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Indoindians Workshop: 5 love languages of children

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Children need to feel loved to develop well and best succeed. If parents and their children speak different love languages, parents’ display of love may get lost in translation and affecting the children’s attitude, behavior, and development. So, what love languages that your children speak?

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Indoindians Workshop: 5 love languages of children

  1. 1. Of Children
  2. 2. If you do not understand the language….. Then what you mean to say is lost.
  3. 3. It is the same for communicating love to another person. Gary Chapman came to the conclusion that • people speak five different emotional love languages, plus various dialects. • In order to communicate love, one must learn which language of love to speak.
  4. 4. Everyone needs to know they are loved. It starts with at childhood…. …and continues through adulthood.
  5. 5. There are five languages of love. Words of Affirmation Quality Time Receiving Gifts Acts of Service Physical Touch
  6. 6. The Book Children need to feel loved to best succeed. They believe that if parents and their children speak different love languages, parents’ display of love may get lost in translation – affecting the children’s attitude, behaviour, and development.
  7. 7. All Parents love their children BUT Why do some children grow up not feeling loved ?
  8. 8. Beacuse we maybe speaking a language of love which is different from the child’s language of love
  9. 9. What’s your Love Language 30 Second Love Language Test • I feel loved when people express how grateful they are for me, and for the simple things I do • I feel especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time with me • I feel especially loved by someone who brings me gifts and other tangible expressions of love • I feel especially loved when others do things for me • I feel especially loved when a person expresses love through physical contact
  10. 10. EMOTIONAL TANK i Inside every child is an ‘emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘love tank.’
  11. 11. Love is the Foundation
  12. 12. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Children who feel loved unconditionally develop • Sense of security • Sense of self-worth • Sense of significance. = DEEP INNER CONFIDENCE
  13. 13. The Languages of
  14. 14. In order to communicate love, one must learn which language of love to speak.
  15. 15. Remember • Every child has their own special way of perceiving love. • No child can receive too much appropriate unconditional love • Your children will sense how you feel about them by how you behave toward them.
  16. 16. …this is what you can do • Hold hands to greet them • Hug often/ kiss them • Tuck them into bed • Family cuddles • Sing action songs • Tickle fun / snuggle while watching TV • Plan family physical activities • Read stories together on the couch or your lap • Purchas a touch-oriented gift for your child ( soft pillow, blanket, sweater • Stroke their hair or rub their back when they are upset or have a dificult day • Hold hands during family prayers IF YOUR CHILD’S LOVE LANGUAGE IS..
  17. 17. Free Hugs Campaign
  18. 18. • Words that affirm children • It motivates children to do better • Increases self worth and self-esteem • Use different dialects
  19. 19. “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” -Mark Twain
  20. 20. It is not saying something nice so you can get what you want from them. If asking for something, make it a request, not a demand.
  21. 21. Focus on the child ( Personality / Values) Focus on the tone Focus on the child’s effort not the outcome Motivate the child for the accomplishment Focus on words that build into character
  22. 22. HOW TO GIVE SPECIFIC PRAISE • Step 1. Show your approval • Step 2. Describe the positive • Step 3. Give a reason
  23. 23. It is not just WHAT we say, but HOW we say it that counts! • The ACTUAL WORDS – 7% of the communication process • The TONE of voice– 38% of the communication process • The NON-VERBAL behaviour – to a startling 55% (facial expression, body posture and general appearance )
  24. 24. • Use it as a stand alone • Message to convey “ I love you no matter what”
  25. 25. • Make a habit of mentioning something specific that highlights your child’s accomplishments • Write notes on the mirror
 • Compliment aloud
 • Speak positively about them ( say I Love You) • Praise them aloud around others
 • Write a letter to them / post it note somewhere 
 • Come up with a cheer or song with their name in it
 • Call and tell them you love them
 • Say something nice when you tuck them to bed LOVING THROUGH WORDS OF AFFIRMATIONS
  26. 26. Words of Affirmation “Parenting is not just a matter of doing what comes naturally”
