Chapter 7 - EmotionsCopyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved1. Emotions may be primary or b...
Emotion Spectrum
Learning to Understand your emotionsKey: Understanding your emotions, the triggers andeffective means of expressing them c...
Emotional CompetenceCopyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved1. Emotional understanding or s...
Emotional Competence (cont.)Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved2. Emotional expression...
Emotional Competence (cont.)Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved3. Emotional responding...
• What do you think of when you hear or seethe word conflict?
Myths or not aboutinterpersonal conflict?Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved Conflict...
What is conflict?- An expressed struggle – Disagreementbecomes verbal and nonverbalfacial/gestures show aggression.- Occur...
Quotes about Conflict• An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.~ Ghandi• Mankind must evolve for all human conflict ...
Mckorke and MillsConflict - It is our mindset!• Language choices shape our perception of ourroles in conflict• Crum’s five...
Crum’s five mindsetsPositive - invoke love and are effortless andjoyful.•Success•Artistry
Words can contribute to conflict –A Cow“Everyone knows what a cow is!”WRONG….
Conflict – Deborah TannenAn American academic and professor of linguistics at Georgetown University inWashington, D.C.We l...
Heres a short list of metaphors borne from war terms.It is arranged as:1) Metaphor; 2) An example in use; 3) An implicatio...
Other Metaphors relating to Conflict• Two rams butting heads• She was so angry she was like a tornado• Talking to a brick ...
Causes of ConflictInternal –•Problems such as those discussed about Anger•Psychological problems•Challenges such as Asperg...
Internal Conflict -Left-Right Brain
Conflict - Human History• People are killed, imprisoned, electrocuted, drowned,exiled, beat up, segregated, isolated, verb...
Seven reasons we get angry.From Kristina Von Rosining – Life CoachAnger is a normal emotion.-The reasons why we get angry ...
Seven reasons we get angry.From Kristina Von Rosining – Life CoachFour reasons people respond with anger that are learned ...
Internal ConflictLeft-Right Brain
Principles ofInterpersonal ConflictCopyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved1. Conflict is i...
Principles of InterpersonalConflict (cont.)Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved2. Negat...
Principles of InterpersonalConflict (cont.)Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved4. Confl...
Types of Conflict• Pseudo-conflict– People misunderstand one another• Simple conflict– People disagree about issues• Ego-c...
Managing Pseudo Conflict• Ask for clarification• Establish supportive rather than defensiveclimate• Employ active listenin...
Managing Simple Conflict• Clarify perceptions of message• Clarify issues• Use structured problem solving approach• Focus o...
Managing Ego-Conflict• Don’t permit personal attacks• Employ active listening• Call for a “cooling off” period• Focus on k...
Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 30Common Rootsof Conflict• Ineffectivecommunication• Values c...
Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 31Common roots of conflict - 1• Ineffective communication - m...
Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 32Value Clashes• Conflict may be due to value differences bet...
Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 33Culture Clashes• Occurs between people– from other countrie...
Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 34Work Policies and Practices• Conflict may happen when organ...
Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 35Adversarial Management• Conflict can occur when managers vi...
Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 36Noncompliance• Workers refusing to comply with rules• Or ac...
Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 37Competition for Scarce Resources• Downsizing and cost cutti...
Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 38Personality Clashes• People have differing–Communication st...
Fear not those who argue,but those who dodge~ Dale Carnegie
What is your conflict style?(in class quiz)
Five Conflict Management Styles• Dysfunctional families – Many of us grew up in families wherewe didn’t learn to effective...
Five Conflict ManagementStylesAvoidance is a style (AS) in which individuals have developed apattern of avoiding expressin...
Five Conflict Management StylesAccommodation is a style (ACS) in which individuals give in toavoid a major blow up or cont...
Five Conflict Management StylesCompetition is a style (CS) that people who have power or want more poweroften seek to comp...
Five Conflict Management StylesCompromise ‘the big C’ (CS) is style thatattempts to find a middle ground – a solutionthat ...
Five Conflict Management StylesCollaboration is a style (COS) where groupmembers work side-by-side, rather than goingafter...
Resolving ConflictsWhere do the styles fit?Copyright © 2012, 2009, 2006,Pearson Education, Inc. All RightsReserved
• Differing Views of Your Conflict Style• Your ratings may reflect the way youintend to act during conflicts, rather thant...
