Why can't I be happy


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http://ShaneFarmer Ministry.com Are you wondering how to become happy in life? Do you think money and happiness go hand in hand or is it something else? Psychologist, Csikszentmihalyi studied the concept of -flow and they key to happiness. You might be surprised about what he found.

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  • Cheers - this is great! I need to use a slideshow for teaching English to Cambodian Uni students tonight and the topic is 'Does Money Create Happiness'. Your slideshow covers a lot of the vocabulary and sub-topics. I hope you're okay with me using it. (lesson planning takes a lot of time and this would help a lot). When I've got time I'll donate some slideshows to this site.
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Why can't I be happy

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  143. 143. Like they didnt even really know how So now let me tell you about flow according to they were Christ. really feeling... if they were hungry, if Christ came, he said, "I did not, to be served, they were but to serve." tired. is cause I was so overchallenging myself. It was And He Poured his life out for many. such a struggle to overcome and to overcome mentally and overcome physically It was like the entire bandwidthh of their And he said that those who would be his human followers... and all the rest the all the rest of the other one capacity time out of ten was climbing That the defining characteristic of their lives is that they would also be known as servants. something so easy... it was.. well you know... itso focused on something outside of was was what it was... a walk in the park themselves, they were actually forgetting As people who put themselves last and they live But this one day was different. I started working about to pour themselves out into others. And in fact, themselves in that moment he went on to say my way up this climb. that then and only then is the time when you And I noticed that unlike the normal attempt at was that moment that they would And it would be experiencing life to its fullest measure. climbing, I found myself just kind of almost describe moving effortlessly. One of the things I get to see in church is people as the happiest, most ecstatic moment of rise up and decide to kind of throw away the me- their Placing the gear, clipping the rope, and making centric approach to living. my way up. And I dont know how else to lives. describe this, And instead to roll up their sleeved and search to A moment of living completely beyond At some point, it felt like all of time had stood still.Everyone wants to be happy. But research has been showing that we have been very wrong about how to find happiness. Picture yourself as a container. We tend to think that if the container of self gets a little low on happiness, then, discover their unique giftingproblem is we think we gotta fill it up with stuff outside of ourselves and so we try to throw some money into the container of self… and then we try to throw a bigger house, a faster of course youve got to fill it up. The and wiring and thencar, some new experiences... heck, maybe some Like I could have been doing this for hours, it just themselves begin to serve. To pour out and build into othersnew friends. felt like a single moment in the church. If you think about this is just like normal In fact, I forgot about everything that was happening in beforeAnd this works, right? Well, kind of... I mean if In fact, I just got an e-mail from a good friend ofyou stepped into your car this morning and the world except this one single activity. life I was mine. You know God is uniquely gifted every single oneinhaled some new car scent completely focused, and it was an incredible experience of you with a special ability to make an impact I mean, we would all say that our He was e-mailing me because four years ago, he and a difference in the lives of your fellow believers.I bet that would have felt at least a little bit like later I found out that that is called flow. And happiest accepted the challenge to be a house group Do you know that?happiness. according CSIKSZENTIMIHALYI, extreme adventure leader in our high school ministry. And when youre not using that gift sports are moments in life are moments were to an appropriate challenge level, you kind of getOr if you were boarding a cruise ship today... focusing And although it took him rearranging his life, and disengaged from your faith.Most of you would say yea yea... I am confident one of the primary placeswhere its easy outside of ourselves. to You get a little apathetic about it all.that that would increase my levels of happiness starting to give so many hours pouring into these You get a observe flow. students. little bored with the whole thing. You see, a climber doesnt reallyYou see it does work. The problem is it just When were hanging out with people Cause that is where people are pushing their Four years later he was e-mailing me to thank experience flow when they sit down and compose music. Insteaddoesnt work for very long. You see were like astrainer. mind, and their body to the limits of human we that me. they experience frustration. capacity. love, or when were playing And a composer, on the other hand, they dont experience flow when they try toAs soon as stuff goes in it goes right back out. Because he was reflecting on the last four years climb. But thats not the only place he found flow. and how God had used his contribution in orderIts like day four of the cruise and Im like, "I hate a sport or engaged in an activity or to pour into students Theyre going to experience frustration as well. What are you experiencing? Is itboats, I just want to go home." discovering or In fact, he found floating in some composers. But flow? Or is it frustration? learning. Those are happy experiences. not just any composers. Highly trained, highly and they were reaching four times as many You see frustration comes from whenYou see this "pouring stuff from outside of skilled composers, would tell him about moments students we are either over-challenged or wereourselves into us" approach to finding happiness under-challengedjust doesnt really work. Conversely the times that dont rank in their life where they sat down to create in the high school that he was overseeing as the or we are serving completely outside the gifting something new is almost like their handshighly on were ministry was four years ago. that God has given to us. But flow comesHeres a great way to test your