Today’s question: Since my last
relationship ended, I have found myself
gaining weight. I feel lonely and I can’t
satiate my hunger. ~ L
Well L, this is a pretty common problem.
After one ends their relationship it is really
normal to feel lonely and there is certainly
the possibility of over eating but sometimes
that’s not even the case. You’re eating
normally and you start packing on more
weight. This is you feeling affection
Your body packs on weight because it is actually trying to protect you from the love
famine and it’s a withdraw process.
So, here are some suggestions for you.
Massage is a great way to get that tactile sense from another caregiver in a nonthreatening way, just so that you feel that touch, that sensitivity. It really helps to
soothe you and it’s a wonderful way to get through this period.
Secondly, a friend of mine told me yesterday that what they did when their relationship
ended and they were in a transition period was they went dancing. They learned all the
couples’ dances in a group class and I thought that was a great thing to do. She got a
wonderful tactile touch, which she needed and she got to meet people and learned
dancing too, which I think is a great combination for this period of time for you.
And thirdly, what I want to suggest this something a little out of the box. It’s called
platonic cuddling. Now, you may go away. That’s not for me. But, wait a second, listen
here. You may have a friend that you trust and that you would mind cuddling with.
And so, you just ask that friend, do you mind cuddling with me once a week or twice a
week? And you spend half an hour just cuddling in a non-threatening non-sexual way
and you can let down your guard again and relax into your body. And you feel that love
energy from your friend.
Cuddling is actually catching on worldwide. There are groups of people that cuddle
together. Ten, fifteen at a time where they’re actually in a group cuddling and
sometimes that’s easy to digest. You don’t feel like oh I’m just with one person
boundaries keep get a little blurred.
A group setting up cuddling is actually an interesting idea. And there is a non-profit
that you can check out called Cuddled Party and they have events across many different
states where you can go. There’s very specific roles. It’s a very non-threatening way to
support you in getting your physical nurturing needs match.
I highly recommend really taking care of yourself during this time and appreciating that
you do need affection, that you do need love, that you do need touch regardless if you’re
in a relationship right now or not.
Karinna Kittles-Karsten, The Love Educator, is the founder of SacredLove.com an online
dating, love site and fun couples membership site. She is also an internationally recognized
relationship expert, speaker, author of the best-selling book, Intimate Wisdom, The Sacred Art
of Love, and the creator/host of the popular DVD Sacred Love-Making. Visit