Conflict StylesThere are many potential causes for these discrepancies, but here are a few of the morecommon ones.• Style ...
Dealing with Difficult PeopleCrazy - MakersPassive Aggressive – is a style whereindividuals appear passive on the surfaceb...
Dealing with Difficult MembersRecognizing Crazy maker Behavior• Surprise you with requests• Pressure to do something when ...
Crazy makers can be managedDon’t expect them to respond to feelings –Use statements that are factual, not emotional.Don’t ...
Crazymakers can be managedManage and communicate expectations• Don’t expect them to behave as you do.• Be clear with them ...
What do you see?
Conflict - It is a matter of perspective• What do you see in the picture?• Some people see an eagle and a beaver, andother...
Conflict – can be a matter of perspective• Two people can look at the same picture andsee something different without eith...
What did the blind men see?
The Moral to the Elephant•We should also try to understand otherpeople’s points of view.•This will enable us to get a prop...
Unproductive Communication PatternsDuring Conflict• The early stages– Failing to confirm individuals– Cross-complaining – ...
Emotional Competence (cont.)Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights ReservedAnger communication Ge...
Constructive Communication PatternsDuring Conflict• The early stages– Communicators confirm each other by recognizing anda...
Basic Methods for ResolvingConflict• See handout
Conflict Management SkillsTips for managing and resolving conflict• Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and s...
REDUCE CONFLICTEncourage Supportive CommunicationDifferent types of communication create supportiveand defensive climates ...
Rewind - Say it better!Disconfirming vs. confirmingChange evaluation to description You’re acting very immaturely.Example...
Aggression, Assertion, & Deference
Emotion Competence - RespondConstructively to CriticismRefusing to accept criticism is likely to erect barriers oraffect j...
Emotional CompetenceCopyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights ReservedGrieving communication Confirm...
Emotional CompetenceCopyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights ReservedAnger communication Get ready ...
Humor• Before I criticize someone, I walk a mile in their moccasins. Thatway, if they get mad, theyre a mile away and bare...
Sometimes - It’s all in how youask?
Advice from Grade School Children
Advise from the dog!BARK LESS!
Advice from the dog!
You are in Control!The minute you begin to do what you want todo, it’s a different kind of life.--Buckminster Fuller
Upcoming SlideShare
Loading in …5
×

Speech121conflict

523 views

Published on

Chapter 11 Conflict

Published in: Education
0 Comments
0 Likes
Statistics
Notes
  • Be the first to comment

  • Be the first to like this

No Downloads
Views
Total views
523
On SlideShare
0
From Embeds
0
Number of Embeds
2
Actions
Shares
0
Downloads
9
Comments
0
Likes
0
Embeds 0
No embeds

No notes for slide

Speech121conflict

  1. 1. Chapter 7 - EmotionsCopyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved1. Emotions may be primary or blended Primary emotions joy, trust, fear, surprise,sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation Blended emotions combine primary emotions Emotion wheel model Emotions close in meaning are close together Emotions opposite in meaning are opposite Shades show blended emotions
  2. 2. Emotion Spectrum
  3. 3. Learning to Understand your emotionsKey: Understanding your emotions, the triggers andeffective means of expressing them can reduce angerwhich leads to conflict.
  4. 4. Emotional CompetenceCopyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved1. Emotional understanding or self-awarenessof your feelings and their effects “What am I feeling and what made me feel thisway?” “What exactly do I want to communicate?” “What are my communication choices?”
  5. 5. Emotional Competence (cont.)Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved2. Emotional expression Be specific Describe the reasons for your feelings Address mixed feelings Try to anchor your emotions in the present Own your feelings, take personal responsibilityfor them with I-statements Ask for what you want Respect emotional boundaries
  6. 6. Emotional Competence (cont.)Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved3. Emotional responding Look at nonverbal cues to understand feelings Look for cues about what the person wants youto do Use active listening Empathize Focus on the other person Remember communication is irreversible
  7. 7. • What do you think of when you hear or seethe word conflict?
