How to Manage Your Enemies

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A speech given to a convention of health care professionals in Sydney, Australia.

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  • Paradox: health care professions are trained to take action based upon a thorough diagnosis. Diagnostic models can be highly sophisticated. Equipment to conduct diagnosis can be very expensive. But this is in the world of medicine and science. In the world of relationships and power, professionals may use highly simplistic diagnostic models or not use any models at all. The result is stress in the workplace; lost productivity; and poor morale. Does this sound familiar to any of you? Our mission today is to discuss a model of relationship management diagnosis we have developed in health care systems and in scientific research systems that we have found valuable with our clients. It also was published in the MIT SLOAN MANAGEMENT REVIEW. WE HAVE COPIES and can email you electronic versions if you are interested.
  • James+peter sorger Sheila=minde kornfeld
  • We will look at two broad relationship diagnostic categories: conditional vs unconditional and within each category, is the relationships positive or negative. Harry Harlow; north stars; Sheila;
  • Majority of work relationships are conditional relationships.
  • Enemies from adversaries: is there a time when this other person was a champion for something you wanted to accomplish? If yes, consider adversary and not enemy. Is this person transforming you into a symbol instead of a real person or are you transforming the person into a symbol instead of a real person. E.g. Jane is a wonderful human being but she is so typical of the way nursing was done in the 1970’s. Trying to turn enemies into friends is a waste of time. Can anyone relate to that?? Failure to see secondary gain in holding on to enemies: true north star and consistency. I am important to someone even if in a negative way. Can anyone relate to this?
  • Big mistake: friends can and often are taken for granted. I have not spoken with tom Kavaler for years but I know if I needed help he would be there for me. I like him not necessarily for what he says. I like him despite what he says. Does anyone have a relationship like that? On the other hand, if allies and friends are not the same, we need to spend more time cultivating allies. One way of dong this is to put time in your electronic calendar to call up an ally just to keep the relationship warm: he only talks with me when he needs something from me is not how you want to be perceived by allies. How many of you can relate to managing enemies so that they indeed become enemies?
  • How to Manage Your Enemies

    1. 1. HOW TO MANAGE YOUR ENEMIES Maryanne Peabody, RN, MBA Laurence J. Stybel,Ed.D. STYBEL PEABODY
    2. 2. “ THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM IS TO CALL THINGS BY THEIR RIGHT NAMES.” --attributed to Confucius
    3. 3. TWO CASES <ul><li>JAMES </li></ul><ul><li>SHEILA </li></ul>
    4. 4. UNCONDITIONAL RELATIONSHIPS <ul><li>FRIENDS </li></ul><ul><li>ENEMIES </li></ul>
    5. 5. CONDITIONAL RELATIONSHIPS <ul><li>ADVERSARIES </li></ul><ul><li>ALLIES </li></ul><ul><li>PALS </li></ul>
    6. 6. RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT ISSUES <ul><li>Differentiating Enemies From Adversaries. </li></ul><ul><li>Transforming Others Into Symbols or Allowing Others to Turn You Into Symbols. </li></ul><ul><li>Trying to Turn Enemies Into Friends. </li></ul><ul><li>Failure to See the Secondary Gain in Holding on to Enemies. </li></ul>
    7. 7. RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT ISSUES <ul><li>Not Spending Enough Time Cultivating and Maintaining Allies: allies are not friends. </li></ul><ul><li>Managing Adversaries so that they become Enemies. </li></ul>
    8. 8. THANK YOU STYBEL PEABODY

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