Far away from Eden presents: A Tribute to Mary Sue
- Because she deserves one ;) -
Alternative Title: 'Do evil Overlords dream of electric sheep?'
Mary Sue (plural Mary Sues):
A fictional character (especially in fanfic), usually female, whose implausible talents
and likeableness weaken the story.
Etymology: Name of an intentionally over-the-top character in Paula Smith's A
Trekkie's Tale (1973).
"...Are we... we still get reports...more neighborhoods have been destroyed by the evil
forces... people speak of massacres, geno... *snif*... I'm sorry, I... my husband, I just...Mom,
Dad, if you can hear me, I just wanted to say, that I love you all so.... well, except the time,
when you didn't allow me to marry... or that I couldn't join dance school... or when you
didn't buy me the bicycle... oh, screw that... MOM, DAD, I HATE YOU! YOU RUINED MY LIFE,
...pfft, boooo-rinnnng... that's no fun anymore... everyone dies, and it wasn't
me...directly... *sigh*, wish, I could kill someone... this whole world-conquering
thing sounded a lot more interesting, when I planned it... *yawn*
Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year
mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations...
...to boldly go where no man has gone before.
...*Zzzz*...wh.. whuzzap..?...*pff*...stupid...*chrrr*... boldly my as*Zzzzz*...
~ Bridge of the USS Enterprise, Star Date 1-9-7-3 to 4 ~
The USS Enterprise NCC 1701 was made by JasonDuskey at mts2.com
"Gee, golly, gosh, gloriosky," thought Mary Sue as she stepped on the bridge of the
"Here I am, the youngest lieutenant in the fleet - only fifteen and a half years old."
...*Snore*...fifff..teennn...?... *Chrr*... bullshii*Zzzzzz*...iss tramp is never... pffiffft
Captain Kirk came up to her.
"Oh, Lieutenant, I love you madly. Will you come to bed with me?"
"Captain! I am not that kind of girl!"
"You're right, and I respect you for it. Here, take over the ship for a minute while I go
get some coffee for us."
Mr. Spock came onto the bridge. "What are you doing in the command seat,
"The Captain told me to."
"Flawlessly logical. I admire your mind."
....*pfff*...flagge...*Chrr*...lanty...?.... I'll givvv uuuu flaggel.... *Chrr*....
Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy and Mr. Scott beamed down with Lt. Mary Sue to
They were attacked by green androids and thrown into prison.
... *Chrrrr*... anroids? Thisn't anroys, thsssszzz*... 'nd not green.... *snore*
In a moment of weakness Lt. Mary Sue revealed to Mr. Spock that she too was half
Recovering quickly, she sprung the lock with her hairpin and they all got away back to
... *Chhhr*... d'mnn...hyyyou, anroid... do smthing... kill herrr ... *Chrrrr*...
But back on board, Dr. McCoy and Lt. Mary Sue found out that the men who had
beamed down were seriously stricken by the jumping cold robbies, Mary Sue less so.
While the four officers languished in Sick Bay, Lt. Mary Sue ran the ship, ...
...and ran it so well she received the Nobel Peace Prize, the Vulcan Order of Gallantry
and the Tralfamadorian Order of Good Guyhood.
*Zzzz*... Nnnnnnnnnoo... nnnn't.... hate yyyyooo, d...amn do-gooderrrr...*Chrrr*
However the disease finally got to her and she fell fatally ill.
.... *Snore*.... f'nally.... *Zzzz*...
In the Sick Bay as she breathed her last, she was surrounded by Captain Kirk, Mr.
Spock, Dr. McCoy, and Mr. Scott, all weeping unashamedly at the loss of her beautiful
youth and youthful beauty, intelligence, capability and all around niceness.
Even to this day her birthday is a national holiday of the Enterprise.
" HOLD IT! I'm not dead, for I have mastered the Vulcan technique of preserving my
'katra ', my living spirit, and stored it within the minds of the four of you. Now,
through your shared feelings and devotion towards me, I was able to regain my
strength and reunite with my body, like Spock did in Star Trek III - haha, Paula Smith,
you didn't thought of that, right?!"
... *Chh...c...Cough*... wHH...UT..?..
"Horray, Mary Sue is alive again!!"
" Oh Doctor, I'm so happy" *snif*
" Spock, dear old friend!" *hugs* " I love you Vulcans!"
" Come on, brave people of the Enterprise, lets set course for new aventures, to bring love
and peace, to spread happiness..."
"...to boldly go where no Mary Sue has gone be..."
Meanwhile, the Outside's House:
"..hehehe...yeah, knew she'd hate that... that's for giving me these creepy nightmares! As the Klingons say: 'Revenge is a dish best
served cold.'... and now, for the final touch... Computer, initialize Self-destruct sequence, authorisation Nemo - Alpha - Johann -
Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von-
knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser-
kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nuernburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut-
gumberaber- shoenedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm!"
...*Brzzzl*... initialize... *Brrzl*...
- See episode 9.3. for the nightmare reference
- See Monty python, season 1, epsiode 6 for the password ;)
"AaAand... that's all, folks... okay... Ciel? Kids? Ready to move out?"
" Why do we have to go, Dad?"
" Because Daddy just settled a Score... and I'm pretty sure, that she is not happy about it...
but don't worry, I've already found us a nice new home, where she will never find us...
to be continued...
Far away from Eden
'A Tribute to Mary Sue'
Also: Those Star Trek Guys...