Module4 5

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Family Structure and Hidden Rules

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  • This is a workshop about class. It is a workshop about economic diversity. It is not about race because Ruby Payne's area of expertise is class, not race. This is simply about issues of class and about how class impacts so many of the things we see. Ruby took a job in Barrington, Illinois, as an elementary principal. Ninety-five percent of the parents were in the top 1 percent of household income in the United States. A myth we have in America is that if you're wealthy, you're smarter. The school had wealthy African Americans, Hispanics, Caucasians, Asians, and East Indians, and Ruby could not tell any difference among them. If they had a package of resources, they were doing equally well. The research is this: There is no difference in achievement levels of white and minority children if the net worth of the households is the same. They hired Ruby in Barrington because even though the children had so much money they weren't learning very well; their achievement scores were low. Ruby began researching what it is that makes a difference in learning. One day Ruby met a Russian man who was driving a limo. He had been a teacher in Russia, and his wife had been a medical doctor. They came to this country because of poor wages in Russia. He told Ruby, "If you have to work all day just to have enough money for food for one day for one person, that's what you're going to spend all your time doing. But if you can make enough money for food in one day to keep two people alive, that other person can do something besides survive and work." That story is a metaphor for this workshop. Learning takes time. You have to devote time to learning these things because many of them are unrelated to daily life, but people don't devote the time to learning that it needs. Most people keep the same mindsets, the same habits, the same belief systems they've always had—even when they don't need them anymore—unless one or two things happen: They get relationships, they get education.
  • Students get referred for discipline because of language issues when they're in the wrong register. A sixth-grade boy was sent to the office because he told the teacher that something "sucked." Well, part of his discipline was to find two ways to say "sucked" in formal register. His first translation was "I don't like this work." His second translation was "There's no longer any joy in this activity." One of the issues in this whole area of registers is this: The abstract words—all of them—are in formal register. One of the reasons there's so much violence in poverty is that when you have only casual register, you don't have the words to resolve a conflict. What they tell you in conflict resolution is this: To resolve a conflict, you have to get away from the personal to the issue. Well, to get to issues, you must have abstract words. Research by Hart and Risley shows that the average 3-year-old in a professional household has a larger vocabulary than the average adult on welfare. In the 1999 book Meaningful Differences in the Everyday Experience of Young American Children, the authors estimate that children at 36 months in professional families have a working vocabulary of 1,200 words, while it’s 900 words for adults on welfare. The amount, kind, and organization of language varies because environment requires different things for you to survive. Middle class is a paper world, and poverty is not a paper world. Paper in middle class is an abstract representation—for example, a deed that says you own your house and the land it “sits” on and your marriage certificate that says you are married. A picture of you is a representation — it is not you. Wealth has provenance, which is a piece of paper that identifies the item that you own; it traces origin and traces every person who ever owned it.
  • Feuerstein also said this: When you have an individual who has not been well mediated to the abstract, it's not unusual to get this next pattern. You cannot plan. When you cannot plan, you can't predict. And when you can't predict, you don't know cause and effect. And when you don't know cause and effect, you don't know consequence. And when you don't know consequence, you can ' t control impulsivity. And when you can ' t control impulsivity, you have an inclination to criminal behavior.
  • Module 4 The objective for Module 4 is to understand family structure and the resulting behavioral patterns in generational poverty.
  • Family Structure Family structure is another key issue in poverty. Family structure becomes a huge issue because it's where we first learn about how to handle this basic human dilemma. The human dilemma you and I have is this: How do we both have our individual freedom and yet live with a group of people?
  • Family structure is where we learn what we consider to be cooperation, competition, authority, identity (particularly male identity), and deception. There is a family structure that you see a lot in generational poverty, and it's one that people in middle class understand the least: It's common law, single parent, and multiple relationships. You can, of course, be a single parent and not have this pattern.
  • Family Structure (continued) There's a woman in a poverty neighborhood. We'll call her Mom. She's white. She's 56, 57 now. This is the pattern .
  • Mom married husband #1 when she was 17. It was probably a common-law relationship because when they divorced or when they split up, there was no formal divorce.
  • She married husband #2 when she was 19. This was a licensed marriage. They had a son, John, by this marriage. There was a lot of domestic violence in this situation, and eventually they split up.