  8. 8. Myths or not aboutinterpersonal conflict?Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved Conflict is best avoided Conflict is a sign of a troubled relationship Conflict damages a relationship Conflict is destructive because it revealsour bad sides In conflict, there has to be a winner and aloser
  9. 9. What is conflict?- An expressed struggle – Disagreementbecomes verbal and nonverbalfacial/gestures show aggression.- Occurs when people are interdependent- Mutually aware of incompatible goals- See each other as interfering with achievinggoals
  10. 10. Quotes about Conflict• An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.~ Ghandi• Mankind must evolve for all human conflict amethod which rejects revenge, aggression, andretaliation. The foundation of such a method islove. ~ Martin Luther King• Truth springs from argument amongst friends.~ David Hume****I do not agree with what you have to say, butIll defend to the death your right to say it.~Voltaire
  11. 11. Mckorke and MillsConflict - It is our mindset!• Language choices shape our perception of ourroles in conflict• Crum’s five mind sets:Negative – Negative, diminish energy, invokefear and require struggle1)Destruction2)Decay3)Survival
  12. 12. Crum’s five mindsetsPositive - invoke love and are effortless andjoyful.•Success•Artistry
  13. 13. Words can contribute to conflict –A Cow“Everyone knows what a cow is!”WRONG….
  14. 14. Conflict – Deborah TannenAn American academic and professor of linguistics at Georgetown University inWashington, D.C.We live in an Argument culture where:•Opposition•Debate•Polarization•Litigation•Attacks•Criticism are perceived as “The Best Way to Get Things Done.”•War or sports metaphors are used
  15. 15. Heres a short list of metaphors borne from war terms.It is arranged as:1) Metaphor; 2) An example in use; 3) An implication made by the metaphor.• Launch: John Kerry launched a diplomatic effort aimed at ending the war. Diplomacy is a weaponagainst war itself.• Ceasefire: The neighbors agreed to a ceasefire over their lawn ornament argument. Argument iswar: words are bullets that can inflict harm; the mind is a territory that can be disputed.• Truce: The neighbors agreed to a truce over their barbeque dispute. Disagreement is war: the termsof agreement are a truce spelling out sovereign territories.• Battle: Every day is an uphill battle. Life is a battle against a higher enemy - and we are theunderdogs (rebels?) seeking higher ground.• Battleground: The senate has become the battleground for stem cell lobbyists. Opposing lobbyistsare civil-war warriors seeking to sieze a specific legal territory from (disputed zone) lawmakers.• Under fire: The president has been under fire for his veto of the stem cell bill. Politics is war, withword-bullets a popular means of attack• Firestorm: Stem cell research has created a firestorm of controversy. Controversy is heat, and isself-perpetuating (also heated debate or discussion). (Note: self-perpetuating heat is also a qualityof friction, another metaphor for disagreement).• Bombard: The president was bombarded with questions from the press. The press is an enemystate, whose purpose is to destroy the president.
  16. 16. Other Metaphors relating to Conflict• Two rams butting heads• She was so angry she was like a tornado• Talking to a brick wall• Tied up in chains• Don’t rock the boat• Stabbed in the back• Life is a Rocky Road• He is treating me like a child
  17. 17. Causes of ConflictInternal –•Problems such as those discussed about Anger•Psychological problems•Challenges such as Aspergers syndrome,, hard of earing, etc.•Physiological problems (hungry, tiredness, pain, etc.)•Self concept – is it weak or strong•Needs not being met (Maslow Hierarchy of Needs)External –•Noise•Workplace•Campus•Family
  18. 18. Internal Conflict -Left-Right Brain
  19. 19. Conflict - Human History• People are killed, imprisoned, electrocuted, drowned,exiled, beat up, segregated, isolated, verbally abused,hung, tortured, or starved to death.Over:• Ideologies, Religions, Resourses, Territory, Pride,Values, National Interests, Ethnic Differences, Familyand Spousal Disagreements, Neighborhood Disputes.
  20. 20. Seven reasons we get angry.From Kristina Von Rosining – Life CoachAnger is a normal emotion.-The reasons why we get angry are varied. Need know causes!Three reasons people respond with anger - emotionallythreatened:1. Feeling hurt - when our feelings are hurt it is easier to get intouch with anger at the person who has just emotionally woundedus than to acknowledge the hurt.2. Feeling betrayed - the feeling of having been betrayed hits us tothe core and again the instinctive response can be one ofoverwhelming anger at the person who betrayed us.3. Feeling embarrassed - responding with anger becomes a way ofcovering up what one is really feeling.
