ul><ul><li>Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads </li></ul><ul><li>to peace and to mutual edification. </li></ul>
  50. 51. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Both should agree to proactively reach out to make peace. </li></ul><ul><li>Be mature enough to reach out to the other </li></ul><ul><li>person when they are emotionally hooked . </li></ul>
  51. 52. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make it our policy not to allow conflict to go unsettled . </li></ul><ul><li>Ephesians 4:26-27 &quot;In your anger do not sin&quot;: Do </li></ul><ul><li>not let the sun go down while you are still angry, </li></ul><ul><li>and do not give the devil a foothold. </li></ul>
  52. 53. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make it our policy not to allow conflict to go unsettled . </li></ul><ul><li>Because if we don’t, we give Satan a foothold in </li></ul><ul><li>our marriage . </li></ul>
  53. 54. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>2. Establish some ground rules for handling </li></ul><ul><li>conflict. (aka fighting fair) </li></ul><ul><li>■ We establish ground rules when all is well , not in the heat of battle. </li></ul>
  54. 55. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul>
  55. 56. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Learn to manage the expectations of others. </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 17:14 </li></ul><ul><li>Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop </li></ul><ul><li>the matter before a dispute breaks out. </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 20:3 It is to a man's honor to avoid </li></ul><ul><li>strife , but every fool is quick to quarrel. </li></ul>
  56. 57. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Learn to manage the expectations of others. </li></ul><ul><li>2 Timothy 2:23 </li></ul><ul><li>Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid </li></ul><ul><li>arguments, because you know they produce </li></ul><ul><li>quarrels. </li></ul>
  57. 58. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Learn to manage the expectations of others. </li></ul><ul><li>Two keys to managing expectations: </li></ul>
  58. 59. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Learn to manage the expectations of others. </li></ul><ul><li>Two keys to managing expectations: </li></ul><ul><li>(1) Anticipate </li></ul>
  59. 60. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Learn to manage the expectations of others. </li></ul><ul><li>Two keys to managing expectations: </li></ul><ul><li>(1) Anticipate </li></ul><ul><li>(2) Communicate </li></ul>
  60. 61. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Simplify your lifestyle . </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 10:22 The blessing of the LORD brings </li></ul><ul><li>wealth, and he adds no trouble to it. </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 17:1 </li></ul><ul><li>Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house </li></ul><ul><li>full of feasting, with strife. </li></ul>
  61. 62. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Simplify your lifestyle . </li></ul><ul><li>1 Timothy 6:6-9 </li></ul><ul><li>But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought </li></ul><ul><li>nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But </li></ul><ul><li>if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. </li></ul><ul><li>People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap </li></ul><ul><li>and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men </li></ul><ul><li>Into ruin and destruction. </li></ul>
  62. 63. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Simplify your lifestyle . </li></ul><ul><li>Much conflict comes from chasing things </li></ul><ul><li>we don’t need and can’t afford. </li></ul>
  63. 64. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make time to plan ahead. </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 21:5 </li></ul><ul><li>The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as </li></ul><ul><li>haste leads to poverty.   </li></ul>
  64. 65. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make time to plan ahead. </li></ul><ul><li>2 Corinthians 1:17 </li></ul><ul><li>When I planned this, did I do it lightly? Or do I make </li></ul><ul><li>my plans in a worldly manner so that in the same </li></ul><ul><li>breath I say, &quot;Yes, yes&quot; and &quot;No, no&quot;? </li></ul>
  65. 66. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make time to plan ahead. </li></ul><ul><li>Have a time to sit down and plan your schedule </li></ul><ul><li>for the upcoming week. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul>
  66. 67. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Make time to plan ahead. </li></ul><ul><li>Have a time to sit down and plan your schedule </li></ul><ul><li>for the upcoming week. </li></ul><ul><li>  </li></ul><ul><li>Work together on your schedule to increase </li></ul><ul><li>margin and reduce stress. </li></ul>
  67. 68. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Be careful who you hang out with. </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 22:24 </li></ul><ul><li>Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man , do </li></ul><ul><li>not associate with one easily angered… </li></ul>
  68. 69. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Be careful who you hang out with. </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 12:26 </li></ul><ul><li>A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the </li></ul><ul><li>way of the wicked leads them astray. </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 13:20 </li></ul><ul><li>He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a </li></ul><ul><li>companion of fools suffers harm. </li></ul>
  69. 70. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Be careful who you hang out with. </li></ul><ul><li>Our friends influence the way we treat </li></ul><ul><li>others….choose wisely. </li></ul>
