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The Magic Key to Parenting & GrandParenting


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The Magic Key to Parenting & GrandParenting

  1. 1. This book is dedicated to the children and the inner children of the adultswho are courageous enough to take their programmed ring of fear and bring it into thelove of the heart so that our world may find peace.Many thanks to the clients who have shared their stories with me and to Sunday Whelanfor her heart felt gift in editing and a special thank you to Cynthia Mitchell for her abilityto make the fairy tales come to life. 1
  2. 2. THE MAGIC KEY TO PARENTING & GRANDPARENTING Knowing & Using the Enneagram of Family DynamicsTHIS PAGE FOR PARENTS ONLY - KIDS GET BORED WITH THIS STUFF!Message to Parents: The objective of this book is to empower your child by removing limitingfears. In an effort to protect our children and ourselves, we have created a worldcentered on the fears of survival, safety and limitation. Our choices are rarely basedon what we choose for our lives, but rather on the paths that lead to the lesserconsequences. We have become enslaved to the very fears that we thought wouldprotect us. As a result, many of us are highly stressed individuals who constantlytrigger the stress chemicals in our bodies producing disease, poverty and a generalsense of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. This fear-based consciousness has nowreached a critical mass of individuals. We see fear on a global level expressed aswar, poverty, illiteracy and disease. How many times in a single day do we say to our children, “Don’t run, youmight fall!” or “Don’t climb, you might get hurt!” etc.? We begin training ourchildren very early to be fear-based, which causes them to withhold themselves fromlife. In order for us to find peace and truly live to our potential, we must reversethis habitual brainwashing. Our planet and the people that inhabit it must move 2
  3. 3. from the stress and conflict caused by fear to an internal mindset of peace, love, andfreedom of the soul. In my work with individuals over the past six years, I have discovered thateach person is imprinted with one fear before the age of reason. CognitiveDevelopmentalist Jean Piaget indicates that this occurs between twelve and fifteenyears of age. Only upon reaching the age of reason can a child think about theirown thoughts. To the mind/body connection this means that the fear and thememories it generates are like an audio cassette in our brain that plays back eachtime the fear is triggered. On a level of conscious awareness it becomes so habitualthat we no longer notice it and on the subconscious level it is hardwired in the brainand cannot be accessed through the conscious mind alone. The fear imprinted ineach individual equates to one of the nine personality types that are part of a humandevelopment model called the Enneagram. The enneagram acts as a “lens” whichinterprets all of the sensory data coming into the brain from our environment.Through this lens the individual will determine whether or not there is a threat tothe body. When this fear is triggered in the mental body of an individual, theneurotransmitters or chemical messengers in the body, carry the fear message to theemotional and physical bodies of the individual. The mental and emotional bodiesexperience the message as a conflict. Often adults will feel that they are trapped indecision making, going back and forth between head and heart. 3
  4. 4. In the physical body, Dr. Hans Selye’s “fight or flight response” is activated, causingthe body to chemically prepare itself to fight or retreat from the imagined fear. Thismodel of interpreting the body’s messenger mechanism is known as psycho-neuroimmunology. Chronic reaction to fear over an extended period of time can result inphysical pain and illness. The enneagram is the primary model used in this book todiagnose a person’s fear. Each person will spend their lives setting up situationsthat recreate the fear, offering them countless opportunities to conquer the fear. For purposes of this book, I will use the Enneagram personality types instory format to help you and your child identify the key fear that is the driving forcein each of your lives. The story will express the fear and then provide the way out ofthis fear. In her book The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram, Sandra Maitritells the story of a man who was falsely imprisoned. His wife wove for him a prayerrug whose pattern included the design of the lock on his cell. This man convincedthe guards to provide him with some pieces of wood so that he could carve objectsfor the guards to sell. He of course created a key from the wood using the mapdesign provided by his wife in the prayer rug. The story tells us that the Enneagramis the design, which when applied to our daily lives will allow us to leave our cell offear. Ancient literature tells us that each human being chooses an Enneagram typebefore entering this world and will work with the fear of their particularEnneagram until they have found the real truth behind it. Originally there wereseven Enneagram types, which were commonly known as the seven deadly sins. Inthe early 20th century, two more Enneagram types were added resulting in the ninetypes. 4
  5. 5. *To determine your Enneagram type, you may take a test This book is written for children from five to eight years of life. Similarbooks for the nine to twelve year old children and for adolescents will follow thisedition. In the individual stories you will find the primary Enneagram for yourchild, but you will also find your own inner child. All relationships, particularlyfamily and intimate relationships, create conflicts that can be used as learningexperiences leading to a healing of the mind, body and spirit. I encourage the entirefamily unit to take advantage of this opportunity. Give your child permission toacknowledge that it is ok to sometimes have these negative feelings about you as aparent; it does not mean that you do not love each other. If some of the emotionalabuse in the child stories is happening in your home, then this is an opportunity forhealing; if not, then it is a time to honestly explore with your child some of the veryreal family issues in our society and to assure your child that they are safe. Family relationships are normally the relationships that most impact who webelieve ourselves to be. Utilizing the enneagram to determine each family membersfear, you are able to see the positive and negative effects of these interactions oneach individual. You learn from each others strengths and weaknesses. My favorite example comes from my own family. My daughter Nicole is anenneagram type seven, the fear of being trapped especially by overwhelmingresponsibility. She was married, had a ten year old, a fifteen month old, a part timejob, was working on her PhD dissertation and found herself pregnant again. She 5
  6. 6. kept saying to me, “Mother, I am not going to have time to breathe”. Not realizinghow literal this was for the unborn baby, I just kept reassuring her that we wouldall pitch in and help. At age one week Sam quit breathing, was rushed to a localemergency room and eventually transferred to Boston Children’s neonatalintensive care unit where he was put on a respirator that would breathe for him.Nicole’s fear of “not being able to breathe”, had crossed the placental barrier andSam believed the message to be his own. Not wanting to impose any guilt on analready terrified Nicole, I worked with Sam and enlisted the help of his Father wholike me is a type nine. We used the nine state of Being and centeredness to keepassuring Sam that he had come to a safe world, a family that loved and wouldprotect him and to know that he could breathe with ease. Our family worked withNicole to help relieve her stress. Today Sam is a healthy, robust boy full of all of theenergy of the enneagram type 8. Now the trick is to take the 8 who is afraid of lossof control and convince him that potty training is his idea. One family in my practice presented with the 12 year old daughter as theclient. She was diagnosed as obsessive compulsive and very combative, oftenphysically with her mother. Traditional therapies had failed to bring much help tothe family. Jenny and her mother are both enneagram type 6 personalities. Theirfear is a fear of the unknown. The audio cassette in their brain says “You neverknow what is going to happen next”. Mother coped with this fear by attempting tokeep a low profile in life, trying to avoid all perceived dangers. Jenny on the otherhand coped by trying always to be prepared for whatever might happen next. Fearof germs, disease or illness was often a focus for them. Mother stayed away from 6
  7. 7. any situation in which she or her family might come in contact with a germ of anykind. Jenny constantly washed her hands to be prepared in case she came incontact with the germ. This individual dynamic played out in every part of theirrelationship. As the mother ran away from the fears, Jenny became more and moreangry. She wanted her mother to stop running away, to be in control of her ownfears and to help Jenny find a way to feel safe and prepared to deal with the fears inher life. The father was an enneagam type 8 fearing a loss of control in his life.Childhood for him consisted of memories of being bullied by neighborhood childrenand experiencing physical and emotional trauma until he learned to fight back andprotect himself. He wanted his wife and children to be strong, unafraid and incontrol of their lives. While he provided Jenny some of the boundaries she neededto regain self control, he was frustrated with her unnatural fears and her out ofcontrol behaviors. Jenny felt his frustration as a lack of respect and acceptance ofher. The more forceful he became the more she rebelled. If he ignored her, sheacted out to get his attention. The key was to help each family member understandtheir own fear and then to see how the behavior from this fear interacted with thefears of the others. Jenny had to know that she was not some broken person withobsessive compulsive label. As Jenny and her mother explored their hypervigilenceto perceived threats in their environment , they learned that often what theyperceived as a threat was just a false perception and they could choose a differentway of responding. Mother became stronger, quit running away and began settinglimits for Jenny. Jenny felt safer and could let go of many of the fears that she hadadopted from her Mother. The father learned that his need to control himself, his 7