  • Husband #2 entered into a common-law relationship with a woman who had been married before. They lived together for 10 years before they got a licensed marriage, and together they had a boy. Now, at this point in time, how many siblings does John have? One. Is it a half or a step? Why is it a half? Same daddy.
  • Mom marries or goes to live with husband #3. It's a common-law arrangement again. It has been at least two licensed marriages and children by these marriages, and husband #3 has several girlfriends who are not on the diagram. But together he and Mom had a boy. Now, at this point how many siblings does John have? Two. Two what? Two half and four or five stepsiblings. Does he know all his siblings? Probably not.
  • John marries Susan, and they have two girls. Later Susan’s mother and Mom develop an intimate relationship.
  • Generational poverty involves the following: * Multiple relationships * Changing allegiances * Favoritism * Identity
  • Module 5 The objective for Module 5 is to understand and give examples of the hidden rules of the three economic classes.
  • Could you survive in poverty? [For this OHT and the next two.] In A Framework for Understanding Poverty there are three pages of quizzes with statements on them relating to poverty, middle class, and wealth (pages 53-58). [Cut these apart, provide a paper frame (poverty, middle class, and wealth) and have the participants organize these against the paper frame.] * Could you survive in poverty? * Could you survive in middle class? * Could you survive in wealth? You must have expertise to "work with" affluent parents. If you never talk about the hidden rules in wealth, there is no empathy for poverty. [Someone in the audience could be from old money, so be sure you aren't condescending to any group.]
  • Could you survive in middle class? In A Framework for Understanding Poverty there are three pages of quizzes with statements on them relating to poverty, middle class, and wealth (pages 53-58). [Cut these apart, provide a paper frame (poverty, middle class, and wealth) and have the participants organize these against the paper frame.] * Could you survive in poverty? * Could you survive in middle class? * Could you survive in wealth? You must have expertise to "work with" affluent parents. If you never talk about the hidden rules in wealth, there is no empathy for poverty. [Someone in the audience could be from old money, so be sure you aren't condescending to any group.]
  • Could you survive in wealth? In A Framework for Understanding Poverty there are three pages of quizzes with statements on them relating to poverty, middle class, and wealth (pages 53-58). [Cut these apart, provide a paper frame (poverty, middle class, and wealth) and have the participants organize these against the paper frame.] * Could you survive in poverty? * Could you survive in middle class? * Could you survive in wealth? You must have expertise to "work with" affluent parents. If you never talk about the hidden rules in wealth, there is no empathy for poverty. [Someone in the audience could be from old money, so be sure you aren't condescending to any group.]
  • Hidden Rules of Economic Class These are the hidden rules of economic class in poverty, middle class, and wealth.
  • Time These points represent the significance of time in poverty, middle class, and wealth .
  • Destiny One more hidden rule: destiny. In wealth , noblesse oblige, you were born to rule, and you need to be responsible about it. Middle class believes in choice. We think we're not destined: If we make good choices, we can change things. Those in poverty have a strong belief in fate and luck. If you believe in choice, what's the purpose of discipline? Well, what do you want them to do? You want them to change—to make better choices. But if you believe you are fated, there's nothing you can do about who are. What's the purpose of discipline? It's punishment and forgiveness. It's not about change.
  • If you're fated or destined, there's nothing you can do about who you are. But what you can try to do is not get caught. If you get caught, you are going to deny it so you won't get punished. If you get punished, you also get forgiven. Therefore, you have the right to do it again.
  • Possessions These are the most important possessions in poverty, middle class, and wealth.
  • Hidden Rules What can you do in the classroom about hidden rules? * Direct-teach the hidden rules. * Teach that there are two sets of rules. * Understand the hidden rules that students bring with them.
  • Module 6 The objectives for Module 6 are to understand student behaviors related to poverty and to identify discipline interventions that are effective.
  • Module4 5

    1. 1. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT A Framework for Understanding Poverty aha! Process, Inc., Highlands, TX www.ahaprocess.com PowerPoint Presentation Version 2.0 Ruby K. Payne, Ph.D.
    2. 2. <ul><li>The mission of aha! Process, Inc. is to positively impact the education and lives of individuals in poverty around the world. </li></ul>Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT
    3. 3. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT This is a workshop about economic diversity, not racial or cultural diversity.
    4. 4. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT To survive in poverty, one must rely upon non-verbal, sensory, and reactive skills. To survive in school, one must use verbal, abstract, and proactive skills.