  70. 71. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Enjoy making love regularly! </li></ul><ul><li>1 Corinthians 7:3-5 The husband should fulfill his marital </li></ul><ul><li>duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The </li></ul><ul><li>wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her </li></ul><ul><li>husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not </li></ul><ul><li>belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each </li></ul><ul><li>other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you </li></ul><ul><li>may devote yourselves to prayer. </li></ul>
  71. 72. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Stop the fight before it ever begins. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Enjoy making love regularly! </li></ul><ul><li>God invented sex for our enjoyment ….go for it! </li></ul>
  72. 73. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul>
  73. 74. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ “ My response is my responsibility .” </li></ul>
  74. 75. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ “ My response is my responsibility .” </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 29:11 </li></ul><ul><li>A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man </li></ul><ul><li>keeps himself under control . </li></ul>
  75. 76. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ “ My response is my responsibility .” </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 17:27 </li></ul><ul><li>A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and </li></ul><ul><li>a man of understanding is even-tempered. </li></ul>
  76. 77. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ “ My response is my responsibility .” </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 15:1 </li></ul><ul><li>A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word </li></ul><ul><li>stirs up anger. </li></ul>
  77. 78. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ “ My response is my responsibility .” </li></ul><ul><li>Galatians 5:22-23 </li></ul><ul><li>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, </li></ul><ul><li>patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, </li></ul><ul><li>gentleness and self-control. </li></ul>
  78. 79. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ “ My response is my responsibility .” </li></ul><ul><li>The course of a fight is not determined by the </li></ul><ul><li>initiator , but by the responder ! </li></ul>
  79. 80. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ “ Reach out and touch someone.” </li></ul>
  80. 81. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ Deal with the root issue behind the emotion. </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 20:5 </li></ul><ul><li>The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but </li></ul><ul><li>a man of understanding draws them out. </li></ul>
  81. 82. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ Deal with the root issue behind the emotion. </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 18:17 </li></ul><ul><li>The first to present his case seems right, till </li></ul><ul><li>another comes forward and questions him. </li></ul>
  82. 83. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>Luke 20:19-26 </li></ul><ul><li>… ..the spies questioned him: &quot;Teacher, we know that you </li></ul><ul><li>speak and teach what is right, and that you do not show </li></ul><ul><li>partiality but teach the way of God in accordance with the </li></ul><ul><li>truth. 22 Is it right for us to pay taxes to Caesar or not?&quot;   23 He </li></ul><ul><li>saw through their duplicity and said to them, 24 &quot;Show me a </li></ul><ul><li>denarius. Whose portrait and inscription are on it?” “Caesar’s </li></ul><ul><li>&quot; they replied. He said to them, &quot;Then give to Caesar what is </li></ul><ul><li>Caesar's, and to God what is God's.&quot; They were unable to </li></ul><ul><li>trap him in what he had said there in public. And astonished </li></ul><ul><li>by his answer, they became silent. </li></ul>
  83. 84. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ Deal with the root issue behind the emotion. </li></ul><ul><li>1 Corinthians 2:11 </li></ul><ul><li>For who among men knows the thoughts of a </li></ul><ul><li>man except the man's spirit within him? </li></ul>
  84. 85. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ Deal with the root issue behind the emotion. </li></ul><ul><li>If we don’t solve THE PROBLEM, we’ll be having </li></ul><ul><li>the same fight for the next 50 years!!! </li></ul>
  85. 86. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ If emotions run high, take a time out AND </li></ul><ul><li>agree to talk later that day. </li></ul><ul><li>Colossians 3:8 </li></ul><ul><li>But now you must rid yourselves of all such things </li></ul><ul><li>as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy </li></ul><ul><li>language from your lips. </li></ul>
  86. 87. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ If emotions run high, take a time out AND </li></ul><ul><li>agree to talk later that day. </li></ul><ul><li>Either spouse should call for a time out if things </li></ul><ul><li>get too heated. </li></ul>
  87. 88. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep </li></ul><ul><li>yourself under control !  </li></ul><ul><li>■ If emotions run high, take a time out AND </li></ul><ul><li>agree to talk later that day. </li></ul><ul><li>But be sure to get back together quickly to </li></ul><ul><li>address the real issues. </li></ul>
  88. 89. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul>
  89. 90. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Set a time to talk about the tough things. </li></ul>
  90. 91. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Ask God for help. </li></ul><ul><li>Psalms 127:1 </li></ul><ul><li>Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor </li></ul><ul><li>in vain. </li></ul>
  91. 92. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Ask God for help. </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 16:7 </li></ul><ul><li>When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, he </li></ul><ul><li>makes even his enemies live at peace with him. </li></ul>
