Make statements and then invite questions: Combines inquiry and advocacyPeople are more likely to share their thoughts if you ask them for themAsking others to critique your ideas gives them permission to disagree. May give you a perspective you didn’t have before. If you don’t share your thoughts, your staff may feel set up and feel they are supposed to guess the right answer. I want to change the format. Do you see it differently?Explain the reasoning behind your statements. Gives everyone an opportunity to determine whether or not the information is valid Ensures common basis of understanding Information can be rational or emotional Consider your unexpressed feelings or thoughts7. Example: Stating your point of view, including: Sharing all relevant informationGiving specific examples to agree on what important words meanSharing your reasoning and interest.
Budgetary Advantages of Pretrial Service Programs
Courageous ConversationsWillow Jacobson and Donna Warner
Talk to your neighbor• Describe a time when you handled a difficult conversation successfully.• What was the situation?• What was it about you, the other person, and the communication that made it possible?
Examples of interestsWe should raise taxes.Why? In order to fund government servicesI want a noise ordinance.Why? I am having trouble getting my kids to sleep at night.More parks are needed in our townWhy? They assist with economic development
Move from position to interest by • Sharing your reasoning • Providing relevant information • Remaining open and curious
We all go up the ladder• Assumptions• Inferences• Attributions
The Ladder of Inference • Take action based on beliefs • I adopt beliefs about the world • I draw conclusions Inside your head • I make assumptions based on my meanings • I add meanings (cultural and personal) • I select data from what I observe • Observable data
Walking down the ladder• What observable information did I miss?• What did this person say that led me to this conclusion?• What is a more generous explanation for this information?• How can I respond given what I think this means?
Three Steps1. Test observationThis is what I saw. Did I miss something?2. Test meaningThis is what I think. What do you think?3. Jointly design next stepsI think we might…What would you do?
Remain curiousCuriosity will drive you to talk tosomeone to find out what they meant
1. Be specific2. Agree on what important words meanExample: “I want the draft soon.”
Explain the reasons behind your statements, questions and actions. Example: Is the report done yet? The reason I am asking is I want to add some more to it before it goes out.
You know what I mean! Turn to your neighbor and come up with as many vague words (commonly used at work) that you can.
Ask genuine questions• You aren’t going to do • What happens when it that way are you? you do it that way?
Example: background• Bill is Johns boss and is not satisfied with Johns performance.• He has tried to raise issues about Johns performance before, but doesnt think John understands his concerns or feedback.• Here is another of Bills attempts to work through the issue of Johns performance, but Bill does not get the results he intended.
What was said (Bills) unspoken thoughtsBill: “John, we have talked and feelingsmany times about the “Here I go again. I wonderimportant role you play as how he feels? Well, it has toour National Marketing be done.”Manager. I am stillconcerned about the issuethat being a good technicianis not enough for you to dothis job well.”John: “I work hard to keepgood control over the areafor which I am responsible.”
What was said (Bills) unspoken thoughtsBill: “What do you mean and feelingsby "control?" Is control “The truth is that he isthe real problem? Are you working from the top ofconsciously establishing the pile.”priorities, or just workingfrom the top of the pile?”
What was said (Bills) UnspokenJohn: “As we get more thoughts and feelingsinvolved with field “Ive heard this before andpeople, I have less and its just not good enough.”less time. You realize, Imsure, that the pressures ofthis job haveincreased, and I amworking very hard.”
Power of Emotions • We all have emotional needs • Recognize and address emotions in yourself and others. Impact our ability to actively listen • Act in ways that address the core concerns in others as well as yourself
Five core concerns1. Appreciation2. Affiliation3. Autonomy4. Status5. Role
Find merit in what another person• Thinks• Feels• Does
ReflectWas I:• transparent?• curious?• compassionate?• able to establish joint accountability?