Partner or Player
A colleague of mine recently met a guy. There was chemistry. He wined and dined her.
They had fun together. Then all of a sudden he said that he had to move on. She was
left numb. Then she noticed he was on an online dating site. She had let herself go with
him and then she discovers she was dating a player. How do you know when a person
is a player?
There are certain people, men and women, that like to play the field. You may call
these types players. What isn't play is when that person doesn't let the person they are
engaging with known up front about it so that you can make an informed decision.
Underneath numbness it can feel at the least like someone splashed cold water all over
the warm wonderful feelings you were beginning to have. Or more intensely, that you
have been used for someone else's momentary pleasure. No one wants to have the
experience of being discarded for the next attraction.
The key is to be able to get to know who someone is before you actually step into the
intimate relationship. This is what historical courtship was all about. You let things
develop. There was time to get to know each other. You went on outings with friends so
that you could get other peoples opinion about that person for you. You would also
have certain pre-set criteria that would help you discern through this process that it
was clearly right for you to take the next step to engage your heart and your body.
Today with a fast paced world we live in it is very tempting when we are actively
seeking a great relationship to want to jump in with two feet once one that looks nice
appears at our doorstep. My recommendation is to do the opposite. Slow it down and
let it cook. Trust yourself and the process and take responsibility for your emotional
journey. Needy will pair you up with these types and also drive a real partner
Players who don't communicate who they are upfront will not want to engage for an
extended period because the drama is part of their play. BTW these types don't like
confidence either. So you will be able to eliminate these types very quickly by adhering
to taking your time and staying confident and emotionally balanced.
If you are seeking a healthy, loving relationship...you have one trajectory which is to
date leisurely, with discernment through the process, and when you see, feel, hear and
know it has the foundation you are seeking fall in love and create partnership that will
nourish and sustain you.
Karinna Kittles-Karsten, The Love Educator, is the founder of SacredLove.com an online
dating, love school and fun couples membership site. She is also an internationally recognized
relationship expert, speaker, author of the best-selling book, Intimate Wisdom, The Sacred Art
of Love, and the creator/host of the popular DVD Sacred Love-Making. Visit