  8. 8. family and his environment was just his inner child trying to stay safe through thecontrolling behaviors. He could now let his wife and daughter express their fearwithout attempting to force his views upon them. His ability to have the softer morevulnerable approach with them allowed him to help them find their own innerstrengths. The enneagram itself is diagnostic in nature but understanding the fearmotivation that it provides has allowed me to develop many self help tools for boththe reprograming of the fear in the conscious and subconscious mind. With theawareness and some of these interventions, Jenny’s obsessive hand washing stoppedas did her out of control fights with her parents. She is now a beautiful youngwoman, who has excelled in academics and sports and will soon enter college. It has been my dream to help lead children and the inner child in adults outof fear and back into the joy of life. I hope that today’s children will no longer beforced to forget that they are spiritual beings experiencing life in a physical body.Until now, all generations have forgotten their true identity and have been forced bylife, usually through emotional crises and physical illness, to unlearn the fearsimprinted upon us in early childhood. I know this new generation of love-basedchildren will bring to our world the peace and love needed to truly live the GoldenAge.I have found that there are only four rules of childrearing necessary for this newgeneration. 8
  9. 9. Respect the Soul of Self: Teach the child to listen and obey that still,small voice within them. Adults sometimes refer to this as intuition, theHoly Spirit or God Voice. I find that boys often like to call it their WizardVoice and girls their Faerie or Angel Voice. Establish a name with yourchild for their voice and constantly refer to it when you are teaching thechild or when the child is making a decision. Children hear this voicenaturally in the early years of their lives. It is only that as we adultsignore it and teach the child not to acknowledge this inner wisdom thatthey forget it. Eventually this internal guidance system will allow thechild to accept responsibility for their own emotional reactions andlessons rather than blaming others, which leads to external conflict. Thisvoice expresses our highest truth on any given subject. When we learn torespect it in ourselves and give the same respect to other people eventhough their truths may be different, we are creating a world based ontolerance.Respect the Soul Of Others: Teach your child to respect the souls ofothers by teaching them to respect you. As a child does not reach the ageof reason (able to think about their own thoughts) until about twelve yearsof age, the parents are the primary mirrors for reflecting to the child whatthey should think and feel about themselves and others. When you loveyourself enough to lovingly but firmly demand that the child respect yourrights they will also learn to respect the rights of other living beings in 9
  10. 10. their life. If a child hits you or yells at you; respond by verbalizing, “Iknow that you are feeling angry about…, however, I love myself too muchto allow you or anyone to hit or to speak to me in that way. You may havea red angry pillow, which is all yours and we will keep it in this closet. Ifyou are angry, you may go get the pillow and hit or yell at it”. As welearn to express our anger in healthy ways and eventually to see anger orany negative emotion as an opportunity for self-growth, we will create aworld based on love and respect for all.Remove all Fear Base from the Child’s Life: Consider your role as aparent to be that of establishing a living laboratory in which the child canexplore and learn about him/herself and how to relate to the world as thatself. Encourage exploration and learning. This often requires takingrisks. This is how we learn and move ahead. We all fall physically andemotionally at times and we learn to get up and try a different way.Children who are taught to be afraid of falling or failure grow into adultswhose lives are very limited in every way. Establish boundaries that arebased only on true safety guidelines not your own habitual fears or oldideas of parenting. If a young child runs out in front of a car, by allmeans pull him/her back to safety but do not overreact with your voice oremotional behaviors. Simply point out the consequences of the child’sbehavior and ask them to consult their faerie or wizard voice as to whatwould have been the appropriate behavior. The quicker you can help the 10
  11. 11. child to consult with this guidance before acting, the safer your child willbe. When we as humans remove the fear by our knowing that the only trueguarantee of safety is to follow our higher truth through inner guidance,we will create a world where God’s laws are the basis of our actions andthere will no longer be a need for man’s laws. At last a world of higherevolved beings, we can come into unity; back to the ONE.Love your Children Unconditionally. We tell our children that of coursewe love them but then proceed through our behaviors and speech to makethem feel that our love and approval of them as a person is based onthings such as grades, their behavior in public, or their ability to take careof us, etc. This creates adults who are workaholics, perfectionists andpeople pleasers, all in an effort to receive love and approval from othersin their lives. The child should be loved for the being that they are.Verbalize this to the child often and separate this issue from any efforts tocorrect their behavior. Hold your child and hug them often. When wecreate a world of children who have been loved unconditionally, we willhave created a world where DIVINE LOVE is our existence.Lastly teach your child that what we focus on is what we get in our lives.In relationships if a person is 99% negative in their attitude and only 1%positive, if you focus on that 1%, you will only ever see this side of theperson. In doing this we create less struggle in our own lives but we alsohold the mirror for others to see who they really are without fear and 11
  12. 12. assist them in their own growth. When we create a world of children who focus only on the goodness, then we will see the peace of God created here in earth. HAVE FUN WITH YOUR PARENTING! EACH CHILD IS A GIFT TO THIS WORLD AND YOU WERE CHOSEN AS A GUIDE. REMEMBER THAT THE CHILD IS THE ARROW AND THAT YOU ARE THE BOW. YOUR JOB IS TO REMAIN FLEXIBLE AND ALLOW THE ARROW TO MOVE THROUGH YOU. YOU ARE NOT THE ARCHER; GOD IS THE ARCHER; DO NOT TRY TO DO HIS/HER JOB. CONSULT WITH THE ARCHER WHENEVER YOU FIND YOURSELF IN DOUBT. *Taken from Kahlil Gibran*Please note that the age of the child in the stories is not related to the particularEnneagram. The description of parent behavior is often more subtle in reality than isdescribed in the stories. Behaviors that imprint the Enneagram are most often associatedwith the parents but can stem from older siblings, others living in the home andoccasionally school personnel. The wizard and faerie represent our internal divine maleand divine female. Let your child tell you which they prefer to use.It is suggested that you read your child the beginning and then a different Enneagrameach night as you would with a book of fairy tales. 12
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  14. 14. NOW FOR THE GOOD STUFF THAT KIDS LIKEMessage to the Wizards & the Faeries of Earth: There is a planet in our beautiful galaxy where Faeries and Wizards come tolearn. They want to learn about Truth and Love and how to use their powers. Thisplanet is called Earth. Each Faerie or Wizard starts as a piece of energy that looks like a beautifulsparkling light. It is a dazzling white light but when it shines on something, you cansee all of the colors of the rainbow in it. Each light slides down a special slidingboard made of beams of light sometimes known as dimensions made of electric andmagnetic strings. When the light gets close to Earth, the big magnet around theEarth pulls it into a body made of matter. Matter is energy that we can see with oureyes. Picture 14
  15. 15. Now something very special happens. The lights will forget that they arelights, they think that they are just bodies. They will not remember that they arevery powerful. While they are growing up on Earth they will learn to be afraid ofpeople and monsters and things they feel are bigger or more important or smarterthan they think that they are. Now these bodies called children must try to learnhow to be safe, how to get smarter and what they have to do to get other people,especially big people called adults, to love them. Sometimes while they are learning,these children feel scared or angry or sad. Sometimes the adults help them to feelbetter but sometimes the adults make them feel worse. This is because all adults stillhave a little child inside of them who is still trying to learn too. Picture 15
  16. 16. There is a very big secret that I want you to remember as you are reading this book.That light inside of you never went away, even when your brain forgot it. The lighthas a voice, which a lot of children call their Faerie or Wizard voice. When youlearn to listen to this voice and do what it tells you, you never have to be afraidagain! The voice always tells you how to be safe. The voice loves you so it tells youhow to love other people. The voice also has something called wisdom. Wisdom isthe best kind of smart - it is the smartest. Now you are safe and you have love andwisdom. You always know the truth and you do the truth. Most big people do notknow this secret, so you will have to help teach them. This is why you came to theearth; to remember that you are the Wizard and the Faerie and to help other peoplelearn so we can have a happier world. Now I want you to remember that there is a magic key that will help you to knowwhat it is that you are afraid of and to help you get rid of this fear. The key is called anENNEAGRAM. There are nine different fears and each has its own key so you must pickwhich is yours. The following stories will help you to pick the right one. Once you seethe fear you will know that it is not real and you can just laugh at it and tell yourself thereal truth that the Wizard or Faerie inside of you knows. Picture 16
