Plain Language 2.0 for Editing: Strategies for Clarity and Connectivity

Plain
Language 2.0
for Editing:
Clarity with
Style
Romina Marazzato Sparano2019

Who I am
Translator, editor, localizer, educator
Founder of MATLM
@ Middlebury Institute of Int’l Studies, Monterey, 2005
Leadership in professional associations: TILP, ATA, SEA
Linguistics, U.S. Spanish, Plain Language, Deep Learning.
All trademarks and logos are the property of their respective owners.
Languages

Today’s Agenda
Plain Language
Definition, Milestones, & Pillars
Clarity with Style
Textuality, Adequacy
Issues: Literacy Levels, SEO, Postediting
Strategies
Grammaticality: Word Order, Parsing
Connectivity: References, Isotopies, Information Flow

Why Clarity with Style?
Attention is the reader’s gift to you.
That gift is precious. And finite.
And should you fail to be
a respectful steward of that gift
—by boring or exasperating your reader—
it will be promptly revoked.
Mathew Butterick
Practical Typography
Literacy Levels
SEO

Layaway Condition:
Title for property of the goods shall remain vested in the
Company (notwithstanding delivery of Same to the Consumer)
until the price of the Goods comprised in the Contract and all
other money due from the Customer to the Company on any
other account has been paid in full.
We retain ownership of the goods until you
have finished paying for them.
Plain Language translates this:
to this:

Plain Language 2.0
LOCATE UNDERSTAND ACT UPON
relevant information

SP War Corp.
1944
Consumer Affairs
1973
Plain English Campaign
1979
Land Management
1966
plainlanguage.gov
1994
Plain Writing Act
2010
Maury
Maverick
Kathryn
Catania
Katherine
Spivey
Chrissie Martin
Maher CuttsJohn O’Hayre
Bess
Myerson
Space + Time + MoneyPL Milestones

Oratory
~70CE
Spanish
~1250
English
~1420
Do not simply promote understanding,
prevent misunderstanding…
And, in matters of style, indulge in elegance,
for a writer wins but trivial praise if he gives
no more than clarity: his text seems free from weakness rather
than full of strength.
Quintilian Alphonse X Henry V

Acceptance by the Bank of payments in arrears shall not constitute a waiver
of or otherwise affect any acceleration of payment hereunder or other right or
remedy exercisable hereunder. No failure or delay on the part of the Bank in
exercising, and no failure to file or otherwise enforce the Bank’s security
interest in or with respect to any Collateral, shall operate as a waiver of any
right or remedy hereunder or release any of the undersigned, and the
Obligation of the undersigned may be extended or waived by the Bank, any
contract or other agreement evidencing or relating to any Obligation or any
Collateral may be amended and any Collateral exchanged, surrendered or
otherwise dealt with in accordance with any agreement relative thereto, all
without affecting the liability of any of the undersigned.
You can delay enforcing any of your rights
under this note without losing them. =

Rhode Island Dep. of Health -
Division of Community Health
and Equity
And MAXIMUS Center for
Health Literacy
SPANISH
“Brexit means Brexit and we’re going to
make a Titanic success of it.”
British Politician

Audience
Purpose
Structure
Wording
Design
PLAIN LANGUAGE
PILLARS
FOR
CLARITY WITH STYLE

Why is Clarity with Style Hard?
Textuality: how to build meaning
Adequacy: how to make it suitable
Guilt and bitterness can be emotionally
destructive to you and your children. You
must get rid of them.
Migraine is a neurologic disorder,
characterized by paroxysmal attacks of
unilateral throbbing pain…

Plain Language 1.0 Bulleted Advice
“Write as if you were speaking”
“Use active voice”
“Write for 6th grade level”
Nix ‘that’
Get rid of jargon
Be specific
Get rid of redundancies
Condense meaning
VS

SPEECH
Extemporaneous
Loose structure
Process
Synchronous with revision
WRITING
Planned
Tight structure
Product
Asynchronous with revision

Textuality: Grammaticality + Connectivity
Word Order Syntax Semantic Roles
Cohesion
Lexical
Repetitions
Definitions
Associations
Grammatical
References
Recasting
Connectors &
Punctuation
Coherence
Isotopies
Topic & Frames
Information Flow
Theme & Rheme
Relationships
Resemblance
Contiguity
Cause & Effect

buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.
The Secret is in the… P a r s i n g
is one of those things that drive people crazy.
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
Grammar
X’
XP
SP
AP
X’
X
X’
CP
AP

Grammaticality: parsing for meaning
SUBJECT + VERB + OBJECT + COMPLEMENT + ADJUNCT
main event supporting necessary optional
character character modifier modifier
The IRS will consider the offer acceptable when the amount
will not cause hardship.
Word Order Syntax Semantic Roles

Parsing
*The woman the thief the police apprehended robbed sat
down beside me.
 Clustering
 Little words matter!
 Punctuation
does NOT correspond to:
 Pauses in speech
 Boundaries of syntax
The woman whom the thief that the police apprehended
robbed sat down beside me.