  92. 93. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Ask God for help. </li></ul><ul><li>James 1:5 </li></ul><ul><li>If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who </li></ul><ul><li>gives generously to all without finding fault, and it </li></ul><ul><li>will be given to him. </li></ul>
  93. 94. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Ask God for help. </li></ul><ul><li>We are only kidding ourselves if we think we can </li></ul><ul><li>have a joyful marriage apart from a relationship </li></ul><ul><li>with Christ . </li></ul>
  94. 95. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Examine your own heart first. </li></ul><ul><li>Psalm 26:2 </li></ul><ul><li>Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart </li></ul><ul><li>and my mind; </li></ul>
  95. 96. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Examine your own heart first. </li></ul><ul><li>Lamentations 3:40 </li></ul><ul><li>Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us </li></ul><ul><li>return to the LORD. </li></ul>
  96. 97. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Examine your own heart first. </li></ul><ul><li>Matthew 7:3-4 </li></ul><ul><li>&quot;Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your </li></ul><ul><li>brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in </li></ul><ul><li>your own eye? How can you say to your brother, </li></ul><ul><li>'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the </li></ul><ul><li>time there is a plank in your own eye? </li></ul>
  97. 98. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Examine your own heart first. </li></ul><ul><li>1 Peter 5:5 </li></ul><ul><li>All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward </li></ul><ul><li>one another, because, &quot;God opposes the proud but </li></ul><ul><li>gives grace to the humble.&quot; </li></ul>
  98. 99. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Examine your own heart first. </li></ul><ul><li>We need to acknowledge that we just might be </li></ul><ul><li>wrong . </li></ul>
  99. 100. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Examine your own heart first. </li></ul><ul><li>We need to be self-aware and recognize when </li></ul><ul><li>we are emotionally hooked . </li></ul>
  100. 101. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Emphasize relationship over “ rights .” </li></ul><ul><li>2 Corinthians 5:18 </li></ul><ul><li>All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself </li></ul><ul><li>through Christ and gave us the ministry of </li></ul><ul><li>reconciliation… </li></ul>
  101. 102. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Emphasize relationship over “ rights .” </li></ul><ul><li>Your relationship with your spouse is more </li></ul><ul><li>important than being right . </li></ul>
  102. 103. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Focus on the Problem not the Person. </li></ul><ul><li>Ephesians 4:29 </li></ul><ul><li>Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your </li></ul><ul><li>mouths, but only what is helpful for building others </li></ul><ul><li>up according to their needs, that it may benefit </li></ul><ul><li>those who listen. </li></ul>
  103. 104. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Focus on the Problem not the Person. </li></ul><ul><li>Colossians 3:8 </li></ul><ul><li>But now you must rid yourselves of all such things </li></ul><ul><li>as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy </li></ul><ul><li>language from your lips. </li></ul>
  104. 105. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Focus on the Problem not the Person. </li></ul><ul><li>1 Peter 3:7 </li></ul><ul><li>Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you </li></ul><ul><li>live with your wives, and treat them with respect… </li></ul>
  105. 106. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Focus on the Problem not the Person. </li></ul><ul><li>Do define the core issue and attack it – not your </li></ul><ul><li>spouse. </li></ul>
  106. 107. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Develop a process for decision-making . </li></ul>
  107. 108. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Take turns asking questions and expressing </li></ul><ul><li>your thoughts until you reach an Agreement . </li></ul>
  108. 109. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Take turns asking questions and expressing </li></ul><ul><li>your thoughts until you reach an Agreement . </li></ul><ul><li>Romans 12:16 </li></ul><ul><li>Live in harmony with one another. </li></ul>
  109. 110. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Take turns asking questions and expressing </li></ul><ul><li>your thoughts until you reach an Agreement . </li></ul><ul><li>1 Corinthians 1:10 I appeal to you, brothers, in the name </li></ul><ul><li>of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one </li></ul><ul><li>Another so that there may be no divisions among you and </li></ul><ul><li>that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. </li></ul>
  110. 111. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Take turns asking questions and expressing </li></ul><ul><li>your thoughts until you reach an Agreement . </li></ul><ul><li>1 Thessalonians 5:13 </li></ul><ul><li>Live in peace with each other. </li></ul>
  111. 112. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Take turns asking questions and expressing </li></ul><ul><li>your thoughts until you reach an Agreement . </li></ul><ul><li>1 Peter 3:8 </li></ul><ul><li>Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; </li></ul><ul><li>be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate </li></ul><ul><li>and humble. </li></ul>
  112. 113. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to </li></ul><ul><li>resolve conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Take turns asking questions and expressing </li></ul><ul><li>your thoughts until you reach an Agreement . </li></ul><ul><li>State specifically what you have agreed to. </li></ul>
  113. 114. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul>