  17. 17. ENNEAGRAM # ONEMy name is Michael. I am five years old. I picked this Enneagram light beam coming tomy house because I am a wizard who wants to learn about perfect. Perfect meanseverything is right so nothing is wrong. I think that for me to be a perfect little boymeans that I have to do everything the way that Mommy and Daddy say and then theywill tell me that I am a perfect boy and that they love me a lot. This makes me feel verygood.My daddy loves me a lot and I think that he is already perfect. He shows me how to eatwithout getting dirty, how to play basketball in the one just right way and how to read mybooks in the perfect way so I will be smart and perfect just like him. My mommy wantsto be the perfect mommy too but she is not so sure what perfect is. So she tells me to dowhat daddy says is perfect and then she shows me how special I am to her. When I haveto do a project at school, I get scared because I think that I cannot do it perfect enough.Right now mommy or daddy does my project for me, but I am scared that when I growup and live somewhere without them, I won’t be able to do my work by myself.Sometimes I don’t feel like being perfect. Something inside of me wants to do somethingthat I want to do and mommy and daddy don’t like it. Now there is big trouble. Like thetimes when I was 2 years old and daddy read me a bed time story and then I wassupposed to go to my big boy bed and go to sleep. But I did not feel sleepy and I wantedto play some more. My little sister who just got born got to sleep in mommy and daddy’sroom and when she cried they picked her up. But when I cried they said I was not beinga big boy. I got so mad. I have temper tantrums when I am mad because I want to learn 17
  18. 18. that even when I am not acting like mommy and daddy want me to and I am trying outhow I feel, I am still a perfect little boy who is loved just because I am me. It would helpif mommy and daddy reminded me that I am perfect so I do not need to cry to try andmake things my way. Sometimes I need time out by myself so that I can learn to fixmyself. The wizard inside of me knows that he and I are both perfect and we love eachother. This is the magic key. I AM perfect because I am the wizard and when I listen tomy wizard voice, which tells me what to do, it will be perfect. Now if mommy anddaddy could just learn that my wizard voice knows what is best for me! Picture 18
  19. 19. My name is Nena. I am seven years old. My mommy and daddy think that I am mostlyperfect because I have 2 brothers and I am the little girl that they wanted. One time Iheard them say that they had another little girl before me but she went back to heaven.She was perfect and they want me to be like her. Even though I am perfect because I ama girl, there are some things that boys can do that a girl can never do perfect. Boys canplay sports better, they can make more money and some people think boys are smarter.Inside of me my faerie knows this is not true but to be perfect like mommy and daddywant me to, I have to act this way. Sometimes this makes me very angry because I tryvery hard to be as perfect as my brothers but they never think I am as good as mybrothers at these things. Even when I am a perfect little girl for mommy and daddy, thereis one way that I can never be perfect enough. I am too fat. They do not like this and arealways trying to help me fix it. The me inside of me feels sad and mad - I wish they justloved me no matter what I did or what I look like. This is the magic key. I am the faerieinside of me and I am perfect. When I listen to my faerie voice I act perfect for me too. Picture 19
  20. 20. ENNEAGRAM #1 PERFECT SAND CASTLES Michael and Nena were at the beach. The sand was warm under their feet. Thesunlight was hip-hopping across the blue water, and the sky was filled with cotton-ballclouds. “Let’s build a sand castle,” said Michael. “OK,” said Nina. “That sounds like fun.” “ My daddy knows the best way to build a perfect castle. First weshould pile up lots and lots of sand and then we fill all our pails with water.” “Maybe we should draw a picture of it first, “ said Nina, “then we –“ “That’s dumb. We don’t have any paper, “ answered Michael. All ofsudden he felt nervous inside. It was the same kind of scared feeling whenhe could not sleep at night because of all thr bad things he was thinking inhis brain. He knew it was so important to do it perfectly. “You’re right,” said Nina. She, too, wanted to get it just right.“Anyway boys know how to build sand castles better than girls.” Bling! Twinkle! Poof! Slipping, then sliding, then finally sitting on Nina’s shoulder was-- a faerie dressed all in sparkles. “ Nina, love,” she said in a voice like a bell. “There are many kinds ofperfect castles. And YOU know how to build YOUR perfect castle. Give ita try! Listen to your magic key—the faerie voice inside of you and-- create!Whatever you make will be perfect for this moment!” Bong! Whoosh! Splot! A shiny wizard stood up beside Michael and dusted thesand off his long robe. 20
  21. 21. “Oops! he said. “ Pardon me--I nearly stepped on a crab! Now,where was I? Oh, yes. Have no fear, Michael. You know how to build acastle that is YOUR perfect castle. Just remember-- listen to your innerwizard voice. That’s the key. Oh, and dirt is part of the fun!” Bling! Poof! Bong! The fairy and the wizard disappeared. Michaeland Nina looked at each other. Then--- quite quickly really--- they bothbegan to build a castle. Several seagulls gathered to watch them. Timepassed. “I’m done!” shouted Michael. “Me, too!” laughed Nina. And there--on the beach-- were TWO perfect castles. Nina’s castlehad round piles of sand for rooms and seashells for windows. Michael’scastle had towers and more towers with seaweed roofs. “Wow!” said Michael when he saw Nina’s castle. “Wow to you, too!” said Nina. “Now what we need is---“ “A bridge!! “ said Michael and Nina at the same time.Then these two friends began to build a perfect bridge made of seashells andseaweed and sand to connect the two perfect castles. Bling! Bong! Whee! Picture 21
  22. 22. I want my mommy and daddy to know this: I am afraid of being bad or wrong. I think that mommy/daddy say that I am good or ok if I do what they think is right. I think that the world is not perfect and I have to make it perfect. I wish they would say, “It is ok to make mistakes. You are good even when you make a mistake”. We learn from making mistakes. Then I can grow up to know that maybe other people are right too. Maybe someone else has a better idea. Maybe other people will learn for themselves. Maybe I have done everything that I can do. This would make me feel better than when I get mad at myself or other people because they do not do something right like mommy and daddy taught me. 22
  23. 23. ENNEAGRAM # TWOMy name is Allan. I am six years old. I came on a light beam into my house because itwas Jewish. My mommy and daddy loved being Jewish but my daddy said that otherpeople did not always like Jewish people. He taught me that Jewish people could notalways belong like other kids at school or other grown-ups at work. He said I should nottrust people who were not Jewish. Jewish is just one way to be different. I learned thatpeople have rules and if you follow those rules, then they will let you belong with themeven if you are different. I feel a good kind of feeling called pride when I can belong withother people. Some of the kid rules to belong for a boy are: be good at playing sports,dress like the other kids, go to a smart school, take care of other people and make surethat you have money. It helps to be strong too. My dad is strong and he works very hardbut he does not trust other people. My mother is very smart and she is pretty but she isvery busy and I have to wait until she has time to talk to me and play with me.Sometimes I get tired of trying to be like other kids and I want to just be me. My motheris afraid I will get hurt and my dad always says no. Like if I decide I want to study Jewishand go to the barmitzvah when I am 13 years old, my dad says no because if people whoare not Jewish are my boss someday they will not let me be a big boss. He knowsbecause this happened to him. How do I know where I should belong? The wizardinside of me knows. He says that when I forget about what other people are telling meand I listen to him, then he and I belong together and I will be happy. This is the magickey. 23
  24. 24. PictureMy name is Jennifer Tina. I am eight years old. I like to slide down the staircase at myhouse but my mommy says that is bad manners and people will not like you unless youhave good manners. I am not sure what manners are but I think they are rules you haveto obey. So sometimes I slide down the staircase when no one is looking because if noone sees me it can’t be bad manners. My daddy has some rules too but he is not homevery much. I like to wear pretty clothes and it feels so good when grown ups tell mewhat a pretty little girl I am. Sometimes I feel very sad because it is not ok to have thefeelings that I have inside. Like one day when I was at the zoo with mommy and daddyand my balloon broke. I was sad but they said that I was not allowed to cry becauseeveryone would see that I was being a baby. I knew that meant that mommy and daddywould not like me either. They said I should think about all of the children who neverhad a balloon and maybe give my next balloon to another child. Now sometimes when Iget mad at all of the rules and manner stuff, I have a temper tantrum; I act different thaneveryone else and I try to tell them that it is unfair to make me be their way. Butsometimes…. I just do it when they are not looking and then I feel guilty. It is so hard tofollow other people’s rules and still be me. But the faerie inside of me says she has themagic key. I am the faerie, we belong to each other and she always knows the right thing 24