    5. 5. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT If an individual depends upon a random episodic story structure for memory patterns, lives in an unpredictable environment, and HAS NOT DEVELOPED THE ABILITY TO PLAN , then ... If an individual cannot plan, he/she CANNOT PREDICT. If an individual cannot predict, he/she CANNOT IDENTIFY CAUSE AND EFFECT. If an individual cannot identify cause and effect, he/she CANNOT IDENTIFY CONSEQUENCE. If an individual cannot identify consequence, he/she CANNOT CONTROL IMPULSIVITY. If an individual cannot control impulsivity, he/she HAS AN INCLINATION TOWARD CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR.
    6. 6. <ul><li>Understand family structure and the resulting behavioral patterns in generational poverty. </li></ul>Objective for Module 4: Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT
    7. 7. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT Family Structure extended family nuclear family single-parent home
    8. 8. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT <ul><li>Cooperation </li></ul><ul><li>Competition </li></ul><ul><li>Authority </li></ul><ul><li>Identity </li></ul><ul><li>Deception </li></ul>Family structure affects attitudes about:
    9. 9. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT Family Structure Mom
    10. 10. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT Family Structure Mom Husband #1
    11. 11. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT Family Structure Mom Husband #1 Husband #2 John
    12. 12. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT Family Structure Mom Husband #1 Husband #2 John Wife #2 Boy
    13. 13. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT Family Structure Wife #2 Mom Husband #1 Husband #2 John Wife #2 Boy Boy Wife #1 Husband #3
    14. 14. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT Boy Wife #2 Husband #2 John Wife #2 Boy Wife #1 Husband #3 Susan 2 Girls Family Structure Mom Husband #1
    15. 15. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT 1. Multiple relationships 3. Favoritism 4. Identity 2. Changing allegiances
    16. 16. <ul><li>Understand and give examples of the hidden rules of the three socioeconomic classes. </li></ul>Objective for Module 5: Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT
    17. 17. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT COMPLETE THE QUIZ: Put a check by each item you know how to do. ______1. I know which churches and sections of town have the best rummage sales. ______2. I know which rummage sales have “bag sales” and when. ______3. I know which grocery stores’ garbage bins can be accessed for thrown-away food. ______4. I know how to get someone out of jail. ______5. I know how to physically fight and defend myself physically. ______6. I know how to get a gun, even if I have a police record. ______7. I know how to keep my clothes from being stolen at the Laundromat. ______8. I know what problems to look for in a used car. ______9. I know how to live without a checking account. ______10. I know how to live without electricity and a phone. ______11. I know how to use a knife as scissors. ______12. I can entertain a group of friends with my personality and my stories. ______13. I know what to do when I don’t have money to pay the bills. ______14. I know how to move in half a day. ______15. I know how to get and use food stamps or an electronic card for benefits. ______16. I know where the free medical clinics are. ______17. I am very good at trading and bartering. ______18. I can get by without a car. Could you survive in poverty?
    18. 18. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT Could you survive in middle class? COMPLETE THE QUIZ: Put a check by each item you know how to do. ______1. I know how to get my children into Little League, piano lessons, soccer, etc. ______2. I know how to set a table properly. ______3. I know which stores are most likely to carry the clothing brands my family wears. ______4. My children know the best name brands in clothing. ______5. I know how to order in a nice restaurant. ______6. I know how to use a credit card, checking account, and savings account—and I understand an annuity. I understand term life insurance, disability insurance, and 20/80 medical insurance policy, as well as house insurance, flood insurance, and replacement insurance. ______7. I talk to my children about going to college. ______8. I know how to get one of the best interest rates on my new-car loan. ______9. I understand the difference among the principal, interest, and escrow statements on my house payment. ______10. I know how to help my children with their homework and do not hesitate to call the school if I need additional information. ______11. I know how to decorate the house for the different holidays. ______12. I know how to get a library card. ______13. I know how to use most of the tools in the garage. ______14. I repair items in my house almost immediately when they break—or know a repair service and call it.
