1. HOW TO PARTY WITH
CLIENTS…AND KEEP
YOUR JOB
SEAL THE DEAL WHILE THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND
BROUGHT TO YOU BY

2. INTRODUCTION
• Three martini lunches are a thing
of the past. To seal the deal
nowadays, you need to wine,
dine and dazzle the clients in a
whole new way (with a whole
new set of substances)
• Clients want to bond with you over beer, toast success with bubbly
and just get f*cking pissed whenever
• This guide will give you everything you need to know for sealing the
deal with your client while partying your ass off

3. HOW TO DRINK LIKE A PRO
• Think you already drink like a pro?
Think again. Nailing a beer pong cup
means nothing in the business world
• Employees whose blood alcohol level is
higher than 1.008% have a better
chance at a raise than sober suckers
• From a survey of 100 random office
workers, 71% of employed
professionals attribute landing a deal
while heavily under influence of alcohol
• 81% of business meetings now involve
booze. Your liver must be a MACHINE
64% of CEOs drink
top-shelf scotch
11% of CEOs change
their drink according to
season
88% of CEOs avoid
beer unless at a
corporate BBQ or sports
event
27% of Forbes Richest
people agree martinis
are making a comeback.
Very dirty and stirred.
DRINK LIKE A BOSS

4. BUSINESS DINNER
ETIQUETTE 101
• Business dinners are a test of
character. 80% of communication is
expressed by body language, so sit
pretty
• Napkins go on your lap. You’re a
boss, not a savage
• 58% of top-level execs guess which
fork is the salad fork. 17% are
successful
• Texting at the table is a no-no. If you
need text your DTF hook-up, do it
under the table
79%
12% 8%
1%
Phone Use at the Table
• Flagrantly text and make calls
• Surreptitiously text from their lap
• Excuse themselves and text from
the bathroom
• Are able to completely switch off

5. OWNING YOUR CORPORATE
EVENT FROM DUSK TILL DAWN
• Never be the first to arrive. Early
birds are not party legends
• Prepare a signature phrase you
will repeat throughout the night.
Instead of “nice to meet you,”
wow your clients and co-workers
with a greeting like “time to get
TURNT!”
• Don’t ever let the party end
before 5AM. Strippers on speed
dial is an excellent after-party
suggestion
42% of execs prefer an
8-ball of coke
18% suggest E is the
key to keeping the party
going
26% believe weed will
cure any hangover if
smoked the night before
14% swear by an
energy drink and double
vodka to keep the
energy flowing
BEST CHEMICALS TO KEEP
THE NIGHT GOING

6. BLACKOUTS AND BULLSHITTING
According to survey findings:
• 22% of junior employees report
getting raises from heavily
inebriated CEO
• 46% of all employees use black
mail to get what they want from a
client who’s shared personal
information after 3+ drinks
• 9% of managers sign
over the lease to their
car and/or house after
4+ hours of drinking
Top Tips
 The elusive blackout zone
is where you are most
successful at bullshitting
clients and coercing CEOs
 Pepper conversations with
jargon - KPIs, ROIs, SMART
goals, BJs - to give the
illusion of intelligence
 Photographic evidence of
the night’s events ensures
longevity and success in
any industry

7. SUMMARY
Forget the weights; train your liver instead
Dotted lines should be signed after
you’ve found the bottom of a bottle (or two)
Pot: making strangers clients and clients
friends since 1619
Cheers.

8. You’re Welcome.