Parsing: length is no measure
A good sentence, I find myself saying frequently, is one that the
reader can follow from beginning to end, no matter how long it is,
without having to double back in confusion because the writer
misused or omitted a key piece of punctuation, chose a vague or
misleading pronoun, or in some other way engaged in inadvertent
misdirection.
Benjamin Dryer
Steel knives are made from is often high-carbon steel.

Garden Paths & Ambiguity
We convinced her students have the maturity to talk
about difficult subjects.
her that students have…
Object + Subordinate Clause
her students
NP: possessive + noun
convinced…

Scaffolding is breaking up the learning into chunks and then you
provide a tool, or structure, with each chunk.
Parallel Structure
Occam’s Razor: SIMPLIFY
Scaffolding is breaking up the learning into chunks
and then providing a tool, or structure, with each chunk.

Punctuation: The $5M Comma
Truck drivers sued a dairy for 4 years of due overtime pay
Maine law exempts overtime pay for:
The canning, processing, preserving, freezing, drying, marketing,
storing, packing for shipment or distribution of:
(1) Agricultural produce;
(2) Meat and fish products; and
(3) Perishable foods.
NO SERIES COMMA!
no –ing either!

Practice: Comma and Parallel Structure
Nintendo EULA
You may not use the Wii Network Service for commercial or illegal
purposes, in a way that may harm another person or company, or
for any unauthorized or improper use as we may specify from time
to time in this agreement, our Wii Code of Conduct, or otherwise.
You may not use the Wii Network Service in any way or for
any purpose that is:
• commercial, unauthorized, or illegal,
• harmful to a person or company,
• improper as we may specify in this agreement, our Wii
Code of Conduct, or elsewhere.

Grammar Recap
 Linearization: Garden Paths & Ambiguity
 Parsing: Little Words, Punctuation,
Parallel Structure
Word Order
Syntax
Semantic
Roles

Cohesion
Lexical Grammatical
 Repetitions:
synonyms, hypo/hypernyms
 Definitions:
descriptions, explanations
 Associations:
related lexicons
 References:
co-text, context, cognition
 Recasting:
paraphrasing, redistribution
 Conectors:
discourse markers, punctuation,
Theresa May survives a no confidence vote.
But the Prime Minister’s Brexit deal remains in doubt.

Reference: Co-text
anaphora, cataphora
ellipsis, substitution
temporal structure
*When he walked into the store, the suspect
was wearing a mask.
When the suspect walked into the store, he
was wearing a mask.
?When he walks into the store, the
suspect was wearing a mask.
They’ll eat just about anything, from
fruits, nuts, and grass to pests... This
allows them to be remarkably
adaptable to new habitats…
?

Reference Chains & Genre
Journalism: proper N > def. NP > pers. pron.
Law: indef. N > def. NP > dem. NP
Theresa May survives a no confidence vote. But the Prime Minister’s
Brexit deal remains in doubt. Now, she must scramble to think of a Plan
B.
If an agent acts within the scope of his/her authority, a principal is
bound by the act of the agent.

Reference: Contextual
Pest
Trapping
Service
The possum complaints received are usually
due to one of three reasons: opossums have
invaded the home, they are stealing garbage,
or they are harassing pets.
Although I suspect that not many folks
would agree with me in calling opossums
‘cute,’ I hope I’ve inspired in you a more
positive perception of these nocturnal
marsupials.
 intertext
 situation
 interlocutors

Reference: Cognitive
Although their hairless tail and pointy snout
gives them a similar appearance to rats,
opossums are not even in the same family as
rodents.
 Knowledge of the world
 Subject matter knowledge

Reference Blunder
A flawless tribute to water, Bernini's Fountain of the
Four Rivers glorified the four major rivers of the Old
World — The Nile, Ganges, Danube, and Rio Plata.
Water, Langdon thought. The final marker. It was
perfect.
Angels and Demons by Dan Brown

Recasting: Syntactic Redistribution
Rearrange structure
Preserve semantic roles
Old before new
References
Bad neighbors
Memory
Effect Subject ≠ Agent ≠ Topic
My keys disappeared.

Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
Fronting
 Old before new
 For meaning (+ relational repair)
For over a year, the patient has chest pains when she lies
on her side.
The Virginia opossum is the only marsupial species in North
America. Like kangaroos and other marsupials, female opossums
rear their young in a fur-lined pouch ___________.

Passive Voice
The baby, Oedipus found out, had been brought to a
shepherd by a servant of the Laius house, who had
been told to abandon the child to the elements.
Agent is
Unknown or irrelevant
Relevant to object perception
Heavy
Big news!

θ
ROLE
1 Participant
Intransitive
2 Participants
Transitive
‘doer’ Unergative Transitive
‘done-to’
Unaccusative Passive Transitive
The city collapsed.
The storm roared. The storm destroyed the city
The city was destroyed
(by the storm.)

Cohesion Recap
 Repetitions
 Definitions
 Associations
 References: co-text, context, cognition
 Recasting: paraphrasing, redistribution
 Relationships
Lexical
Grammatical

Your TOPIC is the primary lifeline
to your readers’ prior knowledge

Isotopies: related ideas
Semantic Frames
Conceptual Pragmatic

Cogent Semantic Frame
History of Soccer
Some sources indicate that in pre-Columbian
South America the Guarani already played a
version of today’s soccer.
In the first dictionary of the Guarani language,
compiled by priest Antonio Ruiz de Montoya in
1639, an entry describes a game of football
between two teams. The game was played with an
inflatable rubber ball that players had to control
with their feet.

Erratic Semantic Frame
Soccer is a popular sport in countries all over the world, even in India since
before its independence in the mid-twentieth century. India shares a
border with Pakistan. Pakistan is a polysyllabic word.
History of Soccer
Soccer is a popular sport in countries all over the world, even in
India since before its independence in the mid-twentieth century.
India shares a border with Pakistan. Pakistan is a polysyllabic word.

Making the Case for Investing in Trees
Some 40 years ago, I worked for Florence Skelly …
She was a pioneer in the field of “values” research
While communicators can often create campaigns that shift attitudes –
at least temporarily – values tend to remain rock-solid.
Most people express and understand their own values in intensely
personal terms. They think as individuals, and they identify more
strongly with others who share similar values than with those who
might share the same zip code.
That creates a barrier for people who advocate for urban forestry (like
me) and companies who invest in communities…

Practice
Newton Passage
A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking
was not a pleasant man
embroiled
heated dispute
clashed
withholding information
work to be seized
mortal enemy
took the case to court
A more serious dispute arose

Women in government in the modern era are
underrepresented in most countries worldwide. Women have
inadequate opportunities in social participation, especially in
striving for political rights and power in the government and
different institutions…
Were women properly
represented at some other
point in history, then?
Do some countries have
proper representation at all
levels of government?
Are there countries in
other worlds we are not
counting in here?
Follow the logic
Are we talking only about
women in government?

Q: Do you believe in clubs for young people?
Isotopies: webs of meaning
Which of these things does not belong?
1. Blue
2. Yellow
3. Magenta
4. Cyan
Q: Do you believe in clubs for young people?
A: Only when kindness fails.
Linguistic Theories of Humor
Salvatore Attardo
Breaks for
humor
Domains of
belonging

FlatRelay Erratic
Information Flow
Message Progression: Story-telling
GIVEN then NEW
THEME then RHEM

Information Flow: message progression?
Soccer is a popular sport in countries all over the world, even in
India. India gained its independence at the same time the
Islamic Republic of Pakistan was formed. Pakistan is a
polysyllabic word and shares a border with Iran. Iran played
against Argentina in the 2014 World Cup.

Information Flow: message progression
America. Female opossums raise their young in a fur-lined
pouch like kangaroos. Opossums have human-like thumbs and
grasping tails. They use their thumbs and tails to climb trees.
Opossums look like rats because they have hairless tails and
pointy snouts. But opossums and rats are in different families.

Information Flow: message progression
America. Like kangaroos and other marsupials, female opossums
rear their young in a fur-lined pouch. Opossums also have
opposable thumbs and prehensile tails that they use to help
themselves climb trees. Although their hairless tail and pointy
snout gives them a similar appearance to rats, opossums are not
even in the same family as rodents.

