Tangling and Taming the Abrasive Leader: Ending Unnecessary Roughness and Achieving Balance at Work There are many abrasive managers and leaders in organizations that impact employee job satisfaction and retention. The common tools and activities employed by HR professionals, consultants and coaches are often not effective. The usual response is to tolerate the abrasive leader’s behavior or conduct because they are typically productive. The alternative is to terminate them. Neither solution enhances workplace productivity or organizational climate.

1. Executive Coaching, Performance and Conduct
Building Better Leaders
By Patrick Reilly
Resources In Action
December 2010
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2. Hi
P
E
R Leadership Development Coaching
F
O
R
M
A Abrasive Leader Coaching
N
C
E
Low
Typically, we think of executive coaching for high performers. Our hope is that the coaching will take the
high performers to the next level. Poor performers do not usually receive the benefit of coaching given
it’s an expensive intervention and provides a poor ROI for marginal performers. It is usually not good
business to invest in poor performers given our current tools and ways of thinking.
Laura Crawshaw changed the game with her seminal work, Taming the Abrasive Manager. Laura
developed a methodology that is very effective in working the folks on the bottom of the scale and
found that they could actually be rehabilitated. Tony Deblauwe produced a similar approach through
his work in Tangling with Tyrants where he addressed the work system, employee equation, and
communication process that drives mutually beneficial outcomes.
The problem with poor performers in Leadership and the diagram above is that they actually are not
poor performers; they are good performers who demonstrate poor (abrasive) conduct. These people
actually perform very well (great sales people, product developers or software engineers, etc.) but with
a cost. Their conduct has a negative impact on others and themselves. Both Laura and Tony make a
distinction between performance and conduct thus creating a different story about both those elements
and the role they play in executive coaching and organization development.
On the diagram on page 3, we look at both Conduct and Performance and add some definitions:
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3. Performance, Conduct & Executive Coaching
Leadership
High Performance – Excellence
Consistently exceeds
goals
Executive Coaching Territory
P
E Abrasive Leader Territory:
Leadership Development
R How do I stop my conduct from
Coaching: How do I take my
obscuring my talents & causing
F existing talent and conduct to the
collateral damage? (Cost of
O next level? (Compelling Vision)
working with me is too high)
R
M
A
N Should be on their way out of Should be on their way out but
C the organization may not attract attention like
their poor conduct colleagues
E
Low Performance –
Consistently fails to
achieve goals
Very Abrasive Little or No Abrasiveness
CONDUCT
Undesirable Conduct - Creates an Desirable Conduct - Creates
environment that detracts from the an environment that enhances
performance & well-being of self and performance & well-being of
others self and others
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4. Conduct
One key aspect of leadership that we subscribe to is the need for leaders to create a quality work
environment. Hay Group research indicates that organizational climate can impact organizational
performance 30%. This provides a compelling business reason for addressing the issue of poor or
abrasive conduct. Poor conduct (abrasive conduct) is conduct that creates an environment that detracts
from the performance and well-being of self and others. We realize that abrasive leaders can and do
produce good performance (goal achievement) but it is probably not what they could achieve if they
were not being abrasive. It is performance with a cost to themselves and others.
Our experience is that poor conduct is a simple, easily understood phrase that all business people
understand. However, in creating an appropriate comparative for the diagram of the conduct continuum
(page 4) we have chosen to use desirable and undesirable conduct for ease of comparison. We are not
aware of an appropriate comparative for poor conduct.
Performance
We describe high performance as “consistently exceeding goals”. This definition is very black and white.
We like this definition because it removes “conduct” from performance so that we can observe and
discuss both without mixing the elements together.
Low performance is “consistently failing to achieve goals”.
With those definitions in mind, we developed a new chart that brings both of those distinctions into play
as we look at Executive Coaching. This creates a different story than the first chart and one we think is
more reflective of the two discrete coaching options: leadership coaching for high potentials and
coaching for abrasive leaders.
The first key observation is that the focus of Executive Coaching is still top performers (anyone above
the median point with respect to Performance (goal achievement)). Once the general territory of top
performers is defined, the assessment of conduct would determine the coaching approach. Coaching
with those on the undesirable end of the Conduct Continuum would potentially have the following
distinguishing features.
 Possibly greater urgency to the coaching
 The coachee’s motivation would probably come more from “negative impact on others” than a
“compelling vision”
 The goal is more about stopping something – as Laura might say, “stop the attention on your
behaviors so people can get on board with your objectives” – as opposed to creating/enhancing
something
 Organizational sponsorship is essential – the coachee’s boss (or HR Department) should be a
strong advocate of the change and be willing to specify consequences for not changing
 The feedback would likely be weighted toward describing problematic behaviors rather than
extolling the positives
 There may be a greater than usual need to develop trust and credibility with the coachee
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5.  The coach (internal or external) must play both the “bad cop and good cop” roles successfully.