view onhappiness. Answer this question just moving effortlessly peoples happiness list, is times when whenever the right challenge level meets the across the keyboard. They experienced almost theyre and he could not have been more grateful to right skill level.If you won the lottery... would it make you focused on themselves. have been used by God. I love hearing stories And then, and only then, we can seehappier? an out of body experience as they watched like that. God moving though us in an incredible way, themselves have an amazing impact on theI know what youre thinking Youre thinking, "Uh, Looking in the mirror. Soul searching. I think about the first time that I decided to serve people around us and have the highest levelsthe right answer is to say, no I think," cause you creating something new... One of the best at church. I showed up and I just found a way to fullfillment you ever experienced before.know you cant buy happiness, experiences they ever had in their lives. serve and it was great Navel gazing. Listening to their own And what would it look like for you? To find an opportunity to serve in thebut deep down, youre thinking, "Uh, YES! Well, of heartbeat. He also found this in ice skaters who would I wasnt focused on myself. church, pour yourself out how things are otherscourse! Millions of dollars flying into my life? reflect on certain moments else about listening aarent the happiest moments of Those out of a place that God has uniquelyWho wouldnt be happy with that? skier who defy concern moments life. It was an incredible experience. And so I went enabled and wired you to be able to do.But instead, research of those who actually won back a second time and a third time and beware You know, according to the when they were gliding across the ice, having an youre going to discover this whole serving thing scriptures, not only would your life have the greatestthe lottery shows that their happiness curve almost translike, utopic experience... Computer analysis was done on suicidal level of impact,looks just like that, flat poets Its addictive. It feels so liberating by serving out of your unique gifting. so much happiness, so much peace... in this one and was found to be distinctive writings but also experience the highest level of fulfillment particular moment. And he would find this in To be focused on something outside of you, And that you ever experienced. CEOs and snowboarders in everything in aboutIn fact, I cant find a single piece of research that I dont know about you,shows any correlation between increased wealth as great as that felt for me, its still wasnt flow.and increased happiness. their but I imagine how amazing it would be if between that when someone was highly gifted In fact, I didnt encounter the flow though serving all of us began to live that way.Let me introduce you to one psychologist. His and highly skilled in some particular area, works that they have a significant serving until someone came along and said, So I say that as a peoplename is CSIKSZENTIMIHALYI. The toughest increased "Hey, heres a ministry ministry. You lead it." we become those who completelyname to spell. I dare you to try it. and they were able to engage in that activity at a reject this idea that the way to become happy as a high level. Not to where it was too challenging, of the personal pronouns I, me and usage And once was given the mantle of leadership, person is by just pouring more and more stuffWell, CSIKSZENTIMIHALYI devoted his life my. into us.studying human happiness. If it was too challenging, they would be scared I started to notice things flowing out of me that I And, instead, accept the truth, that the way to happiness is by had no idea were there. If it was under challenging, they would get bored, the problem seat, with typical You see pouring ourselvesAnd through his extensive studies, he found the out into others.greatest moments of happiness for human or apathetic. approach I found myself casting vision, building teams and What might God do through us as a community?beings, come not when to happiness is that its very motivating people and aligning people and I can only imagine But when challenge met skill level they uniting them in a common direction. So, lets find out.theyre trying to pour stuff from the from the encountered what the psychologistoutside in but actually, when they are pouring CSIKSZENTIMIHALYI calls flow. me-centric. Its all about what I need. And it was it was so far beyond me. And I startedfrom inside out. to see God doing a work though me,Whenever a person was pouring themselves into The problem is that happiness isnt found And in those moments what he observed from aan activity in which they had an area of expertise. psychologist perspective is that they temporarily by into others lives. doing the work threw me intoLet me explain. forgot about themselves others lives in ways I had never encountered focusing beforeWhenever a person engages in an activity at the I can only imagineapex of their skill level, on me at all. You know God is uniquely gifted every single one So, lets find out. of you with a special ability to make an impactand they are fully challenged in that moment.They would encounter a state that he labeled, Instead, happiness is found when we and a difference in the lives of your fellow believers. Do you know that?Flow. completelyLet me tell you about the first time I experienced forget about ourselves. That is when we And when youre not using that gift to anflow. encounter flow. appropriate challenge level, you kind of get disengaged from your faith.I was a college student and me and my friends,we had gotten into rock climbing. According to CSIKSZENTIMIHALYI... You get a little apathetic about it all. You get a little bored with the whole thing.And so for years, been climbing multiple days ofthe week. And I loved climbing, Its intense, You see, a climber doesnt really experience flowits physically challenging when they sit down and compose music. Instead they experience frustration.mentally challenging. I loved everything about it.and nine times out of ten, whenever I was And a composer, on the other hand, they dontclimbing, part of the reason I loved it experience flow when they try to climb. Theyre going to experience frustration as well. What are you experiencing? Is it flow? Or is it frustration? You see frustration comes from when we are either over-challenged or were under-challenged or we are serving completely outside the gifting that God has given to us. But flow comes whenever the right challenge level meets the right skill level.