We must look on children in need not as problems but as individuals with potential to share if they were given the opportunity. Each child is precious and there is some goodness and we have to find ways to draw that out.
Story telling is an integral part of every childhood. I come from northern part of India; and in my childhood days we often used to have power cutoffs. My cousins and me used to gather around our Grandma who used to tells us stories which I sometimes share with my own children. A very simple way of teaching values indeed. I still remember my dad –”As you sow so shall you reap”. I still value this and would want to pass it on to my own children as well as my students at school.
What do you want from your Life? What do you want to do with your life? You only live once, so make the most of it. Everybody lives for themselves, only a few make a difference for others.
To have a family and friends at school or work gives one a sense of belonging. However not everyone is fortunate. Some do get alienated due to numerous circumstances and are labeled as unfriendly, aggressive, anxious, attention disordered or affectionless, unmotivated and unteachable.
To meet the needs of youth at risk, one must be clear about both the nature of alienation and its locus in the life span of the child.(Reclaiming youth at risk)When the basic needs of a child are not met they learn that the adults are unpredictable or unreliable and they view even the friendly and helpful adults with distrust. They develop difficulties in social and emotional adjustments. They become mentally ill, feel depressed and defeated.
The modern society is creating a growing number of children at risk for relationship impairments. There are numerous homeless children ,children without belongings, that are mistreated, abandoned and rejected. Rousseau(28 June 1712 – 2 July 1778) was a Genevan philosopher, writer, and composer of 18th-century. His philosophy influenced the French Revolution and the overall development of modern political, sociological and educational thought. “There are no longer fathers, mothers, children, brothers or sisters. Each thinks for himself. When the home becomes a sad place of isolation, people look for comfort and relationships beyond and sometimes they end up with other outcast or unclaimed youth.
We as educational professionals should be skillful at building relationships with difficult youth. There has to be an to putting blame on the home and parents. The children should have the freedom to express their emotions and taught ways to manage them. School should be a place for such youth where they can find peace within themselves and the environment surrounding them.
The D words used to describe the people whose behavior deviates from what their society consider acceptable. Abnormal behavior usually involves a deviation from social norms rather than an illness.
In 1998 Martin Seligman and MihalyCsikszentmihalyi proposed Positive Psychology: "We believe that a psychology of positive human functioning will arise, which achieves a scientific understanding and effective interventions to build thriving in individuals, families, and communities”. Positive psychology’s prime focus is to find and nurture genius and talent, make life more fulfilling and not simply to treat mental illness.
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions. Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer have been the leading researchers on emotional intelligence since 1990. In their influential article "Emotional Intelligence," they defined emotional intelligence as, "the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions" (1990).Salovey and Mayer identified four different factors of emotional intelligence: the perception of emotion, the ability to reason using emotions, the ability to understand emotion and the ability to manage emotions.Perceiving Emotions: is to accurately perceive emotions. This also involves understanding nonverbal signals like body language and facial expressions.Reasoning With Emotions: Is to promote thinking and cognitive activity.Understanding Emotions: The emotions one perceives can have a wide variety of meanings. If someone is expressing angry emotions, the observer must interpret the cause of their anger and what it might mean.Managing Emotions: Managing emotions effectively is a key part of emotional intelligence. Regulating emotions, responding appropriately and responding to the emotions of others are all important aspect of emotional management.
Emotions are the life blood and there is no life living without emotions. People’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors are influenced by presence of others.
The demands placed on us and the ability to meet them is stress which can affect anyone who feels overwhelmed-even kids. Stress in children can be due to over scheduled activities, what’s happening in their own lives, disturbing events shown on TV. Short term behavioral changes in sleep patterns, bedwetting, stomachaches, headaches, trouble concentrating or completing school work can be indicators of stress.
Some children who are coping with stress can become withdrawn and spend time alone. They can pick new habits-thumb sucking, nose picking, hair twirling, lie, bully and defy adult authority. They can have nightmares, separation anxiety, over react to minor problems and there can be changes in academic performance.