  25. 25. for me to do if I just listen to her. Other people’s rules might be wrong for me but shealways knows what is right. Now I can belong with the other faeries and wizards (thoseare the really smart kids). Picture ENNEAGRAM #2 PUMPKINS AND POPCORN BALLS Jennifer and Alan were in the second grade together. They were excited becausetheir teacher Miss Larkspur was planning a fall festival that would last all day on Friday.She asked every student to bring something to the party. On the bus ride home they talked about what to bring. “I’m going to bring candy apples,” said Alan. “That’s something thatis always at fall festivals. I know that the other kids in the class will reallylike them. “ “I don’t like them,” said Jennifer. “They always stick to my teeth. I’mgoing to bring apple cider. Miss Larkspur said she LOVES apple cider.That will make her really happy.” “She never said that,” said Alan. “She did too,” said Jennifer. As the bus came to a stop at their corner they jumped down the stepsstill arguing. “Did not,” said Alan. “Did too,” said Jennifer. 25
  26. 26. The door closed behind them and the bus roared off down the street.Sitting on the fence post near the two children was a very large carvedpumpkin. It had two round eyes, a triangle nose and a large smiling mouthwith two teeth. A light glowed inside the pumpkin. “Have you considered chocolate covered ants, maybe deviled eggs oryogurt raisins?” said the pumpkin. “Did that pumpkin just say something?” asked Alan. “I think so,” said Jennifer. “Look, it’s shaking!” Just then the top of the pumpkin flew into the air and landed with aplop at their feet. Sitting on the pumpkin top was a wizard and beside hima faerie. Both were wearing black robes that were decorated with tinyorange and silver lights that were blinking on and off. They spoke at the same rhyme. Apples--- shmapples! We heard what you said and we say---BOO! Boo HOOEY! Choose what YOU want to bring For YOUEY! Inside you is a key A voice to guide your choice. Listen up and trust—wizard and faerie—aka--us! “POPCORN BALLS!” shouted Alan suddenly. “That’s what I love!That’s what I’ll bring.” “Still too sticky for me,” said Jennifer. “But I know what I want tobring --pumpkin cupcakes with white icing and licorice for faces.” “I don’t like licorice.” And I get mad when I try hard to make otherpeople happy and then they don”t help me when they are suppose to. 26
  27. 27. “Well, you don’t have to eat it. That’s OK by me. Friends?” saidJennifer. “Friends!” Said Alan. “This party is gonna be fun!” “Yippee!! Whoop dee dee. Time to skeedaddle. Whee!” And Jennifer and Alan looked up just in time to see a pumpkin top flyup into the air, over the trees and out of sight. Pictureeres 27
  28. 28. I want mommy and daddy to know: I am afraid that I am not special enough to be loved. I think that mommy and daddy are telling me that I am ok if other people love me and want to be with me. It is not ok for me to need something for me. I think that people in the world need my help, they depend on me.. I wish they would tell me that they want me just because I am me. Then when I grow up I could feel that maybe it is ok to let other people take care of things. Maybe a person already loves me in the way that they know how to love. Maybe I could do something fun for me too. This would feel better than always giving everything that is mine to others and always having to look and act the way other people think that I should; and then getting mad if they do not do what I want them to do. 28
  29. 29. ENNEAGRAM # THREEMy name is Mary Beth and I am five years old. I am an actress. I am very good at doingjust what other people want me to do because I have learned that my parents and otherpeople will love me and take care of me when I do what they want me to do. I am sogood at acting that I do not remember who I really am or what I really want. Grown-upscall this deceiving yourself. I even let people be mean to me sometimes because I wantthem to take care of me and if I tell them NO they might not like me any more and I willbe all alone. Sometimes I get mad when mommy and daddy do not pay attention to meeven when I am doing what they want so I like to try doing wrong things. It feels goodwhen I am doing the wrong things because it is what I want to do. But I get scaredmommy and daddy will find out and then they will be mad and maybe they won’t loveme anymore. So mostly I am very good at all of my work and then everybody loves mefor that. Picture 29
  30. 30. My name is Travis. I am seven years old. I have two fathers; a father, and a stepfatherwho lives with us. Some of my brothers and sisters have a different father than mine. Mymother loves us but she is very busy with all of the children. She loves me the most whenI do my work at home and at school. I really like to be in school plays. Sometimes I getsad and mad trying to do the things mommy and daddy want me to do. One day mommygave me my older brother’s cowboy boots because they did not fit him anymore. Shetold me to shine them and put them on. I did a good job shining them but they were sotight that I had to keep trying to get them on. I wish I could have my own cowboy bootsbecause I am special just for me. Putting on others people’s things can be so hard. But ifyou don’t do it, you might not have anything to wear. So I just keep doing what otherpeople tell me and sometimes I get sad and sometimes I even get sick. I wonder if Ireally am a cowboy? Picture 30
  31. 31. ENNEAGRAM #3 CURTAIN UP! Travis and Mary Beth were at the church recreation hall with ten otherchildren. Together they were practicing for a play. Mrs. Brenner was thedirector of the play. She always made the children laugh because she got soexcited. She would run back and forth in front of the stage and talk in funnyvoices to help them do their parts. But when it came time for Mary Beth to sing her special song with thehallelujahs, she just couldn’t do it right today. Usually she sang it perfectlyBut today--no matter how many times she tried--- she forgot the words, orshe would look at the floor or -worst of all -sometimes she would open hermouth and no sound would come out at all. Travis was painting the scenery for the play. But all his flowerslooked like basketballs with leaves. He spent most of his time watching theother children on the stage. Although Mrs. Brenner was very busy, she wasn’t too busy to noticethat Mary Beth and Travis were not really enjoying what they were doing.Now Mrs. Brenner wanted the children to have a good time. So, after thepractice was over, she asked Mary Beth and Travis to stay for a minute. “All right, kiddos,” she said. “I can see that you are not having muchfun. Is there anything I can do to help?” Mary Beth blurted out. “ My Mommy and my Daddy love it when Ising. But I don’t want to sing.” Sometimes I pretend so much for mommyand daddy that I forget the part inside of me that is the real me. “Hmmmm,” said Mrs. Brenner. “Travis?” “Oh,” said Travis. “Painting stuff is OK I guess. My brother said itwas cool. He did it.” “Tell you what,” said Mrs. Brenner. “Let’s all three of us go hometonight and think about this. OK is just Ok. I want you both to love what 31
  32. 32. you’re doing. That’s the way this play will be great. And then the audiencewill think so too!” That night when Mary Beth went to sleep she had a dream. In thedream she was looking in a golden mirror at a little girl in the mirror lookedjust like Mary Beth except the girl was wearing a red velvet dress. Then thegirl began talking and sparkles danced all around her. “I am the light inside you. I am your faerie voice. Do what makesyou happy. Do what you love to do. Then all will be well.” That same night Travis dreamed he was dancing. He was turningsummersaults. He was jumping up and down. Music was exploding out ofhim. A wizard was watching him and clapping. “You’re having fun now!”he said to Travis. The next afternoon at play practice, Mrs. Brenner called Mary Bethand Travis over to the side of the stage. “Well,” she said, “What—“But before she could say anymore Mary Beth reached over and touched thered velvet curtains hanging beside the stage. “I want to pull the curtains,” she said. “ I want to move the trees andthe flowers. I want to turn the lights off and on.” She was so excited shewas almost shouting. “Wonderful, “ said Mrs. Brenner. “This play needs a stage manager .Mary Beth, I know you will do a marvelous job. You are as bright as aChristmas tree bulb. Now Travis how about you?” Travis coughed and looked at the floor. Then without saying a wordhe did his dance for Mrs. Brenner. Just like in his dream. And she laughedand clapped just like the wizard. “Oh, Travis,” she said, “that is one happy dance. Since Mary Bethisn’t going to sing her song, you can dance to the music. Oh, I’m so excited.This play is going to be the best ever.” 32
  33. 33. She hugged them both and then walked to the center of the stage humming herfavorite song. “Sing Hallelujah, Come On Get Happy.” Picture 33
  34. 34. I want mommy and daddy to know: I am afraid of not being special, of not being important to anyone, I think that mommy and daddy are telling me that I am good or ok only if I do special things. It is not ok to have my own feelings or my own identity. I think that the world likes people who always win and so I must not fail. I wish they would say, “You are loved for yourself, not what you do. Maybe I don’t have to be the best. Maybe people will like me just the way I am. Maybe what other people think of me is not important. This would feel better than always trying to be a person that really isn’t me. 34