Theme Rheme
America
Like kangaroos and
other marsupials,
female opossums rear their young in a fur-
lined pouch.
Opossums also have opposable thumbs and prehensile
that they use to help themselves…
Although their hairless
tail and pointy snout
gives them a similar appearance to rats

Theme Rheme
The Virginia opossum is the only species of its kind in North
America.
Female kangaroos raise their young in a fur-lined pouch.
Female opossums are like kangaroos.
Opossums have human-like thumbs and grasping
tails

Clinical Trial Text for Patients - BEFORE
Participants assigned to a study treatment group will make 10
visits over a 7-week period. These visits will be paid for by the
study. Regardless of group assignment, all participants will be
contacted at 2, 6, and 12 months after the start of the study for
about a 20-minute telephone interview.
GroupHealth Before Text

Clinical Trial Text for Patients – BEFORE
Participants assigned to a study treatment
group will make 10 visits over a 7-week
period. These visits will be paid for by the
study. Regardless of group assignment, all
participants will be contacted at 2, 6, and 12
months after the start of the study for about a
20-minute telephone interview.

Clinical Trial Text for Patients – PL1.0 DRAFT
If you are in a study treatment group, you will make 10 visits
over a 7-week period. The study will pay for these visits. No
matter which group you are in, we will call you for three phone
surveys that will last about 20 minutes each. These surveys will
take place 2, 6, and 12 months after you join the study.

Clinical Trial Text for Patients – PL1.0 DRAFT
If you are in a study treatment group, you
will make 10 visits over a 7-week period. .
The study will pay for these visits. No matter
which group you are in, we will call you for
three phone surveys that will last about 20
minutes each. These surveys will take place 2,
6, and 12 months after you join the study.

Clinical Trial Text for Patients – AFTER
You will answer three phone surveys at 2, 6, and 12 months after
you join the study. These surveys will last about 20 minutes
each. If you are in a study treatment group, you will also make
10 office visits over a period of 7 weeks. These visits will be free
of charge.

You will answer three phone surveys at 2, 6,
and 12 months after you join the study.
These surveys will last about 20 minutes
each. If you are in a study treatment group,
you will also make 10 office visits over a
period of 7 weeks. These visits will be free of
charge.
Clinical Trial Text for Patients – AFTER

Event Participants
when
BEFORE AFTER
patients actions when cost
ALL: survey months time
SOME: visit weeks money

Clinical Trial Text for Peers – BEFORE
During weeks 3-6, participants, regardless of group assignment,
visited the clinic once daily during weekdays. Participants in the
abstinence group received monetary incentives if their CO levels were
less than 6 ppm. Prior to the incentivized visits, participants were told
to smoke in their normal fashion and to begin preparing to quit
smoking. During the first 2 weeks of participation, all participants,
regardless of group assignment, visited the clinic once weekly. At the
end of the second week…

Clinical Trial Text for Peers – AFTER
During the first 2 weeks of the study, all participants visited the
clinic once weekly. They were told to smoke in their normal fashion
and to prepare to quit smoking. At the end of the second week,
participants were assigned to either an abstinence or an attendance
group. During weeks 3-6, all participants visited the clinic once
daily on weekdays. Participants in the abstinence group received
monetary incentives if their CO levels were less than 6 ppm.

Coherence Recap
Topic & Isotopies
 Conceptual families
 Follow the logic
 Common ground
 Create a rhythm for new info
 Logical Relationships
“Beyond Readability Formulas”
Information Flow
Connections

California Realtors Training Text – BEFORE
In California’s public policy pursuit of transparency in property information
between sellers and buyers, the disclosure obligations of the seller’s agent to
voluntarily inform prospective buyers about the fundamentals of the listed
property act to eliminate asymmetry and power relationships in sales
transactions. Thus, the seller’s agent is severely limited in their ability to
engage in any conduct or means at hand to exploit the prospective buyer’s
lack of knowledge about the condition of the property by use of these
disclosures.

California Realtors Training Text – AFTER WITH PL 1.0
California promotes sharing of information between sellers and buyers.
A seller’s agent must share basic information about the listed property
to erase power differences in the transaction. This duty prevents the
seller’s agent from exploiting the prospective buyer’s ignorance.

California Realtors Training Text – AFTER
In California, a seller’s agent must disclose any
issue about the property that might affect the
buyer’s decision.

THANK YOU!!!
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@LanguageCompass
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Plain Language 2.0 for Editing: Strategies for Clarity and Connectivity

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