If we want to know what is happening then the way to do it is to figure out what processes are actually going on in their minds. We tend to ignore the personalexperiences that people have. We fail to account for the influence of the environment on behavior.Talking about what may be causing their behavior or when they can't or won't discuss their issues, we should try talking about our own. This shows that we are willing to tackle tough topics and are available to talk to them with when they're ready.
Before initiating conflict management or prevention measures it is important to understand the actual occurrence of conflict thus making it of prime importance.The body and face language let us know when a student is emotionally overwhelmed and the behavior interferes with learning and their behavior is hurtful to others.So what is the role of adults/professionals?The first step should be to respond to the anger and then give directives.We should design plans anticipating problems and work towards keeping the kids safe until they can keep themselves safe.
Emotional Intelligence is being “Heart Smart”. It helps you build strong relationships, succeed at work, and achieve your goals and can be developed throughout one’s life.
In a "You-message," the target is the person and we often end up making judgments about that person. Sometimes the people are tagged with labels. But withI-messages we simply state a problem, without putting the blame on someone. This helps solve the problem, without admitting who or what was wrong.What does an I-Message do?An I-message:1. Is helpful in changing the behavior of another person demonstrating an unacceptable behavior. 2. Protects the self esteem of the other person. 3. Helps form stronger bonds
Trauma is associated with the reacting or survival brain – amygdala reads emotional cues to separate friend from foeSimple trauma is one overwhelming eventComplex trauma is on going exposure to fear and helplessnessCauses include: neglect, family conflict, unsupportive care giver, homelessness, violence, age segregation, poverty, privilege, racism, bigotry, addiction, abuseSymptoms include: inattention, impulsiveness, irritability, anger frustration, moodiness and fear Primary impact of traumatic stress is a breakdown in the capacity to regulate internal stasis like fear anger or sexual impulses
Emotions are what we feel-our feelings. We feel emotion when we associate with people and events. We feel emotions in our body as tingles, hot spots and muscular tension. Emotions cause us to want and not want. Emotions area part of our mood and affects our judgments and decision making.
Traumatic experiences upset and distress us. People have different reactions and vary at coping up with what has happened. Bottling up your feelings does not help, so talk about your feelings and don’t be embarrassed about them.
Motivation is the desire to do things. It’s very crucial in setting and attaining goals.Discipline helps children learn to control their behavior and they act on what they perceive is right or wrong. The children learn that there are consequences to what they do or how they act. It’s called learning the hard way.Punishment teaches a child to use violence to solve problems and kills self esteem. It makes the child hate himself and others.
A positive way to discipline a child by focusing both on the strengths and the problem.
A Theory of Human Motivation by Abraham Maslow in 1943 proposed that terms like Physiological, Safety, Belongingness and love, esteem and self actualization are patterns of motivation that a human moves through. He studied the healthiest student population and likes of Albert Einstein rather than mentally ill people. He quoted “The study of crippled, stunned, immature and unhealthy specimens can yield only a crippled psychology and crippled philosophy.”Physiological needs are the requirements for human survival, without which the body cannot function.Safety needs include personal and financial security, health and well being.Self actualization is realizing one’s potential and what one can be and must be.
William Glaser is the developer of reality therapy and choice theory. His main focus are personal choice, responsibility and personal transformation. A person is in control of his/her own behavior and long lasting psychological problems are related to relationships.We are born with 5 ‘genetically encoded needs – survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. These vary in strength from person to person. Our brains constantly monitor whether these needs are being satisfied or not. Our pain drives us to find a way to feel better. Glaser believes the need to love and to belong is the primary need. (source-REALITY THERAPY: William Glaser)
In this world each person has an ability to do something no matter big or small and the right to win the world. To attain equality one should strengthen oneself as an individual. Parents teach an individual of their worth which is reinforced by others. A child models the respect and the worthiness of self as they see in their parents.