  21. 21. Seven reasons we get angry.From Kristina Von Rosining – Life CoachFour reasons people respond with anger that are learned responses:1.Repeating a pattern (manner in which we learn to deal with anger) – Yelling, ignoringsomeone this is a pattern that is learned – usually from a parent or other adult fromwhom one learns how to deal with anger.•Most people do not know how to deal with anger•We need someone to model successful ways of handling oneself when angry.2. Getting ones way - Some people have found that they get what they want when theyget angry- they intimidate the other person and cut off communication.3. Handling defensiveness - Responding with anger can be a cover up for feelingdefensive, and is a learned response to experiencing strong feelings that are deep inside.•People who are in the habit of responding with defensive anger are frequently not evenaware what they are really feeling. Anger can be a cover-up for many other feelings.4. Pent-up rage – Many reasons: having been mistreated, bullied and/or abused;difficulty with impulse control; or a result or drug, alcohol, or prescription drug abuse.• Any one who is struggling with pent-up rage may benefit from a professionalassessment. If one does not find successful ways of handling this kind of anger it willadversely affect relationships.
  22. 22. Internal ConflictLeft-Right Brain
  23. 23. Principles ofInterpersonal ConflictCopyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved1. Conflict is inevitable2. Conflict can have negative and positiveeffects Negative effects Leads to bad feelings You close yourself off Increases costs
  24. 24. Principles of InterpersonalConflict (cont.)Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved2. Negative and positive effects (cont.) Positive effects Resolves problems Improves relationships Demonstrates commitment to relationship3. Conflict can focus on content and/orrelationship issues Relationship conflicts – equity and power Relationship conflicts hide as content conflicts
  25. 25. Principles of InterpersonalConflict (cont.)Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights Reserved4. Conflict styles have consequences Competing – I win, you lose Avoiding – I lose, you lose Accommodating – I lose, you win Collaborating – I win, you win Compromising – I win and lose; you win andlose
  26. 26. Types of Conflict• Pseudo-conflict– People misunderstand one another• Simple conflict– People disagree about issues• Ego-conflict– Personalities clashCopyright © 2012, 2009, 2006,Pearson Education, Inc. All RightsReserved
  27. 27. Managing Pseudo Conflict• Ask for clarification• Establish supportive rather than defensiveclimate• Employ active listening skills– Stop, look, listen, question, paraphrasecontent, paraphrase feelings
  28. 28. Managing Simple Conflict• Clarify perceptions of message• Clarify issues• Use structured problem solving approach• Focus on issues• Use facts versus opinions• Compromise• Make conflict group concern• Prioritize conflict resolution• Postpone decisionCopyright © 2012, 2009, 2006,Pearson Education, Inc. All RightsReserved
  29. 29. Managing Ego-Conflict• Don’t permit personal attacks• Employ active listening• Call for a “cooling off” period• Focus on key issues• Avoid judgment• Use problem solving approach• Speak slowly and calmly• Agree to disagreeCopyright © 2012, 2009, 2006,Pearson Education, Inc. All RightsReserved
  30. 30. Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 30Common Rootsof Conflict• Ineffectivecommunication• Values clashes• Culture clashes• Work policies andpractices• Adversarialmanagement• Noncompliance• Competition for scarceresources• Personality clashes
  31. 31. Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 31Common roots of conflict - 1• Ineffective communication - major source ofpersonal conflict; why? (resources, needs notbeing met, disconfirming communication.)• Diversity among people -- communicationbreakdowns are inevitableCheck: First determine if the conflict is amisunderstanding or a true disagreement• Check that you are using confirming notdisconfirming communication
  32. 32. Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 32Value Clashes• Conflict may be due to value differences between– Generations – values, life experiences, history– Gender – communication styles - women and menPeople with different value priorities– More government vs. less government– Pro Life vs. Pro Choice– Death penalty vs. Life time internment.– Strong work/academic ethic vs. taking advantage of the system,or cheating– Gay marriage/rights vs. non support of Gay marriage/rights
  33. 33. Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 33Culture Clashes• Occurs between people– from other countries– between people from different parts of the U.S.• Work force reflects cultural diversity• Topics- High context cultures fight about violations of group norms- Low context cultures fight about violations of personal norms• Different cultural traditions can easily come into conflict in theworkplace – religion, food, clothing, etc.• Issues range from pseudo (communication misunderstanding)to complex (Values, prejudice, racism, etc.)
