More Se xual Intimacy
Today's question is from L.
My fiancé and I are very much
in love. We love to do
everything together. We do
have sexual problems though. I
like to be intimate more often.
He on the other hand, is very
laid back and does not initiate
sexual intimacy. He says it's
not me that it's his age and the
medications that he takes such
as Effexor and Lamictal. He's
never made any efforts to
change this. Please help.
Alright L, this happens often. This happens in many relationships. You are not alone.
One person would like to have more sexual intimacy and in this case it's you. And
there's nothing wrong with a woman being an initiator. It seems like this is your
defined role and I know that you wish that it were different. You could set a stage for
this to occur in your sex life.
I encourage you schedule in space to explore intimacy together. Once you're there, sit
with each other and really be in the moment. You don't want to project on to that
moment what's going to happen. How is it going to happen? Just allow yourself, the
space to meet each other. When you sit and face each other, just allow the moment to
become pregnant with your intimacy. And you can inquire within each of you what is
this intimacy want to be now? Allow what it wants to be in that moment to arise and see
if you can both honor each of the insights that is coming to you for that particular
moment in time.
This takes a lot of the pressure off in sexual intimacy where so filled with ideas and
images of what it might be like or should be like instead of just taking the moment and
say what does this intimacy, what does this sexual exchange want to be right now? And
I feel that it's going to take a lot of the pressure off of your partner. Sometimes we get
laid back in and less interested and initiating because we feel that is going to be a lot of
work on top of all our daily demands and responsibilities in life. And we knew or
actually present in the moment allowing what this intimacy wants to become and
honoring that and initiating that. Then, those pressures melt away and you can enjoy
more at that rich intimacy just what you're craving in that beautiful sexual exchange.
And also believe that eventhough there are real side-effects to taking certain
medications such as lower energy, less sex drive that by stripping away the pressure and
being really present at least a couple of times a week to each other and what your
intimacy wants to be at that moment, you'll start to see shift even with the
circumstances at hand.
I encourage you in this exploration to check out A Thousand Years of Sexual Wisdom. It
has beautiful rituals for being present and allowing for more fun and more exploration
during these moments that you're designing what your intimacy wants to be.
Karinna Kittles-Karsten, The Love Educator, is the founder of SacredLove.com an online
dating, love site and fun couples membership site. She is also an internationally recognized
relationship expert, speaker, author of the best-selling book, Intimate Wisdom, The Sacred Art
of Love, and the creator/host of the popular DVD Sacred Love-Making. Visit