The capacity to rise above adversity and to forge lasting strengths in the struggle. It is the means by which children/adults can rebound from hardship and emerge as strong, healthy individuals, able to lead gratifying lives, albeit with some scars to show for their experiences. Stephen and Sybil WolinFamily support provides high levels of love and support. Caring adults, caring neighborhood, caring school climate, positive communication all instill a strong sense of independence, sense of personal power, self esteem, self discipline and strive for success and achievement.
Empowerment is the process of increasing the capacity of individuals or groups to make choices and to transform those choices into desired actions and outcomes. To increase the spiritual, political, social, educational ,gender or economic strength of individuals and communities.
In today’s society success –wealth and power are the pre-eminent values. To find a value that is appropriate for youth at risk, Traditional Native American child rearing philosophies provide a powerful alternative. Little is known about this 15,000 years old traditional knowledge. Native American philosophies of child management which emerged from cultures with a central purpose of education and empowerment seems to be the most effective system of positive discipline. Self esteem which is fostered by sense of self worth is a primary goal in socializing children. The 4 components of self esteem as proposed by Stanley Coopersmith are significance, competence, power and virtue. George Blue Bird an artist from Lakota Sioux portrayed this philosophy of child development in the medicine wheel in which belonging, mastery, independence and generosity are the central values which do not only belong to Native people but are for the world’s children.
In traditional Native society, it was the duty of all adults to serve as teachers for younger persons. The sense of belonging extended to nature as well. Children were taught through stories that everything in nature was interdependent and if this harmony was disturbed it would result in tragedies and disasters.
A student who demonstrates belonging includes others, helps people feel safe and respects people for who they are.
The goal of native education was to develop cognitive, physical, social and spiritual competence. When a child’s need to be competent is satisfied, motivation for further achievement is enhanced. A student who demonstrates mastery completes a task without giving up, believes that practice makes it perfect and sets goals and strives to achieve them.
Learning is social-we learn when we use one another. when we have the chance to be with one another.
Traditional Native culture placed a high value on individual freedom. Survival outside the camp circle depended upon making independent decisions and the training began in early childhood.A student who is independent takes responsibility for his/her actions, knows how actions impact the self and environment and is responsible and positive leader.
Children in Native cultures often sat in a circle while an older person talked to them of what was ahead as they became adults and what they should do to live good lives. Children were instructed to always share generously without holding back.A student who is generous does something good and does not expect anything in return and helps or teaches others.
Managing behavior is not changing behavior. This includes simple things which will keep the classroom environment safe and comfortable.
Programming for special needs my presentation
Programming for Special Needs University of Winnipeg-Asia Graduate Program By Shafaq Shafi Nakorn Payap International School Chaingmai Thailand
“ I see, hear and believe what I want. We are a product of our education and how we have been raised” Dr. Heinrich Hoffmann“My cultural tale influences what I see, hear and believe.”Cultural tales teach us to focus on
It is easy to include the smart, powerfuland beautiful; it is quite another thing toinclude those outside our circles
Flight Kid Regressive disengaged cry Connecting to the flight kid •Tell them you care •Ask, “how are you doing?” •Think about connection after the fact, after lunchtime, school, recess •Persistent-come back again and talk again •Give a task-redirect•Pre-teach- there are safe places you can go to.
Fight KidUses Physical violence to express emotion. Aggressive Making Connections •Say you have the right to show anger •Acknowledge the anger •Try to remove the audience •Refrain from judging. Get rid of self talk. •Do not talk about the solution right away.