  34. 34. Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 34Work Policies and Practices• Conflict may happen when organizationsmaintain confusing or arbitrary– Rules– Regulations– Performance standards• Often surface when managers don’tunderstand that employees view policies asunfair
  35. 35. Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 35Adversarial Management• Conflict can occur when managers viewemployees and other managers with distrustand suspicion• View others as “the enemy”• Leads to a lack of respect by employees• Makes teamwork and cooperation difficult
  36. 36. Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 36Noncompliance• Workers refusing to comply with rules• Or accept unfair share of workload• Union members crossing picket lines• Nepotism or favoritism• Makes other co-workersangry
  37. 37. Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 37Competition for Scarce Resources• Downsizing and cost cutting can lead todestructive competition for scarce resources• When decisions are not clearly explained,workers suspect coworkers of devious tactics• Certain Departments maybenefit more, due to manyreasons. (LAVC issues)
  38. 38. Copyright © HoughtonMifflin Company. All rightsreserved.13 - 38Personality Clashes• People have differing–Communication styles–Temperaments–Attitudes – Likes and dislikes• People may not be able to identify cause ofdislike – mostly subconscious.- likely not about the conflict, but a pastnegative experience.
  39. 39. Fear not those who argue,but those who dodge~ Dale Carnegie
  40. 40. What is your conflict style?(in class quiz)
  41. 41. Five Conflict Management Styles• Dysfunctional families – Many of us grew up in families wherewe didn’t learn to effectively communicate in relationships,especially when it involves conflict – being assertive helps healand reduces our stress and conflict with others.There are five basic styles of communication:- Avoidance- Accommodation- Competition- Collaboration- Compromise
  42. 42. Five Conflict ManagementStylesAvoidance is a style (AS) in which individuals have developed apattern of avoiding expressing their opinions or feelings, protecting their rights, andidentifying and meeting their needs.AS will:•Avoid conflict•Fall to assert themselves•Allows others to infringe on their rights•Tend to speak softy and apologeticallyIssues:•Avoidance can make conflict worse•Avoidance demonstrates lack of care or concernWhen is this style appropriate?•Can be positive, especially if the conflict is too big or emotional to resolve without help•Can give a group time to cool off – or allows group to avoid ‘hot issues to get in the way
  43. 43. Five Conflict Management StylesAccommodation is a style (ACS) in which individuals give in toavoid a major blow up or controversy. Not a bad approach,especially when conflict is pseudo or simple.ACS will:•Hope this approach makes the conflict go away•Have a high need for approval – think this will make people likethem more•Give in too quickly, and doesn’t allow discussion which is oftenhealthy for a group making decisionsWhen is this style appropriate?•Accommodating others may cause the group to make a baddecision, if more discussion isn’t allowed to happen
  44. 44. Five Conflict Management StylesCompetition is a style (CS) that people who have power or want more poweroften seek to compete with others. Often referred to aggressive.CS will:•Try to dominate others•Use humiliation to control others•Have low frustration levels•Blame others, instead of owningthe issuesWhen is style appropriate?•Not always wrong to compete, if you know you aren’t wrong•Also, if group members are suggesting something illegal or inappropriate•Or, member keeps others in the group from destructive or inappropriatebehavior
  45. 45. Five Conflict Management StylesCompromise ‘the big C’ (CS) is style thatattempts to find a middle ground – a solutionthat meets all needs.Issues:•You win…I win, is the best case, however attimes nobody gets what they want.•Or, some lose and some win, which isexpected…like a democracy. The majority win.•What can happen to the minority?