    19. 19. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT Could you survive in wealth? COMPLETE THE QUIZ: Put a check by each item you know how to do. ______1. I can read a menu in French, English, and another language. ______2. I have several favorite restaurants in different countries of the world. ______3. During the holidays, I know how to hire a decorator to identify the appropriate themes and items with which to decorate the house. ______4. I know who my preferred financial advisor, legal service, designer, domestic-employment service, and hairdresser are. ______5. I have at least two residences that are staffed and maintained. ______6. I know how to ensure confidentiality and loyalty from my domestic staff. ______7. I have at least two or three “screens” that keep people whom I do not wish to see away from me. ______8. I fly in my own plane or the company plane. ______9. I know how to enroll my children in the preferred private schools. ______10. I know how to host the parties that “key” people attend. ______11. I am on the boards of at least two charities. ______12. I know the hidden rules of the Junior League. ______13. I support or buy the work of a particular artist. ______14. I know how to read a corporate financial statement and analyze my own financial statements.
    20. 20. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT Hidden Rules of Economic Class POVERTY MIDDLE CLASS WEALTH POSSESSIONS People. Things. One-of-a-kind objects, legacies, pedigrees. MONEY To be used, spent. To be managed. To be conserved, invested. PERSONALITY Is for entertainment. Sense of humor is highly valued. Is for acquisition and stability. Achievement is highly valued. Is for connections. Financial, political, social connections are highly valued. SOCIAL EMPHASIS Social inclusion of the people they like. Emphasis is on self-governance and self-sufficiency. Emphasis is on social exclusion. FOOD Key question: Did you have enough? Quantity important. Key question: Did you like it? Quality important. Key question: Was it presented well? Presentation important. CLOTHING Clothing valued for individual style and expression of personality. Clothing valued for its quality and acceptance into the norms of middle class. Label important. Clothing valued for its artistic sense and expression. Designer important. TIME Present most important. Decisions made for moment based on feelings or survival. Future most important. Decisions made against future ramifications. Traditions and past history most important. Decisions made partially on basis of tradition decorum. EDUCATION Valued and revered as abstract but not as reality. Education is about facts. Crucial for climbing success ladder and making money. Necessary tradition for making and maintaining connections. DESTINY Believes in fate. Cannot do much to mitigate chance. Believes in choice. Can change future with good choices now. Noblesse oblige. LANGUAGE Casual register. Language is about survival. Formal register. Language is about negotiation. Formal register. Language is about connection. FAMILY STRUCTURE Tends to be matriarchal. Tends to be patriarchal. Depends on who has/controls money. WORLD VIEW Sees world in terms of local setting. Sees world in terms of national setting. Sees world in terms of an international view. LOVE Love and acceptance conditional, based on whether individual is liked. Love and acceptance conditional, based largely on achievement. Love and acceptance conditional, related to social standing and connections. DRIVING FORCES Survival, relationships, entertainment. Work and achievement. Financial, political, social connections.
    21. 21. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT <ul><li>POVERTY </li></ul><ul><li>Present most important </li></ul><ul><li>Decisions made for the moment based on feelings or survival </li></ul><ul><li>MIDDLE CLASS </li></ul><ul><li>Future most important </li></ul><ul><li>Decisions made against future ramifications </li></ul><ul><li>WEALTH </li></ul><ul><li>Traditions and past history most important </li></ul><ul><li>Decisions made partially on basis of tradition/decorum </li></ul>Time
    22. 22. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT <ul><li>POVERTY </li></ul><ul><li>Believes in fate </li></ul><ul><li>Cannot do much to mitigate chance </li></ul><ul><li>MIDDLE CLASS </li></ul><ul><li>Believes in choice </li></ul><ul><li>Can change future with good choices now </li></ul><ul><li>WEALTH </li></ul><ul><li>Noblesse oblige </li></ul>Destiny
    23. 23. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT believes that one is fated or destined the behavior not get caught deny punished forgiven
    24. 24. Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT POVERTY People MIDDLE CLASS Things WEALTH One-of-a-kind objects, legacies, pedigrees Possessions
    25. 25. <ul><li>HIDDEN RULES </li></ul><ul><li>1. Direct-teach the hidden rules. </li></ul><ul><li>2. Teach that there are two sets of rules. </li></ul><ul><li>3. Understand the hidden rules that students bring with them. </li></ul>What can you do in the classroom? Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT
    26. 26. <ul><li>Understand student behaviors related to poverty. </li></ul><ul><li>Identify discipline interventions that are effective. </li></ul>Objectives for Module 6: Copyright © 2005 aha! Process, Inc. www.ahaprocess.com OHT

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