  35. 35. ENNEAGRAM # 4My name is Nancy. I am eight years old. I know that my mommy loves me but I cannotfeel her love inside of me. I think maybe this is my fault, maybe I did something wrongwhen I was a baby and she took the feeling part of her love away. Maybe if I watch mysisters and other people that she loves I can learn how to get her feeling love back. Myfather loves me too but I always get embarrassed because he does things to be funny butthey are not very funny to other people like my friends and me. I do not want to grow upand be like him. I feel very sad a lot. I cry a lot and try to tell them that I want them tolove me but they do not understand because they think that they are already loving me. Iget jealous of other kids who get to be loved in the feeling way by their parents. Thisfeeling is called envy. They are always happy and I want to be like them. So I play withthem for a while but it doesn’t work so then I quit playing with them. Picture 35
  36. 36. My name is Victor. I am five years old. My mommy is sad a lot. I wish that I could fixher and make her happy but I do not know how. So this makes me feel very sad. I feellike I am all by myself a lot. My daddy works all of the time but sometimes he takes mewith him. He is nice but he has a lot of rules and I get tired of waiting in the car when hegoes to see his customers. I want to be happy and do fun things. My friends always havemore fun than me and I do not know why. Maybe if I had my own horse I could have funbut….mommy says you can’t have a real horse in the city and I would be allergic to thehorse anyway. I will keep trying to learn how to be happy, maybe if I try hard to helpother people be happy then I can be happy too. Picture 36
  37. 37. ENNEAGRAM #4 THE MAGIC ROSE Nancy and Victor were very excited. They were in a school chorus.Today was the day their teacher would announce who would get to sing thespecial solo in the school concert. Both Nancy and Victor wanted to be theone that would be chosen. Nancy looked at the other girls. She wished she had a bright red dresswith shoes to match like Suzy. Suzy’s mother was fun, too. Nancy wishedher mother would hold her hand and laugh with her like Suzy’s mother didwhen she picked Suzy up after school. Victor didn’t think it was fair that only one person would get a solo.He really wanted to be the one chosen because that would show the otherkids that he was the best. But the teacher would probably pick one of thegirls. They were her favorites. “Children, I’m pleased to say that this year’s soloist will be SuzySaunders. Congratulations!” When Nancy heard that she tried hard not to cry. Victor wanted tothrow something. They both said, “this is too hard, we can’t work hard andthen watch someone else win”. We deserve to feel sad and angry. “Now, let’s all sing High Hopes and warm up our voices,” said theirteacher. After the practice both Victor and Nancy sat down on the bench infront of the school while they waited for their parents to pick them up.Beside the bench was a flower garden that the first graders had planted lastyear. There were daisies, marigolds and a rose bush, “ I don’t want to sing in the chorus,” said Nancy. “Me either,” said Victor. “It’s dumb.” “Dum Dee Dum Dee Dum. Chorus is Dumb!” sang Nancy. 37
  38. 38. “ I want to be the one, the one the special one,” sang Victor. “Me, too, Me too.” Nancy sang out even louder. “No!” Victor spoke in an angry voice. “There can’t be two specialones.” Suddenly, a cool breeze shook the rose bush in the flower gardenbeside the bench. The roses began to glow. Nancy looked at them inwonder. She went over and carefully picked a bright red blossom. A softperfume filled the air. Inside her she felt a tingling. Then she heard a tinyvoice. “Dear child, I am your faerie. Remember to listen to me. Inside youare songs and stories, and paintings that only you can make. When youremember to play in that way, joy will come each day.” Nancy ran back to Victor. She held out the rose. “Do you hear anything?” “Roses can’t talk,” said Victor. But then, just like Nancy, Victor felt a tingling inside. Then he heard asoft, low voice. “Oh, my boy, I am your wizard light. Inside you are songs andstories, and paintings that only you can make. Look at the clouds, what doyou see? Don’t wait for someone to ask you now. Make it anywhere,anyhow.” “Yes,” said Victor. “I hear it. I hear it. Hey, that cloud looks like adragon.” “And that one is a ship on a stormy sea,” said Nancy. 38
  39. 39. Beep, Beep! Their parents were calling them. “Bye! Goodbye,” Nancy and Victor called to each other as they ran tothe cars. Soon after Nancy and Victor left, another child came over to sit downon the bench and wait. The rose bush in the garden began to glow. “Roses are red, violets are blue You are enough,” whispered the rose faerie. “And special too,” whispered the wizard rose. Picture I want mommy and daddy to know: I am afraid that I am not important just because I am me. I think that mommy and daddy are telling me that I am good or ok if I am the me they want. I should not say what I feel. The me they want should be - not too busy or too happy just me but I do not know who the real me is and I don’t know how to find me. 39
  40. 40. I think that something is missing inside of me that other peoplehave and that I am all alone.I wish they would say, we see you for the beautiful person you areand there is nothing wrong with you. Other people will understandyou and support you too. Maybe other people even feel the sameway that you do. This would feel better than always comparingmyself to other kids and feeling that I am not as good. 40
  41. 41. ENNEAGRAM # 5My name is Eric. I am eight years old. My mother loves me a lot but she is always tryingto fix me and tell me how to feel. I think sometimes that I am being smothered. I justwant my own space to be alone. Grown-ups sometimes call this feeling avarice. Itmeans to not want to share myself with other people. If I try to talk about my feelings, mymother tries to fix them and my father tells me they are wrong. He thinks I should bebetter about doing my schoolwork. It is safer not to talk about my feelings. When I amalone I feel safe and I can think. I like to draw and make things like go-karts that are fastand powerful. I like computers a lot. You do not have to feel with computers but you canfeel powerful using them. My little brother drives me crazy because he will not leave mealone. My parents cannot make him quit bothering me. I get so mad sometimes that I hithim or the mad energy in my body makes me shake. I want to help the world to be abetter place but I do not know how I can if everyone does not leave me alone. Picture 41
  42. 42. My name is Alison. I am seven years old. My parents call me Mr. Spock because I amsmart at school and very good at computers. Mr. Spock is on TV-on Star-Trek. I likebeing smart but I feel sad that I do not know how to have fun. Sometimes I think I didcome from another planet. My mother is always trying to help me too much and myfather works a lot and doesn’t want to spend time playing with my brother and me. So Irun away to my room a lot and hide. Sometimes I read or play by myself and sometimesI just sleep. Picture 42
  43. 43. ENNEAGRAN #5 HIDEOUTS Eric and Allison live side by side on Concord Avenue. Behind each of theirhouses is a small woods filled with pine trees—a perfect place to find a hideout. Early one sunny afternoon Eric and Allison set off to do just that. Allison waswearing her backpack from school. Eric was carrying a large bucket filled with string,scissors, a shovel and some of his favorite toy cars.Into the woods they went. But it wasn’t long before they heard Eric’s little brothercalling out to them. “Oh, no, it’s Jimmy,” cried Eric. “Hurry! Hide! He’ll ruin everything.” He ran as fast as he could and hid behind a huge pine tree. “Safe!” he called. “ Sshhhh!” said Allison. “ He’ll hear you. Your little brother is a pest. Just likemine.” She saw a large bush in front of her. She pulled apart the branches and crawledinside just in time. Jimmy went running by. “Eric, where are you? I’m gonna find you!” he shouted. As Allison hid there in the big bush, she noticed that the branches made a higharch over her head. She could see out, but no one could see in. The ground was dry andsoft. “I found my special space,” she thought to herself. Yesterday she had carefully put together everything she needed to make her ownprivate hiding space. She had a bottle of water, some crackers, a pencil, paper fordrawing, a book and a blanket. As she spread all these things out she felt how peaceful itwas to be all by herself. Now she could be free to think. No one could bother her. Meanwhile Eric found a hideout of his own under a huge pine tree. He gatheredbranches from on the ground. Then he tied them together with string to make a wall. Heused the special knot he had learned from his knot-tying book. This was going to begreat. His little brother Jimmy would never find him. “Nice hideout.” 43
  44. 44. Eric jumped at the sound of the voice. Where was it coming from? Eric lookeddown and there--sitting on a pinecone was—a wizard! “I would prefer a somewhat more comfortable chair!” The wizard stood up. Hewaved his hands and presto-- a blue velvet cushion appeared. Then he sat down andgrinned happily at Eric. “Much better!” he declared. “Allison!” called Eric. “Allison.” But Allison didn’t hear him because inside her hideout was a faerie. She flutterednext to Allison and whispered in her ear. “Lovely, lovely—no one can find you here.” “That’s good,” said Allison. The faerie waved her wand. The faerie spoke softly. Allison felt a warm feelinggrow in her heart. “Allison, Allison. Here’s your magic key. You can make a private space outside that only you can find. And you have a special space inside of you where only you can go. Listen, listen for my voice inside of you that only you can know. A voice that says to your heart and to your mind --It’s safe to share, it’s safe to grow--.” Allison felt such a happy feeling inside that she called out to Eric.“ Eric, come here.” Eric heard Allison calling. “Where are you?” “Here,” Allison stuck her head out of her hide-out. “You can come in.” “Wow, this is cool,” said Eric. Poof! The wizard appeared beside him. “Oh,” Allison clapped her hands. “First a faerie and now a wizard. It’s magic.” “Listen, my boy,” said the wizard. “A private space is good to have, but friendsare too. Inside of you is a heart that’s true. That’s the magic key. It’s OK to tell others-- even little brothers— I want to be alone, 44