  46. 46. Five Conflict Management StylesCollaboration is a style (COS) where groupmembers work side-by-side, rather than goingafter power, control, or winner takes all.COS will:•View conflict has something that needs tobe resolved, rather than a game wherepeople win or lose.•COS leave personal grievances aside.Works best:•With a culturally diverse group•When group has the time to take to work through discussion, and lookingall solutions to make sure everyone is happy with decision
  47. 47. Resolving ConflictsWhere do the styles fit?Copyright © 2012, 2009, 2006,Pearson Education, Inc. All RightsReserved
  48. 48. • Differing Views of Your Conflict Style• Your ratings may reflect the way youintend to act during conflicts, rather thanthe way you interact with others duringconflicts.• For instance, you may intend to beconfronting. You want the goal achieved,and you care about the relationships.Others may perceive that you are forcefulwith a focus on goals and a willingness to
  49. 49. Conflict StylesThere are many potential causes for these discrepancies, but here are a few of the morecommon ones.• Style collision.• Egocentric interpretation. Although all five conflict styles are associatedwith both negatives and positives, society has taught us that its better to besmoothing.• Timing. Our ratings may be influenced more significantly by recent eventsand so can the ratings of other people.• Interpersonal history. If you are in the midst of conflict with anotherperson, you can expect your ratings to shift temporarily. If you have a historyof conflict with the person, you can expect the ratings to shift permanently.• Can You Change Your Style? By this point in your life, youve developed astyle, and it comes naturally to you. Its not so much a matter of changingyour style as it is controlling the negative aspects of the style youvedeveloped.
  50. 50. Dealing with Difficult PeopleCrazy - MakersPassive Aggressive – is a style whereindividuals appear passive on the surfacebut are actually acting out anger in a subtle,indirect, or behind the scenes way.PA will:•Mutter to themselves•Use facial expressions that don’t’ match•Deny there is a problem•Become alienated from those around themPA believe:•They are weak and resentful, so I sabotage, frustrate and disrupt.•I will appear cooperative but I’m not.
  51. 51. Dealing with Difficult MembersRecognizing Crazy maker Behavior• Surprise you with requests• Pressure to do something when you’re unsure• Use relationships as leverage• Isolate you from support• Shift expectations and moods
  52. 52. Crazy makers can be managedDon’t expect them to respond to feelings –Use statements that are factual, not emotional.Don’t let them spoil you day – One needs to emotionallyseparate their identity and self-esteem from theirnegative behavior – Don’t take it personally!Manage yourself in their presence• Monitor your physical and nonverbal responses.• Stay neutral – don’t show emotions show in your toneof voice, facial expressions or gestures.• Don’t give them the “power.”
  53. 53. Crazymakers can be managedManage and communicate expectations• Don’t expect them to behave as you do.• Be clear with them about your expectations.Slow them Down – Tell them “You will get back tothem,” or “You don’t have all the information youneed to make a decisions.”Ask lot’s of questions – This will help you sort out theirdemands and determine what they want.
  54. 54. What do you see?
  55. 55. Conflict - It is a matter of perspective• What do you see in the picture?• Some people see an eagle and a beaver, andother things.Questions:• Why do some people see an young or old woman, beaver, oreagle?• Is there a right way to see them?• How did you feel about those who saw it differently? Thesame?• Was there ever a time when you saw something one way andsome else saw it differently?
  56. 56. Conflict – can be a matter of perspective• Two people can look at the same picture andsee something different without either beingwrong, how might this affect a conflict?• If something is more serious such as ifsomeone is pro life or pro choice, is thereright or wrong?• What if each person sees the situation adifferent way? How can they figure out aresolution to the conflict if they are bothright?
  57. 57. What did the blind men see?
  58. 58. The Moral to the Elephant•We should also try to understand otherpeople’s points of view.•This will enable us to get a proper perspectiveon different situations and events.
  59. 59. Unproductive Communication PatternsDuring Conflict• The early stages– Failing to confirm individuals– Cross-complaining – complaint met by complaint– Negative climate and mind reading• The middle stages– Kitchen sinking - involves throwing all kinds of events, ormisdeeds of another person, at them all at once. Example:A conversation about whos supposed to take out thegarbage today might turn into a discussion of whatsomeone did ten years ago.– Frequent interruptions• The later stages– Pressure to resolve conflict - Usually on own terms
  60. 60. Emotional Competence (cont.)Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights ReservedAnger communication Get ready to communicate calmly and logically Examine your communication choices Consider the advantages of delaying theexpression of your anger Remember cultural differences in display rules Apply interpersonal skills Remember communication is irreversible
  61. 61. Constructive Communication PatternsDuring Conflict• The early stages– Communicators confirm each other by recognizing andacknowledging each other’s concerns and feelings• The middle stages– Stay focused on main issues (agenda building)– Bracketing – Individuals confirm others by getting back tothem later– Don’t interrupt except for clarification– Recognize each other’s point of view• The later stages– Contracting – Take each proposal and agree upon asolution
  62. 62. Basic Methods for ResolvingConflict• See handout
  63. 63. Conflict Management SkillsTips for managing and resolving conflict• Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the relationship,rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectfulof the other person and his or her viewpoint.• Focus on the present. If you’re holding on to old hurts and resentments, your abilityto see the reality of the current situation will be impaired. Rather than looking to thepast and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the here-and-now to solve theproblem.• Pick your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to considerwhether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. Maybe you dontwant to surrender a parking space if you’ve been circling for 15 minutes. Butif there are dozens of spots, arguing over a single space isn’t worth it.• Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling orunable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which cannever compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by furtherdepleting and draining our lives.• Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement,agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If aconflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
  64. 64. REDUCE CONFLICTEncourage Supportive CommunicationDifferent types of communication create supportiveand defensive climates in personal relationships.Interpersonal climates occur on a continuumconfirming to disconfirming.Confirming messages recognize that another personexists, acknowledge that another matters to us, andendorse what we believe is true.Disconfirming messages deny the person’s existence,indicate the other person does not matter to us, andreject another person’s feelings or thoughts.