  27. 27. . • Run errands 1:1 together. Do things with your child • Make eye contact, take your eyes off your devices • Go to where the child / teenager is • Quality conversations (Ask about their day / listen to the details.) • Plan events and trips together to enhance family time. • Family dinner time. / Cook together/ couch time • Read together. Play games together. • Make bedtime special (story time / prayers) LOVING THROUGH SPENDING QUALITY TIME
  28. 28. Quality Time • Quality time is not just doing things together, it’s a time for knowing your child better • Children never outgrow the need for quality conversations with parents and adults.
  29. 29. Loving through quality time • Stop what your doing when your child is telling you something important and make eye contact with them. • Ask specific questions about your child’s day • Take family walks and bike rides together. • Share meals as a family
  30. 30. • It is an expression of love in almost all cultures • It speaks more that words –It says you care about me • It’s the thought that counts ( not the value of the gift)
  31. 31. Principles of Giving Gifts 1. Gifts you buy 2. Gifts you make 3. Gift of self
  32. 32. -Keep a small stash of inexpensive gifts -Give them a flower or stone you find outside -Make a meal you know your child likes. -Create a “secret drawer” where your child can keep her small “treasures”- anything from a bird feather to a pack of gum. -Leave gifts for them when you’re out of town -Shop with them for a special gift -Send them on a gift treasure hunt -Personalise gifts -Gifts that last forever ( planting a tree) -Make them a gift ( scrapbook page) -Make up a song for them / with them LOVING THROUGH GIVING GIFTS
  33. 33. Loving through gift giving Unwrapping a present provides an emotional thrill for a child , and you can demonstrate that every gift, whether a necessity or a luxury , is an expression of your love
  34. 34. Recall a time when you received a gift and experienced the power of being loved in this language. Recall your feelings.
  35. 35. • I will give you a toy after you clean your room • Read a book for 30 minutes and then you can have ice-cream ( manipulating behaviour) • Do well in your exams and I will buy you the ipad You cannot buy the affection of your child by giving them gifts
  36. 36. • It says that YOU CARE • It assures them that YOU LOVE THEM • The child who has lived in RECEIVING SERVICE tends to LOVE AND SERVE OTHERS
  37. 37. Acts of Service • The day you found out you would have a child you enrolled into full-time service. • What would most please your children at the moment is likely not the best way to express your love. • As you express acts of service to your children you are setting a model.
  38. 38. Do for your children what they cannot do for themselves or teeach Teach them how to serve themselves! SERVICE OR SLAVERY DO AN ATTITUDE CHECK !
  39. 39. PARENT TIPS: Practice sports together Work together on a project Check homework Make a list of life skills to achieve Surprise them by doing a chore for them Teach them how to serve others- go to an orphanage Make a surprise breakfast for your children Help your child fix his toy LOVING THROUGH ACTS OF SERVICES
  40. 40. DISCOVERING YOUR CHILD’S LOVE LANGUAGE .. 1. YOU OBSERVE HOW YOUR CHILD EXPRESS LOVE TO YOU 2. OBSERVE HOW YOUR CHILD EXPRESS LOVE TO OTHER PEOPLE 3. OBSERVE WHAT YOUR CHILD REQUESTS YOU MOST OF THE TIME 4. WHAT DOES YOUR CHILD COMPLAIN ABOUT 5. GIVE YOUR CHILD OPTIONS / CHOICES 6. EVERY WEEK , GIVE THEM ONE LOVE LANGUAGE AND EXPERIMENT.
  41. 41. How do I love my Children?
  42. 42. BENEFITS OF A FULL ‘LOVE TANK’ 1. Children feel loved 1. They become confident /emotionally stable 1. Love is the basis of all parenting.
  43. 43. DRAW A FAMILY PICTURE 1 2
  44. 44. LOVE TANK : Love and discipline MUCH OF CHILDREN’S BEHAVIOUR GROWS OUT OF AN EMPTY LOVE TANK . THEY WILL ACT UP TO GET YOUR ATTENTION
  45. 45. Negative Version of a Love Language = PUNISHMENT I want to spend time with you Craving affirmation
  46. 46. HOW TO WRAP YOUR DISCIPINE IN LOVE The child is more likely to receive it in a positive way • Have a Rule • Let the Child know if he breaks the rule, there are consequences for it. • He will have to take responsibility for it WE DISCIPLINE CHILDREN BECAUSE WE LOVE THEM WE WANT THEM TO GROW UP WITH BOUNDARIES , SO WE GIVE THEM GUIDELINES
  47. 47. How often to fill up? 
Children have love tanks the size of sippy cups and adults have large water bottle tanks! So kids need constant refills! 

  48. 48. uality Time ifts cts of Services hysical touch ords of Affirmation uietly o nd apa ake
  49. 49. This works in any relationship between two people. Learn your own love language. Figure out what the love language is of the other person. Work at keeping their “love tank” full by showing love in ways that the other person can understand.
  50. 50. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME WITH ANY QUESTIONS Presented By : Shareen Ratnani Early Childhood Practioner & Parenting Trainer Email : shareen@ratnanis.com Speak the 5 love languages ….

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