  114. 115. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Remember the “Law of Holes .” </li></ul><ul><li>Psalm 7:15 </li></ul><ul><li>He who digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the </li></ul><ul><li>pit he has made. </li></ul>
  115. 116. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Remember the “Law of Holes .” </li></ul><ul><li>Psalm 7:15 </li></ul><ul><li>He who digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the </li></ul><ul><li>pit he has made. </li></ul><ul><li>When you realize you are digging a hole for </li></ul><ul><li>yourself, stop digging ! </li></ul>
  116. 117. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness . </li></ul><ul><li>Ephesians 4:32 </li></ul><ul><li>Be kind and compassionate to one another, </li></ul><ul><li>forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave </li></ul><ul><li>You. </li></ul>
  117. 118. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness . </li></ul><ul><li>Colossians 3:13 </li></ul><ul><li>Bear with each other and forgive whatever </li></ul><ul><li>grievances you may have against one another. </li></ul><ul><li>Forgive as the Lord forgave you. </li></ul>
  118. 119. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness . </li></ul><ul><li>Hebrews 8:12 </li></ul><ul><li>For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember </li></ul><ul><li>their sins no more .&quot; </li></ul>
  119. 120. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness . </li></ul><ul><li>Learn to say these simple but powerful phrases: </li></ul>
  120. 121. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness . </li></ul><ul><li>Learn to say these simple but powerful phrases: </li></ul><ul><li>“ I was wrong.” </li></ul>
  121. 122. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness . </li></ul><ul><li>Learn to say these simple but powerful phrases: </li></ul><ul><li>“ I was wrong.” </li></ul><ul><li>“ I’m sorry.” </li></ul>
  122. 123. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness . </li></ul><ul><li>Learn to say these simple but powerful phrases: </li></ul><ul><li>“ I was wrong.” </li></ul><ul><li>“ I’m sorry.” </li></ul><ul><li>“ Will you forgive me?” </li></ul>
  123. 124. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness . </li></ul><ul><li>Learn to say these simple but powerful phrases: </li></ul><ul><li>“ I was wrong.” </li></ul><ul><li>“ I’m sorry.” </li></ul><ul><li>“ Will you forgive me?” </li></ul><ul><li>If you add ”But” or “If” – you negate the apology!! </li></ul>
  124. 125. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Don’t hold grudges after the fight is over. </li></ul><ul><li>Romans 12:17-19 </li></ul><ul><li>Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do </li></ul><ul><li>what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is </li></ul><ul><li>possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace </li></ul><ul><li>with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but </li></ul><ul><li>leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: &quot;It is </li></ul><ul><li>mine to avenge; I will repay,&quot; says the Lord. </li></ul>
  125. 126. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Don’t hold grudges after the fight is over. </li></ul><ul><li>1 Corinthians 13:5 </li></ul><ul><li>It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily </li></ul><ul><li>angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. </li></ul>
  126. 127. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ Don’t hold grudges after the fight is over. </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t keep a mental list of past wrongs to beat </li></ul><ul><li>your spouse with. </li></ul>
  127. 128. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ But what if a spouse violates our established Ground Rules? </li></ul>
  128. 129. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ But what if a spouse violates our established Ground Rules? </li></ul><ul><li>(1) First let them vent without saying anything . </li></ul>
  129. 130. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ But what if a spouse violates our established Ground Rules? </li></ul><ul><li>(1) First let them vent without saying anything . </li></ul><ul><li>(2) Then confront them gently . </li></ul>
  130. 131. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ But what if a spouse violates our established Ground Rules? </li></ul><ul><li>(1) First let them vent without saying anything . </li></ul><ul><li>(2) Then confront them gently . </li></ul><ul><li>The spouse will Back-Peddle (if mature) OR </li></ul><ul><li>they will Back-Fire . </li></ul>
  131. 132. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ If you can’t resolve an issue on your own, seek counsel from another! </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 12:15 </li></ul><ul><li>The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise </li></ul><ul><li>man listens to advice. </li></ul>
  132. 133. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ If you can’t resolve an issue on your own, seek counsel from another! </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 13:10 </li></ul><ul><li>Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in </li></ul><ul><li>those who take advice. </li></ul>
  133. 134. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ If you can’t resolve an issue on your own, seek counsel from another! </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 19:20 </li></ul><ul><li>Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the </li></ul><ul><li>end you will be wise. </li></ul>
  134. 135. VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage <ul><li>Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage </li></ul><ul><li>6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn…. </li></ul><ul><li>■ If you can’t resolve an issue on your own, seek counsel from another! </li></ul><ul><li>Proverbs 19:20 </li></ul><ul><li>Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the </li></ul><ul><li>end you will be wise. </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t settle for a “ M&M ” marriage! </li></ul>

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