The coach must be unwavering in holding the “coachee’s” feet to the fire about their conduct
and its impact on others. At the same time, the coach must be compassionate and display
concern and empathy for the “coachee” throughout their time together. Despite needing to
present consistent, difficult feedback to the “coachee” the coach must win the confidence of the
“coachee” and become a trusted advisor.
Let’s look more closely at the application of either Coaching for Abrasive Leaders or Traditional
Leadership coaching or how you decide on approach and applicability.
Conduct Continuum
This is the top half of the chart above on page three, the median to high performing leaders from across
the conduct continuum. We didn’t divide this half of the performance continuum as we did with the
bottom half (poor performers). The reason is that we thought it would reinforce the perception that
there are two distinct kinds of coaching for two kinds of executive coaching clients – one kind of
coaching for abrasive clients and one kind of coaching for non-abrasive clients.
Conduct Continuum
High
Q Undesirable Conduct - Behaviors that
U create an environment that detracts
A from the performance of self and
others
N
T
Desirable Conduct – behaviors that
I create an environment that
T enhances performance of self and
Y others
Low
Undesirable Desirable
Conduct Conduct
This perspective erroneously suggests that conduct is an important issue for only abrasive clients but not
for non-abrasive clients. As we reflect on our executive coaching practices we notice that conduct is
actually an important issue in most coaching– which we have traditionally called leadership
development coaching. This makes sense if we look at conduct along a continuum with the lowest rated
conduct leaders demonstrating a lot of undesirable conduct which reduces and is replaced by desirable
conduct as you move along the continuum. With this view, even leaders who are on the right side of the
continuum have an important percentage of undesirable conduct.
So how does this matter? For traditional leadership development coaching conduct does matter. It is
always important for leaders aspiring to get to the next level and to be more effective to make shifts in
their focus, performance and conduct. This is the nexus of traditional leadership development coaching.
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6. Work with abrasive leaders is similar yet very different. Abrasive leaders produce results and are highly
valued for their contributions and performance. Their performance comes with a cost. How abrasive
leaders conduct themselves has significant negative impact on themselves and others and becomes so
prominent in people’s experience and perceptions that people start to focus on the conduct of the
abrasive leader and forget about the performance. In conducting an “interpersonal cost-benefit
analysis” they begin to wonder if the value produced through the performance outweighs the costs
accrued through the poor conduct. The poor conduct causes people to avoid working with the abrasive
manager, not tackling difficult issues with the abrasive manager or leaving the organization because
they can no longer work with this individual.
An Example
This example comes directly from a client organization. . “Mike” is a very talented salesmen and closer.
He was recruited from one large technology company to another by his former boss because he had
demonstrated over time the ability to consistently close business and because of his expertise and
connections in an industry vertical that the new company was moving into. There was one problem.
Mike, despite his great intelligence and talents, had not adapted well to the new culture. In his old
company the culture was one where the boss decided. The new company was more consensus focused
leading him to behave in ways that were not acceptable in the new company.
Despite his talents, Mike was running over people with his aggressive “I’m in charge” style and people
did not want to work with him. I was brought in as a last resort prior to termination.
From our initial coaching conversations, “Mike” came to understand how his behavior impacted the
business and those with whom he worked. This information was supported with data and a desire to
have Mike realize how he impacted others.
After the analysis he was surprised that the information boiled down to one simple idea – talk to our
people like you talk to your wife and daughter (which he previously disclosed were critical in his life).
This realization shocked him and he began the process of working towards a better communication
process.
So what does all this mean? Here are some initial thoughts.
1. We recommend that all coaches and leaders look more carefully and make the distinction
between conduct and performance so that we can understand and articulate the distinction for
both the organization and the client.
2. This model seems like a new and important way to talk about executive coaching with everyone
in the territory.
3. We believe that increased awareness of the balance between “the cost of working with” and
compelling vision requires an adjustment in coaching methods to assess if their application is
matching client need.
4. This process of examining the whole of executive coaching for top performers and the
organizational system they operate in has deepened our thinking about our approach to
executive coaching, what we are trying to achieve and, most importantly, what we are trying to
help our clients achieve.
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7. Conduct, holds our attention now more than before. And we should not be surprised that is true.
When, in our practices, we are faced daily with the inability of leaders to deliver difficult feedback
effectively, it should be no surprise that there are lots of conduct issues in the world of leadership.
How would they know?
For more information on how Resources in Action can help individuals and teams in your company
transform and thrive, please contact Patrick at www.resourcesinaction.com
Order Dr Laura’s book on Amazon: http://amzn.to/egzKWY
Order Tony’s book on Amazon: http://amzn.to/gsH05d
Patrick Reilly
President,
Resources In Action
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