  45. 45. But remember-- heart to heart is the spell That will serve you well. “We’re always with you,” whispered the faerie and the wizard. Then, in ashimmer of light, they disappeared. Eric and Allison sat quietly together for awhile. Suddenly they heard, “Allison! Eric! Where are you? I’m gonna find you!!” “It’s Jimmy,” said Eric. “Are you gonna hide? asked Allison. But it was too late. Jimmy heard the voices and burst into the hideout. “Hey!. I found you!” he cried. “You can’t hide from me.” “Jimmy I didn’t invite you to come in here,” said Allison. “My mom said I could come and find you.” he whined. “Jimmy, you can’t come bursting in on people. Sometimes I want to see you, butsometimes I want to be alone. Like now. “ said Allison. “Come on, Jimmy,” said Eric. They climbed out of Allison’s hideout. Eric looked down at his little brother. Then he remembered the Wizard and felt awarm feeling in his heart. “Jimmy, I’ll help you build a hide-out next to mine. But you can’t bug me all thetime. Promise?” “OK, promise.” said Jimmy. He pulled a bag of peanuts out of his pocket.“Would you like some?” Eric took some peanuts. “Come on. Let’s look over here.”Allison watched from her hide-out. Tomorrow maybe Jimmy could share her hideout.But today she wanted to be alone. She picked up her paper and pencil and began todraw. Soon the paper was filled with prancing horses and sailboats. 45
  46. 46. PictureI want mommy and daddy know: I am afraid of not being helpful, and not being able to do things right. I think that my mommy and daddy are telling me I am good or ok if I have completely learned the right way to do something. It is not ok to feel happy in the world until I have learned to do it all right. I think that the world is invasive and I need privacy to keep my energy and to think. I wish they would say that what I need is not a problem for them. Maybe when I grow up then I can trust people and tell them what I need. I can be happy in the world. My future will be ok. Then I can feel safe inside and out. This would feel better than thinking and worrying too much about what is happening to me. 46
  47. 47. ENNEAGRAM # 6My name is Alex. I am six years old. My father is in the military and he has a lot ofrules. Sometimes he is nice but sometimes he drinks a lot of beer and then he yells a lotand maybe hits me. One day when I was eating lunch, he was mad because I did not eatfaster. He yelled at me and dumped my plate of food over my head. I felt very veryscared (this is called fear) and like I was a bad person. I felt alone because when daddygot that mad mommy could not stop him. There was no who could help me to be safe. Iam a little bit scared all of the time now. I do not know when daddy will be mean and Itry hard to stay out of his way. I am very smart but I stay quiet at school because I amafraid that someone might yell at me like daddy does. I do not like to go to other kidshouses because I think that I am different and everyone is thinking that I am not good. Picture 47
  48. 48. My name is Maria. I am eight years old. My mother loves me because she wanted me fora long time before I came. She is very busy though and when my daddy gets mad andstarts yelling at us she gets scared too like me. Daddy says very mean things when he isnot happy. One day my Aunt came to visit and daddy wanted me to come out of myroom and visit with my aunt in the family room. I did not come fast enough and so daddycame and pulled me by my dress collar. I was so scared when he pushed me on the chairthat I wet my pants. Then I was very embarrassed and very scared. I wish daddy wouldlove me more and not be so mean. I think that if I can always understand any bad thingsthat could happen then I can use my brain to know how to stop the bad things fromhappening or how to fix them. This makes me have to think all of the time but it helpsme to not be so scared. In school and with a lot of grownups I think that I am smarterthan they are. I get mad when they try to tell me what to do. Picture 48
  49. 49. ENNEAGRAM #6 COURAGE AND ICE CREAM CONES The day was very hot. There wasn’t even a breeze to stir the leaves on the trees.Alex and Maria were playing in the sandbox at the tiny park in their neighbor hood.Their neighbor Mrs. Bundy was also at the park. She was sitting on one of the benchesreading a book. She was wearing big red sunglasses. Alex, Maria and Mrs. Bundy were waiting for something--the ice cream truck!Ding, ding. They heard the familiar bell. There it was. The brightly colored truck cameto stop. Alex and Maria ran over to it. ‘What will it be?”.said the red-faced ice cream man. “Hurry up! It’s hot!” Hisface was all sweaty. “One vanilla cone, please,” said Alex. “I want a strawberry one,” said Maria. “Hold your horses--one at a time,” said the man in a sharp voice.He handed a cone to Alex. Alex reached up to take it. As he did, the ice cream slid rightoff the cone and landed plop! on Maria’s new flowered skirt, then squish! onto the grass. Maria started to cry. She knew she was going to get yelled at for messing up hernew clothes. “Watch what you’re doing!” the ice cream man yelled at Alex. “And don’t thinkI’m giving you another!” Alex started to get a shaky feeling inside. He felt very afraid, and he felt likecrying. Just then Mrs. Bundy, who had been watching everything, walked over to thetruck. “Excuse me,” she said to the ice cream man. “Accidents happen sometimes, don’tthey---Mister--what is your name, sir?” “Brown, Mr. Brown,” said the ice cream man. 49
  50. 50. “Mr. Brown, I’m Mrs. Bundy. As I was saying, accidents do happen. However,do you think it is possible that the scoop of ice cream wasn’t pressed on quite firmlyenough and that is why it slid off the cone? And, of course, it is very hot today.” “Well, maybe,” answered Mr. Brown. “Anyway, I would like to buy this friend of mine another cone. Alex, please tellMr. Brown what you would like. You, too, Maria.” Mr. Brown handed Alex another vanilla cone and gave a strawberry cone toMaria. This time the ice cream stayed on the cones. Mrs. Bundy sat down on a nearby bench with the children. She helped them wrap napkins around the cones to catch the drips. “You’re going to have to lick fast on a day like today.” She laughed. “Maria, I’ll help you wash out that skirt. We’ll use some water from the drinking fountain. In this heat that skirt will dry in no time at all.” Alex and Maria sat still and licked their ice cream cones. The cold, sweet icecream tasted delicious! “Children, while you lick away, I want to tell you a story,” said Mrs. Bundy.“You know that I used to be a child, too,” she said. “And I was afraid when big peopleyelled at me. In fact, sometimes, even today, when people yell so loudly, I still can feel alittle bit scared. But I found a magic key that helped me.” “What was it?” said Maria. She had a bit of strawberry ice cream on her nose. “I learned to have courage. And I learned courage because I learned to listen tothe voice inside me. Sometimes it is the voice of a faerie; sometimes it is the voice of awizard. When big people start yelling & you are afraid because you do not know whatwill happen next, I want you to listen to the voice inside of you. I want you to trustyourself. That’s the key. It will help keep you safe. Why don’t you try saying that? “Itrust myself.” “ I trust myself,” said Alex and Maria in between ice cream licks. “One more time for good measure?” encouraged Mrs. Bundy. “I trust myself.” “ Lovely! Oh, and one last thing to remember--sometimes there are other bigpeople who can help.” She winked at them. 50
  51. 51. Alex finished his ice cream. “Thank you,” he said to Mrs. Bundy. “Next time Iget scared, I’m going to listen for my wizard voice.” “Very good!” said Mrs. Bundy. “ And remember that you and Maria are stilllearning about the world. Each day you are growing and changing. Courage, children.Life will ask you to have courage, and you will have it. Now let’s clean up that skirt,Maria.” Alex watched as Maria and Mrs. Bundy walked over to the fountain. He was gladthat Mrs. Bundy had been in the park. As he walked over to the swings, he imagined thata wizard was walking beside him. Then he imagined that HE was a wizard with a longgrey beard. When he got to the swings, Maria came running over. “Let’s go high!” she called to Alex. Maria and Alex each grabbed a swing and then they sat down and began to pump;their strong legs pulled at the air. Up and up the children went into the sky so blue. “ Isn’t that the most marvelous thing ever a child can do?!” exclaimed Mrs.Bundy. She clapped her hands. “Hurray! Hurray!” Maria heard her and called out. “I’m flying, just like a faerie!” Yes! Oh, yes! Picture 51
  52. 52. I want mommy and daddy to know: I am afraid of no one keeping me safe or helping me. I think that mommy and daddy are saying I am good or ok if I do everything that they want me to. It is not ok to trust myself. I think that the world is a threatening (scary) place and I am alone, I wish they would say that I am safe. That things will work out fine. I do not have to think about all of the things bad that might happen. I can trust myself and what I feel. This would feel better than always hoping that somebody or some plan can keep me safe. 52
  53. 53. ENNEAGRAM # 7My name is Ben. I am five years old. My mommy and daddy love me a lot but I thinkthat they loved me more before my brother was born when I was four years old. Theyused to think that I did every thing right but when my brother came they said “no” a lotmore to things that I want to do. My father does not think that I can do things as good asI think I can. They talk a lot about being responsible. That is a grown-up word thatmeans to do stuff the way that they say. Mostly I am happy now and I like to go toparties but sometimes I get really mad because I know that my way is more fun than the“responsible” way. When I feel like this I do what I want to do. Sometimes I get introuble with my parents and sometimes I feel bad but sometimes I feel good and veryhappy because I am doing what I want. When I do a lot of what I want like eat a lot ofice cream when no one is around, it is called gluttony. Oh, and my kindergarten teacheralso says that I am hyperactive - that means that I have too much energy to sit still theway she wants me too. Picture 53