  65. 65. Rewind - Say it better!Disconfirming vs. confirmingChange evaluation to description You’re acting very immaturely.Example:“I notice that you are getting upset by this situation.”Change certainty to provisionalism The right thing to do is crystal clearExample: “The right thing to do can be difficult to decide.”Change strategy to spontaneity Don’t you owe me a favor from when I typed that paper for you last term?Example, “Remember the term paper I helped you with last term? Do you think you could help me out with one of my own?”Change control orientation to problem orientation I think we should move where I have the good job offer since I earn a larger salary than you anyway.Example, “In terms of moving, what decision will make the most sense for us in terms of our financial position as well as ourrelationship?Change neutrality to empathy I can’t believe you got yourself into such a dumb predicament. Example, “This is tricky situation. Let’s see what we can do to help you address it.”Change superiority to equality I don’t want to get involved in your disagreement. Example, “I can see where you’re coming from with this, and based on what you’ve said, it seems like it might be best totalk with Susan directly about this issue.”
  66. 66. Aggression, Assertion, & Deference
  67. 67. Emotion Competence - RespondConstructively to CriticismRefusing to accept criticism is likely to erect barriers oraffect job performance reviews.Seek more information - asking questions, paraphrasing what you haveheard to reduce tension.Consider the criticism thoughtfully – Is it valid?If you decide the criticism is valid, consider whether you want tochange how you act.Thank the person who offered the criticism – sometimes is disarmingand keeps the door open for communication in the future.Sometimes people are just difficult to deal with. They can be: rude,inconsiderate, or just crazymakers. This calls for you to protectyourself.
  68. 68. Emotional CompetenceCopyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights ReservedGrieving communication Confirm the person and their emotions Give them permission to grieve Avoid trying to focus on the bright side Encourage them to talk about their feelings andtheir loss Be sensitive to leave-taking cues Let them know you care and you’re available
  69. 69. Emotional CompetenceCopyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education,Inc. All Rights ReservedAnger communication Get ready to communicate calmly and logically Examine your communication choices Consider the advantages of delaying theexpression of your anger Remember cultural differences in display rules Apply interpersonal skills Remember communication is irreversible
  70. 70. Humor• Before I criticize someone, I walk a mile in their moccasins. Thatway, if they get mad, theyre a mile away and barefoot.Humor used the right way at the right time can be just what you need todiffuse a conflict at work.1) Laugh at yourself, and use that as the subject of a joke or humor tostop the argument.2) Wait for a break in the argument, and bring up a silly story oranecdote from your day.3) Go back to your younger days. Throw out popular phrases from theschool yard. Use phrases like "nuh-uh," "I know you are, but whatam I?" and everyones favorite, "Im rubber youre glue. Whateveryou say bounces off of me and sticks to you."4) Try physical humor to stop an argument. Drop something, fall, spillfood or drinks on yourself or throw something to lighten the mood.5) Play act – Growl, clench fists, leg wrestle, arm wrestle.
  71. 71. Sometimes - It’s all in how youask?
  72. 72. Advice from Grade School Children
  73. 73. Advise from the dog!BARK LESS!
  74. 74. Advice from the dog!
  75. 75. You are in Control!The minute you begin to do what you want todo, it’s a different kind of life.--Buckminster Fuller

×