What we really know about other people is their behavior, their words, and their body language. But we assume a great deal more about what's going on in their heads. We behave as though our assumptions are both Valid and True. This frequently leads not only to misunderstandings but also to friction, frustration, and falling out. However, our assumptions could be INvalid and UNtrue! “Doc” List leads you through the basics of an approach called IAAM ("It's All About Me!"), and the implications that IAAM has for you in your everyday professional and personal life. Combining an entertaining and stimulating presentation with role play and participant interaction—and laughter and conversation- discover assumptions you have been making, share insights with others, and develop a new mindset. Discover a new understanding, a new way of seeing and hearing, and change the way YOU behave!

1.
nt Session
Presented by:
Steven “Doc” List
Brought to you by:
340 Corporate Way, Suite Orange Park, FL 32073
888‐2
W4
Concurre
4/9/2014
10:30 AM
“It’s All About Me (IAAM) – Or Maybe it Isn’t”
Santeon Group
300,
68‐8770 ∙ 904‐278‐0524 ∙ sqeinfo@sqe.com ∙ www.sqe.com

2. Steven “Doc” List
Santeon Group
Steven “Doc” List has spent much of his thirty-five years in the software
development community in leadership and coaching roles. Doc’s education in clinical
and industrial/organizational psychology has contributed to his understanding of
language and interaction between people. Recent roles as an agile coach and trainer
have brought the importance of language and interaction into finer focus, as has his
writing in his blog at stevenlist.com. Doc's experience as a leader, trainer, coach,
presenter, facilitator, and professional speaker blends into an unusual appreciation
for and mastery of the subtlety of spoken and written language.

3. It’s All About Me
(IAAM)
Or Maybe It Isn’t

4. Let’s begin…
• Get a partner - someone you don’t work with, who
doesn’t even work for the same company/
organization
• Each of you take one minute to tell the other about a
situation where someone you work with hurt your
feelings, offended you, disrespected you, made you
angry, sad, frustrated, or some other negative thing
• Write an outline of your partner’s situation on an
index card. Save it for later.

5. Intro
• Doc List, VP of Santeon Learning
• Focused on how people learn, Agile, teams,
collaboration, and all that good stuff
• Doc@Santeon.com
• Twitter: @athought

6. Who are you?
You have 5 minutes. Walk
around the room and
introduce yourself to as
many people as possible.
Your name, your title,
where you work, and a
very quick summary of
your partner’s story

7. Sharing - Pop-ups
In the next thirty seconds, please pop up and tell
us in no more than three words what the feeling
was that you described in your sharing at the
beginning (angry, hurt, homicidal, sad,…)
Let’s go for 15 (that’s only one every two seconds)

8. Whose
feeling was
it?

9. -Thich Nhat Hanh
“Our thoughts and actions should express our
mind of compassion, even if the other person
says and does things that are not easy to
accept. We must practice this way until we see
clearly that our love is not contingent upon the
other person being lovable.”

10. What do you KNOW?

11. What do you ASSUME?

12. It’s all in your head

13. No, really…
it’s all in your head

15. “Why would a rational,
reasonable, decent human
being do that?”
The Humanizing Question
from Crucial Conversations

16. S T A T E
The Technique
from Crucial Conversations

18. Get back with your original partner.
You’ll have one minute each.
Tell each other the FACTS about what happened.
Not what you thought. Not what you felt. Not what
you interpreted. The FACTS.
S

19. You’ll have one minute each (yes, again)
Tell your partner how you felt. Not how the other
person “made” you feel.
T

20. Whose
feeling was
it?

21. Let’s change directions for a
few minutes. I have a
premise…

22. You were born selfish…

23. Write on an index card your definition of selfish.
You have one minute.

24. Hand your index card to someone else to read,
and someone will hand theirs to you to read.
Read it. ;)

25. Repeat until I tell you to stop.

26. …and you learned…

27. What are some socially
acceptable ways of dealing
with your feelings?

28. Who is in
charge of
your feelings?

29. Whose
feeling was
it?

30. It’s still me
Doc List, VP of Santeon Learning
Doc@Santeon.com
Twitter: @athought