  54. 54. My name is Cecilia. I am six years old. I am the only little girl in my family. I have tohelp my mother with my brothers. It is important that I learn to take care of myselfbecause my mother has a lot to do for my brothers and my father. My father does notunderstand girls so he does not know how to love me. When I grow up I am going to goto other countries and have pretty dresses, go to a lot of parties and only have to take careof myself. I am going to make pretty things and sell them for a lot of money so I can doanything I want to. If I get married I will marry a man who knows about girls and knowsabout responsible and letting you do what you want to do. We will be rich together andgo to a lot of parties. Picture 54
  55. 55. ENNEAGRAM #7 LEMONADE ANYONE “Lemonade for Sale—25 cents” said the bright yellow sign resting on thered table. Beside the sign was a big jug filled with lemonade and a stack of paper cups.Ben and Celia were sitting behind the table. They had gotten up early that morning to setup their little business. “Isn’t this fun?” said Ben. ”We’re going to see all our friends.” “And with the money we make , we can buy some candy,” said Celia. “This ISfun!” As the morning went on several children and grown-ups stopped for lemonade.The blue tin money cup was filling up with quarters. But Celia was getting bored. She wanted to do something different. Just thenMattie came running over. She was Celia’s best friend. “Celia, wanna come over to my house?” she said. “ My grandma just brought me a whole box of toys she found at a yard sale. Come on. Let’s go.” That sounded like fun to Celia. “Bye, Ben,” said Celia. “Wait!” said Ben. “You can’t go. You said you were going to sell lemonadewith me.” “Well, “said Celia, “I did. But now I want to do something else. Bye.” Ben was mad. Celia wasn’t being ..what was the word he heard his fathersay…responsible. She was supposed to help at the stand not just go running off to dowhat she wanted to do. Just then a funny looking man walked over to the stand. He had a very long noseand was wearing a long purple coat. His hair was white. The hat on his head looked likea large green peapod. Where did he come from Ben wondered. 55
  56. 56. “Hello young sir. I am Wizard Whoppledopple. But you can call me W.D. Nicestand you got going here. Having fun?” “No. Celia left. She shouldn’t have gone.” “Well, I guess she had other fish to fry. I should say lemons to squeeze.” Helaughed. Sometimes Celia can’t be still for herself so she can’t stay still here with you. “What am I gonna do now?” said Ben. “Exactly,” said Wizard Whoppledopple. “What are you going to do? Then Wizard Whoppledopple began to Hmmmmmm. Suddenly, Ben heard the same Hmmmmm sound inside his body. Then he hearda voice say, “ You can stay-- or---you can go. Stay or go. It’s your choice, don’t youknow. Check inside, and you will always know what is the really responsible thing to do.Go ahead, give it a try.” So Ben stood very still, listened to the voice inside him. “I’m going to stay hereuntil all the lemonade is gone,” said Ben to WD. “I said I would and I want to. “ “In that case-- 6 glasses, please. I’m very thirsty.” So Ben poured the lemonade, and W.D. drank and drank—and drank some more. Right then Celia came running back and flying above her was---a tiny, sparklingfaerie. “Ben, look!” Celia handed him a shiny toy fire truck. “This was in the box! Thisvoice inside me said you would like it, so I came running back to give it to you. It has aladder and a hose.” “ This truck is cool. Thanks, Celia,” said Ben. “Where’s the lemonade?” asked Celia. Ben looked at the jug. It was empty. But under the corner were two one dollarbills. “This funny looking man drank it all,” said Ben. “What do we do with these?”He held up the money. “You keep them,” said Celia. “You stayed here. I went to do something else Iwanted to do more.” The faerie that was floating above Celia’s head sparkled morebrightly. “But we share the money in the cup. I was here and responsible all morning.” 56
  57. 57. “OK,” said Ben.The tiny faerie circled around Celia’s head. Then she buzzed by Ben. “You have the magic key!!! Both of you! Check inside and see!” she sang out--and off she flew. In the distance a tall man dressed in a purple coat and a green hat shaped like apeapod burped loudly. “Ah, lemonade,” he said. Picture I want mommy and daddy to know: I am afraid of not getting things I want and getting stuck doing things I don’t like. I think that my mommy and daddy are telling me that I am good or ok if I act happy ,like I feel good and that I am getting what I want. It is not ok to have other people do things for you or take care of you. I am confused about how to be happy and responsible. I think that the world should be full of only fun things and I like to think about the future, then I do not have to pay attention to now. 57
  58. 58. I wish they would say that I will be taken care of. Then when I grow up I will feel like what I have is enough and that I do not need to go somewhere else to be happy. I can feel like I am not missing out on things. This will feel better than trying to figure out what to do next to be happy or responsible.ENNEAGRAM # 8My name is Tabatha. I am seven years old. I am mad at my mommy because I want herto love me and she decided not to live with us. She never comes to visit. On Christmasshe was going to come and I waited and waited but she never came. She just sent apresent. My daddy works hard but he does not really know how to take care of kids. Ipretty much have to take care of myself and sometimes my little sister too. I think thatgrown-ups do not tell kids the truth and they do not keep kids safe. Every time I try tohave somebody love me, they trick me. I think that grown-ups hurt kids and that kidshave to learn to take care of themselves. 58
  59. 59. PictureMy name is Robert. I am eight years old. My daddy is a very important man but at homehe yells a lot and tells all of us what to do. Sometimes when I am in my room alone Ihear him hitting mommy and she cries. I get scared. I wish he would go away. When Iget big, I am going to be very strong and have a lot of money so nobody can hurt me andmommy again. I will help take care of other kids too so that mean grown-ups can’t hurtthem. When I get real sad or mad I liked to eat a lot of ice cream and ride my bicycle realfast. This makes me feel better and it uses up some of my energy. My Enneagram iscalled lust because I like to do things like this. Picture 59
  60. 60. ENNEAGRAM # 8 CAPTAINS ALL Tabitha loved being the captain of her soccer team called the Tigers. She liked cheering on the other children. “Good job! Down the line,” she would call out. “Let’s go!” Sometimes her coach, Mr. Allen, let other children be captain. Tabitha didn’t likethat. She especially didn’t like it when Robert was the captain. Robert was very bossy.She didn’t trust him to know what was best. When he told her to run fast down the field,she thought he was just tricking her so that he could take the ball and score. Funny enough, Robert didn’t like it when Tabitha was captain. He didn’t trust herto pass him the ball. He didn’t like it when she called out to him. He felt that made himlook silly. Both Robert and Tabitha were very much alike. They knew what was the bestway to do things; they both wanted to be in charge. When Robert was in charge, he feltsafe. When Tabitha was in charge, she felt safe. One crisp fall morning, the Tigers gathered on their soccer field. The field wassprinkled with bright orange and yellow leaves. They were going to play the Bears, ateam from another elementary school. Their coach Mr. Allen called the team together. “ Today we’re all going to go out on the field and have fun! Remember that thesnack today is homemade chocolate cookies and –my favorite—chocolate milk. So, runfast boys and girls.” Then he pointed at Robert. “ Robert, let’s have you start as captaintoday.” “Ha Ha,” said Robert to Tabatha. “I told you I was the best.” Tabitha started to cry. “You are not!” she yelled. “I should be captain. I’m justas good.” “Not as good as me!” Robert yelled. “Am, too,” yelled Tabitha right back. “Robert, Tabitha, come with me,” said Mr. Allen. “Everybody else, go warm up.Practice your kicking.” He led Robert and Tabitha over to a long bench on the side of thefield. 60
  61. 61. “I wanna be captain,” they both shouted. Mr. Allen shook his head. Then he smiled. “Kids, have a seat. Now I want youto listen up. Please.” Robert and Tabitha sat down on the bench, but they did not sit close to each other. “Both of you are leaders. Both of you are good captains. But a captain is onlyone part of a team. Remember even a captain needs to have others to help play the game.The captain cannot do it all by himself.” He patted Robert’s head. “Or herself!” Thenhe patted Tabitha’s head. “Everyone has to trust that each player is doing the best that he or she can do.That’s what makes a team. Can you do that? Be a part of this team whether you arecaptain or not?” asked Coach Allen. “But I like being captain,” said Robert and Tabitha together. “There is not enoughtime for both of us to get to be captain and so it won’t be any fun and the other kids wholike the captain best will not like us both as much. Then Mr. Allen reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a shiny goldkey. “When I was your age, someone gave me this. Here, you can hold it.” He gave the key to Robert. Then Mr. Allen gave the key to Tabitha to hold. Sheheld it tightly and then handed it back to Mr. Allen. Her hand felt warm. “The key came with a story. Here it is. Ready?” “Yes,” answered Robert and Tabitha. “Inside each of us is a magic key. This key is made of light and love. When yourheart opens, then the magic begins to work. Sometimes you’ll hear a wizard voice --sometimes it is a faerie voice. This voice tells you what a bright light you are. Everyonehas a light, a voice inside--the captain, the forward, the goal keeper--everyone on ourteam. Even me!” Mr. Allen laughed. “Even everyone on the other team. Feel yourheart, listen to that voice, and you won’t have to be in charge all the time to feel safe.” “Mr. Allen,” said Tabitha, “I have an idea.” “Great. I love ideas. What is it?” “Could we all have a key to carry?” 61