Fool kid passive aggressiveways/argue/confront/use sarcasm Connections • Honor his/her ability • Acknowledge and move on. Don’t take the hook. “Never let them see you sweat” • Engage in the banter • Hear them out • Praise, add humor, show kindness, give away some power
There is more going on than that meets the eyeEmpower the kid in the processBecome a spark in the child’s eyeBe genuine and trueBe kind and caring
Set up a classroom where emotions are validated
Strength based Psychology Autonomy Achievement Altruism Cooperation Self control Responsible Respectful Resiliency Empathetic Trust FriendshipsAssertive problem solver Creative leader
Emotional intelligenceknowing one’s emotions, self awareness, recognize a feeling as it happensBeing able to motivate one selfBeing able to manage emotionsBeing able to recognize emotions in others-empathyBeing able to create healthy relationships
Difference in Psychological Worlds Helping Humans Hurting HumansPerceiving Diverse Concrete Multidimensional One dimensionalThinking Logical Illogical Cognitively based Omnipotent Irrational trapsFeeling Accepts and Flooded applies controls ExplosiveBehaving Accepts Hides or hurls Responsibility for Responsibility at behavior others
Stress in Children’s Lives Understand the feelings/reasons behind inappropriate behavior• Developmental• Psychological• Reality• Physical
Emotional Defenses• Denial-didn’t happen• Regression-going back to a safer place• Conversion-turn psychological stress into a physical stress• Rationalization-talk yourself out of it• Displacement-displacing your stress on others• Projection-take your stress and problems and give them to someone else
All behavior comes out of feelings/thoughtsReact rather than respond
Conflict CyclePower Struggle or Emotional Reaction Cycle Cycle begins again A stressful but increases in situation intensity occurs Creates Creates feeling affected additional by the child’s sense of stress for self the child Adults begin to mirror the Coping/negative behavior: child’s feelings: demanding, lying, cheating, hitting, scolding, yelling, swearing swearing, rationalizing Creates stress in an adult
Breaking the conflict cycle• Know that adults should take responsibility to disengage• Be in touch with your own feelings• Understand how a child’s behavior can be mirrored• Verbalize messages using “I” instead of “You”• Understand the feelings / reasons behind inappropriate behavior• Be aware of the emotional defenses humans use• Know the child and know yourself• Don’t be afraid to ask for help• Feelings are OK when you have them. Don’t be had by them
Why Humans become Counter Aggressive Caught in the 40% Nick Long and Life Space Intervention conflict cycle Violation of 25%cherished hopes and beliefs Being in a bad 10% mood Exposing our 10%finished business Not meeting 5% professional expectations Feeling of 5% helplessness Prejudging a 5%troubled student
Be in touch with your own feelings Emotional Intelligence• Knowing one’s emotion, self awareness, recognizing a feeling as it happens• Being able to recognize emotions in others; empathy• Being able to create healthy relationships• Being able to motivates one’s self• Ability to manage our emotions
Verbalize messages using “I” instead of “You” Use “I” messages instead of “you” messages “I feel … when you… because...”
The question is not what is wrong with you? It is what has happened to you or what has happened to your brain?The brain is built for 3 tasks• Reacting• Valuing• Thinking( takes longest to develop)Repetition is a way of effective learning
• Largest & complex organ Brain• 100 billion nerves, trillions of connections –synapses• Outer most layer-cortex-thinking & voluntary movements• Brain stem between the spinal cord & the rest part of the brain. Breathing & sleep controlled here.• Cerebellum –base & back of the brain-coordination & balance• Frontal lobe-problem solving & motor function• Parietal lobes-sensation, handwriting & body position The brain is also divided into several lobes: • The frontal lobes are responsible for problem solving and judgment and motor function. • The temporal lobes- memory and hearing. • The occipital lobes - visual processing system.• Meninges- surrounding layer of tissue• The skull (cranium) protects the brain from injury.
