Andy Murray’s exit from Wimbledon (2010)Radio broadcaster: British tennis fans were left high and dry when Andy Murraybowed out of Wimbledon in the semi-finals. But what does the general publicthink? Is tennis still an elitist sport or has it mass appeal?Interviewer: What was your reaction to Murray’s exit from centre stage?Working-class man: To be honest, I never found his pub landlord act veryfunny.Interviewer: Erm, I’m talking about Murray, the sportsman.Working-class man: Ah, Murray Walker. Motor racing will never bethe same.Interviewer: What was your reaction to tennis player Andy Murray’s exit fromWimbledon?Chav girl: You mean, Tim Henman, innit? He is gorgeous, he can come and mixmy doubles anytime.Interviewer: What was your reaction to Murray’s exit from Wimbledon?Old woman: Eh? Did you say Murrays? Have a mint, love.
PRESENTER: Americans are still bashing bibles after the photo showingpresidentObama ogling a Brazilian delegate’s lady lumps at the G8 Summitmade headlines worldwide last week. In this photo, Obama stands next toFrench president Sarkozy, who was described as a sex dwarf in Prospectmagazine. Eager to establish a French connection, Bill Oddie contacted MrSarkozy on a natural phenomenon unearthed this week by scientists.ODDIE: Monsieur le President, what do you think of the discovery that frogssynchronise their mating by the full moon? Do you believe it could be aworldwide phenomenon?SARKOZY: I’m sure French frogs are more, how do you say it, entreprenant. Ihave approved measures to encourage their, how do you say it, accouplements.ODDIE: In these tough times, this shows admirable green credentials, Monsieurle President.SARKOZY: Mais oui, we must reduce air miles for, how do you sayit, l’alimentation.The French prefer to eat homegrown frogsbut, malheureusement we have to ship them from as far as Indonesia to meetdemand.ODDIE MAKES CHOCKING SOUND]
GARY LINEKER: So Fabioloso, why did youchoose Austria as a potential training base forthe 2010World Cup?FABIO CAPELLO:Technically we haven’t qualified yet, Crispy.LINEKER:But it’s starting to look like it.CAPELLO:And we though you were going to adopt theEuro, so let’s not count the potatoes beforethey are crisped.LINEKER:Yes, but why Austria?CAPELLO:We were looking for a place to get high.LINEKER:Wouldn’tAmsterdam be more appropriate?CAPELLO:Not high enough. Plus we have the pitchesstandard and floozies [coughs] hospitality inmind. My good friend Silvio has a chalet inFucshtein and he’s arranging the apres-ski.LINEKER:Sounds good.CAPELLO:And we have a crack teamalready arranged.LINEKER:Quite. Pundits have suggestedthat some players are too old.CAPELLO:Like who?LINEKER:MichaelOwen?CAPELLO:Experience should never beunderestimated. If I can getthem high and let them playaround, who knows what theycan do...LINEKER:Can I come?
Broadcaster: Last week we incorrectlyreported that Minister Yvette Cooper wasconsidering China’s hardline approach tocutting unemployment in the UK. Well, atleast not on the mainland.We also incorrectly reported that therewas a Bubbles link to Chester Zoochimps’ great escape. The chimps neverintended to attend Michael Jackson’sfuneral but had tickets for an ArticMonkey’s gig in Greenland.Last but not least, it seems that MichaelJackson has not left the building. Jackson,a shadow of his former self, made a liveTV appearance in his own home duringCNNs Inside Neverland. Local fans arefine-tuning their radios in the hope of animpromptu white noise performance.
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