  62. 62. “Could we?” echoed Robert. “Then it would be easier to remember to listen tothe voice and open our hearts.” “And we could tell everyone the story, too,” said Tabitha. “That is one great idea. Keys for all the team---tomorrow. Right now we have agame to play.” Tabitha and Robert stood up. “Robert, you start today as captain. Tabitha, you’ll get your turn later. Now let’sgo. Out on that field. Cheer each other on!” The Tigers scored twice that day. After the game all the children ---Bears andTigers –and, of course, Mr. Allen sat down to have some milk and cookies. “You all played great,” said Mr. Allen. “ Let’s have a group cheer!” “Hip -hip Hooray! Hip- hip Hooray!” shouted the children. Their voices floatedup and over the soccer field. Picture I want mommy and daddy to know: I am afraid of being hurt or controlled by others. I think that mommy and daddy are showing me that it is not ok to be weak or trust people. It feels like I am good and ok and safe when I am strong and in control of situations and other people. 62
  63. 63. I think that the world is an unfair place and I try to help the innocentpeople, especially kids.I wish that that they would show me that I can trust them and that they willnot trick me. Then when I grow up I can feel that people will not trick meand that it is ok to love and trust people and let them love me. That wouldfeel better than trying to force or control my life and other people so that Ican feel safe. It does not really feel good to be mean to other people andeven if people pretend to like you because of your toys, there is an emptysad place inside of you because they do not like you just for you. 63
  64. 64. ENNEAGRAM # 9My name is Brian. I am six years old. My mommy and daddy love me but they do nothold me as much as I want. My daddy always tells me how to do things right and if Idon’t do it right he makes me feel not very smart. Mommy tries to help me too but she isnot as smart as daddy either. One time at school the teacher told me to tie my shoes. Icouldn’t do it and some of the other boys laughed at me. This did not feel very good butwhen I told daddy he said that it was my fault for being six years old and not learninghow to tie my shoes. Now sometimes I have trouble trying to decide what I should dobecause I am afraid I might not do it right. So I am Lazy about making decisions. Picture 64
  65. 65. My name is Sandy. I am five years old. My mommy loves me but she has to always dowhat my stepfather says. I think this is because he has all of the money and you cannottake care of yourself and your kids without money. My stepfather has a lot of rules. It isimportant to use the toothpaste just the right way and when I help wash the dishes, wehave to wash the glasses first and then the spoons and forks and then the dishes. He tellsus we are stupid if we do not do it right. I get afraid to do things because I am afraid thatI will not do them right. Sometimes mommy tries to tell him to be nicer but he doesn’tget nicer. He makes me eat eggs and other things I don’t like . I like it best when he is atwork and does not come home. Inside of me I get scared of him sometimes but I feel thatI am smarter than him. Sometimes I do things my way and trick him. This makes me feelbetter. I think that he only took me and my brother because he wanted to marry mymommy, he doesn’t care very much about us. Picture 65
  66. 66. ENNEAGRAM #9 SNOWDAY Brian and Sandy were so excited. Yesterday the snow kept falling and falling.Today they didn’t have to go to school. The sun was shining brightly. The snow waspiled high in their yard. It was a perfect day to play outside. “Let’s build a snowman,” said Sandy. “OK,” said Brian. They each made a snowball and then rolled them around the yard. Each snowballgrew bigger and bigger. Together they made one more. Now they had three big,beautiful round snowballs. Then Brian and Sandy stacked them on top of each other. Asnowman! “Should he have a carrot for a nose?” wondered Sandy. “Maybe it should be a button,” said Brian. “ Or maybe a rock.” “Do we need a scarf?” asked Sandy. “Some snowmen have hats,” Brian said. “Maybe we could have a cane or sticks for arms,” said Sandy. Brian and Sandy kept talking and talking. They didn’t know which would beright---rocks, buttons, carrots, or scarves. “Maybe you could ask your mom,” said Brian. “She doesn’t care what I do,” answered Sandy. “No matter how good my work is,she doesn’t even see it; she is always busy with other people”. Jingle, jingle--the sound of sleigh bells filled the air. Sandy looked up to see ascooter go by. But instead of wheels, the scooter had runners so that it skimmed over thesnow. Brian and Sandy just stared. The bells, hanging from the handlebars, jingledmerrily. The sled went zig - zagging back and forth in front of them. But no one was onthe scooter-sled. Or was there someone? Brian and Sandy looked closer. A faerie was standing on the handlebars. She wasdressed all in white fur. Her hair looked like tinsel --all silver and shiny. Hanging fromher fur coat were red bobbles that looked like cherries. She was waving a tiny wand. 66
  67. 67. “Hello, hello. Happy snowday!” she sang out as she slid by. Zoom! Back shecame. Suddenly, the scooter-sled stopped, wobbled, and then fell over. The tiny faerieflew through the air and landed softly on the snowman’s head. “Dear me,” she said, “This snowman--or is it a snow woman --needs someaccessorizing.” “Some what?” said Sandy “Decorations-doo dads and such.” “We know that.” Brian said, “ …but we don’t know what it should be. Do you?” “Oh, I have ideas, but so do you. I know you are both very smart! By the way,my name is Snowblossom.” She fluttered her wings. “Well your ideas are probably right,” answered Brian. “Great gobs of glitter, Mr. Brian. I can see I’m going to need some help.” Snowblossom waved her tiny wand. The snow began to whirl about. Thensuddenly out of the whirling snow stepped ---a wizard. Well, he looked like a wizardbecause he had a tall, pointed hat. But he was also wearing a bathing suit and sunglasses! “Oops,” he said. “This calls for a quick change operation.” Zip! He was clothedin a magnificent shiny gold robe. “Much better. Much warmer!” He looked at the faeriesitting on the snowman beside him. “Snowblossom! Are you the one that called mehere? I was sunbathing in Borneo.” “Yes, dear. Meet Brian and Sandy. They need our help.” She flew down fromthe snowman and sat on the Wizard’s head. “They’re stuck. Trying to be right. Andperhaps not quite realizing just how GREAT they are.” “Oh,” said the wizard. He looked over at Brian and Sandy. They were standingvery still, very surprised at the goings on. “Snowblossom, what is the magic key?” said the Wizard. Snowblossom sang out, “Feel what you feel. Keep it real Go ahead. Youchoose --you decide. Remember. The light inside that is you will guide you and guardyou. Each day feel what is the way.” “I decide to have this carrot for a nose.” Sandy burst out happily. 67
  68. 68. Brian said, “I’m going to make button eyes.” “Marvelous,” said Snowblossom. “ Keep going!” “ This is fun,” said Sandy. “Let’s make a skirt with branches. She quicklygathered some pine boughs. “A skirt?! said Brian. “I guess we’re making a snowgirl. OK. I’ll get someholly berries for her mouth. And twigs for hair. Awesome!” “This is the best snowgirl ever!” laughed Sandy. Snowblossom began to sing. “ Frosty the snowgirl was a very pretty sight.” “Remember, my dear children,” said the Wizard, “we are the light inside of you.You can power the world with that light. Don’t be afraid. People in the world want tosee your light! Listen to the wizard, listen to the faerie inside of you, and shine on—shine bright!” Through the crisp, winter air came a familiar voice. “ Brian, Sandy come have some lunch,” called Brian’s mother. She was standing on the porch of her house. “Oh, my,” she said. “Well, now. Look what you’ve gone and made..a snowman.” “It’s a snowgirl!” said Brian and Sandy at once. “ Why so it is! Beautiful!” Brian and Sandy smiled at each other. They knew they had made a wonderfulsnowgirl. “I’m hungry,” said Brian. “Me, too,” said Sandy. They waved good-bye to their magic friends and hopped and jumped through thesnow to Brian’s house where soup and hot chocolate were waiting just for them. And Snowblossom and the Wizard? They whizzed away on the scooter/sled.The Wizard stood up straight and tall as he zipped back and forth across the snow-covered streets. Snowblossom perched on the handlebars singing. The bells jingledmerrily in the air as they went on their magical way. 68
  69. 69. PictureI want mommy and daddy to know: I am afraid of nobody talking to me or wanting to be with me because I am not smart enough. I think that my mommy and daddy are showing me that it is not ok to stick up for myself and what I want; that I am only ok and good as long as everyone around me is feeling good and ok. I think that the world does not value me or my efforts. It is more comfortable to just keep the peace. That means be quiet and do what other people are doing. I wish that they would tell me that they want me to be with them. Then when I grow up I will know that I can do good things for the world because I will have a lot of energy and power to help people. This would feel better than always trying to not be involved in what I feel and what is happening in my world. I could quit worrying about how to do everything just right and quit just following what other people tell me to do 69
  70. 70. DO I KNOW WHO I AM NOW?DO I KNOW WHAT I AM SCARED OF?DO I KNOW WHAT MY MAGIC KEY IS?HOW AM I GOING TO USE MY MAGIC KEY WITH MOMMYAND DADDY AND WITH OTHER KIDS?NOW I AM NOT SCARED OF ANYTHING!I WANT TO-----------------------------------------------------------------WHEN I GROW UP, I WILL MAKE THE WORLD A BETTERPLACE BY --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------AND THIS IS THE END OF MY STORY or IS IT? 70
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