Understanding the Brain and Intelligence• Fluid intelligence is the ability to solve new problems. It employs short term memory and focused attention• Crystallized intelligence grows with wisdom gained over a lifetime• Learning involves connections in networks of neurons• Hippocampus: a piece in our brain that sorts important information• Teen brains crave novelty and excitement. Without mature mentors, they become prisoners addicted to high risk pleasure (Raymond Cattell 1987)• Neuroplasticity is the brains ability to change when faced with new problems
The moment someone sees an emotionexpressed on your face, they will at once sensethat on themselves
Three Pillars of Trauma Informed Care • Safety • Connections – relationships • Self regulation – teaching skills to control anger Co-regulation Coercive regulation Goal- help the child to calm Goal -stop bad behavior Soothing and assertive tone Loud and aggressive tone Absorb the child’s outburst Retaliate to child’s outbursts Focus on child’s feelings Focus on the child’s behavior • Ad Attention to the child’s need Ignore the child’s needs Adult is aware of own feelings Adult is oblivious to own feelings
The only person you can control…the onlyperson you can truly motivate is yourself Discipline Punishment Proactive reactive Natural consequences Arbitrary, adult consequences imposedSocial responsibility taught Obedience to authority figures Control through inner Control by external rule & values threat Psychological & physical Psychological & physical punishment is not used punishment is used
Fair doesn’t mean you treat everybody equally. Fair means getting everybody’s needs met
Sandwich Scripts• Enclosing a criticism between two positive comments• Positive Comment: “You take very good• care of your things.”• Constructive criticism: “ Perhaps you• could be more organized before class• so you do not have to get up out of• your chair so many times during class.”• Positive Comment: “ You are such a quick learner, I could teach you how to do this in no time.”
What do children & youth need to become good people and live a good life love understanding
The A. Maslow Model Self actualization Self respect Belonging/affection Physiological Safety & security needsA. Maslow wrote about a ‘peak experience” an event that happens in your life whereyou have an overwhelming sense of the rightness of something, it is not a plannedexperience.
The William GlaserModel Love Fun Safety Freedom power
Stanley Coppersmith Model The Antecedents of Self- Esteem Significance Competence Power virtue
Developmental assets from the search institute - resiliencyExternal assets Internal assets• Support: family, positive • Commitment to learning • Positive values communication, other adult • Positive identity relationships, caring • Social competencies: Planning and neighborhood, caring school decision making; young person knows climate, parental involvement how to plan ahead and make choices. Interpersonal competence; young in school person has empathy, sensitivity and friendship skills. Cultural competence.• Empowerment: community Resistance skills; young person can values youth, youth resources, resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations. service to others, safety Peaceful conflict resolution; young• Boundaries and expectations person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently• Constructive use of time
EmpowermentCommunity valuesyouth youth resourcesService to othersSafetyTry not to become aman of success but aman of value. – AlbertEinstein
Five elements necessary for the ultimate human goal of well being (Martin Seligman)• Positive emotion: happiness and life satisfaction• Positive relationships: other people are important• Meaning: serving something more than yourself• Accomplishment: achievement• Engagement: were you completely absorbed in the task?
Talk first about the good things & then talk about the concerns
The Circle of Courage generosity belonging independence mastery
Values: Circle of Courage• Attachment or belonging – Relationships (we don’t heal separated from others)• Achievement or mastery – “I can… (improve, figure things out for myself)”• Altruism or generosity – Give back (the ability to do good things)• Autonym or independence – Empower
Suggestions why children misbehave• Relationship problems (belonging): alienation• Feelings of inadequacy (mastery): failure• Loss/lack of power (independence): helplessness• Problems with purpose (generosity): selfishness
When generosity is absent or distorted• Narcissistic• Psychopathic• Anti social• Overindulgent• Self helping
Managing Behavior• Planned ignoring: not paying attention to things that don’t matter• Proximity control: move into the child’s space in respectful ways• Signal inference: cue the child• Redirection: find something new to focus on• Support from routine: security in routine• Support from restructuring: motivation through creative effort• Direct appeal to values: state the value; ask the child for co- operation• Support through humor: laughter is good medicine (From Life Space Crisis Intervention, Nick Long and others)